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Submitted by Al Boo Boo on Friday, July 6, 2007 at 7:41 PM EST
 Yes, yes, ya’ll. I’m back after a LONG 3 weeks. Maybe the most eventful 3 weeks the IWC has ever seen. This is of course do to the untimely death, or dare I say snap, or one of the best wrestlers to ever lace them up, Chris Benoit. You know, people make jokes (including me) but the truth is that this is a real heart breaker. Of course, no one really saw it coming. People say they were worried and there were signs of this dude going crazy, but no one truly saw this one coming. The man tarnished his legacy for the time being, I believe. For now, I can’t see his picture without being disgusted. Will it ware off? More than likely. A lot of things have been said, but one thing that I haven’t read a whole lot is that Benoit was truly one of the last of his kind. He was a wrestler who broke into the business the old fashioned way. He was trained by a great, paid his dues, worked small independent shows, and finally broke out as a star because of his skills at working a match. Sure, it’s sad to see him go the way he did. It’s sad to see him do what he did. But the real victims in this case are just that, the victims. Little Daniel and Woman. And fuck calling her “Nancy” she was Woman to me, one of the most vicious looking chicks to ever be in the business. The one good thing that came out of this whole situation however? Finally, two of the greatest, and two best friends, are finally reunited. What a happy day that was.  Eddie: Oh man, Chris. Good to have you here. Wait until you meet this kid they call "The Antichrist". He can do a hell of a plancha. What? Offended. Come on? No amount of praying could save Eddie from the fiery pits of Hades. I like to laugh, and it’s times like these that what we all need IS a good laugh. And hopefully this one can provide that for you. I wrote this column more than a year ago. It was part of Extreme Column Writing, an annual tournament in the LoP Columns Forum. It’s a fun one, and honestly one of my favorite. So, for a couple minutes let’s not think about murders, suicides, or steroids. Let’s just have some fun… A gimmick match can be a lot of fun. They can also be so ridiculous that you just really don’t ever want to see it. The match I’m about to explain is one of those. So getting this topic was actually kind of ironic. Saturday I’m sitting in my room playing Smackdown Vs. Raw 2006. Of course I am my created Samoa Joe. And My boy is my created version of Jesus Christ. And we do a couple Hell in the Cell matches and decide to go on to another stipulation. What should we do…Cage? No. TLC? No. Casket Match. No. Hey! How about a hardcore, fatal four way, elimination, winner gets a chance at the World Heavyweight championship, special guest referee, Lumberjack match! Yes! So needless to say this was pretty ironic. Think I’m joking? Look at any card these days, you’ll see some kind of Hardcore match, some kind of stipulation match, some kind of “gimmick” match. People love that extra hit of hot sauce that is a gimmick match. And the WWE knows that. So whenever possible, they try to exploit it. But that’s what made this topic pretty difficult to do. In a day where Feds are scratching at tooth and nail to think up a new, original Gimmick match, I had to do the job of someone that is a professional. And that’s not easy. So when I read my topic… I had the same reaction that Jules did. Damn. After wrapping my brain around it for endless hours, and after many trail and errors, I still couldn’t get it. This was probably the most I’ve ever had to think about the subject I wanted to write on. And it wasn’t fun. It was rather frustrating. And after a while I started to write a column on how there IS nothing to do. But then I thought of something. I thought of a little thing called The “Highway To Hell” Match. Basically, it would be two of the Hossiest of the Hoss. The point of the match was basically to break your opponent through the mat. First one to do it and emerge from the hole… would be the victor. How crazy would that be. How many HUGE spots would we get. How BIG would the pop be when the ring finally did give way! Then I thought about it a little longer. And I shared my idea with someone. And he really put it in perspective (Thanks BC. You naysayer) I mean. It wouldn’t be that crazy… it would actually be more realistic. And we wouldn’t really get too many big spots. We’d get one huge spot that everyone saw coming. And the Pop wouldn’t be too big because everyone would know that it was going to happen. I mean… imagine ‘Taker – Mankind was a “First to throw their opponent through the cage” match. There would be no excitement because the match would be as easy as 1) They go on top of cage 2) Taker Slams Mankind through the Cage 3) Taker wins. No excitement because we knew it was going to happen. After realizing this. I scrapped it. And began thinking again. Then I began thinking again. Ok. Maybe I can just alter some kind of match and make it good for the ‘E. Something already popular. Something that would be a first for WWE. Maybe some kind of Ultimate X kind of match. Hm. OK. Maybe we can have two rings. Spread apart from each other. In the middle there’s a “pit”. In the “pit” there can be shit like Tables… Broken Glass… Thumbtacks… and It can all be on fire! Yeah! And there’s cables going horizontally from ring to ring. And there’s a belt in the middle. And they have to climb over the “pit” to get the belt. Something like this…  But wait. In that case… why’s there two rings. Because in order to get to the other ring… you have to climb across the cable anyway. So why wouldn’t you just grab the belt. Ok so take out the other ring. But then where are the cables hooked up to? And why would there just be a pile of tables, thumbtacks, and broken glass on the outside of the ring? Shit. Well scrap that idea. It was good while it lasted. Hmm. Ok this is harder than I thought. There’s nothing I can do. Nothing at all. Everything has been done. Forget this. I’m going to sleep. Then, like it was a dream, It came to me. I hopped out of bed and started writing. The single image had to be sent from god. I tried to depict the picture. This is an interpretation. I tried the best I could, but lets just say I’ll never have my own thread in the graphics forum. So this… was my revelation.  