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Submitted by Randomguy#5 on Saturday, March 31, 2007 at 9:12 PM EST
Welcome back to the column that is still shuddering in horror from the disturbing images of a squealing retard being tortured The Nosebleed Section. I am The One Called Random and in all seriousness that butcher shop haircut that McMahon gave to Eugene two weeks ago on Raw was simultaneously one of the coolest yet disturbing things I’d ever seen. Might not have looked like much at first glance, but think about it: Let’s take this mentally challenged young man, whom is often depicted as being “like a child” and beat the shit out of him before strapping him down to a chair and brutally hacking off his long hair. Uber-heat for Vince and finally something I didn’t see coming. That segment caught my full attention Bleeder Readers. My utmost apologies for my lack of columning (how’s that for a word?) over the last…ever. Seems my delusions of grandeur are always leading me towards the next big thing in my “internet career” and lately is no exception as my little audio show, “Monday Night Countdown” has gotten pretty damned hot of late. It’s awesome because I love recording those things and have a blast producing the shows more often than not, but I’m just not ready to walk away from my original slice of internet pie, The Nosebleed Section. So I’m working on restructuring my ‘net time, which in case you’re wondering, yes is absolutely necessary. Too many dammed hobbies. Luckily summer time is fast approaching and I’ll have more time than I know what to do with. Which means more times to fail miserably in my attempts to entertain you folk! So, let the failure begin! God I’m amped up for Wrestlemania. I’m such a retarded mark this time of year. Aw fuck it, who am I kidding? I’m a retarded mark all year long. I love it when wrestling promotions can convince me that an event actually means something within the vicious world that they live in. That’s tricky because with screaming, overselling announcers seemingly everywhere claiming each event to be the greatest [something] ever in history and well developed production videos featuring great theme songs, it’s extremely easy to become numb to the hype. ‘Mania however still manages to feel like a major event-each match seems to have that ‘big match’ feel to it. I LOVE IT when it’s easy to slip into that mark mode and its just so believable that what we’re watching is somehow actually transpiring somewhere. Of course as soon as I start to feel that way they trot out Umaga against Lashley and the “Battle of the Billionaires” (yawn). But god bless the way much of the rest of the ‘Mania card has been built. It was that sort of sentiment that led me to say “Morph-we just can’t simply pile everything we have to say into a ten segment show. We need to go special edition for this bitch!” Which of course led to the creation of Monday Night Countdown’s third ever Special Edition “30 Things You Should Know Before Ordering Wrestlemania 23!” Man, what a blast that thing was to record. Now, obviously I’m shilling this thing here hoping a few more of you will purchase it, but honestly they really are a lot of fun and I’m loving the challenge of building what I hope will become one of the top wrestling web casts on the internet. Of course this puts everything into a pretty hectic spin for us. Between the WWE’s frantic pace leading up to the “Showcase of the Immortals” and our own dizzying drive to succeed we end up with some pretty wacky segments. I had originally planned on doing a column that was based around the same list we did for the show but I figured that wouldn’t quite be fair to those who ordered, nor would it really do it justice. Instead I decided to throw together a little two minute preview file of some of my favorite parts-designed to tease and entertain you. Of course if the preview is designed to show off our high points I suppose it’s only fair to mention our ‘low points’. Those who have already downloaded will note that while we did predictions for the entire card, we made one critical error in assuming we could predict WWE, which is often more random than I am. #10 on our ‘Mania countdown was a prediction both that a MNM vs. Kendrick/London match would take place and of course discussion about who should win. Whoops. Why the WWE released Joey Mercury seems to be something of a mystery at this point. Hell one wacky internet rumor I heard was that he actually hit, not hit on but actually [I]hit[/I] Stephanie McMahon which has to be about the most absurd thing I’ve ever heard spun on the ‘net. I think most are pointing to the Wellness Policy and I can’t say that I blame them, it was my first thought too. After