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Submitted by Xan on Friday, December 8, 2006 at 12:23 PM EST
 "There was never an angry man that thought his anger unjust."--St. Francis De Sales If you're a fan of ECW, it's pretty easy to be pissed off at Vince McMahon right now. Actually, if you're a fan of professional wrestling, it's just as easy. There really isn't a lot to be happy for in the world of professional wrestling right now. Nearly TNA's entire year was dominated by a feud between Jeff Jarrett and Sting, but now Jarrett's somehow in the process of turning face and Sting turned out to be only a transitional champion. Meanwhile, the undefeated streak by Samoa Joe was ended by Kurt Angle in a mediocre and inconsequential match that didn't come close to living up to its billing. Over in McMahon land, the best thing going on Smackdown--King Booker--has for some reason jobbed the World Title away to Batista, whose recent performances suggest that doctor's are *this close* to finding a cure for insomnia; meanwhile RAW seems to have lots of good things going on but the show doesn't gel together and it seems like each part happens in a vacuum. It's easy to blame McMahon for the ills of the WWF, after all he's the owner, he has final say on everything, and he's the one that hired the people that are writing and booking everything. He's the one that decide that the new version of ECW would be completely different from the original version and, thus, suck. It's hard to sell someone on the "new vision" of something when the one selling it doesn't even know what the vision is. Hell, I'm not sure there actually is a vision; but I'm positive that ECW could have succeeded if Paul Heyman had just been handed the reigns and the budget and been allowed to work his magic. Instead, December to Dismember pretty well sucked, the wrong guy is holding the World Title, and Heyman's been sent home until Vince needs him to manage the next monster he decides to rush. All in all, the whole idea to rejuvenate ECW seems to have been handled about as bad as humanly possible. But, neither of these reasons are why I'm upset at him. In November of 1997--hard to believe it's over 9 years ago, now--he made the decision to run the famous scheme that will probably always be remembered. I disagreed with his decision to have Bret leave rather than Shawn at the time, and I still do now. I no longer harbor any ill feelings toward Michaels, but the fact is that when a guy is so selfish as to refuse to return the job that made him, he's probably the one with the bad attitude that should be shown the door. However, despite the fact that his golden boy was hit with a seemingly career-ending injury a mere two months after the Incident, he made the decision work for him with the creation of the Mr. McMahon character that stemmed from it; and, not only that, but the decision to screw Hart out of the title actually ended up leading to the death toll of WCW at Souled Out 2000. "Everything great and intelligent is in the minority."--Johann Wolfgang von Goethe So, I may have been upset with his decision to choose Shawn over Bret, but I can't argue with the fact that this decision brought me years of entertainment in the form of Austin vs. McMahon. That was an incredible feud that sparked the WWF's overtaking WCW as the organization to watch and allowed his organization to eventually cripple and destroy the competition. However, it also has seemingly ensured that something I loved from the first moment I became a wrestling fan will never happen again. Vince McMahon is probably the greatest wrestling promoter of all time. He took a regional promotion and by stealing wrestlers from other territories and then buying up those territories made it into the first national one. He made wrestling big time, even if he also did what he could to change the name of it to sports entertainment instead, but I didn't know any of this when I first became a fan in early 1987. Hell, I didn't even know he was the owner of the company. The only thing I knew about Vince McMahon at that time was that he was the play by play(blow for blow) guy for the WWF broadcasts alongside Jesse "The Body" Ventura, who was the color commentator. Those two men comprised the best commentating team I've ever heard. Is it just nostalgia that makes me say that? I don't think so. I know a lot of people think Gorilla Monsoon was great, and I disagree. His "Good Grief." and other assorted bullshit I never grew accustomed to, nor did I like the way that so many of his sentences sounded like they were incomplete. Lord Alfred Hayes was just annoying, and while I think Bobby Heenan was a great colorman and just a greatly funny, talented man in general, I don't think he ever worked with someone who had anywhere close to his