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Submitted by Randomguy#5 on Sunday, June 3, 2007 at 10:30 PM EST
The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly-WWECW Welcome back to the column that laughs as “One Night Stand“ turns to “Semi-Regular Cheap Sex Hook-Up,” The Nosebleed Section. I am your horny little host, The One Called Random, and I can’t yet figure out why despite the sexual overtones of the PPV’s name, it’s going to be about as Hardcore as fuzzy handcuffs. Granted, I could be wrong on that and I’m sorry to say that as a result of moving this weekend, I won’t be ordering the PPV (that starts in about three minutes, as I type this) but I hope my gut feeling that it really won’t be anything special is wrong. But-more on this in a bit. I had originally planned on doing a sort of new gimmick where I was going to just sort of “shoot from the hip” on every topic that came to my mind called “Totally Random” but seeing as how Boss Foxx pretty much covered everything and anything that a wrestling columnist could talk about in the column directly underneath mine on the Lop Main Page, there’s really no point. Seriously, I know the guy is leaving for a bit, but that thing is fucking epic. So instead I’m going to kick start a little series I’ve been planning on doing for a while called “The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly” where I’m going to have a little look at each of North America’s free TV brands of sports-entertainment, the three WWE brands and TNA. I’ll be starting with ECW thanks in part to a completely subjective determination that it is the least entertaining of the four major brands and thus will allow me to build my way toward the top. Part of my determining this stems from the Quarterly Title Reports that I was doing last year, where ECW ranked so damn poorly. Of course they only had the one title, but still… That is another gimmick that I’m considering bringing back for a column topic-so thoughts on that would be appreciated, yay or nay. While I hate to sound like every other guy watching wrestling these days I just can’t help myself. The following moves are what I would like to see happen as a result of the WWE draft. Of course I’m not in charge of anything, so I’m just dreaming, but isn’t prediction/daydreaming/fantasy booking shit like this what makes it fun to be a wrestling fan? I‘ve no idea how many people are moving so I’m going to list five per show. I’m hoping that after the draft all this business about people showing up on shows other than their own stops. --TO ECW: Chris Benoit, Rey Mysterio, Shelton Benjamin, Kane, Super Crazy --TO SMACKDOWN: Marcus Cor Von, Umaga, Randy Orton, Carlito, Val Venis, --TO RAW: Elijah Burke, Batista, Bobby Lashly, Michelle McCool, Matt Hardy, And as much as it’s become cute and clichéd to call it “WWECW” that’s exactly what it is. JR remarked in his last blog something to the effect of “for the last time…the original ECW is dead and buried and never coming back”. Fine. Be that way WWE. I could give a shit. You know why? Because the show you’re putting out right now sucks. And I don’t mean like “Man, this really isn’t very good tonight, I wish they’d get through [this segment] so they can get to [another segment].” No, I mean it’s a new kind of awful, not the channel changing awful, we’ve passed that up, it’s moved into the “I forgot the show was on” kind of awful. Seriously. For my money, ECW is the worst of the four major brands of wrestling on TV. Even still, let’s admit it folks. We here are die-hard wrestling fans, and more importantly most of us are even fans of cheesy WWE-style “sports-entertainment”. The RoH marks can chirp all they want (and they do, believe me. Just ask Aisce and Slap) but the fact remains that the WWE style of professional wrestling is what sells in North America and Europe. We die-hards love this type of product, if you weren’t a fan you probably wouldn’t have stopped to read my column today, you probably found Lords of Pain whilst looking for some sort of sado-masochistic sex site or something (You sick Fu-Reek!) So, knowing that there are always dark clouds and upon occasions silver linings, I give to you the first installment of The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly-ECW. At the very least ECW does seem to be developing a list of characters to build around. Most of these guys are the ones who were making up “The New Breed” stable that ran for a few months before ‘Mania and still does, though it seems to be breaking apart now. The sure fire top guys of the brand are CM Punk and Elijah Burke, both of whom have shown an ability to put on a good match and really work a crowd. Punk has been over like rover since day one, and Elijah Burke has worked his way to the top heel in the brand. Both of them are innovative in the ring, which is awesome and refreshing to see. The other members of “The New Breed’ aren’t quite as solid as Burke though. I’ve always appreciated Matt Stryker’s ability to work a crowd, it’s as good as any midcard heel in the WWE right now. I wager he could be quite funny as a face, but it’d be a waste to give up his heel persona, which is just money. Kevin Thorn is a great hoss, he can throw people around and has some neat tricks to use in the ring. The WWE seems to have given up hope on him though for the second