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Submitted by Wevv Mang on Monday, September 17, 2007 at 5:01 PM EST
Ridin’ With The Bossman – TNA, Unforgiven and Joke Parables Greetings! Welcome to another edition of Ridin’ With The Bossman. The column that takes it’s comedy seriously. Which is why TNA gets special treatment this week. In case you hadn't heard, TNA is going to two hours on Spike TV, 9 PM to 11 PM, and has signed a contract extension to 2009 to remain on Spike. TNA has also signed some new talent, and is apparently taking the show on the road, not just the Southwest, but all the way to Israel. TNA also made some news with the rumors of launching a women’s division, starting drug testing, firing Test, hiring Rikishi, putting the tag belts on Pacman Jones and Ron Killings, and TNA president Dixie Carter appearing on their daily web show. It’s been a busy week for them. And it looks like it's going to stay busy. WWE hasn't been idle this week. This week, Sandman got fired, Vince’s bastard son was revealed, and there was a PPV. And the suspensions from last week have come into play. Well, except for Randy “Teflon” Orton, who is still in the mix. TNA Impact Recap Info courtesy of Patrick Pena A couple of notes first. I barely watch Impact. I catch an episode like once a month. I usually don't make it through the whole show. This time I did. It wasn’t easy, but I made it through. So, I sort of know what is going on, from reading recaps, and reading newsblurbs. With the show going to 2 hours on OCTOBER 4th, now is a good time to get acquainted with what is going on. This show was the first one after the PPV. Going into the PPV, Angle had all the titles. At the PPV, Angle lost all but the Heavyweight Championship. This is IMPACT! Christian still has friends Christian, Tomko, and AJ Styles say they hate Samoans, and want to beat some up. Good to still see Tomko with Christian. Karen Angle Kurt has got himself a hot wife. Way to go Kurt. Karen talks and it’s basically just like any other Diva doing the talking. Not as good as Melina, but better than most. She talks about Kurt, and then Sting shows up, Angle apparently attacked Sting at the PPV, but Sting says he understands. Karen then said Sting hit her, Stings says she’s lying, and then a bad edit puts Kurt right behind Sting. Sting appears to just turn around for no reason, he just knows that Angle is there. Angle lays out Sting. Tenay and West Ah, I had forgotten what these guys are like. I still remember perhaps he second funniest things I’ve ever seen in wrestling. Angle attacked Don West, right in front of the announce booth, and Tenay just called the action. Didn't yell for help for his partner, didn't run away, just described how his partner was getting his ankle broken. Classic stuff. Borash and Abyss Abyss can speak now? Yes, he can. It’s a simple promo, but effective. Abyss also grunts nearly as much as he speaks, which is amusing. La Parka vs Shark Boy Wait a minute…that’s not La Parka! It’s Se7en! Oh, wait, he’s called Black Reign. You may know him as Dustin Runnels, aka Goldust. And he’s got a rat. In a decorated cage. Goldust beats up Shark Boy pretty badly. He then takes off Shark Boys mask, and puts his rat in it, and then tries to put it back on Shark Boy. Eric Young runs in for the save. Team Pacman Ron Killings does most of the talking. Jones does speak, and basically seems to be begging the NFL to take him back. Welcome to wrestling Pacman. He’s already counting the days he can get back to playing football. But I gotta say, at least Killings looked like he was having fun. The promo wasn’t bad, it’s just the knowledge that Pacman can't do anything physical that ruins the impression. He’s gotta at least be able to hit some one with a foreign object. Or better still, a football tackle. But I don't that will happen. The NFL knows better, and like Greg Gumble said “ Wrestling? That’s worthless.” Christopher Daniels vs Jay Lethal Daniels comes out with his posse, Elix Skipper and Low-Ki. Lethal comes out with Sonjay Dutt, and some one else, I think. I can't remember. Anyway, Daniels rants and raves and keeps looking up to a “Higher Power”. Some good moves. Daniels wins. Lots of outside distractions in this match, but no actual cheating that I saw. Then again, there was a lot going