October Column of the Month - All About The Game by YourAyatollah
Submitted by Boss Foxx on Monday, November 27, 2006 at 3:50 AM EST





Every month at www.lopforums.com, we hold a vote among the registered members in the Columns Forum to decide who has the best wrestling column for that particular month. October marked a special milestone, as the returning YourAyatollah came back after a lengthy hiatus to become the first ever 4-time COTM winner. Congratulations to my main motherfucker, Steve, on this accomplish. And I think I speak for all us main pagers when I say that we miss you here on the mountain top with the rest of us.

Anyway, here's his main page contribution for the COTM. If any of you would like to give him some feedback, he also has the column posted in the Columns Forum, or you can send him an e-mail at YourAyatollah@aol.com.


ALL ABOUT THE GAME: RANDOMGUY


Hello, all, and welcome once again to AATG, making its triumphant return to the LOP Main Page after an absence of just over a year. I could go all in depth for you non Columns Forum dwellers and elaborate on why I just up and disappeared from posting up here regularly, but I've already written that column. Suffice to say, I had computer problems. I fixed them, but by then it had been long enough for me to be legally declared dead, and my spot was passed on to someone more deserving. So I went back to where I was best, for my money, and made a much hyped return to the afore mentioned Columns Forum. Though the also returning Leviathan nipped my designs of winning CotM in my first month back in the bud, I was able to get the duke for October. Thus, here I am, and AATG is on the main page once again. Please, hold the applause.

Of course, I must show nothing but love for the great group of folks in the CF who voted me here. Though the place hadn't been jumping over the past month or so, (thus my ability to sneak another CotM), things have really picked up as of late with the triumphant return of the ECW column writing tournament. I'm sure you've seen others talk about it, and I can't encourage you enough to take that short trip to the Forums and check out the competition. It's made for some very interesting columns, at least one blockbuster debut, and even a surprise appearance by yours truly. The voting is just about up as I write this, should be over by the time you read it, so Round 3 is soon to be kicked off in a matter of a couple hours. Perfect time to jump into the fray, so go do it. Your Ayatollah commands it.

With that said, hows about we get this late mofo rolling? I really did mean to have this written a couple weeks ago, but things just stood in the way of my getting it done. Nothing major, mind you, just little shit enough to keep me busy. I promised my Main Motherfucker Boss Valleyboy I'd have it to him by December, though, and I can't lie to the MMF, so I had to come up with something before the window of opportunity closed for another work week. Thus, what you have here may not be your stereotypical wrestling column. I've done plenty like this before, many call it the "random topic" column, but not in a great while. I always had the most fun doing that kind of thing, so I figured what the hell, my past couple have been overly serious, why not have some fun with it? So here we are. Little explaination is needed beyond that, so, without further ado............

TIME TO PLAY THE GAME

I was sitting with a friend of mine earlier tonight watching Survivor Series. He asked me what I had written my CotM about, and I said nothing yet. I've had a pretty limited amount of computer time as of late, and the little I had for most of the month found me faced with writer's block and unable to kick out anything worth reading. Then this week I was in the afore mentioned ECW, so I had to use whatever free time I had to write that column. Long story short, I just haven't had time, and was struggling with coming up with an idea. My friend then spoke words of pure genius.

"Dude, what have we been doing for the past couple hours? Talking about wrestling, right? No big topic, no in depth analysis, just talking about wrestling. Why don't you just do that?"

I gotta say, it's hard to argue with that logic. The general style I try to maintain in my column is one of a conversational tone, like I'm just some dude casually talking about wrestling. So I will. For instance, I mentioned Survivor Series before. I did, indeed, watch the show, and I thought it was alright. Not as good as I anticipated, but not bad at all. The opening match was great, with the Nature Boy running through three Squadsters all by his lonesome to end the match, and the Women's match was highlighted by a damn fine showing by the departing Lita. That really sucks, in my opinion, as I had just finally started liking her again. I used to be all about Lita in the original Team Extreme days, but I kinda turned against her after she came back from neck surgery. She seemed kinda gunshy, for lack of a better term, and thus the high risk offense that had been her trademark made for her worst enemy there for a while. It just seemed like anytime she went for something a Litacanrana or a moonsault that she wasn't going all out, and as a result I became bored with her.