time as he’s suffering something of a de-push. For his character to work, it has to be WAY over-the-top and the WWE is always afraid to put that much stock in a relatively unproven guy. Releasing Arial really hurt him, and I’m not sure he’s going to be more than what he is right now, which to me is a shame. He’s compelling. And then there’s the ECW champion Bobby Lashley. I hesitate to discuss him here simply because he’s so rarely even a part of ECW but has acted more a part of Raw for the last several months. He has however become a top guy while holding that ECW belt and had a series of really good matches with some ECW talent before moving on the McMahon feud (his matches with RVD and RVD/Test were both pretty good). Lashley has gotten over with the fans while in his current role, and at least a part of that has to be attributed to the ECW brand. ECW has also managed to FINALLY begin to develop something of a personality for itself. The strange characters were helping (Snitsky, Thorn) and to an extend even Extreme Expose serves a purpose in making the brand more identifiable and distinct from the others. Tazz and Joey Styles are entertaining and they do a really great job. ECW’s storylines are flatter than a junior high cheerleader. The New Breed was a cute gimmick for about three or five weeks, and now it’s dead and going on too long. Burke vs. Punk can only go for so long before something has to go somewhere and I can’t help but think that somewhere is going to be the draft. Which is another thing that really concerns me. Is the WWE really willing to invest talent into the ECW product? For a long time it looked as if ECW would become a bridge between OVW and the two big shows, and serve as a sort of “Triple A” farm team for Raw and Smackdown. Now, it would appear that they’ve done a decent job of building up some talent in Cor Von, Burke, Punk, and Lashley but they’ve got no where to go with it. While I would hope that those guys can stay there and become something for the brand to build around, a part of me really feels as if the company would be better served to export those guys to the bright lights and make something out of them. JR remarked that ECW “may be getting a shot in the arm” come draft time but what could that consist of? My hope is that guys like Rey Mysterio, Nick Dinsmore, and Rey Mysterio would make their way to ECW and develop the brand into a more wrestling based promotion, like what it was originally planned to be around Kurt Angle. That, would be a plus in my opinion, and give the brand a distinct feel as compared to the other two, especially given that Benoit and Mysterio both have ties to the original ECW. This would eliminate two major problems for the brand. 1) They can increase the similarity between the old ECW and the new vision for it, and perhaps blend them into something new-an objective they’ve failed miserably at thus far and left themselves a bland faceless show. And 2) it helps them to develop a stronger possibility for strong in ring performances, which they thus far have had few. In fact, the in ring work of ECW aside from Burke and Punk has been down right bland, save for a few Extreme Rules matches here and there and some of the early work of Sabu, RVD, and The Big Show. This would be a great place to start rebuilding a hurting franchise, and it also lends itself to the strength of those already on the roster and the announcers, who both excel at calling a match and not “telling a story”. What the hell exactly is the point of this show? They keep marketing it as ECW which it is clearly not, to the point that I now have come to disagree with the brand even carrying this name. It made sense a year ago when they were seemingly going to recreate the old ECW with similar atmosphere, venues, characters, and all matches being contested under extreme rules. Now it is certainly not ECW. I’m not an old school ECW mark, nor am I one of these guys who runs around screaming “MAN THIS IS JUTS SPITING IN DA FACE OF DA OLD ECW! FUKC THIS SHIT, IT’S DISGRACING THEIR LEGAYC!!11!” No, that’s not me. However, their may be some validity to those sentiments. The WWE had a money making machine on their hand with the popularity of the original ECW, and they’ve killed that. A true “One Night Stand” PPV similar to the first one would have been golden, the DVD revenues were off the charts, nostalgia sells almost better than sex. So I was all for it when they decided to capitalize on that popularity and try and spin this into a full fledged promotion. But right now, NONE of the things that made the original ECW successful are present. None, sans maybe Joey Styles. You just knew Vince would have to meddle in this, and he just wasn’t going to be able to let Paul Heyman and Tommy Dreamer run the show, and now, it’s gotten them to here. Apparently “here” is a vision that Vince has for what the new ECW will be. Unfortunately as I’ve said, nobody knows what that vision is. It’s not “extreme” anything, so that marketing campaign might as well be scrapped. The women on Raw are more risqué than the “extreme sexuality” and there is a HUGE problem within WWE apparently with allowing all matches to be carried under Extreme Rules. Now, to me, that doesn’t mean every match needs flaming tables and thumbtacks, it just means that the chance for things to get hardcore is