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Submitted by Wevv Mang on Monday, February 26, 2007 at 2:59 AM EST
Ridin’ With The Bossman – A Tribute to Vince McMahon Greetings! Welcome to another edition of Ridin’ With The Bossman! The column that got Test suspended. Yes, it was when Test was quoting sections from this column, and talking about how that Slappy fellow was right, not knowing that WWE management are faithful readers, and well, one thing led to another, and next thing you know Test makes a joke about being drugged with GH, and BOOM! Suspended.So, the drug testing policy is the excuse. I mean come on, if Lance Cade, aka Steiner JR, is not in trouble, then how the heck is Test getting busted. Here’s a picture of Cade from early last year.  Now, here is a recent picture of Cade  Man, what a difference. Just say no to drugs kids. Well, we got some wrestling to talk about, and another edition of The Slapdown. So, let’s stop procrastinating and get to business shall we? WWE TV – The Series Raw Recap Info courtesy of Chad Matthews Show opened with Vince Vince had the ring set up like a barbershop, and we got the old photoshopped pictures of Trump with different hairstyles. Bald, Hogan, Mr. T, the works. Yep, you had to sit through it all to get to what the fans really wanted. Vince announced Umaga as his representative. Interesting. Umaga is a monster, and was getting a nice push, and then he lost to Cena and was kind of aimless. Now, he has a direction. I was wondering whom Vince would pick. See, all the big names have something to do at Wrestlemania. HBK, Cena, Batista, Undertaker, they have programs. There was Edge and Orton, Booker, and Finlay left to choose from, but they were probably going to get something. But Umaga? Wasn’t expecting that. Then again, I’m not very good at picking names. I always think backstage antics before I think of what would make sense. If Umaga would have won at the Rumble, he would have been the champion as well. Could have played up nicely with the Cena and HBK angle. WWE could have put all the pieces in play for the Saturday Night Main Event special. But then, a monkey wrench got thrown into the works. NBC cancelled SNME. Oh, not the whole thing, just the one for March 11. Which, I should add, was going to be taped at the Phoenix Raw on March 5th, which I have tickets to. Bastards. But, we do get a title match, just not for the big belt, but for: Jeff Hardy vs Umaga Umaga wins. Not a bad match, pretty solid actually. Umaga pretty much just destroys Jeff, but there was some back and forth. And of course, Umaga now has a belt. Mick Foley’s New Book It’s a commercial for Foley. His book is coming out soon. It’s done much like Bischoff’s book was, hinting that it’s going to be a tell all. That remains to be seen, but I will be buying it. My birthday is coming up after all. Carlito and Flair vs Murdoch and Steiner Jr. Carlito and Flair are now good buddies. They win too. Imagine that. HBK and Cena They do a commercial for the DX DVD, and then one for The Marine, which I still haven't bothered to rent. A good plug. Except for CHRIS DEJOSEPHS! HE’S BACK ON TV! Nothing says ratings more than a fat naked guy gyrating on my screen. Oh wait, there’s plenty that does, and that isn't one of them. Edge vs RVD So, that’s the plan. Qualifying matches for Money In The Bank. That’s a pretty good plan. Excellent match between RVD and Edge. Edge wins and gets a chance to be a two time winner. RVD gets to…well, keep his job I suppose. Melina vs Mickie James Solid match, and Melina wins, and is the new Women’s Champion. Which makes sense. Melina is a great talent. She apparently has heat backstage, and has for a while. Still, she does her job very well, is a great performer, can speak, and wrestle, better than Mickie in my opinion, and should be champion. Khali vs The Highlanders Well, I’ll just say this. Thank goodness Khali got bumped back to Smackdown. Because if he was still there, it would have been your tag team champions getting squashed. One of my biggest pet peeves is the tag team champions loosing in a handicap match. Yeah, Khali squashed the Highlanders. What happened to them? They came in with a big push, and then promptly got buried. They seemed like a tag team that had a lot of promise and nothing ever came of it. Mickie, Nuts Again Not that that is a bad thing. Khali SPEAKS! He says something, and Coach translates for us. Unintentionally funny bit. John Cena vs Randy Orton Pretty good match. Cena wins. Edge tries to help out Randy, like Randy did for Edge, but HBK makes the save. So, Cena got the win. End saw HBK do the tease of striking Cena with a chair, but held back. Pretty good Raw. Nothing stellar, but I would say that Raw kept the momentum they had, and didn't loose any. They didn’t really build, but then again, there’s still over a month to go until Wrestlemania, and with the cancellation of SNME, had to shuffle the plan. Good job of keeping it together, and I would say that