Not that I can blame the chick for wanting to take it easy. For fuck's sake, she broke her freakin' neck. That said, I had lost interest in Lita until Hardygate came up. I hated her just like everyone else, though I now think it was stupid for me to do so since her personal life is none of my, or anyone else's, business. Over the past few months, though, she's really come into this heel persona. She was cutting good promos, really coming off like a bitch, and it seemed as though she had found her spark again in the ring. That retirement match against Trish saw awesome performances on both ladies' part, and Lita rolled out of it better than she maybe has ever been. Then boom, it's over, Lita's leaving. I can't blame her for looking for greener pastures, and I have nothing but respect for her accomplishments and all that. That said, it looked like she was just starting to come into all that potential she'd had for the past almost seven years.

Speaking of potential, the DX/RKO match was somewhat of a disappointment. DX's team ran through everyone unscathed, and in somewhat short order. It was a really fun, well paced match and all that, but I just honestly thought that Team RKO would put up more of a fight. That first part with HBK kicking Mike Knox's teeth down his throat and then asking his partners who that guy is was great. "Who is that guy? He's on thier team? So that's good, right?" Classic. HBK is the funniest guy in the business right now, with his fellow Attituded Dude Kevin Nash only a step or two behind. Outside of Abyss finally winning the World title (hell yeah) and Christian running over everyone, Nashie is my favorite reason to watch TNA. His Papparazzi crew has really grown on me, as well. I used to find Alex Shelley kinda generic and annoying, but he's really turned my opinion around over the past couple months. I started liking him a lot, and couldn't figure out why, until it finally hit me. He's baby Jericho, like Dean Malenko battling WCW Jericho. He's good at everything, and he never fails to find time during the match to get a good laugh out of me. The Austin Starr is alright, but Shelley's the go to guy on Team Nash in my opinion.

Of course, TNA's overally go to guy just got tapped by one Kurty Angle. I've seen a lot of complaints about the match, and I don't really think that the dissatisfaction is warranted. Before it went down, I heard a lot of talk about how TNA was hotshotting the match too early, that they should hold off on the Angle/Joe showdown until Kurt was established in the company and all that. I agreed with that opinion, and initially thought that Joe as Angle's first real opponent in the company was an asinine idea. After seeing how both the feud and match went down, though, I changed my mind. Now, instead of just hyping a match between the two of them based on Angle's past history, they can build off of something created in house. It also immediately establishes Kurt as a top guy, as though he wasn't before he even set foot in the Asylum for the first time, and gives us a chance to see if Joe can maintain his run post streak or if he's got Goldberg's Disease.

As to the match itself, I felt it was just fine for a first meeting. Many felt that they should've blown out and went balls to the wall, but I think I like the approach that was taken even more. It was a good match, but not so good that you think they can't do better. That, in my opinion, was what they were trying to accomplish. They don't even have to promote Angle/Joe 2, or 3 for that matter, as the match itself did all the work for them. Everyone knows that that was just scratching the surface of what those two are capable of, and thus the anticipation for the next round is that much greater. Is to me, at least. Either way, I know that I haven't gotten into a match like that in a little while, as the final moments saw me standing in my living room, screaming "Tap, fat boy, tap!" at the tv screen. And he did. And I was happy, just like I will be next time he does it.

In my perfect wrestling world, the match wouldn't have ended with either man winning or losing. I've long been a fan of the time limit in pro wrestling, a stipulation that seems to have fallen to the wayside over the past decade or so. One of my favorite things about WCW back in the day, and I mean way back in the day, pre-nWo, was that they had time limits for every match. That doesn't mean that every match went to the limit, actually far from it. It was just regular old wrestling most of the time, and the time limit was usually just a forgotten thing that the ring announcer said before the introductions. Sometimes, though, a match would close in on the predetermined time, and would thus instantly become a show stealer. Regardless the place on the card, be it opening match or main event, a furious battle to beat the time limit always got the crowd into it, and that high tension final flurry would sometimes turn a decent match into a damn good one.

