Take up thy wrestling boots and walk - The subject matter for this column is inevitable
Submitted by Pt2 on Tuesday, June 12, 2007 at 9:59 PM EST





Welcome back to the column that FIRST called Mark Henry a “Silverback”, Viva La…….

No, no, no… that isn’t right. Hold on a second….


Welcome once again to the column that nearly stole an LOP column but didn’t because that shit just wouldn’t be right, Take Up Thy Wrestling Boots and Walk. I’m the man who is really starting to scrape the barrel with these introductions, Pt2, back once again to discuss all things related to professional wrestling.

Actually, that isn’t quite true, because as you can see from the title, the subject matter for this column, based on the events of the most recent broadcast, are inevitable. There is only one story big enough to merit this column’s attention right now.

That’s right kids… it’s the draft lottery!

I don’t know why I built it up like that, I’m sure all my clever readers out there couldn’t have been expecting anything else, when such a momentous event takes place.

Before I get on to the specifics for this year, a quick word about the Draft lottery in general – am I the only person who thinks that Vince has done the idea to death?

OK, I know all the arguments in favour of it. After a year of the same rosters, it allows people to move around and have new feuds, thus freshening up the brands. But when people from different brands spend so much time working together and crossing between shows anyway, is it really all that necessary? We’re reaching a point where single brand PPV’s don’t exist, and main event stars cross between the shows at will. This draft lottery is one of the last remnants to remind us of the division between the three shows, and all it really does these days is remind us that the idea failed. The WWE could never keep both (or later, all three) shows quality high for sustained periods of time. I think it is safe to say that since the split, whenever a show has been criticized, Smackdown! has suffered from relative inattention on the booking front, while RAW has, for certain periods, been horrifically overbooked. Since Raw is his darling, I bet Vince exploded at the writers over that.

Let’s not also forget that if they are trying to convince us that the three are different entities, the brand extension makes no sense. Take the case of Lashley, for example. He got drafted across to RAW. The WWE website suggests that:

“The ECW World Champion was forced to abandon his recently re-acquired title as he transfers to Raw, by order of the Chairman. That loss has to be grating on the Dominator”

Now, let me get this straight: The story that the WWE is going with is, that a professional athlete that reaches the heights of World Champion, with all the agents, lawyers etc. that a World Champion would have (in storyline terms, at least), could be made to break a contract with an existing television show on the whim of a member of the board?

That’s a pretty weak story. If this were a competitive sport, Lashley would sit on his ass and file suit, and counter-counter suit, until he got his way and didn’t have to move. I imagine he’d also have the backing of his show, ECW, since they stand to lose their biggest star.

I know that trying to justify WWE angles based on their kayfabe merit is a little bit like trying to watch an Ultimate Warrior interview/speech/breakfast without giggling, but still; I think it adds to my point somewhat. If it doesn’t have a practical use for the company (since people move between all year and the brands are only separated from the midcard and below these days), and it doesn’t really make sense in a storyline sense, then it’s only purpose can be to move people around because “it’ll be cool”.

And after 3 years, I don’t think it is cool anymore. Go on, challenge yourselves, and come up with more interesting ways to do things than recycling the same old shit every year. Go on Vince, I’m sure you’ll have a blast.

But even though I don’t like it, I suppose we should take a look at some of the fallout from this year’s draft – or at least the bits that have already happened. I understand a supplemental draft will take place tomorrow.

First of all, I know it seems like we say this every single time, but how LOADED is the RAW roster in comparison with the other two shows? I know it’s the flagship show, but I doubt they could do a better job of making the other shows feel minor league if they were to try. In fact, I’m not sure that they aren't trying exactly that.

RAW already had John Cena, Shawn Michaels, Randy Orton, a credible monster heel in Umaga, talented prospect Kenny Dykstra, and in a matter of months, a returning HHH. But apparently that isn’t enough, since the WWE have decided they also need Bobby Lashley, King Booker, and Mr. Kennedy. In effect, two of the top Smackdown! stars, and the top dog on ECW, have all been moved over to a show that already had the top babyface in the company.