the only panic move was bringing Khali back. I’ll say it again, the first thing Vince does when it hits the fan is grab the biggest guy he has, and throw him on TV. If Cade could find some drug that could add to his height, he’d be winning that belt off of Cena in no time flat. Still, there was a lot of high quality wrestling on this show, and not that many skits as compared to weeks past. Each skit had a purpose and was part of the plan. And that makes a world of difference. ECW Recap courtesy of Eddie Martin I only saw the first few minutes, and I did set a tape, but I never bothered to watch it. Just one of those weeks. Elijah Burke Speaks The guy has a good voice and can talk. The New Breed will crush the Old Breed. That was the gist of it, and next we have Kevin Thorn vs RVD. RVD vs Kevin Thorn Ariel is one hot chick. Just needed to get that out of the way. Good match. Lots of back and forth, with both getting time to be the main guy. RVD managed to get the pin, and that was all she wrote. Nice match, and good way to open the show. CM Punk vs Johnny Nitro Well now, this could have been interesting and I’m sorry I missed it. It sounds really good. Both men are very athletic, and it could be that both men play off each other pretty well. Sadly, this is where I tuned out. Well, during the commercial really. Hey, I’m a working man and I got work to do. Not to mention this damn cold just won’t go away. Still, if indeed it was a good match, it will happen again. Or, at least WWE will find some one they can put up against Punk of like caliber. Punk wins the match too. Curious-er and Curious-er. Who’s more in the doghouse? Punk or Nitro though Melina? Mr. Kennedy Speaks He’s here to face Lashley and he instead gets to face off against Holly. Holly then shows up and says life isn't fair and this is Holly’s world. You know, that could be part of the problem of ECW… La Resistance vs Jobbers HEY! These guys are back together? Cool. I think Rene has some good talent and Sylvan had a solid gimmick with the Quebec ambassador. I wouldn't mind seeing these guys back together permanently. I’ll even hope for good things for the Frogs. Kennedy vs Bobby vs Hardcore Holly Lashley wins, which is no surprise. What is surprising is that Holly made it through another match without injury. You know, I was looking forward to Kennedy vs Lashley, right up until Holly was thrown in there. Then it was like, Meh. Test is gone, and while I think he should never be a main eventer (jobber yes, star, no), Holly is another guy who is being pushed as more than he is. He has tenure of a main eventer, true, but that’s about it. Skill and presence of a top guy, no. I mean really, Funaki has been there almost as long as the Undertaker, give or take a couple of years. WWE has no problem using him as a jobber. Hell, Funaki is a jobber. So is Holly. While Funaki is an all-purpose jobber, Holly is a midcard jobber. And that seems to be the biggest problem on ECW. A lack of star power. They now have the angle, they just need the star power to take it to the next level. Looking back, I can think I can see that was where Paul Heyman was trying to go. For months now, there have been ECW stars showing up on the other two programs. But they treated as jobbers. Hardcore Holly was moved over to help boost the star power. Holly is a name, and was received with mixed results. Problems started up around that time as well. Backstage stuff. Then the December to Dismember PPV happened and well, that flopped huge. All kinds of rumors about what went down are still floating around and I might as well add another. Once all the WWE names were added, what if Paul wanted ECW guys to go over the other two brands? That would be cause for a flip out from some of management. ECW only has about three names that stand out. RVD, Punk, and Lashley. Bobby is unproven, and now has no big names to face to make him into a true star. He has to face imports from the other shows, since ECW has no one to equal him. RVD has already happened. But this is nothing new. WWE has had a bad track record when it comes to making new stars, and all the brands are facing the same problem. It’s just that ECW is the biggest casualty at the moment. It’s a new brand, less than a year old. Smackdown Recap Info courtesy of Rudi Pavani I was out this evening and must have not set my VCR right, as I only got the last hour. It’s been a hectic week. Seems like I missed a lot. Batista Speaks He says he did it…………………….for The Rock. Matt Hardy, Paul London, and Brian Kendrick vs Greasers and Joey Mercury. Hey, some one has to teach the Greasers how to work as a tag team. At least, when it comes to selling. Rudi makes a good point about how Deuce and Domino need to move on for a bit. They have faced London and Kendrick far too often. Hardy and the Hooliganz get the win. Chavo vs Scotty 2 Hotty Chavo wins. Sounds like it was a pretty good match. Kane vs Booker T It’s a Money in the Bank match, and this is where I came