My personal favorite example of the time limit coming into play was the opening match of Fall Brawl 1995, with Flyin' Brian Pillman against Johnny B. Badd for a shot at the US title. This was just before Pillman's Loose Cannon character, and the devestating car wreck that totally fucked his career, and Brian was in top form. Even Badd, who I was never terribly fond of, was running hot for this one, and the two men put together a classic that saw some insanely fast near falls right before time ran out. Due to the fact that a title contender had to be determined, the match was given an overtime that saw Marvelous Marc get the duke mere seconds before even that ran out. I figure that it's high time the time limit made its way back into the mat wars. As long as the time limit draw isn't overused, it can result in some excellent finishes, as well as get two guys over equally. If nothing else, it's one more finish to use aside from the entirely pimped out "interferance for the DQ" ending.

Of course, even a classic time limit battle between two ring greats isn't as compelling as the infamous finish to a match we saw just about 9 years ago. That's right, this Survivor Series marks the 9th anniversary of what has come to be known simply as Montreal, the night the business changed forever. Bret got screwed, Vince got knocked out, and Earl got the fuck out. Though this topic has been talked about and debated ad nauseum, it still stands out as one of the most intriguing and debatable events in the history of the business. I, personally, have the same opinion about it now as I did when it happened. I got nothing but love for Bret Hart, and I completely understand his reasoning for refusing to drop the strap that night, but Vince was pretty much in the right. Cliche as it sounds, Bret screwed Bret.

I know a lot of people don't agree with that, and I won't try to change your mind because I see your point of view. Shawn was a dickwad who had already proclaimed that he wouldn't be jobbing to anybody anymore, let alone the guy who had kicked his ass in front of everyone a couple months prior. Bret was in a moral quandry, as he couldn't justify giving Shawn a victory of any sort, predetermined or not, and he did what he felt he had to do. That's great, I sympathize, and I can't say I wouldn't have done the same thing in his situation. That said, you can only justify something so much. Bret was leaving, of that there's no question, and Vince couldn't have his champion just waltzing on over to WCW while still in posession of the strap. I don't so much mean literal possesion, as I believe Bret when he says that no amount of money could have convinced him to go the low road and take the actual belt to WCW with him. Even if he had just surrendered the belt, though, as he suggested be done, WCW still would have had the bragging rights of having gained the services of the unbeaten WWF champion.

Aside from that, though, Vince is the boss. I know Bret had creative control, but it was only to a limited degree. The simple fact of the matter is that the boss said "Lay down", and Bret said, "No way." Justified as he may have been in saying it, that doesn't stop the fact that he was wrong in doing so. I know for a fact that if I walked into work tomorrow and told my boss, "Yeah, cigarettes are bad for people, so I refuse to sell any," that I'd be looking for a new job. Bret knew the situation he was putting Vince in, and he knew how unreasonable he was being given the circumstances. Yeah, he got screwed, and screwed hard. And yeah, Vince did screw Bret, no doubt. But Bret bent over and handed him the lube.

It's been almost ten years, now, and I'm sick of it. Yeah, I know, I just talked about it for three or four paragraphs, but that's only because I had never really expressed my opinions on the subject before and wanted to get it out there. I can see how it was tough on Bret for a while, but it's time to get over it already. It made me kinda sick when the Hitman didn't show at WrestleMania for the Hall of Fame gimmick during the PPV, and frankly made me lose respect for the guy. I've said this before, but it bears repeating that Bret's biggest problem at this point is his own bullshit. He always said he wanted to come back and give the fans a proper goodbye, tell us all he appreciated us for making him a legend in his own time, not to mention rich as fuck. He was given that chance this past April, no catches included, no need to even acknowledge that Montreal or Vince even existed, and he shit on it. In the process, at least to me, he shit on us.