one failure early last year and a subsequent lack of direction character-wise since his return, Mercury seemed to be treading water. I worry though that he was just the fall guy in a terrible situation. After the WWE caught a worldwide of negative publicity stemming from the Sports Illustrated article implicating a number of popular superstars in a steroid scandal. Certainly just a week before their biggest show of the year and in the midst of mild pop-culture reemergence the WWE needed to at least seem as though they were addressing the steroid problem-and what a better way to do that than releasing a talent who was probably on the verge of release anyway and had experienced problems in the past. This of course doesn’t hold a lot of water to casual fans who will wonder why in the hell nothing was done with those who were implicated, but what the hell, at least it looks like they’re recognizing the problem and attempting to address it. I love how the WWE’s response to the whole situation is to steal a page out of baseball’s playbook and simply say “they weren’t against our rules at the time which makes it not our problem. They’re against our rules know and we’re doing everything we can to rectify the situation.” Do you buy it? Whether you do or not I don’t really think it matters. Personally, I don’t think people really [I]want[/I] to know. I think the public, especially wrestling fans, would much prefer to ignore the situation and continue right on believing that everything is all good heading into the biggest night on the wrestling calendar. The WWE must believe that too, which is why Vince McMahon is doing exactly what he has always claimed he does. He knows what you want better than you do, and he’s giving you what you REALLY want, not what you think you want. You think you want justice in this steroid scandal, you THINK you want legitimacy in the WWE drug policy, but do you really? No, I’m not sure I do. I want to bury my head in the sand and get amped up recording Special Editions, clamoring around with my little “Pay-Per-Hear” to make a buck or spend some hours on the phone screaming like a lunatic in a bad Mr. Fuji voice. I want to write columns shamelessly shilling it and dream of entertainment empires. I want to watch my wrestling and truly believe that Shawn Michaels vs. John Cena is the most epic encounter of the year. When in reality, some time in the not so distant future, another wrestler will die before the age of fifty, the WWE will pander to the masses, we’ll get choked up and churn out “R.I.P. [X]” signatures for the forums and R.I.P. columns paying tribute to them. Then, we’ll go right back to burying our head in the sand. What else can we really do? Let‘s Talk UFC! As I’m sure many of you heard when the announcement was first made a few weeks ago, the WWE recently made the decision to convert all PPV’s starting with this year’s Backlash to co-brand events. According to WWE press release this is being done to boost sagging buy-rates and increase interest in their product. This is all well and good, in fact it’s a move I’m pretty happy with overall. I’m not a fan of the WWE’s constant cross-brand promotion with wrestlers from Raw, Smackdown, and ECW constantly injecting themselves into other shows, but the recent decision to co-brand PPV’s does not indicate that the cross-branding will continue, only that the shows themselves will feature matches/angles from all three shows. Now, I’m sure this will have a negative impact on some of the lower-midcard talent who may not now end up on as many shows and subsequently not receive as many nice paychecks, but from the point of view of WWE corporate it makes since as they will now sell more shows and from the consumer point of view, I’m all for it as it will keep the attention on marquee names that I prefer to watch. Those who are not currently at the level will need to step-up their game to get their, or else be left outside in the cold. This did get me thinking though, about a time when I ordered nearly every WWE pay-per-view. That was not soley prior to the brand-extension but also prior to the PPV’s going single-branded only. Many of those shows at the beginning were simply awfull, and for that matter the brand-only PPV’s in recent memory haven’t been terribly impressive either. I don’t know that I’ve ever ordered a Great American Bash and last I checked I didn’t miss much at December to Dismember either. Those shows have been, by all accounts, some of the worst in recent memory and their buy-rates reflect that. It only makes since for the WWE to abandon a failing business model and go back to one that was more successful. The problem with this is, that when I was still ordering those events, there