Raw Results 8/13/2007
    Submitted by Donny Anderson on Monday, August 13, 2007 at 11:12 PM EST



    Raw Report 8/13/2007


    The venue speaks for itself... Madison Square Garden. RAW returns to Hulkamania's birthplace tonight as we head full steam towards Summerslam in just two weeks. What will happen? We'll find out tonight as the USA Network presents Monday Night RAW live from New York, NY!

    We begin with a review of last week's "Vince Strikes Back" storyline. Everything from the congressional problems to the family problems are highlighted, as we end where last week's Raw ended, with the discovery that Vince has been hit with a paternity suit.

    Papa Roach starts the theme, and we're live in an explosion of fireworks from the sold out Madison Square Garden!

    We start with dozens of WWE Superstars, from Raw, ECW, and Smackdown surrounding the ring. McMahon's music starts, and he makes his way to the ring for what is sure to be an important announcement. The Chairman grabs the mic and says that he was surprised at the news of his illegitimate child. He admits to a couple of trysts in his life, but he doesn't even remember their names. This lady is withholding the name of his child, therefore Vince claims this is extortion. VKM swears that he cannot be intimidated... not by Congress, the media, or some woman who should have been on the pill. However, he takes solace in the fact that all of the WWE superstars are all supportive of him. The crowd begins to chant "Who's your daddy?" VKM asks for the support of the crowd, saying that this could happen to any red blooded American male. He says for 30 years he's been in the public spotlight, and nothing bothers him. As soon as he says this, Stephanie's music hits. She makes her way down to the ring with a mic in hand. Steph says she's glad that nothing can bother him, and she would have told him in private, but since he accused her of a publicity stunt when she was crying, she's going to say something right now. VKM accuses Steph of being all about the money. Steph says VKM is sick, therefore she's got no guilt for what she's about to say. Earlier today, she came from the attorneys office, where she found out that her half-brother or sister is standing around the ring. The crowd starts a "Kennedy" chant. She says Vince's bastard is a WWE Superstar. Stephanie exits, and Vince begins walking around the ring looking worried. A hilarious moment comes when Vince looks around the roster, and Shad and JTG start smiling at him. "No Chance" starts as Vince leaves the ring. On his way out, VKM and Kennedy look eye to eye, then Vince looks eye to eye with Mark Henry as the camera fades into commercials.

    After the break, Lashley is interviewed in a promo from the hospital regarding his interview. The recap of Kennedy/Lashley is shown, as we see some of the surgery on Lashley. Dr. James Andrews says that once Lashley heals up, he'll have a long career in the WWE.

    Kennedy's music hits, as he makes his way down to the ring for his patented entrance. Kennedy gives to us the man who took out our big hero, Bobby Lashley... Misterrrrrrrrr... But Kennedy is interrupted by the music of the Sandman. The Sandman comes down the ring, and we have our first match of the night!

    Kennedy v. Sandman
    The competitors square off with a collar and elbom tie-up with Kennedy puts Sandman in the corner. Sandman pushes Kennedy back, and they start again. Sandman gets behind KEnnedy, but reverses it into an armlock, shoving Sandman away. The two men start shoving each other, and Sandman begins delivering lefts and rights to Kennedy. Sandman hits a russian legsweep, and then crawls to the top rope, but he is met by Kennedy who does a snap-mare off the top. Kennedy mounts Sandman and begins punching away. Kennedy pulls Sandman up, and throws him into the corner on the mat before delivering a vicious knee. Kennedy hits the Green Bay Plunge and follows it up with a pin for the win!

    Your Winner: Mr. Kennedy

    After the match, Kennedy reminds us of who he is before making his way to the back.

    Match Rating: B-. Simply not enough of these two superstars for this match to warrant a great rating, but that knee that Kennedy hit Sandman with was ROUGH. Painful doesn't even begin to describe it. The GB Plunge is still absolutely vicious to see, and the match was entertaining while it lasted, so I feel it's justified with this grade.


