TNA Impact Report 7-26-07
Submitted by Patrick Pena on Thursday, July 26, 2007 at 11:17 PM EST





We open with a recap from Impact last week.

5:58 PM Christian Cage, his team and the new Cage security are entering the Impact zone. Christian is protecting himself from Abyss and Sting. He orders Robert Roode and AJ Styles to take out Abyss and Sting tonight. Robert Roode says he will hold up his end of the bargain, but he asks if AJ will hold up his.

Opening video package.

Mike Tenay welcomes us to Impact and announces tonight's matches. Sting vs Robert Roode. AJ Styles vs Abyss, No DQs. And Angle will visit his psychiatrist?


Opening Contest: Robert Roode vs Sting. No Disqualification.
Robert Roode, with Traci Brooks come down to the ring first. Next is Sting to a nice pop. Tenay puts over Sting as being trustworthy. Says he has given Abyss a new direction.

Opening bell, and we’re underway. Robert Roode cheap shots Sting. Stomps him down in the corner. He plays to the crowd a little before picking up Sting. He attempts to slam Sting’s head in the corner but Sting counters. Several head slams to the turnbuckle. Roode rolls out of the ring. Sting follows and continues on the attack, slamming him into the guardrail and ring steps. Roode scores with a knee to the gut. He attempts a powerbomb but Sting delivers a backbody drop to Roode onto the ramp. Roode pushes Brooks into Sting and hits Sting with a chair. Another shot to the back of Sting. Roode tosses Sting into the ring and goes to the top. Flying clothesline by Roode. Nearfall on Sting. Roode gouges at the eyes of Sting. Eric Young, painted up like Sting, comes down to ringside for support as we go to commercial.

We return from commercial and Roode shoulder tackles Sting into the corner. Chops from Roode and Sting no sells. Brooks slaps Sting in the face. He knocks her off the apron. Big boot from Sting. One-armed backbody drop onto Roode. Clothesline. Clothesline. Stinger Splash. Attempts a second. Goes for the Scorpion Deathlock. Roode pushes him off and delivers a spinebuster. Nearfall. Brookes hands Roode a chair. Eric Young grabs it from Roode. Scorpion Deathdrop (weak-ass reverse DDT) and the 1, 2, 3. Sting is your winner. Young hugs Sting and Sting looks a little uncomfortable. Roode is pissed.

(Rating. 2 out of 5. It was an okay match for Impact between two average guys. Meh.)



Dustin Rhodes talks to Mike Tenay. He looks just like his dad. He is rambling about Chris Harris. He can’t talk like his dad. He seems a little crazy and he is ready to let loose.

Angle is at the psychiatrist.  He was his mommy’s favorite. He beat up 6 year olds at the age 3. He was just better than everyone. His siblings were losers. His sister worked at an orphanage. Couldn’t imagine how small the paychecks are. There comes a time in your life when you have to choose, do you want to wear Armani suits? Or do you want to take care of orphans? Angle wants to wear Armani suits.

(A couple average vignettes which I suppose serve their purpose. Bottom Line: Dustin is crazy and Angle is a dick.)


Commercial.

Commercial for Abyss DVD. Bleh. I don’t like Abyss. He’s the poor man’s Kane. And I barely like Kane.



More Angle at the psychiatrist. In high school he could do it all. And all the hot girls wanted him. Not the skanks. Like the one’s who go to impact. No, he means the really sexy one’s. They all wanted to get into his pants. And he denied them. They got bitter. Even his wife knows it’s an honor to be Mrs. Kurt Angle. His kids know it too. And if they don’t maybe he’ll send them to that orphanage his sister works at. To be continued…



Match 2: Sabin and Shelley vs LAX
The Motor City Machineguns. come down first. Then it’s LAX.
Immediate crossbody from Homicide. Some nice doubleteams from the MCM. Shelley chokes Homicide on the ropes. Chop off. Shelley knees Homicide and puts a boot to the back of the head in the corner. Tag to Sabin. Sabin goes to work on Homicide. Homicide fights back. Sabin hits a knee. Homicide revserses the Northern Lights from Sabin. He rolls and tags Hernandez. Hernandez tosses the MCM around. Sabin saves Shelley from a powerbomb. Knees and forearms from MCM. Flatliner and a nearfall. The action is fast and nice. Slingshot to a clothesline from LAX. Senton from Homicide onto Shelley. Sabin counters the Gringo Killer. Sabin hits a big boot in the corner. Attempts a superplex. Homicide hits the Gringo Cutter from Hernandez’s shoulders. 1, 2, 3.
LAX are your winners.