level of talent in the booth. I like the nearly universally disliked Tony Schiavone, but that doesn't mean I'd say he was at the level of the Brain. Now who do we have? Mike Tenay and Don West? While I believe that it's the job of a commentary team to relay information to the fans, these guys take the art of company shilling to a whole new level. Michael Cole and JBL? As a team, they're adequate and JBL's over-the-top style is very entertaining at times, but I'd like to pull Cole aside and torture him until he can explain the difference between a frying pan and a skillet to my satisfaction. I'd also like to explain to the moron that "The ref never saw it" is a phrase that should only be uttered after the referee has a chance to review the action. The correct phrase would be "The ref didn't see it," but who cares about accuracy when you're commentating an event, right? Joey Styles and Tazz are alright, but I can't help but feel that Styles would be better on his own than he is with Tazz at his side, despite how much I liked Tazz's work when he was alongside Cole on Smackdown. "Man stands in his own shadow and wonders why it's dark."--Zen saying This brings me, of course, to the closest thing we have to a premier broadcasting team today: Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler. It's great that Lawler has discarded his "puppies" bullshit from years past, but he's still more titillated than necessary any time a woman comes to the ring. It's so bad that I'm surprised that he doesn't make running commentary while Lillian Garcia is doing the ring introductions, and it really takes away from the feel of watching a wrestling show. So do Ross' colloquialisms such as "running like a scalded dog." I don't even know what the fuck that means, and I can't be the only one who finds it annoying and distracting. But, even more annoying and distracting is the fact that he can't even call the match that's going on half the time; and when he does he miscalls moves or wrestlers half the time. I can't count the number of times he's call Chris Benoit "Chris Jericho" or called a tope con hilo a "moonsault," but this is the best they've got for us to listen to? All of this makes me upset that the Vince McMahon character is still around, popping up from time to time(often extended ones) to make matches and anger other characters, because the fact of the matter is that Vince McMahon is the best wrestling commentator ever. When all is said and done, the biggest gripe I have against Vince McMahon isn't the steroid scandal that nearly destroyed his promotion back in the early 90's or the fact that he ate up all the regional promotions or because he keeps pushing things and workers we don't care about ahead of the ones we do. No, the reason I'm angry at Vince McMahon is because some part of me feels that if only he were the one calling all the action everything would be okay again, that the wrestling would seem more exciting again, that I would actually, as a fan, care about so much more of what's going on in the storylines and matches than I do. See, the reason McMahon is the greatest commentator of all time is he made us care, because he did. He approached the matches and the stories with a passion that has been unmatched in my experience, and he called the action as if he were a fan. I wanted the heroes to win because he wanted them to win, and I wanted the bad guys to be defeated because he wanted them to be defeated. He always seemed to be the voice of the people, to speak for all of us as to what was right and what was wrong. We don't have that anymore, and I miss it. I miss hearing stuff like "From way up high...and YES!" and "1-2-3, he got him! No...no, he didn't." He was the excited fan who got to call the action, not a cliche-spewing commentator. No matter how many members join his Kiss My Ass Club or how many wrestlers he feuds with, that's how I'll always remember Vince McMahon, and I mourn his loss almost every time I watch the WWF. Long days, pleasant nights Points of Light The ECW Tournament Match-ups The ones that are bolded are up and can be read by clicking on the link. You can vote for a columnist only after he and his competitor have posted their columns, and you can do so Here. These guys are writing awesome columns now. They have to if they want to advance, so do yourself a favor and read the stuff they're dishing out. You'll be glad you did; so will they. aisce vs. XanMan eldandy vs. RIPbossman That will conclude today's voyage on The Northern Star. For feedback, please email me at XanManX@hotmail.com, with the words "Northern Star" or "feedback" in the subject line or click here to leave your thoughts in the LOPForums. The Northern Star will rise again. Until then, Be well.
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