I Got To Tell You Something 58: Wish you were here
    Submitted by Big Brother on Friday, January 26, 2007 at 1:45 AM EST



    I Got To Tell You Something 58: Wish you were here

    Wow. Was it a long time or what? I know, I haven’t written in so long it’s no funny anymore. I hate myself… I really do. I remember a while back I used to look at Main Pagers who didn’t post frequently thinking that these guys didn’t understand the chance they had. They could talk directly to thousands and thousands of wrestling fans. Now that I am in that very same position, I understand that sometimes, life can get in the way. Other priorities can come up and stuff just gets reported to the next day and so on. I am not trying to explain why I didn’t write all that time. I wanted to, but couldn’t for various reasons. Only one of them was a total blank page blocking.

    But recently I’ve found back the creativity that always was my style. So you should see me back to writing full time like I use to. Sorry if I won’t get into too much details concerning my “real life” stuff and why I didn’t write. It’s not that I don’t think you deserve an excuse, it’s because I hate people who’ll just come up with excuses. I have no excuse. I screwed up. Hopefully I’ll be better in the future.

    But hey, since we’re already going off track why not go all the way? My son turned 4 on January 12 and the kid just keep amazing me more and more each and every week. He already understands French, English and Spanish. That’s more than his old man. And for those who heard about it, my operation went fine. I survived and things are getting back to normal.

    But hey, you aren’t here to hear about me, you’re here to have a little wrestling discussion and I plan on delivering on that promise. There will be only one mini-section but it will be a big one… with a new name.

    Hope the rust doesn’t show up too much and you’ll all like it.

    Arbitrary Bovine Feces (Random Bull Shit)

    I know… that was a lame joke but… hey! It’s me. It should be expected.

    Anyway this section should become a staple of my columns where I’ll talk about anything and everything that I want to but don’t have enough meat to make it an actual full fledge column. This week I’ll cover two subjects, one of them about wrestling, the other about a HUGE problem I have with the United States of America.

    Let’s start about wrestling and my favorite match: The Royal Rumble. At least it used to be my favorite match. My main problem with it now is the lack of creativity from the WWE. If you were a fan last year, you would undoubtedly be aware of Rey Misterio history with Eddie, Eddie’s death and Rey promise to win in memory of Eddie… it was a god damn no-brainer. But technically, you could go back so many years and say the exact same thing. The Rumble has been very predictable lately and I think it is a shame. Don’t get me wrong, it still achieve its purpose most of the time by allowing a good wrestler to get a championship opportunity that would otherwise be harder to fit into storylines. Batista meeting his mentor and still partner in Evolution, Chris Benoit gaining Main Event status, Rey Misterio winning a title shot for Eddie are all storylines that benefited from being part of the Rumble… but they could also achieve the same result with a little more creativity. I guess I would just love to see a Royal Rumble where I can’t predict the winner before the PPV start.

    Hey Vince, here’s an idea: Take a look at your roster and see how many wrestlers you could see Main Eventing Wrestlemania against one of the two champions (I don’t think we’ll see an ECW star winning that match). How about Batista? How many wrestlers could have a great match against the Animal? Another monster like Kane? His brother Taker? How about Chris Benoit? You’re never wrong with Benoit. He’ll always deliver a great match. I would add Finlay but you two already had a lot of matches in recent memory but it doesn’t matter. It’s not like it’s one of those three who’ll win. I could do the same activity with Raw but it would be pointless.

    Look, I won’t continue naming superstars that aren’t winning this year just in case some of you haven’t figured it out yet. Have fun. My point is you don’t have to think for too long usually to know who’ll win it and this really bugs me from the Rumble. I wish to one day watch it and look at the 8 last participants in the ring and thing to myself: “You know what? I have no fucking clue who’ll win this thing. No one is an obvious choice to win or lose it.” I wish they’ll give it to Shelton Benjamin as I know this guy can get a great match if you just give him the chance to use a little bit of storytelling in the ring (which requires longer matches). I know they won’t but God would I love it if they could just once surprise me again!

    The other item I would like to talk about is the US hypocrisy. Or wrong moral views if you prefer. By that I do not mean that you guys are evil or wrong in any way… it’s more a question of qualifying what is wrong and what is right. Let me tell you a story. I had some computer problems (namely: mine sucks) especially when trying to run any type of videogame made after the South Park movie. One of my friends got me more RAM for Christmas. Yeah… I know… sweet. Anyway, since I am a total videogame addict and a fan of DVD commentary he also offered me a copy of the first ever game to have “commentary” like they do in DVD: Chronicles of Riddick – Escape from Butcher’s Bay. Good game. Love it.

    In one portion of the game Riddick (your character) is in a Pit… some type of sewers where they throw prisoners who made too much trouble or something. In that area you encounter monster-like creatures that really are older prisoners who survived in the sewers and went berserk. They are totally naked and run at you and try to kill you and shit but with you trusty shotgun you can blast your way through them, shooting them as they explode with blood all over the place and body parts flying across the room in every directions…

    But the US government, by the ERSB I think, had a problem with that portion of the game and required modifications before the game could be shipped to the United States. The problem wasn’t really all the blood when you killed those creatures. It wasn’t the fact that they exploded and all those limbs were flying in the air either no… No the problem was that those naked creatures had a penis… and that we could see it.

    Let me say that again to make sure everybody is on the same page here: It is MORE immoral in America to show a male sexual organ (organ that ALL male have) than to show people exploding and gallon of blood covering the walls. And that just sound very wrong any way I look at it.

