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Submitted by Degenerate on Tuesday, June 12, 2007 at 9:24 PM EST
Another week, another struggle to get this column right here where it’s supposed to be. As always, I'm one of the few Puerto Ricans who doesn't blow up cars for the fun of it, Degenerate. I wasn't planning on writing anything this week, as I'm up to my neck with good ol' real-life work, but after a great 3-hour show last night, I feel kind of energized to write something here. I don't know why, maybe it's just watching things blow up that get the creative juices flowing. I hope next week The Great Khali spontaneously-combusts so I can write something new. This is going to be a tad longer than I normally do, so I'll just get into the column already. * Obviously, the whole WWE wrestling world is centering on the huge explosion and supposed 'death' of Vince McMahon at the end of last night's Raw. I have to say, I liked it. It was something 100% unexpected, and while I was left sitting in my chair, mouth agape, staring at the screen repeating "What the fuck...?" like I was on crack, I still found it to be an excellent way to get people talking again. Yeah, we know that Vince will resurface down the road, alive and well. But still, the fact that this was something no one expected made it for a nice moment. However, we'll probably be treated to the "Who killed Vince?" saga for the next couple of weeks. Let's hope the payoff - who planted the bomb - is also unexpected. I'm looking at you, Cena. Why? Cena wrestled in the first match, finished at about 8:20 PM EST, and didn't appear for the rest of the show... Maybe that's just wishful thinking on my part. * Also, people are seemingly forgetting that there was also a nice Tri-Brand Draft made between all three brands. I won't dive into the picks now, as I'll be writing about them in a little while. Anyway, I found it kind of awkward that the draft choices were based on who won each match during the show. But I don't see any other way of putting it. The previous years, there were representatives of each brand, something that doesn't exist now, that made these choices. I liked it better that way, but with no General Managers for Raw or ECW, I guess that's the best that could be done. Also, I condemn you, WWE, for using those cheesy sound effects and crappy animation throughout the night to get the picks. That just shattered all disbelief I had, and it made the picks seem like they were made days or weeks in advance. What's wrong with grabbing some balls? Wait... That didn't come out right... * The matches on Raw last night, however, were some of the best given on free television in a long time. Yeah, you had you classic snoozefests. Umaga vs. Balls? I went to the bathroom for a quick second and missed it. Miz and Snitsky also passed by fast. However, the rest were pretty damn good. John Cena vs. Edge seemingly can't ever go wrong, even when the match ends in a count-out. CM Punk and Carlito was okay, but I have to warn you, I don't like CM Punk yet. Hold the hate mail though, I'll explain some other time. Lashley and Benoit was a great television match, but that's to be expected from these two. The Battle Royal was one of the most entertaining one I've seen in a long time. Even the Triple-Threat with Batista, Burke and Hardy was great. I hadn't seen much of Burke since I miss ECW most weeks, but he seems to be coming along nicely. In all, a great night of wrestling throughout the three hours. Good job there. * Those "McMahon Appreciation Night" speeches were kind of dull for my tastes, though. I'm glad Bret Hart was on television again, possibly paving the way for a future live appearance, although still pretty much unlikely. I thought Bobby Heenan was in TNA a while back. It's weird seeing him once in TNA, then appearing a couple of months later in the WWE. That's a pretty sweet deal he has right there, going wherever he pleases, and I'm sure he's not cheap to get, either. The rest were sort of bland. I did notice something: All of these former wrestlers look fucked up. Seriously, they all look REALLY run-down for their age. I know that the wrestling lifestyle isn't easy, but it's like these people have aged exponentially in a short amount of years. I hope that the WWE still takes care of these stars from time to time, paying them well for these appearances. * I am wondering how the guys from Jackass will be involved in Summerslam. I'm all for celebrities getting in the mix from time to time, but from what I read recently, it's like almost every single one of the Jackass stars have signed up. Why so many people? If it were up to me, I would just take three: Johnny Knoxville, Bam Margera and Steve-O. Those are the three most recognizable faces from Jackass. The rest, while they do a good job at