|
|
|
|
|
Submitted by Al Boo Boo on Saturday, June 16, 2007 at 4:13 AM EST
 Warning – This column is ALL keyfabe. To get it out of the way, I love this angle and I see the possiblities are endless. It’s awesome alright? And now, for the rest of this column, I will be totally and completely super duper marky mark who believes that Vince is, you know, actually dead. Believe me, it’s not that far off. You don’t know how many people I’ve had to tell theis week that wrestling is actually fake. My fellow brothers in wrestling, I write this column today with a heavy heart. And as the tears row down my cheek, to my chin, and right down to the very keys that I type out this heartfelt column to, I know that the reason I cry is a selfish reason. For today, I know that there is one more angel in heaven. There is one more individual smiling down on us, and, that big old promotion in the sky just got a whole heap better when the most revolutionary man in wrestling history walks, nay, struts into it’s doors and grabs the book away from whoever is holding it. Yes it’s been a sad week for the wrestling world. And the Friday Night Write plans to do no different then what anything anyone else is doing, and that’s honoring his memory. So without further ado, let’s skip all the bullshit. You know there were some fantastic promo’s this week on Raw. And you know that there was one big WHAT THE FUCK??!! Moment (And if you don’t, I’ll give you a clue. It rhymes with shmince shmying). This moment happened at the end of Monday Night Raw, and after a very short fade-off, was followed up by 3 words that are synonymous in all homes of America.  No, not Chuck Norris’ right and left legs, I’m talking about the real thing. Law and Order. And I, Al Boo Boo have chosen to take up the fight. I promise you Vince, Vengeance will be swift, it will be ruthless, and it will be without mercy! And I swear on your soon to be keyfabe filled grave, that I will avenge you’re wrongful death! Al Boo Boo’s will is the Law and the Order! And I will find the killer! So without further ado, ladies and gentlemen, I bring to you… Other possible candidates for the title – “Mr. McMahon blows...up” “This storyline will bomb” “The Loss of VKM – a big BLOW to wrestling” “Vince goes out with a bang” – “This can lead to wrestling next ‘BANG’ period” Monday night we saw one of the best Raws in a long, long time. Of course, I like to take credit for this, because you know damn well that Vince reads this column on a weekly basis, and realized that he really did have to step it up. Thus, he brought the thunder on Monday, 6/11, and boy did it pay off. Of course, it’s easy when you have every single wrestler on the roster available, but, they made the match-ups very well, and none seemed too predictable (Save for the Batista v Burke v Hardy, however was a bit saved by these 3’s clash in styles balancing each other out very well). The draft provided some pretty good surprises. Lashley was a huge deal, Kennedy was a pretty good surprise, Beniot going to ECW, while predictable, doesn’t take away from the fact that it’s actually pretty awesome. A lot of people are saying that ECW got the shaft with only 2 picks, but if you look, it’s really not all that unfair. Their show is half the time that the other 2 bigger shows are, so they only get half the amount of picks. It makes sense, and really, Benoit was all they needed. The young guys on that show have really made themselves into superstars, and with Lashley gone, now they can really shine as any and all of them are legit contenders. But I digress. The show was stolen by the most monumental thing to happen in the wrestling world in the last five years. As we all sat, anticipating what Vince had to say after being absolutely hated on all night. However, all he did was drop the mic, and walk out. And as he walked out, he awkwardly walked like the broken man he is, past all of the “guys in the back”. After being re-directed towards “his” limo, he slowly took his final steps… and as he entered his white stretch ride…  BOOM! And we witnessed the death of a man. Did I say death? I apologize. Let me rephrase this, I meant… MUUUURRDEEEER!!!111!1!! Yes readers, this was a murder, and Vince was killed in cold blood. By whom you ask? For what reasons you ask? HOW you ask? Well, you’re favorite columnist is here to unravel the clues that the WWE has left us. Some of them were quite obvious, and some of them were hidden beneath storied of lies, deceit, and crazed individuals who would do anything to be handed the book. Our journey through the mind of this madman begins with one of the easier, more obvious of clues. Coachman: Mr. McMahon, you’re limo, you’re limo is this way. These words, that seemed harmless at the time, pointed a man to his grave. Of course, it would seem that Coach was doing nothing but pointing his boss, the man who signs his checks, to his Limo that would take Vince to his lavish hotel room. But now, Coach pointed Vince to ultimately his death. First, let’s examine this man. Let us dive right into his psyche, and think as he would be thinking.  