|
|
|
|
|
Submitted by Al Boo Boo on Saturday, October 13, 2007 at 3:59 AM EST
 Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girls, Columnists, marks, smarks, new guys, veterans, and Mods Welcome this NEW edition of the Friday Night Write. I am your host Al Boo Boo and thank you for dropping by, you can be anywhere in the world right now, but you’re here with me, I appreciate that. What’s the deal, people? Your man Al here back once again with a NEW Friday Night Write – the column that comes to you every… every other… uh… whenever I damn well please. Ha. I’ve been busy with school and such. It’s my senior year and I’m starting to apply to colleges and what not. Plus, this Saturday (Tomorrow/Oct 6) I take my SATs. Pretty exciting stuff. But I’m back with a lot of good things to talk about. So, with the intro wrapped up, let’s see where we left off in the world of rasslin’. What we witnessed last week will echo throughout the annals (hehe, that word makes me laugh) of wrestling history for the rest of time. Believe it or not, that is the damn truth. The injury to John Cena ended what was one of the longest title reigns in the history of the WWE championship, the longest in 19 years since someone named Hulk FRIKKIN Hogan held the belt. This made it the sixth longest title reign… ever… ever. And it was all ended over a stupid freakin’ Hip Toss on what seemed like a throw away show. The sheer disappointment that lives inside of me because of this, hopefully can drip through my fingers and into this column. So… let me break it down.  To most this picture would represent a Cena-hater, in celebration that finally we have been delivered from (as seen in the picture) SuperCena and his reign of… um… winning? But no. I come to you all today in morning at the loss of a fantastic title reign. Really, if you look at Cena and his feuds in the last year, you’ll see what looks like a ballot for “Feuds of the year”. What you will also see is a plethora of fantastic matches, that never failed to entertain and provide excitement. This reign, Cena’s third, will be looked at as the turning point in John’s career. It’ll be looked at as when he “finally started to get it”. You know what I mean? In this past year, Cena has really come into his character and his superstar status and is cruising idly by the fast lane of wresting superstardom. He’s been a great mouthpiece for the WWE in the Ben… uh, Murder/suicide scandal, and a even better spokesperson in the following steroid scandal. But I need not tell you what he has done will outside of the ring. Because what is really important is what he’s done inside of it. Let’s take a quick review of everything. We travel way back. Sep. 16 at Unforgiven (which isn’t a word according to Word), Cena beat Edge in a TLC match to get back the WWE championship. In the near future he feuded with both Big Show and King Booker. Flash forward, Cena got the WWE tons of mainstream attention, being put in a feud with K.Fed. Oddly enough, Cena jobbed to the guy, proving that Cena is willing to lay down for anyone……… anyone… John Felix then put on what was a Match of the Year candidate in his Last Man Standing match with Umaga. He put on the hands down feud of the year with HBK including another MOTY candidate in their legendary hour long match. Then he feuded with Khali and… we’ll just skip that. Lashley was the next to fall, and they had a most excellent match which I actually witnessed live. And now, in the middle of what was a good feud going with Randell Orton, he gets taken out by The Wisconsin Hitman… Mr. Kennedy. Seriously… don’t mess with this guy. If you’re a in his way of a major title, he’ll take you out. I mean damn… he did KILL Eddie G with that chair shot. And don’t even try to argue it, that shit pulled the trigger that lead to his death. Didn’t he take out Lashley as well? And now Cena? This guy is a regular Mark Henry. In the fragile, cardboard this main event roster WWE is working with these days… they can’t afford to have a gy like this. It’s just a liability. But the reason I hate Mr. Kennedy will be discussed in a further version of the Write. One of my biggest concerns with Cena being out his the fact that he’ll never get the chance to put over that one guy who was going to take it from him. Know what I mean? One day Cena was going to be beat. And on that day there would be a guy with a permanent reason to be over; permanent credibility. This is the biggest tragedy in this whole shebocal. End of story, we’re without the Docta’ for seven months to a year. And while there are people thanking their lucky stars that he’s gone, there are a million more bummed that they’re without their biggest hero for months. Here’s to a speedy recovery, and a nice shiny new heel turn when you get back. However… while he is gone… we get this…  Tell me that doesn’t annoy the hell out of? But the pose is perfect. It screams Yeah; I shit in her gym bag so what? I can honestly say I’ve found myself doing the pose. Just recently I went bowling and bowled two strikes in a row. I turned around and there I was, hands in the air, doing the RKO pose. Let’s set one thing straight, I fucking hate Randy Orton with a burning passion. The man is a no good cocksucker from a family filled with hepatitis having no good cocksuckers. When he first debuted, I hated him. Absolutely, 100% despised him. Whenever he came into my view I wanted to vomit. Then I wanted to eat that vomit, shit it out, and eat it again only to vomit out the vomit that I shit out. That was gross. I think I’m gunna vomit. Moving along. I hated him. I didn’t understand how anyone could like him. And I didn’t understand how he still had a job. I thought he was the biggest prick in the world. Which he still is. But now, But now its different. When Randy Orton first debuted, he was a cookie-cutter Heel. Generic, bland, coattail rider of H and Flair. He was The Prodigy of Evolution. As time went on, Randy broke off and became a Cookie-Cutter babyface. As a face, he was really, really and I mean really bad. Like, I didn’t enjoy it. And I enjoy a lot of the shit put in sports