on. - On a side note, Lethal is known as “Black Machismo” a Macho Man Randy Savage rip-off and a bad one. Matt MOORRRRR-GAN! Remember him? He’s the guy who got the stuttering gimmick in WWE years ago. Well, now he’s Cornette’s bodyguard. And he’s got a problem with Christian. Dum-Dum-DUM! Christian Speaks He’s got a problem with Matt MOOORRRR-GAN! He’s also got a problem with Samoa Joe. Matt MOOOORRRR-GAN comes out. He’s going to be involved in the match of Joe vs Christian at Bound For Glory, the next PPV. As the REF! Jim Cornette makes it so! But Christian’s opponent for next week, is RIKISHI! Abyss vs Kurt Angle It’s six sides of steel. In other words, it’s a cage match. But since TNA has six sided rings, it’s six sides of steel. Get it? Got it? Good. Not a bad match. But one thing I remember about Abyss is that he’s a TNA main event jobber. Just about every Abyss match I’ve seen, he’s losing. Granted, it’s not that much, but over five years of sporadic watching, and that’s the percentage, or very close to it? Not a good stat to have. Back to the match. Angle and Abyss beat each other up. Ankle lock by Angle, reversed by Abyss into an ankle lock, and then some guy cuts his way into the ring with a knife. Spooky smoke, he spits blood, and sneaks up on Abyss and chokes him with barbed wire. Judas then hits Abyss with a chair, that somehow got into the six sides of steel. Broken glass, and Abyss gets cut up. Match ends. Since it was a victory by submission match, I don't know who won. Show ends. So, that’s what I’ve been missing. Not as goofy as it was a couple of months ago. There’s some focus on advancing angles with at least a degree of reason. Overall, not a bad show. A great show? No, but solid. Still some goofiness, but that’s to be expected with any type of wrestling. At least it wasn’t glaring this time. Was it enough to get me to watch again? Probably not. The interest in watching TNA is mostly because they’re going to get a two hour time slot, and I want to see what they do with it, and how they build it up to make it special and attract fans. That’s it. I know a bunch of names on TNA. Been a big fan of Christian since back in the WWE days, and the guy still seems to have talent on the mic and in the ring. Angle, he can still wrestle, and his promos don't suck. But there’s more of a waiting for a train wreck interest on my part. Angle got all the belts, and that didn't seem to do anything, and with his wife hired by the company, it just seems like only a matter of time until something happens. In other words, TNA seems to be trying to appease Angle any way they can, and so far, it’s been a wash. Not teh suck, at least for me, since I missed most of it, but just hearing about what they tried is enough to make that impression. Hell, even Jarrett never put all the belts on himself, and that guy was booked like a god. Sting? Not a big Sting fan, and it’s been over a year since he showed up, and it basically seems like the same thing going on last time I looked. No, it’s the X-Guys I was mainly interested in. Not the kooky gimmick matches that need a five page booklet explaining the match stipulations. Just talent I hadn't seen anywhere else. Or in some cases, talent I barely got to see elsewhere. Daniels and Styles used to be raved about. Now, mid-card fodder it looks like. Lethal was a guy on the rise, and now, he’s a gimmick rip-off. One from at least ten years ago. WCW Macho was different. He had a hot chick with him, for starters. Abyss, jobber. An interesting jobber, with a retro-Kane style gimmick, modified into a hardcore nutjob, but still, mostly old school Kane. TNA used to offer something different. Not that much, and not enough to make me a loyal fan, but it was there. It’s still there, I think. But criticism that the show that is about “WWE-Rejects and Washed Up Has Beens” still fits a little too easily. Name talent is a good thing. Just trying to cash in on their past fame is not. That trick has pretty much been played out. Angle, Sting, Christian, they all had a short-term boost, but in the long run, the ratings are about the same. Working with sports celebrities got the name of the show out there, and some free press, but the time slot change is the big winner. That move boosted the ratings. Will having two hours make a difference? I think