    In the back, VKM and Coach are talking. VKM says its one thing to have an illegitimate child, but it's another thing to find out he's on the roster. Coach says it's okay, because he can find out who it is, using the ages of the talent, starting with the age VKM lost his virginity. Coach asks VKM what age, and Vince regretably announces that he was almost a teenager at the time, meaning it could be anyone on the roster. Ric Flair shows up, giving the "Whoo" a few times. Vince just looks up at the ceiling in disbelief.

    After a quick Randy Orton promo of all the legends he has "killed," we're off on another commercial break.

    When we come back, "WWE Idol" will be hosted by William Regal. Regal shows up in the back, announcing this, and thanking JBL and Cole for showing up to sing Hall and Oates. They're dressed absolutely ridiculously. Regal says it was ghastly, but JBL says they were better than the Beatles. Maria and Ron Simmons show up, and Regal says Maria will be a Judge tonight, and next week, Maria and Ron can go on their date. Santino shows up and says tonight he will sing a song so beautiful that Maria will go back to him. Ron walks away, into JBL and Cole still in 80s attire. They ask Ron his favorite 80s band, and Ron replies "Wham!"

    Back in the ring, Cryme Tyme's music hits, and the crowd pops for their hometown heroes. JTG grabs the mic and hypes of the crowd with some "Yo's!" He calls for Brooklyn, and everyone pops. Shad takes a mic and says how they love to make that money money. Tonight, they're selling Lilian Garcia's seat from right under her. And to make it personalized, they're going to autograph it. Shad asks for 100... then a bid for 400... Hip-Hop artist Lil Bow Wow is in the front row, and gets a shout out. Another guy offers 500, then gets outbid to 1000 by another fan. The guy who paid 1000 got the chair, but the celebration is interrupted by Cade and Murdoch. We have our next match after this break!

    Cade and Murdoch v. Cryme Tyme

    We come back to Raw with the match in progress, as it's announced by JR that this is a non-title contest. Cade and Murdoch are in control, with Cade dominating Shad in their corner. Murdoch tags in and cheapshots Shad. Gaspard starts to fight back, only to get hit by a russian legsweep, and a two count cover by Murdoch. Quick tags leave Murdoch in the ring again after some quick offense by Cade, and Murdoch locks in a chinlock as Shad fights back to his feet. Shad begins elbowing Murdoch, and then runs into the corner, planting Murdoch into the turnbuckle. Murdoch dives for Shad, but he gets the hot tag to JTG before Murdoch can get to him. JTG takes over, obliterates both men, and hits a massive legdrop off the ropes onto Murdoch. Shad and the Ref are having words, so Cade and Murdoch take advantage, hitting their finisher on JTG. Shad sees this, grabs a chair, and plants Murdoch square on the back, avoiding the pinfall, but garnering a disqualification for the Brooklyn boys.

    Your Winners: Cade and Murdoch

    Match Rating: B. Slightly better than the previous contest, with Shad playing the face-in-peril for once. JTG can really move around the ring well, so I look forward to this mini-push that Cryme Tyme is receiving. This feud writes itself, with the rednecks against the gangstas, so we should see some great moments in the coming weeks. Cryme Tyme was over huge with the crowd.


    After the break, the lights start flashing as Snitsky makes his way down to the ring with a look of determination on his face to take on Robbie of the Highlanders.

    Snitsky v. Robbie

    Snitsky with a clothesline and a pumphandle slam. Three Count. It's over. Snitsky goes for another pumphandle slam, but Rory tries to stop it, only to get hit with a pumphandle slam of his own. The Highlanders are laid out as Snitsky makes his way out of the ring.

    Match Rating: D. Another week, another squash. Nothing to see other than the burial of the Highlanders, and the erasure of our memories that Snitsky was once just as much a Jobber as Rory or Robbie. Let's go ahead and make a decision with Snitsky, please.

    VKM and Coach are walking, as Vince talks about his rendesvous with different women throughout his life. Coach proposes a drug test, but that would take too long. Instead, Coach asks for Vince to tell him of all of his indiscretions, and he'll research and announce his findings on Saturday Night's Main Event. Cody Rhodes shows up, and says "don't worry, I know who my father is." He gives Vince a condom, and then heads off to the ring. Vince says it reminds him to have Coach call the Trojan company and sue their "Magnum" division.

