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Submitted by Wevv Mang on Monday, November 13, 2006 at 2:48 AM EST
Ridin’ With The Bossman – Cyber Sunday Aftermath and Kane’s House Greetings! Welcome back to another edition of Ridin’ With The Bossman. Sorry about missing a column last Sunday, but my work is going through some changes. Some of the most frightening words in American business. Corporate Restructuring. My department got them, and well, I’ve been working all the time. To the tune of working enough time to make it three weeks straight. Until this weekend. One hell of a paycheck, but hell on the mind and body. But I’m back baby. Just when Steph thought it was safe to sneak back in, the column that gives her nightmares returns to point out that fact. Steph is back. According to rumors she was supposed to return at the PPV. And last Monday’s Raw as the proof. So, let’s try and cover two weeks of wrestling, before we get to another dramatic return. Kane’s House is back. For a limited time only. WWE TV – The Series Cyber Sunday Recap courtesy of Chad Matthews I actually ordered the PPV. Spent good hard cash on it. And was let down. Oh, it wasn’t horrible, but it wasn’t that great. My buddy commented during the Carlito vs Jeff Hardy match that this was the best wrestling we were going to get all night, and well, he was right. Here’s a quick break down of the matches and voting, with some thoughts thrown in. Kane vs Umaga A good opening match, that saw Kane dominate the voting. Sandman beat Benoit, but 5 percent, but that was still less than a third of the votes. Kane had the angle going for him, and well, folks just like Kane. I did find it surprising that Umaga won the match. He’s got the unbeaten streak going and all, still, it wouldn't have hurt Umaga to have lost via DQ or something. Cryme Tyme vs Highlanders vs Cade and Murdoch vs Viscera and Charlie Haas Cryme Tyme wins and the match stipulation decided by the fans was a Texas Tornado. Some good tag moves, but the match was very short. Lance Cade has gotten a lot bigger. Like Scott Steiner style growth. Steiner wasn’t always a big guy. He used to be a high flyer, and Rick was the power guy, then suddenly Scott got huge. Hardy vs Carlito Carlito won in a landslide. Solid match, with some great moves. Plenty of time as well. Hardy retained his title. Degeneration X vs Edge and Orton One quick question. How was the Raw match a rubber match? It was the third time. Unless it was H taking a dip and “bouncing” back to the top. Anyhoo, Eric Bischoff was picked the ref with a whopping 60%. That surprised me. I thought Vince would get more votes, but he got the same amount as Coach. Bischoff called it down the middle for most of the match, saving his full-blown heel turn for the last part of the match. HE turned, he cheated, Edge and Orton won. Edge and Orton left the building saying that they have given DX their first loss. Wait a second, you mean Vince never defeated them? At all? That’s just sad. Lita vs Mickie James All the chicks came out, so it was pretty obvious that Lumberjack match won the vote. Sloppy match, but the chicks tried hard. Lita won, and is now the Women’s Champion. Spirit Squad vs Ric Flair and… The winner was Roddy Piper. Thank goodness. I hate Dusty Rhodes. I know WWE was pushing for him, but come on. Yeah, Piper was out of shape, but Dusty is in shape? Sarge at least could handle some of the physical stuff. Still, it was a bit of s surprise when Ric won. It’s just a blatant feel good gesture. I still question why Dusty’s music was played at the end. Made no sense. Big Show vs Cena vs Booker T Booker’s title was on the line. Good match, not great, but pretty good. Booker kept his title, which is cool. Well the show was not that good in my opinion. WWE didn't really give fans much control of the show, despite what they may have said. Picking stipulations is not control. Over 2 million people cast more than 14 million votes. Letting people vote as much as they want, right up to the time the match started. Impressive. Look at it like this. That’s 14 million page views. The amount of time given to vote did play a factor. One final thought. This PPV is not expected to do well. However, 200,000 buys does translate into over $750,000, which is nothing to sneer at. Raw Recap courtesy of Chad Mathews Bischoff was made general manager for the night. Edge and Orton spoke. Ric Flair came out and talked trash. A match is made for the main event. No DQ for the tag titles, Edge and Orton vs Ric Flair and Roddy Piper. Marine Hype OK, is there anything left to see on the DVD? Seriously, what’s the point of giving away the bonus features on free TV? Hardy vs Nitro Nitro becomes the new IC champion, after shenanigans. Eugene and Duggan vs Spirit Squad The stip is that the losers break up. Interesting. Sort of. What is surprising is the Eugene and Hacksaw lose, and Eugene goes berserk and attacks Hacksaw. Once the stip was announced, it seemed guaranteed that Spirit Squad would lose, since their break up has been anticipated for some time. Yet, that didn't happen. It was an angle to work the net. Vince Russo, your spirit lives on in WWE. And now, Eugene is a madman. LOOK OUT! THE RETARD IS LOOSE! