TNA iMPACT! Results (03/15/06)
Submitted by Lunchbox on Friday, March 16, 2007 at 5:21 AM EST





iMPACT! kicks off with a video recapping Destination X.

Cornette is in the ring with six sides of steel. He announces the main event for Lockdown as a Lethal Lockdown. Two five men teams, two men begin, every two minutes another member enters until all ten are in the ring. He introduces both team captains. First is Christian Cage. Second is Kurt Angle. Cornette explains they'll be the captains and it's their job to pick their own team mates. They need to choose quickly and wisely.

Christian interrupts and says he doesn't like the sound of any of this, not for one damn minute. Cornette tells him to shut up, that nobody cares if he doesn't like it, because it's happening. He has to get his butt in gear because it's happening and he can't do anything about it. The matter is settled and we have a wrestling program to do. Let's get this bad boy started!
(Eval- Good idea, probably going to be poorly executed. Rating- *)

Opening iMPACT! package, Tenay and West go over the card for tonight and hype Lockdown. (They sure don't waste any time.)

Styles hobbles out to the ring with a neck brace and a crutch. He asks if this is what everyone wants. The doctor said that his neck and his back and ankle will never be the same, because of Rhino! (Wait, wait, wait. The man who "invented" Elevation X, is BLAMING Rhino?) He hopes everyone is happy because he wouldn't want this to happen to Rhino. He won't be able to call his wife and tell her that he won't bring home a paycheck, and won't put food on the table for his children, so Rhino has to come to the ring and call her.

Rhino comes down and asks Styles if he wants him to call his wife, and "what makes you think that I haven't already called her?" (Oh! Sick burn!) Then asks the crowd if they want him to beat the crap out of Styles one more time, then asks him what this is about..three times. Styles says he understands now, and that Rhino tried to help him. He just wants it to be over. Rhino asks the crowd if they want this to be over, they reply with "No". Styles understands the thing with Rhino and Christian, but just wants it over. Rhino states that it's over. They shake hands. Rhino turns around, AJ comes at Rhino with the crutch, low blow and then cracks it over his head and attacks Rhino on the ground. Commercial break!
(Eval- Good promo, telegraphed just on the fact AJ's a heel. Rating- **)

Back from commercial, Cage comes down to the ring with another crutch and both men tag team Rhino. Angle and Joe with the save! They chase Cage in the ring and he climbs over the cage and to the outside.

JB's in the back with LAX and Alex Shelley. He states that Brother Ray pointed a loaded gun at the messenger, but he didn't get a round off. Why? Because Homicide, Hernandez and Shelley go way back, they robbed Bodegas. (Say it with me now kids. Bo-De-Gas. ) Konnan trained him in Arena Mexico. "Brother Ray we're going to be crackilaitin' and marinatin' on ya. Tell 'em Konnan." Konnan says LAX is so sweet they'll give you diabetes, so sick you'll confuse 'em with sars, they're like Google, as they sleep their stock rises. Pick any metaphor you want. They are the tag team champs of the world. Now let him tell you fat boys something, you pick on him being in a wheelchair, well it's not permanent, unlike your stupidity and your obesity. Tonight, they're going to go out there and kick their ass all over the iMPACT! Zone. Commercial.
(Eval- Decent promo, Shelley's hilarious and Konnan got off a few good metaphors. Rating- **)

Back from commercial, Nash and Sonjay are in the ring, but we quickly go to the back where Sabin is playing God Of War II on the PS2 and Bob Backlund is .... doing step ups? Sabin asks JB if he's done. He's sorry his video game playing interrupts his interview time. He's busy pwning newbs on God of War II, because he's the God of Wrestling. JB asks what Backlund is doing. Backlund comes up and asks if they're having discourse about Mr. Backlund, it seems they're being a little exclusionary. JB says he's not. JB asks Backlund what he's doing. He asks why he has to ask. He asks if he knows what Sabin's doing. Playing video games! They should be training for battle! "And you're starting to exasperate me young man you're making me a little angry! And I mean it!" Sabin leans in and says "You're making me a little angry too.' Back to God of War II.
(Eval- Problem with Sabin. God of War II is not multiplayer nor is it online compatible. He just pwned himself. If I just inadvertently pwned myself, feel free to e-mail me. Rating- ** 1/2)

Back in the ring, Nash and Sonjay introduce Jay Lethal. Nash has produced a new entrance theme for him. It's a remix of Pomp and Circumstance. Once Jay's out and he hears the music, he starts acting like Macho Man as he gets in the ring. Soon after, Serotonin's music hits and Kaz comes to the ring. Then Jerry Lynn comes down to the ring.