entertainment. But as Randy broke out of Evolution, moved on, and evolved (Pun-Intended) there was something that changed. Whether it was for the good or bad, was to be seen. As Randy grew up, he seemed to become more immature. Stories started popping up about Randy’s backstage antics. His shitty attitude. And his exploitation of woman. My hatred for the man grew. And as he gained more real heat, he also worked in the ring to gain more keyfabe heat. He successfully became one of the most hated people in the WWE with his surprise RKOs and all around douchebaggery. But, all douchebaggery is not bad douchebaggery. Randy has provided us some much needed and deserved laughs with his off-hour antics. Of course, there’s the story of him and Diva Search loser, Joy Giovanni to toss his salad (insert tongue to anus) in front of the “boys in the back”. If you’re not mature, or immature for that matter, enough to handle this, click away now, the immaturity just goes down hill from here. Want proof? Here’s my interpretation of Randy’s butthole. * You’re still here? Good. Let’s move on. To further continue what I like to call Randy’s road to womanizing the Salad Tosser extraordinaire himself took a dookie, in a Divas gym bag. Of course, when I say dookie, I mean dump. And when I say dump, I mean big steaming pile if shit. Now at the moment, my researches were not able to find exactly what Divas bag it was. But we are working vigorously at finding who it was (if you know, hit it up with the info). Then, Orton went out and bought a gun… Don’t believe me? Check it out… Guns don’t kill legends, Orton kills legends. He Just left the store, eh? You sure he didn’t drop a deuce in the urinal first? Ha, ok, so that didn’t really get him in trouble, actually, I never even saw/heard of that little clip until earlier this week. Moving on, Orton hasn’t always been the best role model, and of course not every wrestler star has, but in this day of the intraweb where everything is open for everyone to know… that really hinders a performer’s relationship with his audience. That was the case for awhile, anyway. And then some of the IWC’ers decided that it would be cool to start cheering for Randy. It caught on, and the people who thought they were serious started to cheer. Then the people who started it as a joke fell into their own spell and seriously began to like the guy. And now, Randy Orton is almost legitimately over with about half of the IWC. So, when last Sunday he came out of “No Mercy” as the WWE Champion, there was much rejoice. Our very own LOPforum went down for about an hour. I just don’t see it. I really can’t understand when people like about this guy. Is he a good heel? Sure, but only because he’s a legit cockbag. That, and just the way people argue that the only fans Cena has are kids and woman? The only people who boo Orton are kids, and a select group of male fans. Woman and gays cheer him because he’s “hot” -I’ve just heard that… I don’t judge guys… uh, yeah. But the IWC clique cheers him because “His heel work is so good”. If he was such a good heel you would hate him. You wouldn’t WANT to cheer him. You would want to murder him, just lile people in the 80s and 90s wanted to murder Flair. Truth is, Orton is fucking lame. His only redeemable quality is the RKO. And even that there’s way better versions of it. Hell, Kanyon’s “Kanyon Cutter” was WAAY better than the RKO. And Kanyon didn’t do the whole slithering on the ground, stalking the dizzy opponent, acting like a homo thing… and shit… he Kanyon IS gay. Ha, ahh, how I remember the awesomeness that was the ‘Kanyon Cutter’. It was one of the only things that made late WCW even a little watch-able. Check it out. Yeah…. Sure he stole it from DDP. But fuck DDP, the man never belonged in wrestling. But besides the RKO, Orton doesn’t have many things he does well. Randell isn’t exactly the best at carrying, or even putting on a match. The guy never really steals a show. The only reason his match at No Mercy was good was because Trips had his working boots on and just LOVES to put over his friends. Besides that, Randy’s last really good match was when…? His Stretcher Match with RVD was good, but only because RVD was taking bumps like he was in the X-Division. Didn’t he have a good match with Carlito at LAST years Unforgiven? Yeah, exactly. Although the whole head punt thing has been successful, that’s hardly his doing. All he has to do is lift his leg, and make a little contact. It’s automatic heat, really. Beat up on someone who isn’t a wrestler and you get heat; unless of course that person is a heel valet or personality. It’s an easy formula, but then again, that’s what Randy’s whole character has been based off of - something that can easily get him heat, ala the Legend Killer gimmick. He didn’t have to do anything with that besides get the win over a bunch of legends that were mega-over with the people. Then, he started this punt to the head thing, and everything just started going overboard. I just don’t get why people lay down for this guy? What do they see? What in the world would make Dusty Rhodes, HBK, and Rob Van Dam all just put this guy over? I can’t tell you. In the end, as our substitution for Cena, we have Blandy Boreton (Lawlz). Is he a permanent fix? No way. He’s like a band-aid that will hold until we can get stitches (HBK?), but then of course, when the stitches are done with, everything will be back to normal. And when we are normal, we will have Cena back. But until then, i'll try and see the positives in Orton, let's run through them.    That’s all for this week folks. Hope you enjoyed it. Thank you for reading, I at least attempted to make you think, laugh, and even get a little pissed. As always, send the feedback to… fridaynightwrite@yahoo.com Label it… well… id on’t really care what you label it. Something creative – like… “Goatass”. Yeah, label it “goatass”. I’m out, let’s hear from the sponsers. Peaaaace. Sign up for LOPforums.com and find my thread in the Feedback forum. LOP Forums While there check out *NEW GALLERY* Even MORE Hot Shots of TORRIE WILSON Tearing the Night Up!
|
|