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Submitted by Randomguy#5 on Sunday, October 14, 2007 at 1:51 AM EST
Counting Sheep Welcome back to the column that loses it‘s grip when Atlas slipps The Nosebleed Section. Makin you sick like a Ten Ton Brick I am The One Called Random and if you’re half as happy to be here as I am, then we’re both giggle shittin kittens. Crazy stuff going down in the wrestling world these days, ain’t there? I don’t get all the open hostility myself as many, many smarky smarks ‘round the net seem to be quite disappointed in the general state of affairs of wrestling lately. My last column, Chicken Little on Steroids, was really aimed at them and was generally meant to cast a Phoenix Down on the dead fandom of many former wrestling fans. Don’t know that I accomplished that, but I gave it a damn good effort. Gonna be an odd column today as the Arbitrary Observations look to be a little long and the main section looks to be a little short but I want to take a look at some of the prominent news stories circling round the intra-web. The column is jammed full of thoughts on a plethora of topics and hopefully it’ll entertain your brain (rhyme!) for a couple minutes. If I don’t pull it off, then pull it off yourself. We lonely wrestling fans tend to be good at that. --Hooray I say (rhyme yet again, 5pts) for the return of Chris Jericho! Seven years ago I was a high school kid and former wrestling fan who didn’t have cable and was working a Saturday job outdoors that required extensive manual labor. I stumbled home one day freezing after a day of hard labor in freezing temperatures to find that my local CW station had started carrying Smackdown where it previously had not. I stumbled upon several an old favorite from my childhood (The Undertaker) and several big names who I’d only caught passing performances but had heard a lot about (Austin, Rock, Triple H). It was however “The Ayatollah of Rock ‘N Rolla!” who caught my eye. God did that guy entertain me! He had me eating from the palm of his hand ever Saturday morning as he went into his “I’m askin’ ya….no wait….I’m BEGGIN YA! Please, Shut THE HELL, UP!” Jericho almost overnight became my favorite wrestler. I was a fan of his for years, right up until he was drug off my TV kicking and screaming after a loss to John Cena. Hell, I even own an actual store-bought copy of his band Fozzy’s CD “All That Remains”. Moreover, I actually enjoy it. I know a lot of people are already tired of hearing about him, and claim that his return has been over-exposed already (Aisce I’m looking at you) and to an extent I agree. Like most I’m hoping and praying for a surprise return (which may be impossible at this point) where Jericho comes out and delivers another one of those arena-rocking promo’s heard round the world like the one he made upon his debut (YouTube it if you haven’t seen it, it’s golden). Still, even if the WWE decides to go the cheap-ass, money-grubbing way of prolonging his return to the point that we’re all sick of hearing about it and just wish it would happen, I’ll be happy. Shit, it’s not as if I can really blame them. The mere thought of Jericho possibly showing up got me to buy No Mercy (actually, a friend bought it and I just showed up and ate his food) that I normally would not have Even if that’s the case that doesn’t mean that it will suck and while it’s frustrating to a wrestling fan, a looming silver lining in an otherwise dark cloud at the moment, it’ll be awesome when it happens. Remember the re-unification of DX? Everybody and their mother, with the possible exception of the United States’ Central Intelligence Agency new that was coming, and it still rocked major ass when it happened. This will be no different and all of us screaming Jericholics will raise our filthy little hands into the air and scream “Go Jericho, Go! Go Jericho, Go!”. And everybody else can shut….THE HELL….UP! [/marking out……sorry] --Speaking of marking out I still can’t stop laughing at my dad, God I love that guy. He started watching wrestling again a couple years ago after my little brother got into it (can’t imagine how that happened…) and has since then been a huge fan of Shawn Michaels . When HBK returned last Monday I’ll admit to marking out a little bit especially in lieu of internet reports that he was so content in his life away from the WWE he was considering not coming back. I dig the new look too, the bearded and somewhat pissed off looking Shawn was a nice touch, though I probably could have done without the cowboy hat.  