Coachman, decked out in black sunglasses and a black kangol hat. Of course, black being the color of DEATH. Jonathon Coachman is always cool and collected, a hip, young man who has the future in front of him. Such a young man is lucky to be Vince McMahon’s “executive assistant”. He has so much in front of him, however, he also has so much to gain. He is Vince’s number 2 man on Raw. And while Vince is gone, Coach is in charge. Could the Coach have gotten tired of waiting? Took his destiny in his own hands and decided to take out the boss. All of this of course makes sense, but… maybe it just makes TOO much sense. And the other thing I overlook, Coach ain’t exactly the sharpest tool in the shed. The guy has a couple lights out up there. We’ve seen him outsmarted and outwitted by almost all of the Raw locker room. So this leads me to deduct that not only is Coachman NOT the mastermind behind this heinous act, but he is simply a pawn in the master plan. A goon, just another cog in the machine. You catch my drift. So what I decided to do, was search through the internet. See what some people thought. And through reading some online reports of this week, one thing stood in the back, barely getting any attention. Then I realized that it cannot be mere coincidence that this man is backstage on the night that our beloved commissioner was killed. I mean, if the shoe fits right? And the shoe certainly did fit. Who else would play a joke with a mans life? One man would only be stupid enough. And only one man who have the sack to kill the boss.  No… No it can’t be. Steve-O, as Coach, just doesn’t have the brain to pull a stunt so huge. No way. It can’t be. But… maybe. Maybe this would be the grand finale to the next grand finale. I mean, they have done everything… EVERYTHING. What would be the next step to the shocking things they do? Straight up murder. And who would be the perfect victim? Well the WWE Chairman of course. A “No fun” kind of guy. A serious kind of guy. A business man. It’s everything the Jackass guys are against. And then, while doing some intense research on Steve-O and his gang of lackeys, I remembered an angle that took place at another wrestling fed. This fed was TNA. Noooo. Maybe… just maybe Steve-O was nothing but a diversion. TNA had relations with the Jackass crew long ago. Could this assassination been in the works since then? Was Steve-O simply a plant? Get inside the building; learn the ins and outs before they could go along with the plan. A spy. But then… who planted the bomb? And who did this benefit the most? Of course it would benefit TNA as a whole, as WWE crumbles without Vince at the reigns. But who would be so angry at Vince that he would actually plant a bomb inside his car and detonate it as soon as he got in? Who else has ties with TNA. Then it hit me like drunken southerner hits his wife…  No way. Could Jericho be so angry at how WWE, in words of the IWC “Buried” him that he would go THIS far? Maybe this is why he has rejected all the offers to come back. This whole time he was in cahoots with TNA. They have showed his band “Fozzys” videos a bunch of time. Even though he’s never been in the Impact Zone doesn’t mean he’s not with the company. They could’ve been planning this the whole time. Would Dixie Carter be so malicious to actually murder a man for her own success? Then I began to think of something I heard awhile ago while writing a column on TNA. TNA is owned and founded by a company named Pander Energy International. This company is an American owned business that “Constructs, maintains, and operates environmentally sound energy”(Source: Wikipedia – Reliable, I know.) This company, for some reason, decided to go out and take a chance, funding a company named Total Nonstop Action because, Panda Energy wanted to invest in” companies with high growth potential outside of our core areas." Ha! Great investment. Regardless, this got me thinking. “Panda Energy”… Hm… Well for one, and I’m no expert, but that explosion sure did look electrical. I mean, if you look at the video of the firefighters trying to put it out, there are sparks flying everywhere, something caused by electrical fires.Is it making sense? YES! But even then, Panda Energy must have had a partner in this. Someone that has history with Vince. Someone that held a grudge from years past. Someone that had ties with Panda Energy. And then, while looking at the Panda company logo… I noticed a strange, strange coincidence.   