absolutely. Two hours means more time to work on making stars, go in-depth on angles and hook the audience. Hell, even recap previous events for new viewers. But it will be a challenge. If it’s two hours of Russo-tastic Swerves Of Doom, well, I’ve seen Thunder. Used to watch it fairly regularly. On fast forward. More time for matches is a good thing. But on a personal note, if it’s just to show spot-fests, which used to annoy me to no-end, well, that might not be so good. See, I watched this one match where there were like fifteen finishing moves performed between two wrestlers, and no one sold. Then, one DDT laid a guy out for a pinfall. Jumping off a cage with a 360 splash didn't do it, as the guy got right back up, but one generic move did. Bah. So, yeah, I’m interested in TNA right now. I want to see what they do. I want to be there if they succeed. Or as part of me has seen from this company before, I want to see how they screw up a great opportunity. Do I really care which it is, good or bad? Honestly, no. I’m not too picky on that. Both ways will entertain me. The only difference is whether TNA can hook this casual viewers and make me want to keep tuning in, instead of going back to just paying slight attention until the next Publicity Stunt. Unforgiven Recap Info courtesy of Jason CM Punk vs Elijah Burke Long promo building up Punk’s win of the championship belt. Very back and forth match, but in terms of comebacks, not one move after another. Elijah gets beat down, makes a comeback and beats down Punk, and then Punk makes a comeback, and so on. Very good match. Each wrestler got some momentum going. Ending was a sudden counter, with Punk picking up the pin. - Solid, solid match, and a great opener. Matt Hardy and MVP vs Deuce and Domino Tag Team title match. Another solid match, with some great work from MVP and Hardy playing up their dislike for each other. MVP started to leave, and Matt was fighting off two men, when MVP came back. Instead of the jump away from the tag, MVP actually went in. Hardy then stole the pin from MVP. Very entertaining match that had great action, and even better, really advanced their feud. - Still a lot of life left in this feud, and I think MVP’s medical problems has actually helped the feud develop into more than just a blow off angle. A lot of possibilities can be done with this angle. Hell, I though MVP almost turned face when he went back and Matt was acting more heel than MVP. A double turn could be coming. And that would be very cool. Triple H vs Carlito Meh. I know, it’s the H bias again possibly. But let’s review H Watch 2007 The handicap match a couple of weeks ago was really well done. H took bumps, and only escaped by using weapons, and even then, Umaga took a hell of a beating. H vs Shelton Benjamin I had no idea that Shelton had wins over H. I was scratching my head, and even when announced, I couldn't think of a single one. Didn't bother looking it up either. Just let it roll. Match was good. H won, but no big deal. No, it’s a match that totally stacked against H. Carlito can use weapons, and can't be DQ’d but H can. How could H win? By just crushing Carlito of course. Which he did. Lame. Carlito beat on H with weapons, barely holding his own, and then H got the upper hand after Carlito was ineffective, and got the pin. Meh. Khali, Rey, and Batista Hype Rey had a short video where he explained the terror of the Khali Death grip and how brutal it was. Hey, if a Khali Chop can defeat the Undertaker, this Death Grip must be truly something. Batista was more interested in Maria’s cleavage, and well, who wasn’t? Khali made fruit salad WITH HIS BARE HANDS! Awesome display of fruit. Though the part with putting the mask on the melon was a good touch. Still, it was a good job of building for a match that is not going to be pretty. Candace vs Beth Phoenix Women’s title match. Candace has really become a top tier wrestler. Match was excellent. Lots of moves from Candace, and Beth did her part well. But the real star of the match was Candace. Ending was Beth setting up Candace for some kind of powerbomb move, and Candace countered and reversed into a crucifix for a pin. Excellent move. Khali vs Batista vs Rey Mysterio World Title Match. Well, they did the best they could with what they had. Khali was big, Batista was Batista