being, well, jackasses, they're not up to par in celebrity status than the three I mentioned. I just hope that Steve-O doesn't bust out laughing when he's getting a beat-down. I'm not a wrestler, and even I got angry when he wasn't selling Umaga's offense. That's just disrespectful, in my eyes. Why the WWE hired him back, I have no idea, but I'll be waiting to see. Yeah, I know everyone and their dogs have written about the draft, and how good or bad it is for the respective brands. That's okay, I'm sure one more opinion won't hurt. Raw Acquisitions: * King Booker (with Sharmell) * Bobby Lashley (without ECW Championship) * Snitsky (without goatee) * Mr. Kennedy (without microphone) Departures: * The Great Khali * Torrie Wilson * Chris Masters * Ric Flair Just look at the names Raw just gained. Three out of four are some of the best talent the entire company has. King Booker might have lost a step as far as wrestling ability goes, but he's still much better than most of the Raw roster, especially when it comes to personality. The entire "King Booker" gimmick is one of the best I've seen in a long time, and he sure played it really well. Lashley is scary good, and this will be his chance to shine on the biggest platform in professional wrestling today. Snitsky, while I think he can be good in the short term as a dangerous opponent for John Cena or any other face who needs a strong heel, I don't think he has the ability to be a decent draw in the long run. Kennedy is the company's fastest rising star. Now we need to see if his injuries let him fully develop. Raw also didn't lose too much depth. Khali will still stink up the place, no matter where he goes. I'm just glad he won't be on my TV on Monday nights. Torrie Wilson can be in any show, and she'll still be hot as hell and selling calendars and magazines. Chris Masters is still a hit-or-miss wrestler. I don't know if his new home will provide a better environment to develop, or if it'll be his complete downfall. Of all of Raw's losses, the worst is Ric Flair. He's an asset, even though he can't wrestle as much. Also, he can be a backstage mentor to younger stars in other brands, which can only help. In the end, Raw had a pretty strong outing in this draft. Their losses weren't drastic, and their gains were solid, with many wrestlers that can flourish under the bright lights from Raw. I'm not good at giving grades, but what the hell, I'll try anyway. I give Raw an A- for getting a lot of value for what they actually lost. Smackdown Acquisitions: * The Great Khali (with translator) * Torrie Wilson (with those lovely breastesses) * Chris Masters (with his Samson-like goatee) * Ric Flair (with his infinite wisdom) Departures: * The Boogeyman * King Booker * Chris Benoit * Mr. Kennedy Can you say "screwed"? That's what Smackdown got. Khali, like I said before, will stink up the joint anywhere, and Smackdown won't be different. Remember he debuted in this brand, dismantling The Undertaker in the process. Torrie Wilson won't do any type of wrestling, and will stick to putting her pretty face and bangin' body on magazine covers everywhere. Chris Masters may be able to rise a bit in Smackdown, but the jury is still out on him. Ric Flair is the only real valuable pick here. I'm sure there are a lot of young wrestlers there can get the proverbial rub of of him. In short, Smackdown got four wrestlers, but only two that can actually wrestle, and one of those two that can offer more than that. On the other hand, look at the names they lost. Damn! Now, if that's not a sign that someone wants to screw Smackdown, I don't know what is. We all know The Boogeyman isn't a five-star wrestler. I'd put him in a scale of two-stars, and that's being generous. Still, he is entertaining up to a certain point. I would wait a while longer to see what the future has in store for him. Now the next three names... That just hurts. King Booker is a former World Heavyweight Champion who still can deliver, inside and outside of the ring. Chris Benoit, I can't believe he was taken from the brand. After years of elevating others and being the most consistent wrestler there, he gets shipped out. This is a crumpling blow to the brand, definitely. To make matters worse, Smackdown's rising star, Kennedy, is also shipped out pronto. Smackdown didn't gain much, and lost much, much more in return. Not a good day for them, at all. I'm curious to see how the newer guys who are coming in the brand develop there. It'll be difficult, though, with so much damn talent out the door. Smackdown gets a C- from me, simply because they lost too much. ECW Acquisitions: * The Boogeyman (with his batch o' worms) * Chris Benoit (with... well, himself, that should suffice) Departures: * Bobby Lashley * Snitsky Screwjob Part 2, coming right up. Not only did ECW get the fewest