in. Pretty good match. Crappy ending, but until then, not bad. Khali comes out and costs Kane the match. Booker gets the cheap pin and the win. Finlay and Boogey Man and Midgets Bah. That’s really all I have to say. Bah. Finlay gets the win, or should I say the Leprechaun pin the Full Sized Boogey for the win. Come on. I know the guy isn't good, and could be called down right terrible, but man, that gimmick is worth more than that. I’m going to miss the hilarious antics of the Boogey man. The crazy promos, the people running in terror from him. I’ll just have to put Boogey on the shelf. Right next to Al Wilson. Dude hadn't even shown up on TV yet, and the net went absolutely BONKERS over the guy. Just from one picture. Remarkable. Just remarkable. Rey Mysterio, Still Alive Yes, all show long, it was hype up Rey. And he does indeed show up. On crutches, but the reaction is good. Rey gets to speak, and after only a few minutes, Vince comes out. Vince makes short jokes. Vince then calls out Umaga who just destroys Rey. Bah. Look, I know the skit was supposed to make Vince a bigger heel. But it didn't do that. It just came across as a pointless shot at Rey. See, it’s the old WWE idea of how to push Rey. There was no point of making fun of Rey’s height, other than to crap on the guy. His heart, his love for the fans, his pride at being a WWE champion, a WWE champion, and holding one of the biggest WWE titles at that, sure. That would have been fine. It would have even worked better. But his height? Come on. That’s lazy writing. Rey didn't have to be there. He is injured after all. He showed up to help the company. He showed up because he wanted to. And WWE just pissed on him. Oh, the cover is it’s a way to keep Rey off TV until he’s all better. Well, the easy way to do that is just to have Rey say “I’m injured, and I shouldn't be here, but I wanted to come out and tell all my fans, that I’ll be back soon, and that I love you all.” Viola. Rey would be flooded with get well soon cards. Probably again. But no. It was too good a chance for WWE to have some fun at Rey’s expense. It just ticks me off. Rey is one of the biggest faces they have. Right up there with John Cena and HBK. Fans love the guy. Guys that aren't fans of Rey respect his skill at least. And instead of using that, it seems like WWE wants fans to pity Rey. That just doesn’t work. I’ll wrap this up just by pointing out one thing. When H got hurt, WWE didn't even think of using that injury to further or build any angles. No backstage attacks with some one injuring H and taking him out. He was just hurt and gone. Just like that. Edge tried to capitalize on it, but, well, where did that get him? No where. Oh sure, H’s injury was pretty serious. But then again, so was Rey’s. H didn't have to have a match to have him injured. A back stage attack would have been fine. One blow to the knee and he didn't even have to fall down. He could have been lying down, and a blocked camera shot with a bat rising and falling and H screaming, and bingo, you got an injury angle. One minute and some one get a rub. But no, that would have been wrong. Maybe WWE didn't want to lock H into a feud upon his return. That’s a possibility. A weak one, granted, as WWE is infamous for setting up angle with an extended injury and then forgetting about them, usually for the better. Who know? Maybe the plan is for H to return at Summerslam, pretend to be buddies with HBK, who will likely win the title at WM. Then, H screws HBK at Survivor Series, and feuds with HBK until the next WM. H likes to work with HBK. And WWE does have a boner for a SS screwjob. It may no longer be in Montreal, but that doesn't mean it won't happen. Still, letting some one get the credit for taking H out wouldn't have been that big a deal. Perhaps to the delicate, fragile ego of H it would, but to the fans, it might have been nice. Well, time for a change of pace. yarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr It's cameo appearance #3 for me, Joseph Slappconovitz, deep in the center bowel of the dreaded write up known as Ridin’ with the Bossman. For whatever reason, you muppets enjoyed my last cameo appearance about as well as you did my first, which really makes my dick hard. Ok, not so much, but enough to actually make me want to write my 3rd cameo appearance here in RWTB. Interesting to see (from feedback) that there's actually a few of you readers out there that also happened to be female. I'm sure the population is still 90/10 in favor of penis reading this bit over vagina, but still... In today’s stool sample, we're gonna talk ECW baby. < See that? There was some excitement in my type there. Too bad that's not how I really feel about the ECW brand anymore. Back when ECW first relaunched under McMahon & company, I loved it, as it was my favorite of the three produced WWE television shows. No, it wasn't as good as ECW before it went bankrupt under Heyman rule, but if anyone expected it to be, then they deserved the