So I'm done feeling sorry for Bret Hart. Some bad shit has happened to the dude, and that sucks, but I feel no remorse for someone who senselessly wallows in thier own self righteousness for upwards of a decade. I'll still always love watching his classic matches, and I'll still always regard him as one of the single best performers I've ever seen in the ring, but I could now honestly care less if I never saw the guy again. We wanted you Bret. We begged for you for years, pined for that one last opportunity to see you standing in the spotlight that you more than earned for what you've done in the business. And you claimed you wanted us back, that you wanted a public forum to declare your love for us and to fulfill that wish we had to see you in a glaringly positive light for one last time. But no, didn't happen, once again your ego stood in the way of whatever passion you had to say goodbye. I can't say I'm surprised, though I do find one aspect of the whole mess pretty ironic. After all these years of debate over who screwed who, it would seem that we, the fans, were the one who took the shaft in the end.

GAME OVER

Alright, that'll do that. Probably not my best work, but I really enjoyed it. I'd been meaning to say something about bringing back time limits for a while, now. I'd also originally planned to talk about how I think they should bring back the green screen interview, as seen back in the WWF Superstars days, but decided against it when I couldn't come up with one valid reason why. Aside from me liking them, that is, which I guess is reason enough, but doesn't exactly lend itself to too much discussion. Either way, this was fun as hell to write, and I hope that came across. If not, sorry bout your luck, you can't have the five or so minutes you wasted back. Go read a Xanman column, those are more than good enough these days to balance out any time wasted on this.

Time, now, for Your Ayatollah's Album Pick of the Week. The past three times I won CotM, I always made a point of pulling out the good stuff for the Main Page Pick, and my fourth time around will be no different. Back in 1993 I was going through what could best be described as a pop phase. Though that would sound like a dirty phrase to me today, back then things were a bit different. Instead of the drivel seen on pop radio nowadays, back then stuff like Meat Loaf's I Would Do Anything for Love and Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers' Mary Jane's Last Dance were what dominated the pop airwaves. Not exactly the Metallica and Manson that I would move on to listen to almost exclusively, but still some damn good tunes that I still very much enjoy listening to to this day. Mary Jane's Last Dance, specifically, would open up my eyes to an artist who has since become one of my all time favorites.

Mary Jane was just the latest monster hit by Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers, and was also the single release from thier then latest Greatest Hits album. While Playback would come along a few years later boasting a more extensive selection of the Heartbreakers' classic work, Greatest Hits stands out in my extensive collection as one of the absolute best and most listenable albums I own. Upon purchasing the album based on my loving Last Dance, I was surprised to find that I knew literally every song on it without even knowing I knew. From the opening cut, the classic American Girl, I knew that I had just found a record that I'd be listening to for a long, long time. American Girl is an awesome song, mixing Petty's everyman lyrical style with a Heartbreakers backing that sounds just as contemporary today as it ever did.

Girl is followed up by a personal favorite of mine, the bluesy Breakdown. This is one of those songs that evokes the image of a smoky barroom, as Tom's distinctive drawl pleads with his lady to just breakdown and admit she wants to be with him. Breakdown's crawling guitar fades away into the more upbeat feel of Listen to Her Heart. Pretty much a "fuck off" to the bad news guy trying to creep on Tom's chick, this song is yet another that has an inescapable realness to it that makes it timeless. As does the fourth cut, another personal of favorite of mine called I Need To Know. Petty's plea for his chick to be straight up with him, is she coming or going, is set over another old school rawkin' Heartbreakers beat. As someone who's been in the situation before, I can say that this is a tune that's easily relatable, and also pretty fun to sing along with while pissed on Coors Light.