    Boogeyman shows up, singing "Cats in the Cradle" to Vince. Vince looks disgusted, yet worried, as the Boogeyman keeps laughing. Coach comments the Boogeyman has Vince's eyes. Boogey and Vince look at each other, and Vince storms away.

    We come back to WWE Idol, with Todd Grisham playing the role of Ryan Seacrest. Our celebrity Panel: William Regal (who slams Grisham for acting like Seacrest), Maria (who mistakes Todd for a contestant and tells him his pitch is awful), and Mick Foley! Foley comes down to the ring to a pretty decent pop, and says he realized two things: it's great to be in NYC, and apparently he'll do almost anything for money. (Ain't that the truth).

    First Contestant: Jillian Hall.
    Jillian wants to sing a broadway hit, being that it is New York. She starts singing "Memories" to a sea of boos. She changest he lyrics and sings about how she wants to beat Candice Michelle. Foley remarks that he's actually glad he had his ear ripped off. Maria says the singing was... well, she looked good, and thats it. Regal begins to talk, but the crowd chants "You suck!" Regal says tonight's main event should be Roe v. Wade, because that was an abortion.

    Second Contestant: Accompanied by Howard Finkel, Nicolai Volkoff and the Iron Shiek!
    Nicolai asks that everyone stand as he sings the Soviet National Anthem. People begin booing as Shiek salutes Nicolai. Foley stops him, and says that he's glad it didn't affect him that the fans were chanting "USA" the whole time. Maria says that Nicolai has a beautiful voice, but she didn't understand him. Regal says it was bloody dreadful, and that it was a shame that he lost worse than Iron Shiek did to Hulk Hogan in that very same building. Shiek starts yelling about Regal being the first Brit to kiss Vince's bottom in WWE History.

    Third Contestant: Lilian Garcia.
    Lilian says she lives in NYC, and starts singing "New York, New York," but gets interrupted by Santino Marella. Marella says Lilian looks like a filthy prostitute. He says goodbye to her, and turns to Maria, dedicating this song to her. Marella sings "That's Amore," with horribly added lyrics about Maria. Foley stands up and says it was almost as painful as watching Santino wrestle. Marella laughs but says he can't talk to him like that, and tells Maria to leave with him. Marella demands Maria to leave, but Ron Simmons comes out. Santino asks Ron Simmons what he's doing there, and shoves Ron. Ron slams Santino's head into the titantron, and Regal announces him the winner. Ron gives us the "DAMN!" and leaves victorious.

    Your WWE Idol Winner: Ron Simmons.

    We come back from a break to Cody Rhodes' music hitting, and the son of the American Dream coming out to the ring for his match. His opponent tonight is Charlie Haas.

    Cody Rhodes v. Charlie Haas

    Haas starts with a nice waist lock takedown, but Cody responds with a hip-toss after a quick exchange. Haas takes control with a headlock, and gets COdy into the corner, but Cody fights out with some punches. Haas grabs the ropes to reverse a russian legsweep, and COdy lands back hard. Haas is now in control, and after a chin lock, attempts a few pinfalls, to which Cody can kick out. Haas starts to beat Cody down with a few knees to the chest. Another nearfall that Cody manages to kick out of brings Haas to get Cody up and get him in the corner. Cody manages a shot to the eyes, but Haas hits a massive belly to belly that brings Cody down hard. Haas covers, but Cody kicks out after two. Haas locks in another chin lock, but Cody fights to his feet. Haas hits Cody in the gut with a knee, but Cody lifts Haas and hits a hotshot move on the top rope that sends Haas reeling. Cody then unleashes some flashy punches, followed by some dropkicks, and a nice bulldog. Cody climbs to the top and lands a flying cross-body block. Haas rolls Cody over, and attempts to steal the victory, but Cody kicks out at two. As Haas tries to capitalize, Cody rolls him up in a small package to snatch the victory.