OK, Kennedy, Booker T and Lashley do throw up some interesting combinations of matches with the likes of Cena and Michaels; that much I cannot deny, and I’m sure the company knows it, and Vince wants to make a bang. But let’s be honest here, that is a lot of top tier talent for a two hour show, and it doesn’t leave much space for anyone else – take a good look at the RAW roster, and memorise the faces, because unless you watch HEAT, there is a good chance you won’t see many of them very often over the coming months. One good thing? If I had to pick one, I would say it’s that they will not be able to rush along Kenny Dykstra with such a stacked roster. Over the past few years, they have botched pushes of Orton, Carlito and others by going too soon, and I’ve said repeatedly that Kenny needs to mature slowly. On a stacked roster there is much more chance of that happening. If he were to rush his push, Vince could find the whole thing blew up in his face.

Smackdown! don’t do particularly well out of the whole situation so far, if you ask me. Ric Flair coming across will be good for some of the younger guys, but at his advanced age it hardly replaces losing Booker T or Kennedy, since I really doubt anyone will buy him feuding with an Edge or Batista. Chris Masters was a man I held out plenty of hope for in the early days, but things never seemed to materialise for him, and I think this is something of a demotion for him – and again, he’s certainly not going to replace Kennedy.

Then there’s the Great Khali. I came across this little gem on the WWE website, too:
“Whispers from the GM’s office already mention the World’s Strongest Man, Mark Henry and Kane as Superstars that could give Khali a run for his rupee.”

Christ, sign me up. Mark Henry vs. The Great Khali? Fuck Pillman – Liger, that’s like liquid wrestling sex.

OK, I’m done. Seriously, I can’t imagine a bigger waste of time than that match. I’m not a Khali hater the way some people are; but all that means is that he has a purpose. He can be a monster, but against the likes of Mark Henry they will both look… just plain stupid. There’s a track record of really big guys being ok with little guys they can squash, but ruining everything when they take on equally big guys. WWE would be wise to consider that; neither Mark Henry nor Khali is the Undertaker.

Other than that, there’s always Khali vs. Batista as a strong possibility down the line. I don’t particularly hate either man, but the thought of that match does make me vomit a little.

Then of course, there is Torrie Wilson, that established female wrestler. I’d say about anyone over the age of 7 knows what her purpose is on the show, and she’ll do it just as well on Smackdown! as she did on RAW, so I don’t see that it’s actually worth spending any time thinking about. In fact, I actually reckon they could have moved her across, not mentioned it, and no one would have noticed. That way, they could have had another wrestler move. But I digress.

I think ECW come out of this better than Smackdown! They get Chris Benoit, who as both an ECW original and highly popular superstar will play very well to the ECW crowd. If he is put in a high profile role on the show, he may even pull some people across to it, that hadn’t been watching before. As for what he can do down there with guys like Elijah Burke? Put simply, they let him win the World Title at Wrestlemania XX and the man can barely hold a microphone. In today’s wrestling climate, that shows that his wrestling ability is held in what can only be described as, quite simply, phenomenal regard.

As for the Boogeyman? Well, he just makes my head bleed.

The supplemental draft will be happening in a few hours time, so naturally some of the concerns I have in this column will change. If I had to make a prediction, I’d say that a reasonable marquee talent from RAW (perhaps Carlito or Orton) will move across to Friday nights, but other than that I can’t really make too many predictions. After all, Vince does like to keep us guessing. One minute, you think you got him pegged and then BOOM! He goes and changes all the rules again.

Well, thanks for joining me for this one. I hope you’ve enjoyed it. If you’ve got any feedback or thoughts regarding this column, or the momentous annual event that is the draft lottery, I can be reached at takeupthywrestlingboots@gmail.com.
Oh, and if anyone out there was expecting that “inevitable” would apply to another WWE story that occurred this week, one that’s big enough to merit this columns attention –

He’s still alive. Get over it.

Until next time, take care,

Pt2




Credit Zuma, for the first 14 words of this column. Read "Viva la Lucha" by Zuma on LOP.








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