draft picks, they didn't even get two good ones to compensate, just one. The Boogeyman should be a good fit in ECW, where his freakish nature can be used better (ECW is in Sci-Fi, after all, I guess that should count for something). Their other pick is simply a god-send. Chris Benoit provides an instant boost for the entire brand. Not only will this bring better wrestling in the Main Event, but also throughout the entire company. Just look at what Chris Benoit could do with MVP in Smackdown. Now have Chris Benoit as ECW Champion, and some up-and-comer like CM Punk, Elijah Burke, Kevin Thorne or someone else, and we can have a new star come out of ECW soon. Good for the entire company. However, the instant boost ECW got was deflated rapidly when Bobby Lashley was taken away. Lashley was probably single-handedly carrying the company on his broad shoulders for the past 6+ months. Without him, others need to step up. Benoit is a piece of the puzzle, but more people need to grab the ball (there I go with the ball-grabbing again, what's wrong with me?) and run with it. ECW has major room for improvement, and this may be the opening this fledgling brand needs to get better. Snitsky, meh. What the hell was he doing in ECW for the past four months? Nothing. ECW gained and lost in equal portions, so it's not too bad. I'm still pretty peeved that they only had two draft picks. I know ECW on Sci-Fi is only an hour-long show, but at least spread out the picks a bit more. As I said, ECW has room to improve drastically. Let's see if the change in scenery works in their favor. I give ECW a B for not losing much talent and getting Chris Benoit. It's not like they had loads of talent to lose anyway. Overall Observations I don't know why the WWE isn't spreading the wealth and making Raw the clearly superior brand. Maybe the tactic of having one "Major League" and several "Minor Leagues" can work, but with so much talent on the WWE roster nowadays, I can't see why there are better wrestlers in Smackdown or ECW. Smackdown lost a boatload lot of talent. I still don't understand why. Maybe it'll become clear in the next couple of years, but then again, it could backfire, and we'll have yet another draft in June 2008. I hate these "Wait and See" situations. I fucking hate TNA. Well, not actually. I'm digging some of the feuds that are happening now. I like the setup for the King of the Mountain match that's coming up soon, and how unpredictable it's becoming to qualify in recent weeks. I thought Sting would qualify for sure, even though I don't like him as a wrestler. I'm also liking some wrestlers a lot more than WWE wrestlers. Some of the X-Division stars are pretty good. I also mark out like there's no tomorrow when A.J. Styles is inside the ring. For those who haven't watched TNA or Styles before, just know that the dude is damn good, even if TNA isn't showcasing him much now. And if Styles weren't enough, they also have Christy Hemme. Allow me to drool for a second before I continue. So I do like TNA a lot. I watch every week, which is more than I actually watch ECW on Sci-Fi on Tuesdays. So what do I actually hate about TNA? No, it's not the six-sided ring. I've gotten used to the smaller ring size and weird angles the wrestlers have to work with. It's also not the lack of X-Division action. The X-Division was the crown jewel in TNA. Before being featured in SpikeTV, the X-Division was all the rage in the Internet Wrestling Community. Now, it's just an after-thought, and the current champ is lucky if he's allowed to wrestle once on TV every two or three weeks. No, I hate something far worse. Let me give some examples: Let's go (Wrestler #1)! Let's go (Wrestler #2)! (During any match where fans want to demonstrate their "inside knowledge" cheering for heels with dueling chants) T-N-A! T-N-A! T-N-A! T-N-A! T-N-A! (During... well, anytime, for no apparent reason) Yep, I fucking hate the damn TNA crowd. And it's not only the TNA crowd. I just get so angry whenever I hear a wrestling crowd just try to be a bunch of smart-asses for no reason. I decided to write about this, because of this past week's TNA Impact show. The main event was a match between James Storm and Chris Harris for a spot in the King of the Mountain match in their next Pay-Per-View. Both men are former tag-team partners for years, and the matches after their break-up have been a bit on the violent side. However, during their match, which was just a teeny-bit above average for TNA standards, and nothing interesting was going on, the crowd started to chant: This is awesome! *Clap* *Clap* *Clap Clap Clap* This is awesome! *Clap* *Clap* *Clap Clap Clap* What?!? Awesome about what? Because they were using aluminum trash can lids to hit each other? Because they had battled outside for an extended period of time? Because