was nothing much else compeeting for my PPV dollar. Four years ago when the WWE made the decsion to go single-branded with their PPV’s, TNA was not a viable alternative. Sure I was an avid TNA fan then, watching their weekly PPV’s for a paltry ten bucks a pop, but if money got tight as it occasionally did, then I’d simply skip a week or two of TNA and the WWE would still get their buys if the card warranted it. WWE’s buy-rates were stronger then, and I’m quite certain it’s not just because of Roomate Shropy and I. The WWE basically began diluting the market themselves by watering down their monthly PPV’s as single-brand only events, then by adding four more Ppv’s a year to accomadate it. TNA emerged as (arguably) viable competition and while their cable program Impact! weighs above only ECW in the wrestling pecking order to me, their PPV’s are typically top-knotch and above much of what the WWE produces. Still, it’s not TNA that I really find leeching my PPV dollar these days. Sure they get their cut, and I’m not arguing about shelling over the steep $50 price tag for ‘Mania this weekend either, but it’s the Ultimate Fighting Championships that I find begging for my monthly order more and more. The topic recently came up in forum discussion, whether or not UFC was indeed competition to the WWE. Many would claim I’m sure that the UFC does not hold a candle to the WWE, while others would quickly think that statement is reversed, it’s the WWE that doesn’t compete with UFC. I pondered for a bit: Do the two promotions compete with each other? After all, the WWE is well-known to be scripted and “fake” blending one part athleticism with two parts performance-art. Meanwhile the UFC is billed as legitimate competition, and “as real as it gets”. Now, plenty of people out there including the esteemed Hulk Hogan have weighed in as believing the UFC is as rigged as the WWE in terms of outcomes, etc-arguing that the entire thing is essentially a work. I’m not in that camp. I find it hard to believe that anything sanctioned by the various athletic commissions of the states it functions in would be hard-pressed to be truly “fake”. I’ve definitely seen some fishy looking instances in UFC and other MMA promotions but I’ve resolved to believing the UFC is no more “fake” than any other legitimate sport, which is a topic we could argue night and day. If we are too assume then that UFC is indeed legiimate athletic completion (a position I will hold until I’m shown solid evidence to the contrary) and we continue under the premis that the WWE is indeed “fake” (Easy trigger, not entirely fake, you know what I mean.) than we can draw the simple conclusion that the WWE and UFC are not in completion with each other, right? After all, despite it’s status as the world’s top promotion in the world’s fastest growing sport (sorry poker) they are not professional wrestling or “sports-entertainment” and cannot thus be competition for the WWE, right? Wrong. Dead wrong I say. Consider these comments made by a respected member of lopforums.com arguing that the UFC and WWE are in no-way competing with each other. I won’t say who as I’m not trying to call anybody out or start shit in any way, simply using his comments to spring board discussion. WWE could care less about UFC. They care more about WRESTLING competition than something that has replaced boxing in real life fighting… WWE only cares about TNA when it comes to competition and even that's iffy because TNA is not drawing shit on Pay Per View and their ratings are lousy on Spike TV… If the WWE had a competitive wrestling promotion, say if TNA ever improved, Vince would sweat. His shareholders, now that he's a public company, would sweat. HOWEVER, UFC puts no fear into the WWE. WWE has defeated them on TV regularly. WWE has never competed against boxing on Pay Per View, nor can they compete with boxing's replacement. Make no mistake, if any industry should be truly terrified of what UFC represents, its boxing, not professional-wrestling. However, there’s no denying to me that the UFC represents a HUGE issue for the WWE when it comes to PPV buys. Certainly when in competition on free-tv the WWE is able to hold their audience as the true marquee matchups of UFC are often saved for PPV. Furthermore, because of the advancing storylines and soap-opera component it’s simply more rewarding for a die-hard wrestling fan. Furthermore, wrestling fans are nothing if not notoriously loyal and defensive of their product. Shit to this day I sometimes feel guilty for flipping the channel during Raw to catch the score of the Monday Night Football game. Should TNA ever compete with WWE head-to-head again, or in the case of WCW and the Monday Night Wars, wrestling