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES! I expect lots of unintentional comedy. Torrie and Carlito Torrie just looks uncomfortable in this role. Hey, maybe it’s WWE’s way of tormenting her, or maybe Torrie really is banging Carlito. WWE loves to put stuff like that on TV and make an angle out of it. Hopefully, this angle will actually go somewhere. Right now, it seems like Steph had an idea for something to do with Trish and Carlito. She forgot what it was, but wanted to keep it going, so stuck Torrie in there. Shelton Benjamin and Ron Simmons I’m going to skip over some stuff and just talk about this angle for a bit. Not the racial stuff. It’s just WWE being WWE and trying to make controversy when they don't need any. I’d rather talk about Ron Simmons. Ron Simmons has been showing up and saying “Damn”. Sound pretty funny, until you actually see it. Now, it could be very funny. But to me, Ron isn't playing it right. Shelton was speaking about being persecuted for being a black man. Ron showed up, stared at Shelton for a few minutes and then over dramatically said, “DAMN!”. Now, let’s play that back. Shelton could have given his Martin Luther Kind speech, and Ron, who was standing right behind him, as soon as the camera panned over to him, could have shaken his head, crossed his arms, and muttered “damn” and walked away. That pretty much sums up the whole show. Some potential, but ultimately failed to deliver. Come on, when the high point of your show is two old crufters squaring off against the best heels on the show, and holding their own, that’s not good. DX had to make the save, and in record time as well. And then, to really insult me, they brought out CHRIS DEJOESPHS! THE NEW VINCE RUSSO! Yeah, when it comes to creating angles and roles for the chicks, WWE has nothing. But, a role for a fat stripper who dances around naked? Can't get enough of him on TV. Hell, they’ll trim ALL the matches to make room for that guy. How did the crowd react? Dead silence. Bischoff getting his face put into CHRIS DEJOSEPH’S ass? Piped in. ECW Recap Courtesy of Eddie Martin Didn't watch the show. Have it on tape, but, well, time constraints and all that jazz/ Eddie lets me know what happened. CM Punk vs Mike Knoxx Apparently, there’s going to be an ECW PPV, and it’s going to have an Elimination Chamber match. This was a qualifying match. CM Punk wins. Elijah Burke and Sylvester Terkay are on ECW Test vs Tommy Dreamer Test wins. RVD and Holly vs Big Show and Paul Heyman It’s not a good sign when Paul is now wrestling. Holly turns on RVD and Big Show and Heyman win the match. So, ECW is going to have an Elimination Chamber match. Shortly before the New Years Revolution PPV, which, tradition, all of two years, has an Elimination Chamber match. So, there could be two Elimination Chamber matches in the space of a month. Also, we now have a bunch of big goofs on ECW. Khali, Test, and now Sylvester Terkay. Terkay is unproven. He could be good, he could be bad. Test we know is bad. Sorry Test fans, but test sucks and forcing him into the main event could also be a cause for the ratings decline. Test ain’t no Kurt Angle. Khali, well, you know he’s a big goof, no matter how much taker sold for him. With Big Show possibly retiring soon, a big guy is what Vince wants on ECW. Personally, if Khali starts going through tables, and taking big bumps, I wouldn't mind seeing it. Big Show did it. Let’s see if anyone else can do it, who’s near Big Show’s size. Yet, an influx of Big Goofs is not what ECW needs. ECW is supposed to be innovative and fast paced. Not slow and plodding. Speed and energy is what ECW needs. Especially if it’s going on at ten PM on Tuesday night. Slow and plodding means the viewers will be sleeping and snoring. It ain’t summer anymore and people got stuff to do. No point in staying up later to see stuff that WWE Raw and Smackdown use as filler. RVD matches aren't dull, but you gotta get to later in the show to see him. Honestly, the Marine stuff isn't helping. I understand that the show is only an hour long. I know that means that thee is only about 45 minutes of actual show. Still, it’s not that hard to plot it out. You know what would help ECW? Tag Team wrestling. That would allow the smaller, faster, and frankly, more entertaining guys to get some camera time. Just plot it out like this. 15 minute main event 10 minute tag match 10 minute singles match 15 minutes for skits, with the possibility of shaving time off the singles match or shaving time off the skits for another, say five minute match. It’s the wrestling people want. The drama can be handled by the announcers. Styles is solid and can hype during commentary, without taking away from the action in the ring. Styles is one of the few guys who actually calls the moves. It just needs planning. Something Paul is good at. Smackdown Recap courtesy of Rudi Pavani One quick thought about the previous weeks show. I liked the Undertaker and Kane match. I thought it was really good. Yeah, it was a squash, but it was a good squash, the restarting of the match each time it ended was well done. Kane looked like he was having fun. Taker sold. The competition between the two was handled very well. Neither looked more dominant than the other, and together they looked unstoppable. A good vibe all through the match. Booker Speaks Booker opens the show and I must say, Booker is great. He