and Rey was Rey. Not very pretty, and well, it was over pretty quick. There were some pretty clever moves, but it made little difference. Ending was Rey on a hot streak, Batista breaks up a Rey cover of Khali, gets powerbombed on top of Khali, and then thrown to the outside. Batista with a spinebuster on Khali for the win. New World Champion, Batista. Lance Cade and Trevor Murdoch vs Paul London and Brian Kendrick Tag Team Titles. Fast paced match with plenty of great spots and psychology. Ending was a reversal of the Sliced bread into a spinebuster, and a pin on Kendrick. Great straight up tag wrestling. John Cena vs Randy Orton World Title on the line. Cena’s dad is there too. Not on the line, but in the crowd. Slow moving match. Cena loses by DQ after stomping on Orton in the corner. Post match beat down as well. Randy grabs Cena’s dad again, and again, the guy falls on his head. He’s OK though and kicks Orton in the face while Cena holds him. - A rather boring match, with lame sports entertainment added in. Can hardly wait for Cena vs Orton round three. Orton should have just won at Summerslam. Coach speaks Coach yells at Cena’s dad. Why? Who cares. Blah blah blah, Cena shows up, Coach backs down, and that’s it. Oh, and we have a Last Man Standing match. I’m sure there will be no winner. Why? Just a hunch. Mark Henry vs Undertaker Quick, but Taker standards, entrance for Taker. For a guy who has been dead, he had a nice tan. Match was rather blah. Maybe it was Mark. Maybe it was Taker’s tan. Either way, Mark bumped around, but the crowd was pretty dead. Taker wins with an impressive Last Ride On Henry. Impressive in that he got Mark up, and Mark survived. It did look like he landed heavy on his shoulder, though. So, that was the big PPV. The one that actually had a plan. All in all, a solid show, with a lackluster ending. No Vince, in person that is, we just got a video. As far as angles go, the Cena saga goes on. Taker and H wrapped up theirs, the Tag scene is very much alive, and able to deliver, if given the chance. And now, the death march to Survivor Series, the 10 year anniversary of Montreal, can begin. Over-Analyzing Wrestling Today’s Topic: Lessons From Comedy Comedy is all about presentation. That’s the key to comedy. When a joke or stunt is pulled, and how the joke is told. A good joke can be ruined with poor presentation. A bad joke can be made better with a little effort. Not rewriting the joke, but the way in which the joke is told. Just lot entertainment period, the whole product can be better than the sum of it’s part. Not just in comedy, but in drama, in documentaries, in everything. Even wrestling, which is just a hybrid of sports and entertainment. Hence, Sports Entertainment. But the same factors in telling jokes can be applied to wrestling angles. Let’s take a look, and to help me, some fine folks from the columns forum have provided me with some jokes. On With The Jokes “So, a bear and a rabbit are in the woods taking a shit, as bears and rabbits do. The bear turns to the rabbit and says, "Hey, do you ever have a problem with shit sticking in your fur?" The rabbit says, "No, can't say that I've ever had that problem." So the bear wiped his ass with the rabbit.” - Your Ayatollah Let’s break it down first. It starts out innocent, and then goes for the shock ending. Kind of like a squash swerve. You know something is going to happen due to the nature of the story. It’s a joke. Something is going to happen to make you laugh. It maintains an aura of innocence, and then POW! Punchline and it’s over. Is that the final word? Does the joke go on? It could. The ground has been laid for a rematch. But it would take a lot of work to build up the next one. It is a bear and a rabbit after all. The bear got the upper hand and can go on with his life, until he meets the lion say, and the rabbit can get razzed by his friends in the forest, the groundhog, squirrel, and humming bird, and exact his revenge upon them for making fun of him. One shocking, yet hilarious instance can turn into more, just with different critters. “A lion went down to the watering hole for a drink. As he was bending down for some cool liquid refreshment, a gorilla sitting in the near-by bushes noticed the lion's ass sticking up in the air and thought to himself "Man, this could