fans could easily take solace in knowing that their channel flipping was still for the good of the industry. They were still watching wrestling. Shit, we who are TRUE fans of sports-entertainment get blasted from all direction for our love of “the sport of kings” and subsequently, we’re more devoted than ever, even when faced with a viable viewing alternative. Plus, single matches are the selling points when it comes to UFC, not the build-up or storyline, the action is what’s entertaining. So, it’s easy to catch up on later if you’re just curious as to who-beat-who. The not so loyal wrestling fan can be easily swayed by that action though. Get tired of yet another twenty minute McMahon promo? How about watching somebody get kicked in the head instead? Sure, week-to-week I’m a wrestling fan first. But once a month when I know that I can shell out $35 and catch a great three hour program of entertaining combat, it’s tempting. Damn tempting. Which is where the competition truly comes into play. Comparing the UFC and the WWE may be comparing apples and oranges after all but bare in mind that both are still food. UFC president Dana White has said on multiple occasions that the UFC has borrowed the business model and marketing tactics of Vince McMahon and professional-wrestling, and it’s created a boom in the mixed martial arts industry. The two are inherently aimed at the same target demographic, males. One could argue that the WWE is geared more towards males, ages 16-24 whereas the UFC may be aiming slightly higher than that, perhaps 21-35, but the overlap between the two audiences is simply staggering. Granted much of the UFC audience is that “high roller” crowd, but what do you expect when you spend much of your time in Las Vegas and Los Angeles? Take that same promotion to south Philly, or Detroit, and see what sort of crowd they draw. And yes, nobody’s ever argued that Boxing is legitimate competition for the WWE either, but boxing has never offered the things that UFC is offering either. When I watch boxing I see two guys punching each other. When I watch UFC, it’s easy for me to immediately see stark contrasts in styles, theatrics, larger than life production (cage, stadium seating, etc) and theme music-all things professional wrestling has tried to create the image of that boxing simply never succeeded with. Boxing has always had a few marquee stars, but they’ve never been able to routinely put on monthly PPV’s featuring a variety of stars and variety of styles. Plus, boxing always carries with it that stigma of being old. Our grandfather’s boxed. Our father’s boxed. None of our father’s ever Mui-Tai clinched and knee somebody into submission inside a cage in front of 20,000 people while pyrotechnics go off. It’s funny when you think about it. This week “The Ultimate Fighter 5” debuts on Spike TV, the UFC’s ridiculously popular reality-television show that really helped to spring-board their popularity. (Didn’t the WWE once have a reality show? On MTV no less?) That same show was helped off the ground in season’s one and two by a huge lead-in audience from Monday Night Raw. I guess Spike TV thought there would be some crossover appeal as well. Yet many will argue that it’s not competition to the WWE because Raw’s rating will be infinitely better, perhaps close to double what TUF draws. Yet, when it comes times to count Ppv’s (excluding this month’s Wrestlemania) UFC will likely continue it’s current trend of pulling buy rates that are not merely double but 5, 7, even 10x those of the WWE. I find it particularly amusing that in a month in which Wrestlemania will happen, the UFC card looks to be somewhat weak in my opinion, perhaps a sign that the UFC management is understanding their target demographic may have already spent April’s PPV dollars elsewhere. Yet, they’re saving a number of big match possibilities for the next few months. Interesting. Interesting too was the WWE’s under-the-table push to sign UFC play-by-play man Mike Goldberg to a deal following Jim Ross’s colon surgery a couple years ago, or the number of “shoot wrestler” or MMA gimmicks that seem to have popped up around pro-wrestling television in recent months (Kurt Angle, CM Punk, Sylvester Terkay or “the best pure striker“ Undertaker, who is loaded with a MMA moveset). Perhaps pro-wrestling is attempting to issue a rebuttal? Somehow, I doubt it’s going to be enough. Professional wrestling will always be able to offer things legitimate sport cannot. If you love a good bit of drama and soap-opera storyline and dream of larger than life personas hitting each other with steal chairs, trading witty one-liners whilst portraying a gimmick of a certain fighting style, than sports-entertainment is