Shawn’s return though throws a very serious monkey wrench into to the main event machine of Raw. We all assumed that when Cena got hurt the WWE would fast forward to the Triple H vs. Randy Orton feud that was reportedly penciled in for Wrestlemania. Problem is that they gave away a bunch of that feud at No Mercy, and while that was entertaining they’ll need to do something drastic in terms of story development to prevent this from becoming boring as hell. Enter Shawn Michaels who in the mind of fans is still loosely affiliated with Triple H, with or without the DX moniker, and has a built in program with Randy Orton already. The two of them were damn entertaining throughout the spring, and following the alleged hotel incident in Germany it seemed on screen anyway as if Shawn Michaels had saved Randy Orton’s career-or at least his job with WWE. The beating that Triple H took last week just reeked of “off TV for a couple weeks” which is strange given that he just came back. But I can’t help but wonder if maybe Shawn’s going to inject some life into this feud by injecting himself. (Oddly enough, Trips may be injecting himself while off TV but that’s a completely different matter). But then what? Even if I’m right (for once) and Trips spends the next couple weeks off TV, when he returns will he and Shawn align to take on poor little Wandy? Or will they drop all semblance of alliance and the feud will morph into a triple thread feud? Perhaps Orton will be forced to recruit help in the form of Edge, Lashley (still a bit too far off) or Kennedy to save him from DX beatings should the WWE go that route? Shawn’s return was more than just a little swerve on the internet that caught us at least mildly off guard and it was more than a mark-out moment for my dad comparable to my mark outs for a possible Jericho return. It may have provided at least temporary relief to an ailing Raw main event in lieu of John Cena’s injury. --And speaking of The Champ I suppose I’m under some sort of moral obligation as a wrestling columnist to throw my two cents out on this topic. It’s tough to be honest, because to me John Cena is an extremely rare and interesting case in professional wrestling and I’ve written at least two and half columns dedicated specifically to the guy, so I’m not terribly inclined to go on at length here-but columns about the guy just seem to write themselves. Let me start off by saying that I was appalled by the reaction of some people to the news that Cena will be out anywhere between six-twelve months. How some people can actually rejoice at the misery of another is beyond me, and I declare all of you who expressed joy at the news of Cena’s injury to be sick fucks. I’m not trying to get “preachy” on anybody I just find that somewhat repulsive. I understand people may not enjoy the character Cena portrays, they man not agree with managements decisions to keep the belt on him for obscene amounts of time, but to actually rejoice that he’s hurt-not just on TV but in the “really-real” world. Call me a big-softy, a Cena mark, or a bleeding heart liberal pussy, but I feel bad for the guy. By most accounts he’s a company guy, a hardworking dude just trying to do everything he can to ply his craft well, entertain us poor folk and make some nice bank. All that said, I totally see the “silver lining” on this one. I don’t want to turn this into another “pro” or “anti” Cena rant, but there are some potential positives to his being off TV for a while from a consumer’s standpoint. After endless debate in lop forums.com I’ve concluded that the vast majority of the IWC are selfish pricks. They don’t care that Cena’s a huge merchandise mover, the he’s the best “sports-entertainer” left in the company, that he’s hella over with women, kids and at least a percentage of men in the crowd or that he may be the only legitimate main eventer the company’s produced in the last five years. All the average IWC fan cares about is themselves, and does person [x] entertain me on any given moment. Trying to look at it from a broader perspective though, I maintain that while at times Cena’s title reign was unentertaining and painfully predictable the WWE is worse off without him than they were with him. If you think Jeff Hardy, Carlito, Shelton Benjamen, Val Venis or any other “non-maineventer” is going to ascend to the spot vacated by Cena then you‘re on more crack than the writer‘s who kept him there for the better part of two years. The sole possible exception is Kennedy, and if the WWE wanted Kennedy in the main event, they wouldn’t have pulled the plug on major pushes twice in the last six months. The same people who were calling for Cena’s head will be calling for Triple H’s in six months. They’ll be complaining about seeing HBK vs. HHH for the #43644643 time or bitching about Orton’s headlock of doom. Cena’s injury was a tremendous blow for a company which has taken a number of tremendous blows in 2007. Could