be good." The gorilla crept up behind the lion and slipped him the old Random, then took off running back into the jungle. The lion, understandably shocked and in a severe state of pissed off, took off after his molester. The pursuit went on for a while, with the lion chasing after the gorilla through the foliage. The gorilla, having gotten himself a bit of distance, came to a clearing where a safari dude had set up camp. He quickly put on a hat and a pair of sunglasses, sat down on a chair and started reading a newspaper. The lion came running into the clearing and scanned high and low for the ape before exclaiming, "Hey, you didn't just see a gorilla come running through here did you?" The gorilla looked over the newspaper at the lion and said, "Oh, you mean the big, black, hairy one that just fucked the lion up the ass?" The lion, shocked, says, "Holy shit, it's in the newspaper already?"” - Shecky-Tollah It’s the punch line that drives the joke. And with what’s been going on in wrestling news, a very timely joke. An instance of bad behavior know to a only a few makes it to an outside source, and gets spread far and wide before anyone seems to realize it or even has a chance to stop or spin it. Like with WWE firings and the steroid scandals. The punch line is based on the shock of the lion finding out that everyone knows what the gorilla did to him. It’s also a commentary on the speed news can travel. The smallest thing can become the biggest thing, if it catches the public’s fancy. Not that rape is a small thing, but hey, it’s only a joke. But nothing can travel like gossip. And truth based gossip can dominate like little else can. Just skim any tabloid, electronic or otherwise. Britney Spears, Lindsey Lohan, Paris Hilton. They’ve done bad things, but nothing that warrants even a faction of the coverage. In wrestling, folks still talk about Randy Orton shitting in a Divas bag. Like Mr. Perfect did. A stupid action can stick around for a long time. And influence opinions of a wrestler. There’s plenty of JBL stories, but none were officially press released by WWE or JBL. “A guy walks into a bar and notices a miniature man, about a foot high, playing on a miniature piano. Confused, the man walks up to the bartender and exclaims,” you’ve got a pretty weird bar." The bartender says, "yeah, its all because of this..." The bartender pulls out a magic genie lamp. He tells the bar patron, "Go ahead, make a wish..." The bar patron says, "really? Gosh, I don't know....***thinks*** okay, um, Gee, I wish for a million bucks!" Just then a million deer run past him inside the bar! Patron says, "Oh man! That’s not what I wanted! I wanted a million dollars!" The bartender says, "Tell me about it,...you think I wanted a 12 inch Pianist?!"” - Superfan I think this sums up just about every single wrestling hopes when it comes to wrestling angles and more often than not, the outcome of those hopes. “H vs HBK? WOW! That would be great! “ Two weeks later. “That wasn’t what I was hoping for.” Doesn't mean it’s bad, just not what you expected. Of course, if it’s nowhere near what you were hoping for, in terms of something you might enjoy, period, well then, it’s pure hell. Very rarely does wrestling do exactly what the fans hope they do. Sometimes it’s better, sometimes it’s worse. There is just that initial flash of hope or thought of what could be, and where it could go, and the desire for it to be something good. The problem is, everyone has an opinion about wrestling and what it should be and or do. The eternal Sports Entertainment vs Pure Wrestling debate. It seems to have reached an accord, but the details will always be talked about. It just may not be what anyone was really expecting. “A man walks into a pub [note: this joke appears in its natural, British state]. With him are an ostrich and a cat. The man approached the bar. 'Barman, I would like a pint of lager for myself, a glass of water for the ostrich, and . . . whatever the cat wants'. The cat growled, and said, emphatically: 'I want a double brand, but I am NOT going to pay for it!' 'Certainly, sir' said the barman, trying to hide his surprise at encountering such a creature. When he returned with the drinks, the man put his hand in his pocket and took out a £50 note. 