Up next is the massive hit Refugee. Petty's unique voice is in full form here, going from the breathy whisper he's famous for to a soaring chorus complete with catchy "Don't have to live like a refugee" backing vocals. Truly one of the Heartbreakers' best tunes, this is a literal classic on an album chock full of them. Great fuckin' song. Same can be said of the jaunty followup, Don't Do Me Like That, yet another song about possibly two timing women. While many a song has been written about that subject, Petty brings a different approach to the theme. I know I already used this adjective once, but it's his everyman appeal that really makes this song stand out, as it does just about all his other ones, as well. Only slightly less jaunty, and maybe even more everyman, is the next track, Even the Losers. The tale of a guy who has loved and lost, then realized that it really is better than having never loved at all, is set over yet another old school rock and roll bouncing rhythm. Still, you can feel the pain when Tom sings "It couldn't have been that easy to forget about me."

The pain of loving and losing is quickly replaced by the feeling of being in love with Here Comes My Girl. Another extremely relatable song about how all it takes is your girl's arms around you can make everything seem alright in the world, this is another standout track on the album, highlighting everything that Tom and the Breakers do better than just about everyone else. Of course, you don't have to wait long for another example, as The Waiting fits that bill perfectly as well. Another common guy song about a dude waiting for the girl he loves to come to her senses and realize she loves him, too, this is yet another excellent example of what this band was born to do. Great song, though probably not an all time classic, as can also be said about the great tenth cut You Got Lucky. This time the shoe's on the other foot, as Tom takes the point of view of a guy who knows he's one of the good ones, and that his unappreciative lady needs to realize that "good love is hard to find."

Don't Come Around Here No More is up next, a great ballad that details the pain of a relationship that slowly dies off. I don't know the name of the chick who guest vocals on this track, but her voice fits perfectly with Tom's, making for a song that evokes emotion without falling into sappy territory. That said, of all the great songs on this album, Don't Come sounds the most dated, with it's 80s style synthesizers, a fact that really makes it no less great a tune. You can say the same for I Won't Back Down. Though I'm a big Johnny Cash fan and loved his rendition of this song, the original is still by far the best. The Heartbreakers are in top form here, as is thier fearless tophatted leader, making for an entirely distinctive song that keeps a comfortable, steady pace while telling the tale of a dude who refuses to quit keeping on. A similar tone is taken with the next track, the fucking great Running Down a Dream. Apart from being one of the greatest driving songs ever recorded, this one stands out as yet another that sounds just as fresh today as it did when recorded almost two decades ago. Plus it's fun to sing along with the "Woo-ooo".

Possibly the band's most well known song is up next, as Free Fallin' comes rolling in with that distinctive airy guitar riff. The lament of a bad boy who knows he's doing a good girl wrong, this is one of those songs that classifies as Americana. Of all the band's classic songs, this one is probably the most comfortable, wrapping around you like a hand in a velvet glove. Learning to Fly comes up next and, while a damn good song, is probably one of my least favorite on the album. All the ingredients are there that you've come to expect from Tommy and his Heartbreakers, but the tone just stays a bit too subdued for my liking. Like I said, still an excellent song, and I never skip it, just not as much to my liking as the one that comes before, nor the one that comes after. That would be Into the Great Wide Open, one of those great old school songs that tells a story, like John Mellencamp or Bruce Springsteen. I don't really so much care for either of those guys, though. Okay, how bout Bob Seger? I love that guy, and this is a song that sounds like it could've been written by the Silver Bullet Band. The timeless tale of a young guy with rock and roll dreams who sees them come true before checking out too soon, this is TP and the HBs at thier absolute best. Well, almost best.