they had blood on their forehead? Because Miss Tennessee and her fake boobs were prancing and bouncing around the ring area? What was fucking awesome? Nothing, that's what was awesome. Absolutely nothing. This was just a regular hardcore match (barely) that has been done a billion times before in the WWE and Indies for the past couple of years. So, why were they chanting? I have no idea. All I know is that this annoys me when it's done nowadays. I don't know if this type of chanting was done in the WWE or NWA before in the early-90s, but I do remember seeing some chanting going on in ECW, the very few times I actually saw ECW back in the '90s. After watching the excellent Rise and Fall of ECW documentary, I see that they most likely started the whole trend. Back in this era, I think it was pretty damn cool. It's not a double standard I'm setting up here. You see, back in 1994, the Internet as we know it today didn't exist. No wrestling news, no columnists writing these types of columns, no IWC at all. However, the hardcore ECW fans were in the loop with many things that happened backstage. They knew about wrestlers leaving or debuting at the company. They knew all the gossip that happened backstage. They were avid tape-traders and knew about every major wrestler in every popular organization in the world. In short, they knew their shit in a time when it was tough to get this sort of information. When ECW chanted, they didn't do it for no apparent reason. Okay, so "ECW! ECW! ECW" chants don't mean anything either. But they didn't do it at random intervals, like it's done in TNA now. Also, ECW chants were done in more special occasions, like the night when Eddie Guerrero and Dean Malenko wrestled their last match before heading to WCW. After an awesome match, the fans started chanting "Please don't go!" to both men, which seemed to choke them up. Same happened to Mick Foley, when he was Cactus Jack and leaving to the WWE. After months of bashing the ECW hardcore fans for their thirst of blood, and praising Eric Bischoff and WCW (a cardinal sin in the old ECW), the fans cheered Foley in his last match. Pretty classy, and nothing that can be said about today's fans. TNA isn't the only guilty party here. The WWE crowd can be rather hostile as well. Look at John Cena. At the peak of his reign as the top dog in the company, the fans started to boo him and cheer his "hated" opponents. Cena isn't the only one who has suffered this. The Rock had this happen to him a couple of times. First, as a smiling Rocky Maivia , the fans booed him and chanted "Die, Rocky, Die" during that period. After turning heel and back as a face, when he became The Rock, he was booed out of the building - at a Wrestlemania, nonetheless - while his hated-every-other-place rival Hulk Hogan got a standing O. That last match between Rock and Hulk Hogan took place in Toronto, which has been known to cheer for the heels and boo the faces. Even Jerry Lawler has dubbed the place "Bizzaro World", I believe. Why does this happen? Can the cold be affect their brains? Is there something in the air? Do people keep on eating yellow snow? No, of course not. It's just a matter of wanting to be different. Toronto wants to be different than 99% of the regular WWE crowds. New York fans do the same. I guess some places have their quirks, but it's all the same result of being different from the rest. Again, there's nothing wrong with that. I don't mind seeing the odd city chanting all night long, as long as they do it within reason, and not to sabotage or divert attention from the action in the ring. That the main issue I have with TNA, that they're not trying to be different, they're just trying to get attention, trying to be something they're not. They're simply posers from the old ECW crowd, even crowds from the Indies like Ring Of Honor. It's not cool, and it makes the crowd look like idiots. Think of this as a Public Service Announcement. If you go to a TNA event in Orlando (like I plan to do late this year) and a chant breaks out, just stop and think: What is this chant for? Chances are the chant is directed towards nothing at all. If the inane chants stop, it will indeed be awesome. This week, I went to my local Hot Topic store to see if any new CD's were released during the week. Yes, I'm still one of the few people who still actually buy CD's and DVD's instead of downloading them, legally or illegally. While listening to some CD's in their listening station, I noticed a WWE magazine in the magazine rack. I thought it was weird, seeing a wrestling magazine there. Well, Hot Topic does sell WWE and TNA shirts, so it shouldn't really be a surprise. Still, it was a bit odd. The magazine was a special edition magazine titled "The Complete History Of Champions". It's a magazine that - surprise! - chronicles