'There you are, barman, and keep the change.' The next day, the man paid a return visit. Again he ordered a pint of lager for himself, a glass of water for the ostrich, and then turned to the cat. 'I want a double whisky, but I am NOT going to pay for it!' Just like before, the man put his hand in his pocket and pulled out a £50 note to pay for the drinks, telling the barman to keep the change. On the third day, the man and his companions appeared once more. This time curiosity got the better of the barman and, before the man could place his order he asked: 'Excuse me, sir, I am very grateful for your generosity, but I really have to ask: what is the deal with the cat and the ostrich?' 'It's like this,' replied the man. 'I was visited last week by my fairy godmother, and she granted me two wishes. The first thing I asked for was that whenever I put my hand in my pocket, a £50 note would magically appear.' 'My, that was smart', admired the barman, 'but what was the other thing you asked for?' The man gave a rueful smile and said: 'Well, the second thing I wished for was a long-legged bird with a tight pussy.'” - aisce A vein of joke similar to the one Superfan told. Yet, it’s very different at the same time. A different style, and not just because it’s British. More build up was used. The pacing was longer, but the punch line was the same kind, but told in a different way. Was one better than the other? Depends on a person’s taste. But the parable I’m going for here, is that the same ending can be desired, but a different style can make it seem completely different. The knowledge of the can still be perceived, in other words, you know where it’s going, you just may not know how it’s going to get there, or when it’s coming. In wrestling, there’s really not that many options when it comes to a feud. It’s all about conflict when it’s boiled down. It’s just that each feud can start in the same manner, but go in very different directions. Once the initial set up is taken care of, it’s wide open. The result may be the same as other feuds, but the journey there is what truly makes a feud. That’s where creativity comes in handy. The more twists and turns, the better paced, the easier it will be for the fans to trick themselves into not seeing the ending. Even though it’s basically the same joke, or in wrestling, the same feud, it doesn't mean that enjoyment can't be gotten from both. The variations supply different expectations, and can provide the same laugh for different reasons. “Two traffic cones walk into a pub. They head for the bar and order their drinks. As they look for a place to sit, one of the cones notices a piece of painted tarmac sat in a dark corner. He's hunched over his drink, rocking back and fore, muttering randomly to himself and shooting daggers at anyone who dares look at him. The first cone asks "What's wrong with him in the corner?" The second cone replies "Oh, stay right away from that guy. He's a cycle-path".” - Sheepster Ah, the infamous pun. Just like gimmicks, you never know what you’ll get until it’s out there. But one thing is for sure. Wrestling fans love nothing better than a bad gimmick. Whether it’s to rant and rave about it and rip it to shreds, or something so bad it’s good. And fans are jumping whole hog onto the bandwagon. Nothing does it better or as quickly. Just think back over the past gimmicks that got a reaction. Eugene. Boogeyman. Baby Killer Snitsky. Humping dead chicks Kane. Even angles are not immune. Vince blowing up for example. It was so cheesy it was gold. The problem seems to be when the joke goes on too long, and shows no sign of ending. Then, the excitement can evaporate as quickly as it appeared. Energy can turn to apathy. Just like that. In all things, the ending is just as important as the beginning. And on that note, I think it’s time to call it a day. I gotta be honest. I’m looking forward to seeing what happens next in the Vince – Lil’ Bastard angle. The mystery is over, and the bastard has been revealed, what now? Some links for you: RWTB TV # 5 The Truth Is Out There….Really Out There.  LOP Forums The Movie Bar Until next time, Thanks for Readin’ and thanks for Ridin’ Wevv Mang Please label all feedback as FEEDBACK. mrwevv@mac.com *NEW GALLERY* Brand New Photos of a PREGNANT Stephanie McMahon! VIEW NOW!
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