|
|
|
|
|
Submitted by Zuma on Wednesday, May 30, 2007 at 9:56 PM EST
 Viva La Lucha: I.W.C. Ka-Boom, guess who stepped in the room! No, you aren’t lost. It’s not a mirage, and no one’s slipped you any LSD. It’s me, the one known as the Mexican Murder Machine, AKA Zuma, here and back at it. Wouldn’t you know it? I’m on the Main Page. Damn it feels good to be here. As most of you that regularly read my stuff know, I usually try to stick to the topic at hand when I present my columns. This edition is going to be a little different, since we’re coming to you from a new location and all. As my Main Page Partner, RandomGuy#5 would say – this one’s gonna have some of Zuma’s stoner fluff in it. Viva La Lucha isn’t really about me. It’s about us. It’s about those who comprise the Internet Wrestling Community, and wrestling fans in general. Viva La Lucha is really a place for me to wax poetic about what things I have read online, posted by wrestling fans. It’s also a place where I will expand on ideas that hit me like a ton of bricks while I’m watching a wrestling match. What you’ll learn to appreciate is that the match might have come from Raw, Smackdown, ECW, TNA, Lucha De Vuelta, something on WWE 24/7, or the latest Indy Fed I’ve been told to download from New York to Calgary to Japan. Sometimes, I might even school ya’ll youngsters with a history lesson about my heroes from the past. I might even try and do some interviews with Wrestlers from around the world. I’ll probably also do something that no one has ever seen me do, and that’s review a show here or there. What I can say for sure is that it’ll be interesting. I’d like to thank Calvin, the owner of LordsofPain.net for allowing me a slot on his staff. It’s pretty fuckin’ cool that I’m joining people like Wevv, Daveyboy, Random, Mr. Dailey, Boss Foxx, and all those that came before me on what is the wrestling industry’s premiere site for news, reviews, and columns. I’ve been working at this for a while, even though you’re not going to see any huge numbers next to my column titles. Rest assured, kids - this isn’t my first BBQ. Speaking of BBQ, I’m thinking it’s time we get at this bitch… enough about me, on to the lucha! It’s still real to me, damnit! Or is it? It’s still wrasslin’, right? It’s something that I’ve watched since I was a little boy, and for me it’s still all about getting out of your seat and just exploding when your favorite wrestler’s entrance music hits. Wait… I don’t do that anymore. What’s my fucking problem? What the hell does “IWC” even stand for? I’ve been a part of what’s known as the IWC for a few years now. Yeah, yeah, moan and groan. I’m not blaming the IWC for this, bitches. Not yet, anyway. As many of you I’m sure have experienced, there was a time that I had stopped watching wrestling for a while. I was busy partying, dating, and clubbing. Watching dudes in tights just wasn’t on the agenda. Plus, Nitro started sucking so bad that they actually had given David Arquette the title. Can you believe that shit? That was the last thing I watched before I just stopped… Luckily for me, from what I hear, I didn’t miss much. Somewhere in 2003 I was sitting at my desk at work, totally bored and surfing the net when I saw an article for Wrestlemania 19 on Yahoo. Apparently, Stone Cold would face the Rock. My blood rushed a little faster as my heart began to pump. Really? My two favorite wrestlers from the Attitude era were gonna go at it again? Damn! I gotta get that. My curiosity continued, and I started wondering what was happening on the shows. I clicked over to Google and typed in “Wrestling Results.” I felt lucky so I clicked the “I’m feeling lucky” button and wouldn’tyaknowit…. Here I was. Lords of Pain, or Wrestling Headlines as I knew it then, would become my source for news and information. I still wasn’t ready to tell my fiancé’ at the time that I was a wrestling fan. Yeah… I know. I’m a little bitch like that though, and I was also really, really hot for her. Now I’m married to her and she’s pregnant. Time flies when you’re having sex. Shortly after starting to read the reviews on this site, I really wanted to WATCH! I broke it to my wife to be that I was a wrestling fan by just casually flipping to RAW the week before Wrestlemania 19, 2003. She liked the Rock and Stone Cold segments, but “the rest of it is gay shit, Matt.” No words from her mouth had stung like that before. “Gay Shit? It’s not gay, it’s wrestling!” was my lame ass response, to which she replied “I’ll be in the other room.” We’ve spent countless Mondays since in separate rooms. Our relationship is better for it as well, and “CSI: Miami” and “Heroes” have another viewer because of it. Win-Win. One cool thing about this go around was that I sort of “knew” what was coming. Thanks to this website, I had access to backstage “news” and really what amounted to a ton of gossip and some spoilers. I really started to pay attention to every piece of anything that I could get my mouse to click over. Lita’s having an affair with Lillian Garcia? Oh hell yeah! Spoilers on Tuesday for a Smackdown I would watch on Thursday? For sure! Someone starts a thread that they think Steve Corino is the best technical wrestler around and I was all up in that ass talking smack about that has been. I was becoming an “Intense Wrestling Critic” and just overanalyzing everything that came my way. I thought I was one of the “Smarts.” According to wrestling lingo – Smarts are those in the “know.” You fans that read this site know what’s going on, right? We’re the real fans that know what’s happening and whom it’s happening to, plus we probably know who pulled backstage strings to make it happen, right? No… wrong. Being an “Intense Wrestling Critic”, we’d like to think we’re smarts, but really the only people that are “smarts” are the booker, the promoter, and the two wrestlers in the match. The rest of us don’t know shit. We’re Smarks at best, and you