    Your Winner: Cody Rhodes

    Cody quickly clears the ring as Benjamin slides in to assist Haas. Both Benjamin and Haas look rather distraught that Cody Rhodes has won this match.

    Match Rating: B+ (A solid match all around. Haas is really good at making Cody look good, and Cody proves week after week that he is the "Grandthon ofa Plumma" and carries the Rhodes name well. This was a taste of old school wrestling in a night of otherwise modern sports-entertainment).

    We come back from a break with Sharmell welcoming us to the official Coronation Ceremony of King Booker. Booker takes the mic, thanking his loyal subjects. In the history of Kings, Booker is the most majestic and revered. Last week, he defeated Jerome Lawler, who has been King for 30 years. He proved that he is the one true King. So tonight, Booker demands that Jerome humbles himself, and places the Crown on the dome of his King, King Booker. Lawler picks up the crown as Booker declares that he does it, and does it now. Lawler hesitates, and Booker breaks character for a moment, saying "What's your damn problem, put the damn crown on my dome right now." Lawler says Booker isn't the only King, so he's not going to put that crown on his head. Lawler announces that he was handed a note from Regal during the commercials; the note said that there was a match booked for him at Summerslam. The match is not against Lawler, but against Triple H. The Game's music plays, but Triple H doesn't come out. Lawler takes the crown and stomps on it. Booker attacks lawler and starts beating him down. Booker takes Lawler outside of the ring, throws him into the steps, and then knocks him out with a television monitor. We go to commercial as Sharmel holds back Booker, who is threatening to do the same to JR as he did to Lawler.

    After the break, we find out that Grisham has replaced Lawler for the final match of the night. We see an Orton promo again for Summerslam, and the Legend Killer's music starts. RKO grabs the mic and says that the fairy tale of John Cena comes to an end at Summerslam. Everyone knows what Orton is capable of; he doesn't just beat people, he ends careers. Tonight, Cena will get a glimpse of what is in store for him in two weeks. For those who dislike Cena, Orton is going to be their hero whether they like it or not. For those who favor Cena, Orton will be their worst nightmare. Nothing will stop him from becoming the new WWE Champion. We cut to a break...

    After the break, it's time for the main event!

    Cena and Umaga v. Randy Orton and Carlito

    As Orton is already in the ring, Carlito's music hits and the Cool one comes to the ring. The heel team gets nervous once the drums hit, and Umaga marches towards the ring. Orton and Carlito are in the corner staying as far away from Umaga as they can, when Cena's music hits to a mixed reaction from the NYC fanbase. The Champ is here! The two champs stand-off with their challengers, as Cena gives Umaga a watchful eye. Umaga and Orton start things off. The crowd is HOT. Orton circles Umaga, but asks for Orton. Orton gets punched by Umaga, then catches a running elbow by the bulldozer. Umaga beats Orton down in the corner, but misses a splash when Orton moves and tags in Carlito. A doubleteam on Umaga fails when Umaga clotheslines both of them. The Champ jumps into the action. Cena and Umaga take both men out of the ring and turn their eyes towards each other as we go to a commercial. (OH COME ON.)