Lynn tries to shake Lethal's hand, he acts like Macho. Kaz attacks Lethal, Lynn with a two count roll up. Lethal with a two count reversal on Lynn. Kaz into the ropes, Lynn charges, Lethal with a drop-kick. Kaz throws Lethal into the ropes, baseball slide into Lynn on the outside. Lethal jumps from the apron and Kaz catches him with a modified Diamond Cutter. Cover, Lynn stops it at two. Kaz and Lynn try to suplex one another, Lynn reverses, Kaz with an elbow. Lynn catches Kaz with an inverted DDT, two count, Lethal breaks it up. Lynn into the ropes, kick to Lethal's chest. Lynn pushes Kaz into the ropes, Kaz comes back with a roll up. Lethal comes in, Kaz catches him with a suplex into a bridged pin while sustaining the roll up on Lynn. Two count on both. Kaz into the ropes, hip toss takeover, cartwheel into a short drop-kick. Lynn back over, Lethal with a sleeper on Lynn. Lynn breaks with a snapmare take over. Tilt-a-whirl backbreaker misses, drop-kick misses, Lynn with the Victory Roll on Lethal, two count. Lynn goes for the Cradle Piledriver, Kaz saves with a kick to the face. Lethal catches Kaz with the Lethal Combo (Back breaker into a face plant.) 1-2-3!
(Eval- Excellent match for as short as it was. Love Lethal's new music. Rating- ** 1/2)

Post-match Daniels comes in with a baseball bat and takes out all three men. Last Rites on Lynn.

JB with Styles and Cage in the back. Cage states it's obvious that Styles is the first recruit for Team Cage. The best athlete in TNA, and he wants to be a huge star, no better way to become one then aligning yourself with an Instant Classic, Christian Cage. AJ says that's not what they talked about, if he aligned himself, Cage said he'd get a title shot. JB says that's what Tomko said too. Cage asks why he'd bring that up, it was between them. If they don't have trust, they have nothing. It hurts him right in the feelings, but they'll worry about it after Lockdown. They have to get an unstoppable unit together. (This next part was so funny, I have to do it quote by quote.)
Cage: Kurt, no matter who you get for Team Angle, chances are, I've already beaten them.
AJ: Yeah, you probably have beaten them man.
Cage: Yeah, I know. That's what I just said. But AJ, right now, tonight, we're going to find out who the third member of Team Cage is. Let's go. (Cut to commercial with an extended trailer of The Hills Have Eyes II.)
(Eval- Nice promo, again, Cage is a master. Rating- **)

Back from commercial, LAX and Alex Shelley make their way to the ring. Followed by Team 3D with Johnny Rodz. (He's actually with them this time!) Konnan joins Tenay and West on commentary. Before the match even starts Konnan asks Tenay if he and West are double dating, because they're both stuck on stupid. Match starts with DVon and Alex. Alex tags in Hernandez. DVon and Hernandez lock up, Hernandez delivers chops and punches to DVon. DVon fires back with chops of his own, DVon into the ropes, mounts Hernandez and lands punches. Back on their feet, scoop slam on Hernandez, DVon off the ropes, elbow drop. DVon tags in Ray, double shoulder block. Elbow drop by Ray. Hernandez off the ropes, clotheslines Ray. Two count. Hernandez tags in Homicide. Homicide up top, comes down with a club to Ray's injured arm. Ray's arm wrapped around the ropes as Homicide unloads a series of shots to the elbow. Homicide up top, holding Ray's arm and drops to the outside, slamming the elbow against the ropes. Homicide taunts DVon, causing him to come in and be held back by the Ref. Homicide continues his assault on Ray's arm. Homicide off the ropes, Ray with a sidewalk slam. Two count. Scoop slam, tag to Runt. Double stomp from the top. Two count. Hernandez in, drop toe hold by Runt. Runt off the ropes, Alex pulls him to the outside. Commercial.