there. This, by itself, would give the show something unique to hang its hat on and set it apart from the other brands. Likewise the characters aren’t even “Extreme” like what we were led to believe. Thorn has had the plug pulled on him, Snitsky is rumored to be going to Raw, Big Show is no more, and no matter how hard you try and push Bob Holly down my throat, I will always, ALWAYS, cough his bland ass back up. There’s nothing extreme about a guy named Bob. And that goes for Lashley as well, who can’t seem to stay on ECW like he should be. Rather than become the flag bearer from the promotion, and lift it to the sky’s with him, McMahon has decided to cross-promote Raw and ECW using his storyline with Lashley, which is now beyond stale. The entire production sucks as well. Rather than actually put it in a small venue with rabid fans, the WWE keeps trying to imitate that look with the disgusting ramp area which looks like a High School play or some sort of mockery of a wrestling ring. I don’t like the name, I don’t like the wrestling, and I’m running out of characters I care about. Perhaps more than any other brand, the draft is going to be EXTREMELY (pun) influential in determining the future success of this brand. The WWE needs to bring in some guys that can wrestle and figure out what the hell the identity of this brand is and then push that identity and characters who meet that marketing strategy. Because if they don’t, I’m not so sure that ECW will continue to exist beyond 2007. Sanctimonious Son of a Bitch Mark Henry. And that’s all I’m saying about it. Cannon Fodder Chalk up Shawn Michaels and The Undertaker to the WWE injury list that seems to have gotten hit with a big old bag of “What-The-Fuck”. Seriously, consider that Triple H, Shawn Michaels, The Undertaker and Rey Mysterio are all currently out healing injuries and that’s four former World Champions. That’s insane. It does however seem to ensure the continued existence of Randy Orton and the importance of guys like John Cena and Edge, who otherwise may have already gotten de-pushed. (In Cena’s case that might not be such a bad thing). Cheap Pop Holy Crap! Now I know I’m not the most regular of Column posters here on Lop (cut me some slack, I’m playing the MNC card) but since the last time I posted a column there have been FIVE promotions to the Lop Main Page! That’s awesome! Seriously, most of these guys can really write their sox’s off, and I know they’ll be entertaining and loyal editions lordsofpain.net which you read so frequently. If you missed it (surely you didn’t, but just as a friendly reminder) here’s the latest editions to the Columnist Fraternity here on Lop, in the order they posted their first column. Congrats boys, it’s an elite club. We’ve got jackets. Under The Fleece by Sheepster Struggle for Power by Degnerate Sittin Pretty by El Dandy Viva La Lucha by Zuma Friday Night Write by Al Boo Boo And so ends another fun-filled edition of the ‘Bleeder, hopefully it sucked less than an Ayatollah column. I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention that yours truly is the new moderator for the Columns Forum of Lopforums.com. It’s something of an honor for me and while I’m sure I won’t make all the future Lop Main Page columnists there happy all the time, I’m gonna do my best with the post. There’s some really good talent down there still including a fella by the name of Aisce who writes a damn fine column by the name of “Aisce In Your Hole”. In addition to co-writing the RoH column I plugged at the top he also wrote a phenomenal defense of the Great Kahli which you heard me mention on Monday Night Countdown and has recently written a new column titled RIP Kerwin White. So check out the Lop Columns Forum now moderated by yours truly, it’s the best place on the net for aspiring wrestling columnists no doubt. If you fancy yourself a writer, spend some time reading around and replying to the threads there to kinda learn the ropes, than give it a shot man. We all started there and it’s a hell of a lot of fun. Anyway, recruitment over for this week. Again, congrats to all the latest callups-I’m sure they’ll all rock. I’ll be back next week with either a Monday Night Countdown or another ‘Bleeder, shit maybe even both. Thanks a ton for visiting The Nosebleed Section-but next time, get better seats. Click here to Email Randomguy#5!  Episode 26 -Hi-Fi Edition Episode 26-Low-Fi Edition --Hi-Fi Editions are slightly larger files and take longer to download but are better audio quality. Low-Fi are more dial-up user friendly.  Visit TheProjectLives.com and check out some great creative writing, social commentary, music downloads and pod casting including some familiar names you may recognize from Lop. Do some writing yourself? Jump in and give it a shot! Know somebody else who’d be better? Spread the word!  Free internet radio station ran by yours truly featuring all the best in hard rock and mainstream metal. If it seems like anything you’d be interested in listening to, give it a spin while you’re reading through some columns on Lop or The Project. We internet radio junkies may be in trouble so if you’ve got a few minutes to spare visit Live365.com and click on the “call your representative” link and try and help save Internet Radio. I’d appreciate it.
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