Yeah… that was it exactly. Right down to every little detail (including… no no no… ESPECIALLY Zuma’s head). And that was it. The idea was pretty simple… yet it made it SO much more interesting. But let me break it down for you. Ah-hem. *Clears Throat* So… we have 5 guys. I think this in itself adds something extra to the match because, not that I can remember, has there been a five-man match. Now there’s been 6 men. There’s been four… there’s been 3… and need I say 2… but never could I remember there being a 5. So that right there is something new. But onto the actual match. Two Rings. First ring… is surrounded by a cage. From the top of the cage there are Cables leading down to another ring. This ring will be a normal ring… however… in it will be assorted foreign objects. But that’s not all… while climbing across the cables, wrestlers will need to crossover something I like to call the “Not Bottomless… but once you break through the tables and have a thousand and one thumbtacks in your back… you wish it would have been bottomless” Pit. If a wrestler falls in this pit… they will need to climb back into the cage. And start over. That is, of course, if they can get up from the horrific fall. Four of the five men will start out in the cage. These men will be to climb out of the cage… to the other ring… where they will be met by the so-called “Number one seed”. If a wrestler is pinned or submits, they are eliminated. The wrestler not eliminated will be the winner. “Number One seed?” Boo… What you takin’ bout. See, just as for the Elimination Chamber… there was a series of matches with all the contenders in the match. The wrestlers with the quickest match times… entered the cell later. The longer your match was… the earlier you entered. In this match… The Man with the Shortest time will be the lucky one able to skip the cage… and begin the match in the ring. The next two shortest times will begin the match in the two Elimination Chamber-esque cells… they are being held in. The Two people with the longest time… will start out the match in the cage, fighting to get an early start and enter the ring quickly. Essentially… when combatants enter the other ring… there will be two matches going on. One in the normal ring… and the people still struggling to get out of the cage. Plus one SICK spot with someone falling into the “Not Bottomless… but once you break through the tables and have a thousand and one thumbtacks in your back… you wish it would have been bottomless” Pit. Ah… I crack myself up. See. What I wanted to do was make a kind of match that can lend itself to any kind of wrestler, and can happen more than once. This match could take place in place of an 6-Man Hell in a Cell. Or an Elimination Chamber. It’s a lot less dangerous than those two matches. And it provides more variety. Its basically to of the most hardcore matches rolled into one. The Spots would be plentiful. How plentiful… well these are just a couple I was thinking about.  There are just so many high spots to jump of off, and so many places for a huge bump. So many “OHH MY GAWWWWD” from Joey Styles. Or “Bah Gawd, Kaang!” from JR. Now Marketability. Of course it will be marketable! There never has been two rings in WWE. Never have they used it. And for people who have only watched WWE their entire life… it would be Mind-blowing. They wouldn’t know what to think. Two Rings? Oh my! Second. Cables. TNA’s using cables. You know what that means? WWE needs to. Know why? Because that’s Vince. Anything they can do, I can do better right Vince? And that’s two huge things that this single match bring to the WWE. And to go further. This match can be used for any kind of division. Heavyweight or course. Picture it today. Cena-Booker-Orton-Lashley-Kennedy. Now that would be some crazy cool wresting. Or maybe even on the Smackdown side, for the US Strap. MVP-Kenny-Masters-Matt Hardy- Maybe even Chavo. Can you imagine a Frogsplash cage? 2 BIG leg-drops form Hardy and Kenny? I'm marking out just thinking about it. Last step would be to Slap a Cool name on the match. Now this HAD to be the hardest part of the process of inventing this match. The name will be screamed hundreds of times, so it had to be good. Hmm. Ultimate TLC! No. Ultimate upper case I. Ha! Blatant rip-off. That’s it! Cages, Tables, and Cables. Genius. CTC! Book it. You know. After writing this I have to tip my cap to the men who thought of these insane matches like “Cage of Death”, The “Elimination Chamber”, “TLC”, “Ladder match”, “Money in The Bank” Match. And any other of the crazy, insane matches that we have the pleasure of watching. It isn’t easy people. And it can be fun… but mostly you just find yourself frustrated trying to think of something totally original. Anyway. That it. The Cages, Tables, and Cables match is the ONLY thing the WWE, or anyone for that matter, has took a stab at. It will be the final totally new gimmick match. And when it does take place… at Summerslam ’08, you all will bow at the feet of the One that is Boo. Now, I must take my leave. But before I leave I will leave you with just a couple of the matches that I really missed with. So here they are. Thanks for dropping by. Vote Al Boo Boo. Thanks everyone. Peace. Failed Ideas. - Flaming Ladder Match - Glass cage match - Glass Hell in a Cell match. - Flexi-Glass Hell in a Cell - Tai-Pae Dodgeball Death match (think about that one) And my Personal Favorite… Jell-O in a Cell-O (shouts to the LPW) Today I told you guys that I just wanted to have fun and laugh. I’m hoping this one provided that for you guys. As always… this is Al Boo Boo. Shoot me your thoughts, good or bad, more than likely good. E-Mail: fridaynightwrite@yahoo.com Aim: albooboolop Thank you for taking the time out to read, everyone. I can’t stress that enough. I’m out, and until next week, goodbye. If you need to find me, I’ll be on the golf course, looking for the REAL killers in this Benoit Case. *NEW GALLERY* Brand New Photos of a PREGNANT Stephanie McMahon! VIEW NOW!
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