Back from commercial, recap of Homicide sending Runt into the guard rail with chair shots. Back in the ring, Alex with a frog splash on Runt. Hernandez up top with a body splash on Runt. Two count interrupted by DVon. Alex and Runt are the legal men. Hernandez back in, off the rope attempt to shoulder block Runt, hits Alex instead. DVon in, off the ropes, shoulder block to Hernandez. Off the ropes again, spinning block on Homicide. Homicide with a one handed spine buster. Alex runs from DVon, Ray slaps his face. Alex to the corner, DVon with a charge, clothesline. Scoops Alex, running power slam. Hernandez in, DVon slams him to the mat. Two count interrupted by Homicide. Ray in, punches in the corner on Homicide. Hernandez throws Runt outside on top of Rodz. Ray clotheslines Hernandez outside. Alex in, scoop slam by Ray. DVon up top; WHAT'S UP?! Crowd: GET THE TABLES! Rodz assists DVon in getting the table from under the ring. Rodz and one of the Latino Nation members go at it outside, the Ref tries to break it up. Back in the ring, 3D on Shelley. DVon tries to get the ref's attention, Hernandez behind DVon with a roll up. 1-2-3.
(Eval- Decent match, a few good spots. Nothing exciting, this feud is boring. Rating- * 1/2)

Post-match Konnan is on the mic, LAX beat 3D in every match they've been in. They're going to take the only thing they have left and tarnish it. Their legacy.

In the back, Laticia is with Serotonin. Kaz is chained to a wall with his back to everyone. Raven states Serotonin is about to embark on an adventure into pain. He doesn't care about wins and losses, he never has and he never will. He cares about inflicting psychological damage. He wants their opponents to feel like children, when they were beaten by their parents. The only way for them to understand is to be the parents. He informs Martyr that he is going to instruct him to do something he may not agree with, and that's to cane Kaz. Martyr throws down the cane and says no. Raven slaps Martyr multiple times and tells him to go. He then instructs Havoc to do so and Havoc drops his cane. Raven then canes Havoc and states they are going to help us, whether we want him to or not. Commercial.
(Eval- Niiice promo. Finally more air time for Serotonin. Rating- **)

Back from commercial, JB is in the men's bathroom and opens up a stall where Eric's cleaning a toilet bowl. JB asks him what he's doing. Eric says he needs help, he needs out of the contract. JB says there's nothing he can do and asks about the friend. Eric says he'd rather not say. JB says to call him, Eric says okay and pulls out his phone. Roode comes in and asks if Eric is done, then states that JB can't talk to Eric unless Roode states it's okay. Roode tells Eric if he thinks it's bad now, it's only going to get worse.
(Eval- I'm glad they're furthering the "friend" angle, we need to find out who it is. Rating- *)

In the iMPACT! Zone, Cage and Styles are in the ring. Cage says he's going straight to the point, while the crowd chants he sucks. He's the World Heavyweight Champion. Cage introduces Abyss as his third member. Abyss is reluctant to enter, Cage says that they're family and he should just come into the ring. Lights out in the iMPACT! Zone! The Icon stands at the top of the ramp.

Sting says that Abyss doesn't want to be on any team. He's his own team, look at him! He can see right through Cage. He's no longer going to be led around. He's seen the light and is a new man. There's one last piece of his past that needs to be out there. The future is Abyss' and all he has to do is reach out there and take it. Cage says that Sting told Abyss' secret, he doesn't care. They do. Cornette comes out and says he likes drama in everyone's life, but he likes a good old fashioned wrestling match so much more. Next week on iMPACT!, AJ and Cage vs. Abyss and Sting to find out what side Abyss is on. Sting says right now, no need to wait for next week. Abyss and Sting rush the ring and chase AJ and Cage out as the program closes. Adrenaline Rush now!
(Eval- Very nice promo from all of them, I'm interested to see where they take this. The one comment from Cornette about the good old fashioned wrestling match just solidifies why this company is so much better than WWE. Rating- ** 1/2)

Final Analysis- Good iMPACT! I highly enjoyed it. Much better than last weeks, however, most post-PPV iMPACT!s are. I hope they keep this up leading into Lockdown. 7.5/10. Goodnight folks.

Lunchbox
thelunchreport@columbus.rr.com








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