it be turned into a positive-a chance to create new main event level stars? Possibly, but I doubt it happens. More likely we’ll just re-hash something we’ve all seen before which will be far less entertaining and far more predictable than the anticipation of “What will finally de-throne Cena? Will he turn heel?” or any other such Cena related possible storyline. The WWE has done a fair job thus far of making the WWE title matter in lieu of Cena’s presence. They’ve been unpredictable and entertaining. But it’s only been a week and as many possibilities as there are for awesomeness, I worry that there are for more opportunities for suck. When I was in college I made the decision to forego the fraternity lifestyle. There’s a thousand reasons why and I don’t intend to turn this into a scathing tirade against the Greek culture in colleges/universities. I will say that it’s something I’ve never quite understood though I guess I understand the basic function and the reasons why somebody would want to join. It just never really appealed to me. Maybe it’s because during Rush weekend freshman year my dumbass went home to fuck my girlfriend that I stupidly decided to hang on to after college. She was hot and the venture home was a success in terms of immediate carnal desires, but she was still in high school and we were destined to fail. Ultimately she ended up fucking some other guy. For like, six months. Before I found out. Three months after that I broke my hand on the side of her truck. I’m told the knuckle prints are still there. God I was dumb. Anyway, for one reason or another I skipped the whole Greek thing. As I said it never really appealed to me but maybe that’s just because of peculiar little quirk of my college-nearly 80% of men on the campus were Greek. Now, to the best of my knowledge the basic concept of Greek life is that it is innately elitist in nature, but if an overwhelming majority are doing it, that hardly makes it elite, right? For the record I wasn’t one of those bookworm nerds that hung out and wrote wrestling columns on the internet. I actually didn’t start The Bleeder until my third year, shit for most of the first two years work and football kept me too busy to be the computer nerd I am now. I wasn’t one of those freaks in the “Independent Association” either. What a crock of shit. Nothing like having an association with meetings and presidents and throwing GDI (Goddamn Independent) parties celebrating the fact that you’re not involved in an organization. That shit was more damn dumb than going Greek in the first place. I used to love sitting around on campus though with my friends (which I didn’t have to pay monthly dues for the privilege of having) and watch during Rush Week as the various Greek houses would rent insanely expensive speakers to blare music, recruit freshman guys and woo freshman girls. During one particular years recruitment I cracked up as I walked from the cafeteria and heard one of the houses blaring Rage Against the Machine. 80% of my campus was Greek. And they were recruiting more. To further overwhelm a social structure dominated by Greek politics. All so as to feel accepted by people who are begging for the acceptance of others. Whilst listening to a band named….Rage Against the Machine. My friends and I stood on in disgust. These fuckers just didn’t realize…. …..they were the Machine. It was then that a good friend of mine muttered a sentence that has become part of my vernacular ever since. While shaking his head in disgust he exclaimed “Baah Baah Sheep! Baah Baah!” ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- While perusing my beloved Lop one day last week I read a news report that startled me a bit. I’ll post it here for your viewing pleasure. WWE News: RAW rating drops again Submitted by Luis Perez on Tuesday, October 9, 2007 at 7:19 PM EST Last night’s edition of Monday Night RAW did a 2.8 cable rating, which is down from last week’s 3.2 cable rating. RAW did hours of 2.8 and 2.8. Coming off a big PPV with three WWE title matches and two title changes for one title, there is definitely concern. RAW’s rating could have been effected by Monday Night Football, which scored a 10 cable rating. The Indians/Yankees game also could have factored in, as that game did a 7 cable rating. Despite these high ratings, WWE has never dropped in ratings like this even during the playoffs. Courtesy of the following link: http://www.lordsofpain.net/news/2007_/articles/1191971942.php 2.8??? Wow. Now, I’ve heard some crazy low numbers before but that’s getting a little nutty, isn’t it? During the “Attitude Era” the combined ratings of Nitro and Raw were well over 10.0. I can remember during my own days of fandom recent years in which the WWE