letdown that ensued for them. Seriously folks, no matter what brand Vince & crew purchase, whether it be WCW, ECW, TNA, WSX, ROH, Tito's Backyard Barnacle, or whatever, you need to realize that under Vince McMahons government, all your getting is another version of WWE programming. Anyway, the WWE went out and put on another strong ECW reunion PPV show in One Night Stand II, and I'll even go on record saying that ONS II was the best PPV of the year in 2006. Was it as good as the first ONS, no, and I blame that on too much WWE superstar involvement, but, again, when in McMahon we trust is written on the wall, you have to expect shit like that. A lot of people didn't like the Sandman confrontation with Eugene, but I ate that shit up. Here's Eugene, this lovable WWE character that plays a mongoloid, who's so happy to be on the ECW PPV, only to have the crowd not only shit on him, but also cheer on a beer drinking, cig smoking hooligan to beat the piss out of him with a cane. God bless America!! I didn't "mark out" (< such a fucking gay term) for the Eugene beating as much as I did for the Cena bashing though. Man, that was something else. On WWE television, whenever RVD and Cena were face to face, Cena was taking in a majority of the face pops, but, take an ECW arena, with hardcore ECW fans, who were probably still recovering from last years ONS blowout PPV, and you have the most heel heat Cena's ever received, EVER. Cena throwing his shirt into the crowd, only to get it thrown back into the ring at him, twice, was a beautiful moment. The massive bed sheet sign that read "If Cena wins, we riot" was a nice touch too. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a Cena basher, and think he's great for the business, but the loyalty of those ECW fans is just off the charts. The Tuesday following the ONS II PPV debuted the WWE's revamped version of ECW. Having Styles and Tazz on the mic is fine and dandy, but Tazz is no Joel Gertner. That guy was great. Even if his one-liners probably wouldn't fly, even on cable TV (I.E. "I'm "bigger and better than the Titanic, because only 400 women went down on the Titanic"), the WWE could have incorporated him in some sort of way, for authenticity if anything. Speaking of authenticity, the WWE ]was willing to sign back superstars in which they let go in the past, just to give their new revamped ECW show a bit more genuineness. Well, it just so happened that all those guys were in TNA at the moment (and still are), and not one of them even gave the WWE the time of day. Bubba Ray, Devon, Spike, Rhino, and Raven, all told the WWE to stick it up their ass, some even going as far as saying it on live television. You can't tell me that TNA is not a viable option anymore. If it weren’t, at least one of those guys would have bitten their lip and crawled back under Vince's skirt. Lance Storm was also offered a spot on the revamped ECW roster, but befittingly declined. Even without all of the ECW originals, the originals who did sign with the WWE, such as Sandman, Sabu, Balls Mahoney, Justin Credible, and Dreamer (who was already under WWE contract), still made the WWE's version of ECW a very entertaining show. Sandman coming out and caning the shit out of some goofy gimmicked jobber (the zombie!), balls putting dents in chairs from the skulls of his opponents, Sabu doing completely insane spots..., yeah, I was diggin it, watered down or not. Well, Vince wasn't diggin it, and sooner than later, he slowly transitioned ECW into a B league Smackdown show. The WWE put on an ECW PPV in December called December to remember, and it was god-awful. Now, there's no way the man with the so called biggest grapefruits in the business was going to take blame for the garbage booking that made December to remember one of the worst WWE produced PPV's ever, so the blame needed to be placed somewhere else, and quickly. In less than 48 hours, it was. Paul Heyman was sent packing for something that was not only NOT his fault, but something he completely tried to go against, the god-awful WWE booking. That, my friends, is horseshit. Also following that same crap PPV, the ECW originals began to slowly, but surely, job to everyone and anyone. Even CM Punk, who was a ROH star, and an OVW call up, meant to be pushed to the moon in ECW, began to job. Punk and the originals were over like rover with the crowd, yet were getting shit on by WWE management as if they were drawing X-Pac heat (crowd booing because they just don't like the product in front of them). The current ECW storyline involves the ECW originals vs. the WWE placed ECW superstars, and while it has some promise, the damage has already been done. Heyman, who is sitting home collecting checks because the WWE doesn't want him to work in Orlando, is rumored to be on his way back to television to lead the originals. Whatever. With RVD on his way to TNA, and Sabu and Sandman apparently on their way out due to backstage issues, the genuineness of the ECW name is