(Rating: 3 out of 5. I give it that on the “Impact scale.” As we all know Impact has short and usually no good matches. This match was pretty decent although it was obscenely short. I am a big fan of Homicide, and The Motor City Machineguns are just an awesome tag team to watch. If only they would get some real matches, because they are simply a treat.)



The Dudleyz (Team 3D) come down to the ring. The fans chant 3D sucks. Team 3D is pissed. They call out the Steiners.

Commercial.

Commercial urging you to experience TNA Live.

Team 3D awaits the arrival of the Steiner Brothers. The siren hits. Both Steiners are in the house. Both teams are now in the ring. Scott calls them fat asses. Big pop for the Puerto Ricans. Scott says they saved his life. Brother Ray laughs. “It’s big poppa pump and his half-retarded brother Rick.” Another fat joke from Scott. Brother Ray is fat. This is a fact. Scott Steiner thanks all the people who took care of him during his stay in the hospital. And he thanks the fans for their support. Ray says the reason he didn’t show up has nothing to do with a life threatening injury. It’s because he was afraid of Team 3D. Scott shows the giant scar on his back from his surgery. It’s pretty gruesome looking. Brother Ray says in ECW that was nothing more than a papercut. This is a pretty nice segment that is introduced by the New Age—The Voodoo Kin Mafia. And VKM can’t even convince themselves they are one of the best tag teams of all time. This is still a good segment. Scott Steiner is making it through this whole thing without botching much. I am thoroughly entertained and would actually like to see The Steiners take on Team 3D. If you have to throw in VKM, I guess you could do that. VKM and Team 3D attack the Steiners and use the PR flag. LAX comes out to save the Steiners and to defend the PR flag. And now we go to commercial.

(Bottom Line: This was the best segment of the night thus far and possibly the best Steiner TNA promo I’ve seen. Brother Ray got his typical “asshole heat” and did his thing. It was much better than I had anticipated it to be.)

Commercial.

Commercial for the Angle/Joe match at Hard Justice. Maybe it’ll be good.

We return from commercial and more of Angle at the psychiatrist.

You take the TNA out of Angle and you still have a great Kurt Angle. But you take the Angle out of TNA, what do you have? An indy show that draws maybe 50 people? When you think of Kurt Angle you think of great people like Ghandi and Martin Luther King. We pull out and see that Angle is laying in a tanning bed, talking to Kevin Nash in a speedo. Nash is just waiting to get in the bed.



Featured Contest: AJ Styles vs Abyss, No DQ
AJ with a psringboard forearm to open the match. Back body drop from Abyss. Big boot. Splash in the corner onto AJ. Running ass to the face of AJ. Big guerilla press, but AJ counters. AJ takes a hiptoss over the top rope and falls to the floor. And we go to a commercial break.

Commercial.

Back from commercial. AJ kicks the chest of Abyss repeatedly. Aj hit some chairshots and a splash during the break. Abyss sets up for a powerbomb but AJ goes for a sunset flip. AJ gets sent into the chair in the corner. Abyss picks up AJ for the shock treatment. BUT AJ KICKS OUT! Abyss says that's all. AJ counters  the blackhole slam. Pelee kick. Abyss is on his knees. AJ goes for the springboard forearm but takes a chokeslam and kicks out again. Tomko heads to the ring. Big time blackhole slam. Tomko breaks up the pinfall attempt. Lights go out. Lights on and sting is in the ring. Sting takes down Tomko and AJ. Sting tells Abyss to get the tacks. But someone is under the ring. They pull Abyss under the ring. Roode comes down and helps AJ and Tomko beat down Sting. Abyss drags himself from under the ring and he is a bloody mess. Christian comes down the ramp. So who was under the ring? Christian enters the ring and poot out a bag of broken glass. Sting takes a doublearm chokeslam onto the glass. Roode and AJ roll Abyss into the ring. Abyss is out. Christian adds the tacks to the glass. Tomko doublearm chokeslams Abyss onto the tacks and glass. AJ gets the pin. AJ is your winner.

(Rating: 2 and a half out of 5. This was OKAY. Not much of a match really, but i suppose it furthers the storyline pretty decently. I don't know how many Sting/Abyss beatdowns you can have on one show though. It is getting rather old.)


The Christian Coalition celebrates in the ring. Adrenaline rush video package and that's this week's impact.



And that is my first Impact report. I had to rush it and had no time to look it over. I do apologize for any spelling errors and typos.
Patrick Pena








*NEW GALLERY* Must See! Lots of Rare and Hot Photos of Randy Orton's New Wife Samantha!

• Quick Links -
  [Back to LOP] [News Archives] [Results] [Columns] [Forums]