was ALWAYS in the mid-high 4’s, and occasionally spiked into the low 5’s. In recent months there’s been a slight ratings drop and the Raw numbers had begun to slip into the mid-high 3’s. But 2.8? That reeks of reporting error doesn’t it? Problem is that report came out four days ago, if there was an error, we’d have heard about it by now. What do you imagine the WWE “Panic Button” looks like? Is it big and red? Does it blink? What happens when you push it? Does The Rock come scampering out of some underground bunker with NORAD stamped on the doors? Does Stone Cold stop whatever public appearance he’s making and immediately crash a beer truck into something? Perhaps most importantly: Is Vince’s finger currently resting on it? Benoit’s dead….people are pissed….steroids….Congres….Cena’s hurt…. I heard (or subsequently read, as it were) somebody say lately that the WWE is getting down to the nitty-gritty so to speak. The person’s argument, essentially, was that the WWE had successfully ran-off all “casual fans” and that the few remaining fans were all mindless sheep who would watch whatever the WWE churned out and told them to watch. Allow me….if I may…..to bleat. “Baa! Baa!” (For those unaware, the sound a sheep makes, often spelled “Baa” is called “bleating”) So what the hell does all this mean, I mean really? Some basic research on the net (and I mean basic, it took me less than ten minutes to learn this) shows that what Nielson ratings are really reporting is the percentage of households watching a given program. Now bare in mind that they only sample roughly 5,000 randomly selected houses at a time selected to give an accurate representation of all of American households. With such a low sampling though, stat accuracy will vary. Especially given that Nielson estimates there are 112.8 million TV households in the U.S. Which means that any given Nielson point is worth roughly 1,128,000 people watching a given program, in this case, WWE Raw. 2.8 rating x 1,128,000 per point = 3,158,400 3.158 million people watched Raw last week. Now, I understand that’s a hell of a lot less than the 5 million or so he’d been averaging just a few months ago, and 2 million less viewers is two-million less people interested in buying the next PPV at $39.95 a pop. It’s two-million less people compelled to buy a John Cena shirt, DX glow sticks or whatever Jesus-freak propaganda Shawn’s shilling out this week. It’s two-million less people who’ll be likely attending live events anytime soon. “The few remaining are all mindless sheep…” If Vince McMahon is really down to the bare-bones, if he’s really counting sheep….that’s a lot of fucking sheep. I hate to reiterate my argument of last week but consider this doomsayers. Raw just scored it’s lowest rating in recent memory and it still pulled nearly three times the audience of TNA, which was recently deemed such a ratings success it was gifted a second hour of programming by a major cable outlet and thrown a champagne party (one in which Pacman Jones saw fit to “make it rain” again-way to endear yourself to the Comish Pac). There are countless companies out there, in countless fields, that would kick an old lady down a flight of stairs to have three-million “sheep” who blindly flock to their product without so much as considering something else. Is the WWE concerned? Of course, and if not they’d damn well had better be. But yet again I maintain, the “industry” is fine. Which brings me back to the matter I spoke of when discussing John Cena earlier in the column. Wrestling fans don’t care about any of this. They care about whether or not whatever’s on their TV entertains them at any given point. Sure, I could spew off a thousand things I’d love to see the WWE do to improve their product. I’d love to see one of the brands or perhaps a new one become geared toward and adult audience and become truly risqué….I’d love to see new main event talent and think guys like Shelton, Jeff Hardy and Kennedy should be given a long look in lieu of John Cena….I think tag-team wrestling should be brought back, stat…..I’d love to see the Cruiserweight and Women’s title’s be turned into viable modes of entertainment and hotly contested on a regular basis…I’d like to see the return of more “gimmick” wrestlers and encourage people to use their imagination…I wish to God the industry would legitimatize itself and welcome main stream attention rather than shun it Yet, I don’t let these things prevent me from enjoying the things I do enjoy about wrestling, which yes if you’re wondering does include John Cena, Mr. Kennedy, and marking out like a teenage boy touching his first boob at the prospects of Chris Jericho returning. If Vince has any “outside the box” ideas hiding beneath his Panic