Flat out best would have to be reserved for the next to last song on the album, and one that, after years of internal debate, I have officially decided is my favorite song ever. I speak, of course, of the song that opened my eyes to the band, Mary Jane's Last Dance. If you haven't heard this song, then stop reading now and go find it. It's that fuckin' good. More blues based excellence from the Heartbreakers, not at all hindered by Petty's excellent harmonica, this is quite simply one of the best songs ever recorded. Mary Jane somehow achieves the feat of sounding nothing like the band's other work while simultaneously standing out as one that nobody else could've done. I can't say enough great things about this song, so I won't even try. To those of you who know of my passion for music, my proclaiming it my favorite of all time should be enough to tell you just how great it is. It's so good that it's kinda unfortunate for the following, and final, track, Something in the Air. Yet another great song that, like Mary, was recorded specifically for this album, it just pales in comparison to its album stealing sister. Either way, yet another great song that showcases just how timeless and great this band is.

For years and years, I considered this the best overall top to bottom record I own. Even now, I can't immediately think of one that's better, except maybe The Beatles 1 collection. The Fab Four aren't exactly bad company, as Winter would gladly confirm, and Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers more than live up to that standard. You can pretty much pick up any album bearing the name of Tom Petty and be ensured that you're in for a treat, be it with the Heartbreakers or all on his lonesome. This one, though, is a definate keeper, one that I can't recommend to you enough. These guys make that now rare breed of music that just sounds good whenever, you know? No matter your mood or whatever, Tom and the Heartbreakers make music that fits it, that fits like the previously mentioned hand in a velvet glove. I've used the word comfortable a lot, here, and I think that's the best description I can give. Needless to say, you should make every effort to find a copy of Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers' Greatest Hits and give it a spin or twenty. What, you still sitting here reading my bullshit? Go buy the damn thing already, Your Ayatollah commands it. Oh my my, oh hell yes.

Well, that would make me done and done. Sorry for the length of the Pick, there, didn't mean for it to go on so long. That's become a running trend as of late, meaning the long Album Picks. I just got sick of skimming over all these awesome records over the years and figured fuck, if I'm going to do an album review, I might as well do it right. Some of you may know this already, but AATG actually started out as the music review in my high school newspaper. So, if you're one of those folks getting ready to complain to me that I waste too much time on it, remember that the Album Pick came first. Or just follow my advice and skip the damn thing next time. If you skipped this one, though, go back and read it just this once. Awesome record, can't recommend it enough.

Interesting side note, but Toni Braxton falls immediately after (well, not immediately, but after Tone Loc) Tom Petty on my computer, here, so for the past couple minutes I've been enjoying hearing Unbreak My Heart for the first time in about five years. Jesus, that chick could sing. Did she just fall off the planet or what? I haven't heard dick from her in a long time, now. Ah, well, I can't say I've so much missed her. Unbreak My Heart is a damn good song, though, that you should check out if you haven't already. Consider that a bonus pick, I command it and stuff. Anyways, I'm really done this time. Be sure to head down to the LOP Columns Forum, where you can join in the ECW festivities and read the best damn wrestling columns on the net, bar none. I'm pretty sure I've advanced to the next round of the tournament, but I don't believe it's been set in stone quite yet. I'll go check that out presently, and hopefully you guys will all follow me and cheer Your Ayatollah on for the rest of the tourney. Or don't, whatever, just be sure to check the place out.

Thanks to the fine folks who voted me up here for the record breaking fourth time, I really do greatly appreciate it. And thanks to all of you for taking the time to check this out, I greatly appreciate that, too. As I said before, this is by no means a classic column or anything, but it was fun to write, and I hope you enjoyed reading it. Any and all feedback can either be left in my thread in the Columns Forum or sent my way via the address below. Before I head out, I wanted to take this opportunity to say hey to my former Main Page brethren. Take the time to check out Random and Morph's Monday Night Countdown show if you get the chance, it's really pretty good most of the time, and the only thing I break kayfabe for. Of course, them giving me shout outs on a regular basis doesn't hurt that. Too bad Morphy had that tragic geology accident that amputated both of his hands, thus his inability to write a column. Or jerk it, for that matter. That's what Random's good for, though. You knew it had to be something. Until we get together to do this again, you guys take care of yourselves out there in the really real world. Much love, kids. Later.

-Steve
YourAyatollah@aol.com








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