officially belly up. Alright you sapless druids, it's time to wrap up this weeks Slapdown. I've got one cameo left, and then I'm back to the abyss in which I belong. If you feel the need to virtually interact with me, you can attempt at slappzilla@yahoo.com. Thank you Slappy. SlappyMania Runnin’ Wild! It’s been a pleasure having you in my column. And don't worry folks There’s one more to go. Over-Analyzing Wrestling Today’s Topic: Vince, My Hero Vince and WWE have finally gotten what they wanted. The story about Trump and Vince having a hair vs hair match at WM made the rounds of the entertainment news. There were newsblurbs far and wide. Finally, the hype machine kicked in. It was just too good of a story to pass up. After getting nothing after the Rosey skits, WWE broke through. And all it took was Trump putting his hair on the line. Vince, you mad genius. Oh, make no mistake. Trump got involved pretty damn quick after that fiasco called a match and series of skits. He probably had some intern write up the skits, but they were loads better than what Gerwitz was coming up with, and Chris DeJospehs, (sorry, his contract states he must be mentioned in all capital letters), CHRIS DEJOSEPHS!, forget about it. But the match stipulation was all Vince. Who’s going to win? Trump probably. There might be a screwjob, or a bait and switch, where some one else gets their head shaved, but I wouldn't be surprised if Vince actually went through with it. Say what you want about Vince, but the guy is willing to put his pride and his body on the line for his company. Vince did the job for God. Vince did the job for DX. More than once. Vince has been on the wrong end of a feud many times in the past. All the way back to Austin and the birth of 3:16. When push comes to a shove, Vince will do the job. That is not to say that Vince will always do the right thing. Vince is an egotistical bastard after all. Vince also makes the wrong decision at times. In other words, Vince is not always right. Sometimes it’s not apparent when Vince is right, like with the Spirit Squad. But Vince does make mistakes. But, he also can make fun of himself. I saw a video in the You-Tune thread in the forums. It’s Vince making fun of one of his biggest mistakes. The XFL. Granted, it was on the Craig Kilbourne show, so the possibility of people actually seeing it are small, but thanks to the miracle of the internet, it is getting around. Like here: Vince XFL Skit Why do I admire Vince? It’s because he’s not afraid of failure. He may not like it, but he’s willing to take chances. He’s made his money, and is willing to risk it. He does have something to loose. He’s a billionaire. He’s a famous TV personality. But for all of that, he’s considered a low-life to most of the entertainment world. It’s the wrestling stigmata. And Vince is willing to risk quite a bit to try and overcome that at times. There’s no reason for him to put his hair on the line other than it makes for good TV. With a personal sacrifice, he’s helping his show. So, will Vince actually bite the bullet and shave his head? Again, I will say yes. He will. Why? Because it will be funny. He’s made others shave their heads, and it’s worked out. Angle for one. Trump won’t do it. And if there is a cop out, well, that says it all. I hope not. The thought of seeing the show where Vince gets his head shaved his head is memory I am looking forward to having. Trump getting his head shaved? Well, Trump is not on TV nearly every single week, so it won't pack the same impact. But Vince? Now that would be something. And that will be all for today. Quick Plugs and a quick newsbit. Mike Awesome Found Dead The Observer is reporting suicide. That’s a sad story. Right on the heels of Bam Bam Bigelow passing away. February is looking to be a bad month for wrestlers. I will miss Mike Awesome. I still remember his matches against Masato Tanaka. Just brutal and full of Holy Shit moments. I heard Mike went on to a career in real estate, which was probably better for his health. But suicide. That’s a shocker. All I can say is that I hope Mike can find the peace in the next life that he couldn't apparently find in this one. RIP Mike Awesome, now and forever, the Fat Chick Thrilla. QUICK PLUGS! LOP Forums Sports! Political Discussions! Video Games! Wrestling! Sign up now! LOP Column's Forum The next generation of wrestling writers. The Project Creative Writing, polotical discourse, social topcs examined, and a forum for intelligent discussion The Movie Bar Currently under contrastruction, but stop by and email Monkey about it's grand re-opening. The Rose Reports Excellent site for political news The PWA Best E-Fed on the net. Period. JR's Myspace Page See it to beleive it. That's all for today. Thanks for Readin' and thanks for Ridin' Wevv Mang Please label all feedback as "FEEDBACK". Thank you. Email: MrWevv@mac.com *NEW GALLERY* The WWE SD & RAW Divas PARTYING in a CLUB! WOW!
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