|
|
|
|
|
Submitted by Al Boo Boo on Sunday, July 22, 2007 at 3:09 AM EST
 Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girls, Columnists, marks, smarks, new guys, veterans, and Mods. Welcome to the stupendous, amazing, ridiculous, pre-PPV spectacular that I wanted to call The Friday Night Write: Viva La Mexican Fiesta! I am your host Al Boo Boo and today, I’m not alone. First off, I have a very special guest today, someone I hold near and dear to my heart, she’s the Woman to my Chris Benoit… er… that doesn’t really work. She’s my girlfriend, Mrs. Boo AND – I am your co-host, Zuma sporting the bold, and I’m not letting my brother call it the Mexican Fiesta. This is the Great American Bash tailgating pre-party, and we’re joined by a VERY special guest here this evening. It’s her main page debut… the only other lady besides my mother that has had the unfortunate luck to see my brother’s tiny penis… Mrs. Boo! Hey guys, thanks for having me, today I’ll be dawning a light Italics by american designer HTML. And yes, I have had the unfortunate experience of laying my eyes on Al’s…well, earth worm, and well… that’s what it looks like anyway. But other than that, I am happy I’m finally having the opportunity to have my debut on pretty much the #1 column…EVER! And I’ve been told to say… You can be anywhere in the world right now, but you’re here with me, I appreciate that. Who told you to say that? That’s my line… Dude… don’t look at me. There’s only one person in this house that has decided that this column is best served with vodka, olives, and ice, and it’s your mother – who’s also seen the anteater. As long as she continues to play me with stiff drinks, I fear for the future of this episode of The FNW. The more of this glass I finish, the worse my spelling is goona get, and the more I’m gonna keep yelling BARRY BONDS RUUUUUUUULES, d000000000d! I do not support the use of alcohol when writing columns. But I digress – today myself, my brother, and my girl are here because this week weekend, sunday to be exact, we will embark on a journey that will bring us all closer to eachother. We will be witnessing the Great American Bash LIVE from San Jose. Today, we are all here to discuss this journey. I, not to brag, am no newbie to the live event. My first column EVER was written because I fell in love with the live event. I’m one to be starstruck by any celebrity I see, so to be at an LIVE event to see the guys that I enjoy to watch and even come here in my free time to write and discuss to other people. And to be at an event surrounded by every kind of fan, is really fucking awesome. My last experience with this was in March on the road to Wrestlemania and got to see the peak of the Batista – Undertaker feud. This was also actually Mrs. Boo’s first PPV experience. Preach about it, girl. I, too, went this past March, and my expectations were almost met. Seeing the matches live are by far more exciting than watching them on Al’s 18” inch TV. You really find yourself acting like those youngsters in the stadium chanting their favorite wrestlers name at the top of your lungs. The one thing that did disappoint was that you didn’t have the pleasure of hearing our most loved announcers speak. Their words are a big part of the reason why watching wrestling is entertaining. They know when to transition their excitement when something totally awesome is going to happen, and it makes the matches so much more totally awesome. Come to think about it, you’re pretty old Zuma, what were the live shows like back in 1950s? If I was alive in the 1950's, I would have done so many drugs in the 1960's that I'm sure I wouldn't remember what any of the shows were like. In the 1980s though they sucked balls, because I always had some screaming little girl yelling her fool ass head off for wrestlers that couldn't work worth a damn but had nice abs. Kinda like I will with you sitting next to me. GO BATISTAMA!!! Bess rassler evah!!! [/sarcasm] Before you guys start to rumble, let’s get this thing going. The reason we’re here really is to talk about the Great American bash. We will tell you our predictions, our hopes, our likes, and our dislikes. So, without any more bullshit or drunken rambling, let’s get to it. dream match! All the way! I’ve got to admit, I’m a die hard Cena fan. I think he is a great character and plus he has this milky, soft skin that is just to die for! Aheh…but anyway, I’m pretty indifferent about Lashley. He’s a horrible speaker, and I really don’t think that he has a knick for selling like Cena does, but despite that, he’s HUGE! The match is gonna be great. I mean Cena has that whole “heart of a lion” going for him and then Lashley, once again, is HUGE! I think I’m going with my heart and gut on this one. Cena is gonna win it, but it’s gonna be a crucial, long, and intense match. The lady is right. In all aspects, this is a WWE style dreammatch. Really one of the last dream matches to not already take place in the E. These two guys have been built up as unstoppable, and it’ll be interesting to see how they play the match. Cena’s definantly going to have to carry Lashley, and he just might be able to do it to a good match. I’m sure the atmosphere will be electric, thanks to myself, and I really hope this is a good match, and a continuing feud. Do I think Lashley can deliver? No. Do I think Cena is good enough to carry him through this match