waiting for you. But if you simply need scantily clad women, a wee bit of drama, a larger than life production of modern day gladiators competing for championship belts accented by legitimate violence and action beyond compare-than perhaps it’s time you changed the channel. Sanctimonious Son of a Bitch Edge seems to have gotten his heat back after a rough road for a few weeks. He’s been on top of his game building for the MITB match. The antics he’s pulled the last few weeks are what make him so awesome to loath even if most of it has been done to protect his injured jaw. I kinda wish The Cutting Edge would end up on Raw a bit more often actually. I miss Lita though, she added a lot to his character and he needs a slutty girl to really make his persona work. As much as this pains me to say it, I think Maria would look damn good playing that role and could probably pull it off quite well. It’s looking like the Orton/Edge feud may have somewhat been put on hold…one has to wonder why…unless he’s getting ready to win something much bigger….. Cannon Fodder How in the hell Mr. Kennedy has gone on such a losing streak is beyond me. The guy seems to yo-yo in and out of favor with WWE management. After a great run late last year, he was rumored to be being “de-pushed” only to end up in a program for the heavyweight title with Batista and come out looking pretty damn strong despite not winning. Now, he’s lost back to back weeks to Matt Hardy and Finlay of all people and seems to be getting de-pushed yet again. I’m going to chalk this one up into the “the PPV winner will always look weak leading up to the show” strategy and stick with my pick to win the MITB, but it’s looking to be somewhat in doubt. (see, you got a prediction and you didn’t even have to order the special ;) Cheap Pop Many of you know that LordsofPain.net is home of some of the greatest wrestling columns on the internet. What many of you may not know however is that there is a whole new world of columny goodness going on in the Lop Columns Forum. All Lop main page writers come though there and with some spots starting to free up on the lop main page business is starting to pick up in the heart of column country. If you’re not a member (and you’re too cool to become one) you can still click around and read some awesome columns from future main pagers like Degenerate, Al Boo Boo, Sheepster and last month’s Column of the Month winner X-FV1 (he ha a name problem, but his work is solid). Several other great writers make the occasional appearance as well including Jules, Mike from Jersey, J-Man, Leviathan and Zuma (though, that’s VERY “occasionally”).Check them out and show them some love, tell them Random sent you. And thus wraps things up for another fun filled edition of The Bleeder. Hope you guys don’t mind my taking a column too examine something other than wrestling. So close to the greatest stage of them all, I know that such a column topic may be viewed as something of a travesty but the truth is that I’m just tired of talking about ‘Mania after the massive run of MNCs the last month or so, I’m just shit outta material! That should all be rectified by this time tomorrow however as one of my favorite nights of the year is less than 24 hours away as I type this. I for one am jacked-up for the show and can’t wait to check it out with some friends, some pizza, and hopefully a fair dose of liquor. Besides, after tomorrow night, where it all begins again, I’m sure we’ll have plenty more to talk about in both the Countdown and the Bleeder. So I’ll see you guys next week and bid thee a Happy Mania! Thanks for visiting The Nosebleed Section-but next time, get better seats. Click here to Email Randomguy#5!  Check out the special edition of Monday Night Countdown “30 Things You Need to Know before Ordering Wrestlemania 23” or Click Here .to visit The Project’s MNC Homepage and order it for yourself! Click Here to Download a free preview of the show! Episode 25 -Hi-Fi Edition Episode 25-Low-Fi Edition --Hi-Fi Editions are slightly larger files and take longer to download but are better audio quality. Low-Fi are more dial-up user friendly.  Visit TheProjectLives.com and check out some great creative writing, social commentary, music downloads and pod casting including some familiar names you may recognize from Lop. Do some writing yourself? Jump in and give it a shot! Know somebody else who’d be better? Spread the word!  Free internet radio station ran by yours truly featuring all the best in hard rock and mainstream metal. If it seems like anything you’d be interested in listening to, give it a spin while you’re reading through some columns on Lop or The Project.
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