might love the word or you might hate the word, but you’re most likely a person that fits that description. You’re a mark that thinks they are a “smart.” We’re still fans though. Being a fan is what makes us join forums, wear t-shirts, buy video games, and write columns that take up 5 pages in Word. We don’t do that because we’re “in the know”, we do it because we actually have a passion and somewhere in our hearts truly enjoy this very unique form of entertainment. After watching for a while, and beginning to interact with people over at http://www.LOPforums.com , I began to think that being a member of the IWC meant that you had admitted that “I Watch Crap.” (Hi CoLd!) One thing I’ve noticed is that too many of you Smarks have decided that you hate wrestling, and that you were going to just bitch about anything and everything you saw on your television. The existence of the “I Watch Crap” IWC can be blamed on many things, but being a cynic is probably the first reason. The second reason has to be that people just think they sound so cool bitching and moaning. It’s not cool. Me writing in this manner isn’t what I want to do. It is what I feel I need to do though. Ya’ll are ruining it for the rest of us by crying like a baby all the time. The Great Khali owns his own pair of boots, and he’s gonna use ‘em. They’re probably going to sell some t-shirts with his big ugly mug on the front, so get used to him being there. Don’t just proclaim “H1m t3h SuX0rZ!” – think about it a little bit. Shit, you could be like my buddy Aisce and write a whole column about it and in the end come out understanding the vital role a well handled 7 foot 5 inch ogre could have in a wrestling federation. Plus… if you really feel like “I Watch Crap”, then change the channel. Some other shitty ass show is just a click away. What I really want to be known as though is just an “Idiot Who Cheers.” That’s where we end up getting the fun out of being a member of the IWC and a fan of Sports Entertainment. See, we’re getting the best of both worlds. We’re getting an emotion fueled adrenaline rush from our evening drama. Law and Order isn’t doing that. When Jack McCoy gets a death sentence, we’re not standing in our living rooms yelling “FUCK YEAH!” However, when CM Punk takes a stroll to the ring, I’m getting ready to sit on the edge of my seat and see someone catch a knee in the face while I shout “OOOOH!” I look forward to each and every time the great Ric Flair strolls down that aisle. Each time he does, as my little brother knows, I want to see him make someone tap to the Figure Four. If we’re lucky enough to see him win a match, I’ll be there – just another “Idiot Who Cheers” screaming “Tap, bitch!” to the television. The IWC is many things to many people. I was lucky enough to today fulfill what I thought was a pipe dream of mine in the IWC. I was able to post this column on the main page of LOP, and receive a spot as a writer for the “Intelligent Wrestling Community”. That’s the IWC that I’m looking to be a part of, and that’s the IWC that everyone needs to work together to achieve. I’m honored you’ve stuck with me this far through this column, and I hope you come back for more in future weeks as we share the Intelligent Wrestling Community’s experience.  In this section of the column I’m going to have some different features. A couple of the reoccurring features will be “Clip of the Week” – where I might show an old match or even just some crazy ass clip I found on the net somewhere, “Hoss of the Week” – where we honor the Giants of the Industry, “Diva of the Week” – some hot shots of our wrestling eye candy, and even “Column of the Week” – where I’ll feature something that you MUST read. Let’s get ‘er done: Clip of the Week I started off the main part of my column by saying those famous words “It’s Still Real to Me, Damn it!” After writing it, I wasn’t sure how many of you would have actually seen it. If you haven’t seen it, it’s one of the greatest pieces of unintentional comedy ever produced by a member of the “IWC” and that includes all of the hilarious outfits you’ve seen people wear to wrestling shows. In a way, I sort of respect the guy, since he’s really connecting with his emotions in a way that many of us rarely do. On second hand thought though… he does cry like a bitch in front of a group of grown men in sweat pants. Here he is – The “It’s Still Real to Me, Damn It!” Guy! And I guess, for all of you Snarky Smarks that have already seen that clip, here’s a sweet match from ECW in 1995. Two of my favorite luchadores going at it: Mysterio vs. Psicosis – Mexican Death Match Column of the Week First off, be sure to check out Leviathan’s Column of the Month posting entitled “Deterrence” right here on the main page. He’s a hell of a writer, and someone that I’m sure will be honored with a spot on this website sooner than later. The column highlighted each week will be from the LOP Columns Forum, the place where each writer on this website began their career. Do give it a click if you have the time. I hope you’re never disappointed. This week, my man Jigga the God is getting the nod, with his column entitled Kwang the Column: Why Edge Stands Alone - a look at Mr. Adam Copeland and why he deserves the spot he’s achieved. I’d like to thank my buddy Jules for creating the Viva La Lucha banner at the top of this column. It’s definitely one of my favorites, as it has two of my all time favorite wrestlers Rey Mysterio and Eddie Guerrero featured at their moment of glory! If you’d like to see your name and artwork mentioned in this column, send me a banner at vivalalucha@yahoo.com and make sure to label it “Banner”. You can also address all of your hate mail, fan mail, comments, questions, and sexual propositions to that address as well. I’ll try and answer every one! Thanks again, and I’ll see you next Wednesday! *NEW GALLERY* Simply AMAZING Gallery Dedicated to Amy "Lita" Dumas HOT POSES!
|
|