and a feud? No. But two “Oks’ can make a good? Right? Cena will win with a surprise F-U out of no where. And the crowd will pop for it. This is the big one, I guess? These two have been built both as absolute monsters, and I’m not sure how the WWE Creative staff is going to book this and still have both of these guys go over, but they will. Neither will really “lose” this match, but one will walk away with 10 pounds of bling... and that’s the Doctah of Thuganomics. Lashley is a beast, but he’s not number one guy material just yet, and it just doesn’t feel quite right yet. It’s Cena, it might be a DQ, and it’ll definitely be a close match. Face versus face at it’s finest, even if half the crowd hates either one of these guys. I’m actually not too fond of this match for 2 reasons. One, I think that Khali shouldn’t be considered a wrestler. He’s not talented at all. Secondly, I don’t find Kane entertaining at all. However, Batista is not only “the man”, but my man, and he can easily substitute Al in half a second. He has a lot of charisma, and a good wrestler. I’m hoping he will win. I’m definitely having my fingers crossed for it actually, but I have a feeling Kane might in fact win. He’s been kinda low-key up until now, and I think he may be due for a feud, and have some time in the spotlight. WOOOO!!!! FICE STAR CLASSIC IN THE MAKING! Really ladies and gentlemen, I’m Khali as champion is WrestleCRAP at its finest. I just don’t understand what Vince is thinking. I don’t care WHAT you say or HOW you argue, Khali is not entertaining, not athleitic, and not championship material. You can argue that it makes wrestling “more real”, but fuck that. Wrestlings NOT real so why pretend? The best of this situation would be Batista winning. A lot of people odn’t like him, but I do. Kane is cool, and yeah sure maybe he “deserves” it, but if he really deserved it, he’d be a constant main event player. People say that he’s been in the company so long he should have more reigns, I say if he’s been in the company so long, he should’ve already got himself over. He hasn’t. However, I think Khali wins, Kane does the job. Damn... this is the hossiest hossfest that a hoss has ever slobberknocked. These three guys might destroy the entire ring, the arena, and the entire city of San Jose... Godzilla style! I just can’t see the WWE keeping the Great Khali as champion for too long. However, there’s the fact that Vince said he never wanted the title on Batista again, and the fact that Kane’s been shit on six ways from Sunday his entire career, and you’ve got The Cake Giant keeping the upside down belt held aloft for the foreseeable future. Khali to be Champ... until Mysterio comes back!!!!! Unfortunately, my mom is pretty cheap on cable these days and I don’t get Sci-fi. I’ve never been a fan of Morrison, but I mean that’s because that’s what his character is. I am, in fact, a big Punk fan. I think is has what it takes to be a good champ and he’s a well-rounded wrestler. I have my money on Punkers. Al: What an HONOR it is to say CM Punk fight for the World Title. Something I never ever thought I would see when I first saw this guys work 4 years ago. I was beginning to enjoy Nitros work, and then he changed his gimmick which was a DUMB move. I’m hoping, praying, wishing, sacrificing virgins that Punk wins. And while I CAN see it happening, I wouldn’t put my money on it. I’m not even going to predict this one. This is what we really paid the money to see. It’s the young, brash, cocky John Nitro-Morrison, versus the straight edge highlight reel known as CM Punk. All I pray is that they are both given a ton of time to work, and that we can really see what these two can do. It could be the match of the year, and I hope they deliver. I also would love to see CM Punk take the title, but with the recent gimmick change, I’m afraid it’s all but a sure thing that Nitro keeps the belt, and I’m not totally mad at that. Well, I hate Umaga. He’s a fat, ugly bastard. And the whole stabbing people with my thumb, annoys the fuck outta me. that’s not wrestling. Hardy has more to offer than a thumb, so I think he’s going to be walking out victorious Bah. People praise Umaga, I don’t. People hate on Jeff Hardy, I don’t do that either. Hardy puts on consistently good matches, and is OVER like no one else on the Raw roster, so why not give him some gold. The rumors are Ums’ is going on to feud with the Jackass crew, and I don’t know if Steve-O is ready to be thrust into the Mid-Card yet. I’m going to go ahead and say Hardy wins by interference or something. Not clean is what I’m saying. And all the little girls will pop. And you’ll see Z on “To Catch a Predator” as he hugs a 14 year old as they share a moment in their twin Jeff Hardy shirt. OOOOOOOOOOOMAGA! I just like saying that shit out loud. I also like this match up, and I hope these two are given some leeway and are allowed to at least bend the rules a god bit in this match. The less the referee notices, the better this match will be, and it’s got the chance to be a really good one. Both guys have been really on lately, and this match is a prefect showcase for their upwardly mobile careers. I’m gonna guess that Umaga retains, but Jeff will put up a hell of a fight. Melina’s ego is almost as big as her hair. I think Candice has been doing really well in her skills lately and I’m definitely rooting for her. Melina needs to shut