Button, then he’d best go on fondling that thing like me with my high school girlfriend described above. But if his “Panic Button” is drastic measures ala folding a company or changing the bussiness model that’s made him rich, then he needs to have his fondling fingers snapped by Sister Mary Elephant’s ruler. I appreciate his restless nights and not being able to sleep….but for Christ sake Vince calm down and count your three-million sheep. Face it everybody-we’re all puppets. Mere pawns in the chess game of one Vincent Kennedy McMahon. Even the black sheep who find it cool to boo the faces and cheer the heels-the same guys mind you who drink profusely at live events and scream obscenities in the presence of nine-year olds in Mysterio masks-are all still but mindless sheep being led to an entertainment slaughter. The sooner you realize it, the better you’ll be. Quit causing such a unnecessary ruckus and fall back in line and follow VKM the shepherd. Baa baa, sheep. Baa fucking baa. Sanctimonious Son of a Bitch Is there a more entertaining heel in wrestling right now than Santino Marella? Seriously, before his heel turn this guy was the poor man’s cure for Insomnia and I was finding it hard to imagine that even Evangelical Christian Cancer survivors who work for the Disney Channel could find hope for this guy. Since turning heel kidnapping Maria however, I’ve found him to be incredibly entertaining and if he could somehow maneuver this new found gimmick into a reasonably believable offense I’d love to see a feud with him and Jeff Hardy for the Intercontinental Title. We Bleeders are pro-Santino. Cannon Fodder What‘s up with the WWE Title getting hotshot around like flask at prom? I bet the true wrestling “loyalists” are losing their damned minds about the events of No Mercy huh? First the title gets “awarded” to Orton who holds it for about fifteen minutes until Triple H of all people takes it off him. Then Trips goes on and holds it for a couple hours and even defends it once (against Umaga) before losing it back to Randy “Please-don’t-make-me-take-a-piss-test-or-I’ll-Kill-Myself!“ Orton. As detailed above, HBK’s God only knows what happens next, but I found the whole thing extremely entertaining, though for some reason I doubt everybody else did. Cheap Pop This column really doesn‘t need any more shameless plugging to reach success but I can‘t help it. The Mega Column #3: The Man Who Can Save Raw is a damn entertaining column featuring two of the Columns Forum’s brightest stars in Uncle Joe and Aisce. It takes a special look at Human Tornado and compares him to some of the IWC’s favorite “Next” guys, it’s accented with some awesome YouTube footage, and features some of the zaniest stuff you’ve ever seen. Give it a read, YourAyatollah commands it. (or at least he would if he were here). As I type this it is nearly one in the morning and I’m quite tired. One of two things is going to happen tomorrow morning/afternoon. Either Morpheus and I are going to record a new episode of Monday Night Countdown, or I’ll be posting a written “State of the Nation” address on Mondaynightcountdown.net. I’m sorry for keeping you all in the dark so long regarding my beloved audio program, I assure you your loyalty and devout fandom is appreciated. I’ve got an awesome idea for my next column that I’m really amped about writing. I doubt very seriously that I’m able to last two weeks before writing it so look next weekend for a new special presentation of The Bleeder. Until then, I humbly thank you for visiting The Nosebleed Section-but next time, get better seats.  Visit TheProjectLives.com and check out some great creative writing, social commentary, music downloads and pod casting including some familiar names you may recognize from Lop. Do some writing yourself? Jump in and give it a shot! Know somebody else who’d be better? Spread the word!  Tool, Disturbed, Metallica, System of a Down, A Perfect Circle, Chevelle, Shinedown and any one of a hundred other hard-rock acts that may entertain me at any given moment. Give it a listen, YourAyatollah commands it. (or at least he would if he’d ever listened to it and had any taste in music).  Look! Look! New Monday Night Countdown! Episode 32: Hi-Fi Edition Episode 32: Low-Fi Edition --Hi-Fi Editions are slightly larger files and take longer to download but are better audio quality. Low-Fi are more dial-up user friendly. Click the link below to subscribe to the MNC podcast using your internet browser, or simply copy/paste the link into your prefereed pod-catcher (iTunes, etc). http://www.mondaynightcountdown.net/subscribe/SubscribeMNC.rss *NEW GALLERY* Exclusive Photos of WWE's 12 Rounds Starring JOHN CENA!
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