    After the momentum killing commercial break, we're back with Cena slamming Carlito's head in their corner. Cena throws Carlito into Umaga's waiting elbow. Quick cover gets a 2, but Cena isn't done with Carlito. Carlito gets thrown into the corner, catching several fists in the meanwhile. Orton taunts Cena in the corner, when Cena starts hitting shoulderblock after shoulderblock, and an atomic drop on Carlito. Cena nails the five knuckle shuffle, and picks up Carlito for the FU. Orton interferes, pulling Carlito down, which distracts Cena long enough for Carlito to toss Cena out of the ring. Carlito now has the upper hand, and throws Cena back in the ring for a two count. Carlito stomps away on Cena, and tags in Orton. Orton punches Cena twice, then stomps his back. Orton whips Cena into the ropes and nails a beautiful dropkick. Orton drags Cena to his corner, and tags in Carlito. Carlito distracts the Ref while Orton takes a few cheapshots. Carlito now hits a spinning neckbreaker on Cena, but only gets a two-count. Carlito takes this opportunity to put Cena in a chinlock in hopes of getting a KO. Cena won't be denied though, as he works his way back to his feet, and drops Carlito with a belly to back suplex. Carlito tags Orton in, and RKO hits a nasty clothesline, sending the Champ reeling. Orton begins stomping Cena to bits, covering the head, shoulders, arms, and ankles. Orton misses a kneedrop, and Cena is getting back up. Orton tags in Carlito, who trades shots with Cena. Cena goes for a backbody drop, but Carlito stops and kicks Cena, covering for a two-count. Carlito with a quick tag to Orton, and Cena is beat down even more in a double team. Orton with an elbow to Cena's face, and with the champ down, locks in a sleeperhold. Cena powers out again, but gets hammered by orton. Orton goes for a bigsplash in the corner, but Cena moves, and hits Orton with a bulldog. Orton rolls over and gets to Carlito, who dives on Cena, keeping him from Umaga's waiting tag. Carlito throws haymakers, but Cena puts Carlito into the ropes and hits a back bodydrop. Cena struggles to his feet, attempts to tag Umaga, and Umaga comes in after some confusion as to whether or not he was tagged or not. Umaga cleans house. Cena comes in and FU's Carlito, with Umaga hitting Orton with a running butt-smash. The Champs are victorious as Cena gets the 1-2-3 over Carlito.

    Your Winners: Cena and Umaga

    Match Rating: A- (Wow. Entertaining to say the least. This was a fast-paced match that was killed by an awkwardly placed commercial break. Umaga's face-turn is strange, because I don't think anyone quite buys into it 100% just yet. That's good though, because it allows the fan to stay in suspense. Orton didn't look strong enough though, especially with Summerslam just a few weeks away. Perhaps they're waiting for next week. Either way, this match was alot of fun to watch, and all four competitors worked hard to pull of a good main event).

    VKM is in the back talking to Coach. McMahon tells some story about him on an airplane with some women. Coach's eyes get big, and he gets silent, as he tells Vince to turn around. Linda is standing behind him, and tells him that as of right now, he no longer has a home. Vince looks upset as Raw comes to a close.

    Final Grade: B-

    This would have been a great Raw for Triple H to make an appearance. The WWE had a real shot at making history at MSG once more, but instead we got mostly redundance and cheese. The Regal game show host angle is going to get old quick, so I hope they have a better direction for the new GM in the works. Cryme Tyme was great tonight, as were Cody and Kennedy. Without those three, this show would have been an abysmal failure. Match of the Night goes to Rhodes/Haas, as they told a story without having to speak a word. That's great wrestling. The main event was good as well, but there was little to no build-up for the match itself. It feels like Carlito has just been thrown into the mix for lack of a better heel. Either way, things are being put into place for Summerslam, so that's exciting, but everyone is missing HBK, HHH, Lashley, and the other superstars who are on the shelf or no longer on the Raw roster. The addition of Kennedy has been huge though, and he's keeping this show afloat while the main event scene treads water for a little while. Oh well, next week should be good, but the McMahon storyline has been spoiled on the internet for awhile now, therefore it's hard to get too excited about it.

    Quick Results:
    Kennedy def. Sandman via pinfall
    Cade and Murdoch def. Cryme Tyme via DQ
    Snitsky def. Robbie via pinfall
    Ron Simmons became the WWE Idol
    Cody Rhodes def. Charlie Haas via pinfall
    John Cena and Umaga def. Carlito and Randy Orton via pinfall





    As always, any questions, comments, or concerns can be sent to DonnyAnderson@gmail.com. This Raw Edition is dedicated to the memory of Brian "Crush" Adams, who I absolutely loved back in the Demolition heyday. I worry about the future of the WWE, with all of these deaths and ensuing Governmental investigations, but facing death so frequently for men so young is tragic for those in the business, and the fans. Prayers go out to the Adams family during this time of mourning.




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