the history of all the WWE's current titles. The WWE and World Heavyweight Championships are the stars of the magazine, with pictures and a short explanation of how the title changed hands each time, from Buddy Rogers in 1963 to The Undertaker in 2007 (seems like Edge won the belt after this magazine went to press). It also has a detailed history of the rest of the titles. In all, it's a pretty neat magazine to have. I've purchased a couple of these special edition magazines, and they're a nice collector's item to have. In five years, it'll be fun to read the magazine again, and see how much things have changed. Cena will most likely still have the strap, but that's to be expected, from what it seems. This isn't a shill for the magazines, although I have to say that if you're a WWE fan and want to further your knowledge of the championships, then get this magazine soon. The reason I write this is because of the brutal honesty that the magazine writers have. I remember the writers in the older WWF Magazine not breaking kayfabe like their life depended on it. Now it's just a different ballgame, and kayfabe doesn't exist in most of the magazine. It took me by surprise. I also found weird how former stars that made money for the company were actually made fun of in the magazine. Here are some samples: * About former Hardcore Champion Maven "The first Tough Enough winner was also a three-time Hardcore Champion. Folks, there was nothing hardcore about Maven." * About former Tag-Team Champs The Headbangers "Between the eras of The Smoking Gunns and the New Age Outlaws, these painted poseurs in kilts became tag champs by default." Wow. I'm sure that if one of those guys above read those comments, it'll hurt a bit. They maybe even cried. I do sort of agree with the comments, though. From the moment the 24/7 rule went into effect, the Hardcore Championship was nothing but a joke. Just going through a small sampling of post-24/7 champs - Crash Holly, Gerald Brisco , Pat Patterson, Terri Runnels - can prove that fact. Also, the tag-team division was sort of weak back during the Headbangers era. There were some good teams, like a still-decent Legion Of Doom, and The British Bulldog and Owen Hart. But there were other stinkers back then - The Godwinns or New Blackjacks, anyone? In any case, I don't see why the writers actually took potshots at those former wrestlers. Sad to say, Maven and The Headbangers were pretty hot during their WWE careers. Unless these guys left the company on really bad terms, I see no space for this type of writing. Okay, so even I do it from time to time. That doesn't matter. I don't work for a company that used to employ those I take shots at. Also, I'm not a professional writer for a magazine that hundreds of thousands, possibly millions, will read. I'd say it's a different circumstance. Ah well, I'll still keep on doing it. I hate you, Khali. That'll do it for this edition of Struggle For Power. Before I split, it's time for my weekly picks from the Columns Forum. If you still want to read more, then click any of the following links. You won't be disappointed. When in Rome XI - Cena, Cena, Cena By romans_3:23 Yeah, there are a ton of Cena columns out there. Still, there's a lot of room for additional debate, as my man romans did here with this column. If you're one of the apparent few of Cena admirers out there (come on, I know there are more than a few), then you need to check this out. Even if you hate Cena, there should be something here that can change your perception of the Champ. All About the Game: Queer Eye for the Dead Guy By YourAyatollah Just like there are people bashing Cena left and right, the same happens with The Undertaker as well. And just like the Cena column above, former Main Pager YourAyatollah gives his own stance on the Dead Man, going as far to admits how he's a bit gay for the big ol' lug whenever he's on TV. Excuse the Aggravation: Dr. House, this here is our resume! By XanMan and DoubleHelix Not an entire wrestling column, but it does have some wrestling around the sports and television show talk. Yet another former Main Pager XanMan and his lackey (just kidding!) DoubleHelix dish out the best tandem column out there. I wonder what happened to those fellas from the BaD News? I'm glad I was able to take the time to write something this week for you guys on the limited time I have. Feel free to write to me about anything, whether you read it here or not, at dennmart@gmail.com. Or even easier, hit me up on this column's feedback thread. Remember that you need an account at LOPForums.com to write. If you don't have one, what the hell are you waiting for? See y'all next week, Degenerate ***DIRECT LINK*** MUST SEE Gallery of TNA's ODB Doing What She DOES BEST!
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