    But anyway, here is my column. Again hope you’ll like it

    Wish you were here

    Today I came back home from work feeling good. I sat down at my computer desk, started Winamp and decided to check out the latest news on LOP (right after a little something else my lawyers advise me not to divulge). What’s the first news I see today (Sunday)? HHH earliest return to action would be around SummerSlam? Ouch. Man. It’s -20C here (-4F for those of you too lazy to go check in a converter ;). SummerSlam seems like a lifetime away. Hell, by that time the Habs may have a 25th Stanley Cup to celebrate!

    Hum… anyway. My point is: This sucks! I know a lot of you wrestling fans had or still have a grudge against the man. But just for a moment let’s put aside your opinions on his supposedly huge ego and the fact that he “married Stef so that he could be Champion when he wanted” and let’s just look at the facts. Did I enjoy his work as a heel? You bet. Do I like DX? Not as much as the original but that was to be expected. Of course memories are always better because you can select what you want to remember. But anyway yes, I enjoy DX and I honestly think he is one of the best overall wrestler in history. Right up there with Kurt Angle. But that’s another story. I’m gonna miss his great matches for a long long time now.

    Then I looked a little bit lower in the LOP news to see that Bam Bam Bigelow died. I’d like to say that I’ll miss seeing him too but I’d be flat out lying. I was never a real fan of his and I can’t remember any of his matches other than against LT. And that was only a publicity stunt so… But even at that, I couldn’t help but think that was yet another wrestler who passed away before his time.

    So, so you think you can tell Heaven from Hell,
    blue skies from pain.
    Can you tell a green field from a cold steel rail?
    A smile from a veil?
    Do you think you can tell?

    Who really knows if Heaven and Hell exist? And who knows where one person belongs. I don’t. But there is something I know for sure: Too many good men belonged here a lot longer.

    I am sure I am not the only one pained by the tragic death of someone like Owen Hart who was known to be a good person and a great father. Or by the sad story of Brian Pillman. Crash Holly, Ravishing Rick Rude, Davey Boy Smith, Big Bossman, Mr. Perfect Curt Henning, Adrian Adonis. Of course I don’t think anyone forgot about Eddie yet. The most tragic thing in all of this is that out of all these names, I don’t think anyone was older than 40 years old when they died. Maybe Bossman.

    Man do I miss watching Eddie. Every once in a while I’ll just feel like it and watch his DVD again. Just to see some of his matches with the likes of Chavo, Jericho, RVD, Rey (Halloween Havoc 97 you have to check that out) and his emotional last match in ECW against Malenko. Most of all I miss watching him cut promos or cheat. Eddie really is the one I miss the most out of all of these guys because I really enjoyed his work when he got taken away. I was slightly too young when Owen died to see what type of hard worker, great talent I was witnessing. Most of the others weren’t wrestling when they died so I wasn’t watching them but still to this day I miss Eddie.


    And did they get you to trade your heroes for ghosts?
    Hot ashes for trees?
    Hot air for a cool breeze?
    Cold comfort for change?
    And did you exchange a walk on part in the war for a lead role in a cage?

    But I also think of all the other guys who left us for various reasons, mostly for greener pastures. One of them is in my top 5 best overall wrestlers of all time: Kurt Angle who, like Christian, decided to opt for the lead role in a cage instead of the part Vince had for them in his army. I can understand the move and I totally respect how they decided for ego, money or career opportunity to seek a better place in another company. Hell, I’d do the same damn thing. Look at most of the mid card in the WWE. Guys like Shelton Benjamin for instance. Don’t you think this guy could become huge in TNA? They don’t have one third of the WWE roster and don’t have the same amount of big names who’ll take the top spots so of course it’s a lot easier to get noticed and pushed. It’s a good move to do… doesn’t mean I wouldn’t love to see them back.

    Speaking of seeking greener pastures, do I ever miss The Rock or what? I was never a huge fan of his matches as I thought he was barely ok in the ring but he knew how to work a crowd like no one else. The crowd was always on their feet as soon as he took the mic. He truly was unbelievable at that. Chris Jericho is another that left to join the more respected entertainment industry but his musical career is even worse than K-Fed. Nuff said. Brock Lesnar also tried to work in a more respectable environment, sports in this case, but failed. I really do miss the big guy. He was one of the very few big men who are really good at selling their opponents offense no matter how good or big they were. All these guys are some of the most funny, brilliant and entertaining person I’ve ever seen in my life and I do understand that they would like to see what else life can offer them. But I can’t wait to see them back. I’m sure they will be… at some point… for some period of time. Who knows when or for how long.

    Speaking of long… How many goddamned superstars have to get under the scalpel in a year? Too often do these guys get seriously hurt. Edge. Chris Benoit. Angle. Rey. Big Show. HHH. HBK. Those are only but a few who needed surgery and left the squared circle for a long time. And it’s often not because of an injury that happened at one particular time, it’s the building of some minor injuries plus wear and tear. In some cases, these injuries can cost a man his career. Mick Foley is one that retired before he killed himself. His body took a lot and today he’ll be part of one or two big matches a year and leave. I’m sure he would love to be able to do it more but I don’t think his body would really allow it. The Steve Austin story makes me sad too. Not because I was a fan, because I wasn’t and still am not but to think that this man’s neck could break the next time he is in the ring makes you wonder if it was all worth it.

    How I wish, how I wish you were here.
    We're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl, year after year,
    Running over the same old ground.
    What have we found? The same old fears.
    Wish you were here.

    All of these guys left the WWE in the past couple of years. Some permanently. Others may come back every once in a while. Injuries will heal and bridges will get back when they were burnt. I hope Vince will be wise to try and keep most of his actual talent with him and I hope most of this talent will be wiser with their bodies. I really hope to be a fan of these guys for years to come.

    But tonight, right now, after looking at the news and listening to some old Pink Floyd, I can’t help but feel down. Feel sad. Slightly depressed. I miss you guys.

    Wish you were here…




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