the hell up. Aaaah, the woman. WWE’s “Most improved” finally gor herself that Womans Title. Oh, what prestige. You know who should win this match? Micke James. Because that would put Mickie on my TV more often, and that’s a good thing. le we’ve most likely got a five star classic on our hands, I doubt I’ll see the entire match, as this will almost assuredly be a chance for me to run and drain the lizard, as well as buy an over priced Shark-Tank brewski. The real winners here are the concession stands, and the plastic surgeons. Someone is going to get their arm raised though, and I’m gonna guess it’ll be the one that I’ve already seen naked. I’m actually super excited for thi one. I’ve never seen a Texas Bull Rope match , but from what Zuma has told me, it sounds like a match I’ll never forget. I’ve also never seen Dusty wrestle, so this is gonna be fun. I think Orton’s gonna win though. It just doesn’t seen like he would lose to someone who has a lisp. Not that I have something against someone who has a lisp…but then again if Dusty does win, it will make a better feud between Orton and Cody. Oh yeath baby! The ‘mewican dweam Duthy Whodes ith gon’ put a whoopin’ on the young cat, Wandy Orthon. He gon’ make ‘im bleed like a sthuffed pig. Because he’s tho thweet! Ha, annoying lisp over. This match should be reaaally good. For the kids out there who don’t know, Dusty is on that elite class of bleeders in wrestling. Take a look at that forehead, that’s his resume for hardcore battles. The guy knows what he’s doing, and hopefully on Sunday, I get some of Dusty’s blood spilled at my feet. Shit, hopefully I can get some of Ortons blood at my feet. Orton wins, which is fucking lame, but that’s the way it is. There’s a lesson, toss someones salad backstage in front of the whole locker room, and get pushed to the moon! YES. I hope I’m really drunk by the time this match starts, and I hope that it’s at the top of the card somewhere, so it doesn’t overshadow the other matches. You might think I’m crazy, but I’m guessing this match will be a show stealer, and that Dusty will surprise people that haven’t seem much of his work with the way that he’s going to teach Young Randall in-ring psychology. Enjoy this sight of the American Dream, because by the end of it he’ll be face down in a pool of blood, while Captain Underpants holds his arms in an “O” pattern. RKO for the win, Cody for the run-in, and Dusty for the pop as he hobbles up the ramp. I despise MVP. He anoys me and makes me really mad. Matt, on the other hand doesn’t annoy as much. I’m hoping MVP doesn’t win but I have a feeling my luck is gonna run out by this match. Not as excited for this match as I should be. It could be a good match, but it also might not. I really like the MVP character, and people straight up MARK for Matt Hardy. I’m not one of them, so I’m calling a MVP victory. The guy just fits his character SO well, and he’s got himself SO much heat in such a short amount of time. I enjoy his work a lot, and I’m stoked be able to see it live. This is another match that is highly anticipated in IWC circles, and you can count me in with that group. This match will be a matter of timing. If they are given enough time to develop something worthwhile, we’ll all be happy. Let’s hope they are, because I also think this is a time for Matt Hardy to shine. They’ve tried putting him over with the hard sell each week on Smackdown, and I’m guessing it was for this very reason. He’ll get a run with the US title, and it’s well deserved. Well, I have to start out by saying that one of my dreams is having Sandman pass by my aisle and drench me with beer. It has nothing to do with me thinking Sandman is attractive or the fact that I’ll get free beer, but I just think that it’ll be HELLA cool! And yeah, I’m from California and I do say hella. My bet is that Sandman will win just because he is Sandman. Al: BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD. That’s all I can hope for in this match. Mrs. Boo’s a whore for wanting beer spit on her, for the record. If Sandman walks by where we are sitting, look for me to be the guy trying to get a free beer out of his back pocket. The cane swinging freak, and the sugar cane hopping boriqua should give us a good show. This is a tough one to pick a winner for, as both haven’t been used to “win” so often. One of them must win though, and I’m gonna guess that the gimmick will play into Sandman’s hands, but Carlito will somehow sneak away with a sneaky win. He’s very sneaky. So that’s it folks. Some matches we agree with, some we don’t. But here’s where YOU come in. I want to hear from you, tell you what YOU think will happen, and what you think will happen. I know this column is kind of late, so if you read this after the GAB, send me an e-mail laughing at how wrong we were. This is also Mrs. Boo’s big column writing debut, so shoot her some feedback and I’ll be sure to give it to her. Free nudies for those who give good praise. All Feedback goes to : Fridaynightwrite@yahoo.com Label is whatever the fuck you want. It’s your feedback. I hate it when people tell you what to write as the subject. I’m out ya’ll. Me and Zuma will be back Tuesday for our LIVE review of the show, and something we’ve been wanting to do for awhile. It’ll be good. Enjoy the show, ya’ll. We’re out. Peace. *NEW GALLERY* BRAND NEW Pregnancy Photos of a BIG Stephanie McMahon!
|
|