YES! The case was cracked. Panda Energy enlisted the help of the WWE’s biggest and meanest rival. THE WORLD WILDLIFE FEDERATION. Think about it. This is the company that took the, then WWF to court over a name. The World Wrestling Federation battled it out with the World Wildlife Federation of these 3 simple letters in a court-room battle royale. The WWF (wrestling) destroyed the WWF’s (Liberals who care about the animals) public image. People were pissed that the WWF (Hippies) stole the name form the number one wrestling organization in the world. And, because of this, the generation who matched wrestling during the late 90’s – early 2000’s (more than you think) see the WWF (Beatniks) in a bad light. Therefore it was time for the WWF (tree-huggers) to take a stand and eliminate the man who stole from them their credibility. Sure the Panda’s and all the frogs in the rainforest were happy, but if the people didn’t appreciate what they were going for, these attention mongers could care less. Therefore they saw this as their last resort. What resort was this you ask? Muuuuurdeeeer!!! Now that I knew who the mastermind was, it was time to find out who exactly was the executioner. To do this, I had to not look far. I mean, of course, there were plenty of candidates, after all Mr. McMahon wasn’t exactly the friendliest of folks to a lot of people. He had a plethora of enemies. But… only one had known Vince long enough to have gained his full trust. Only one looked innocent enough to not even be suspended. And only one had the perfect alibi. So… WHERE WERE YOU ON THE NIGHT OF JUNE ELEVENTH? At home sitting on the couch recovering after knee surgery? Likely story… Ha! Well then how come I have THIS footage, SHAWN MICHEALS???!!!  Yes. I have video evidence that it was none other than Shawn Michaels who pulled the switch on the life of Vincent Kennedy McMahon. Ha! He might act like a good devout reborn Christian, but inside he’s a cold blooded murdering sweet chin music machine. I knew I can never trust him. He screwed Bret and now he killed Vince McMahon. His reasons will never be known, but what one can’t argue is the fact that he is the murderer. However, the blame is not only on him. Let me run down the list. WWF ( Still Hippies) hatched a plan to get revenge on the man who destroyed their public image. They then enlisted the help of their sister company, Panda Energy, who had even more to gain by this plan. Then together they formed a group of goons to help map out their evil plot. And with their “man on the inside” – Coachman – they were able to direct McMahon to his downfall. And with the distraction of Steve-O they were able to set the distraction. Add in the deranged ex-employee, and someone to carry out the plan in HBK, and you have a plan that is as fool proof as the Titanic escape route. My theory had one chink (hello to all Asian readers!) in it. Who was smart enough to plant the bomb? Who had the know-how and the elbow grease to plant a very dangerous high-powered, organic energy bomb? It had to be someone that one would expect (if you’re thinking Bobby Lashley, come on, don’t you think I’m a little more creative than that?). But it also had to be someone reliable. Who could only tree-hugging hippie trust? Well, an animal of course. No way… has this led me to believe that the man who planted the bomb that lead to the death of Vince was none other than Mr. Wile E. Coyote.  Yes… you do need help you sick son of a bitch. Whoooo. This has been a fun one to write. These are just my thoughts, just what I was thinking at the time. Right or wrong, funny or not. Hey, that’s your call. I’d like to say thanks to all that made these graphics. I don’t know you, but if you saw one that was your doing, shoot me an email. This storyline has the potential to be great. Although they have pushed the envelope a bit with dedicated and having memorial shows. I swear Smackdown sent a tingle down my spine with allusions of when Eddie past. It was weird, but storyline wise, as you saw with the column, there’s a lot of way to go about this. Let’s just hope they do that the right way. Here’s the email, shoot me what you thought. What you laughed at, what you thought was lame. Anything is appreciated. I’d really like to know what some of you think of this storyline, because it’s been very mixed. So hit me up… E-Mail: fridaynightwrite@yahoo.com A.I.M. = albooboolop Thanks for reading again folks. The names Al Boo Boo, and I will see you next week. Peace and Love. *NEW GALLERY* New AMAZING Candid Photos of Karen Angle on BLTS! WOW!
|
|