plays his role so well. Great promo as well. “ Alexander the great wept when he had no more worlds to conquer, and here I stand, weeping”. Fantastic. Teddy comes out. Banter back and forth, and guess what? We got a match! Right, NOW! Booker vs Lashley Booker wins, with shenanigans from Sharmell. Not a lot, but just enough. Booker wins, in a good, long match. Very good opener. Chavo, Benoit, and Vicki More development of the angle, and finally, there’s a good reason. The estate of Eddie. That is a solid. It still has to be played out, but finally, a premise that isn't just about prostituting Eddie’s name. Matt Hardy and Jimmy Wang vs Greg Helms and Sylvan Jimmy has a chick. That guy is so ready. He just needs one long match, he’s midcard gold. Mr. Kennedy Speaks Great promo from he Cheesehead, calling out Undertaker. Taker does show up, and wonder of wonders, Mr. Kennedy beats up the Undertaker and lays him out, and leaves the ring under his own power, at his own speed and when taker finally does sit up, he’s bleeding and does not get to his feet. Great stuff. BOOGEYMAN! Boogey beats up a jobber and drools worms on him. That’s just fucking repulsive. Seriously, just plain nasty. Miz stuff Miz says he will challenge Boogey next week. You poor bastard Miz. Finlay vs Batista A brutal brawl. Basically a match to get Batista ready for his title runs. A long match, and Batista comes out on top. A good, solid show, that is firing on all cylinders. I read that Smackdown is golden on the new CW network. A bunch of former WB shows dropped in the ratings, from where they were. Ironically enough, the UPN shows stayed about the same, and are among the strongest shows on the new CW network. One last thought. Kevin Federline The news has broken that K-Fed is being divorced by Britney. That is great news for WWE. K-Fed showed up at Cyber Sunday and cost Cena the match. K-Fed then showed up and made a challenge to Cena on Raw. For New years Revolution. Months away. That’s not good. See, the gossip rags are going to be all over K-Fed’s case the next few weeks. But it may not last until the New Year. The time to use Federline is now. Not later. Now. K-Fed will be getting press. It won't be good, but it will get his name out there. Done right, it will get WWE’s name out there as well. Now, it may not be possible to use Britney’s name on TV, as the lawyers will be going full force. However, K-Fed is a red hot property right now, and that is what WWE needs. Kane’s House It’s a lazy Saturday in the retirement community. At least on the outside. In Kane’s small, villa, Kane is entertaining guests. Big Show: I like what you’ve done with the place Kane. Very…homey. Kane sets his cup down on the casket in the middle of the room, that is serving as a coffee table. Kane: Thanks Big Show. I’ve had so much time on my hands, I’ve finally gotten around to decorating. And this time, I can do things MY way! AH-HAHAHA! I hate that bitch! I can't wait for her to die! DAMN YOU LITA! YOU LYING WHORE!! Big Show: Yeah, she really held you back. Right. Hey, Bossman, what are you looking at? Bossman is standing by the window, peeking throw the heavy funeral home curtains. Bossman: Huh? Oh, Kane has a new neighbor. And she’s HOT! Big show hastily puts down his coffee cup, jerking his hand back from the live rat chained on top of the coffin. He gets up and goes over to the window. Big Show: Really? Bossman: Here, use these. Bossman hand over a pair of high tech binoculars. Big Show puts them to his eyes, and a high-pitched whine is hear. Through the binoculars, the scene zooms ahead, right up to the wall, and then through the wall. Big Show: WHOA! That’s weird. Bossman turns his head, and he’s got on a pair of goggles. Bossman: She’s in the living room. Unpacking. Big Show: Hey! That’s Trish! I didn't know she retired! Bossman: She’s going to be a while. I’ll be back. Bossman opens the window and slides out. He runs over to the house across the way, and then stealthily starts to slide around to the back. Big Show watches Bossman break into the back door and sneak into the bedroom. He lowers his binoculars, and sighs. Big Show: Same old Bossman. Better not to know. So Kane, what have you been doing in your spare time? Other than decorating. You’ve really given the place a sense of…um…er…peace. Kane: Thanks! I got most of this stuff from work at the Funeral parlor. Paul was going to throw it out. But other than that, I’ve been keeping busy. I even found a nice part time job. Big Show: Really? Doing what? Kane: Oh, Mr. Ace said he could use a man of my talents, even on a part time basis. So he offered me a job. He wouldn't say what though. Big Show: Mr. Ace? As in Johnny Ace? He offered you a job? Did he say what it was? Kane: No. Do you know something? Big Show: Um…well you know…you hear stories… Big Show has a flashback. It’s late afternoon in Los Angles. A minivan is parked in the passenger pick up area of the airport. The side of the minivan rolls back and Jimmy Garvin gets in. Johnny Ace leans over from the driver’s side and speaks to the two men seated in the back. Johnny: Glad you could make it Jimmy! How was your flight? Jimmy: Long. You hire me and tell me to get on plane to Los Angeles. Not even five minute to pack, and hired fro half that, and already I’m on the clock! What’s he doing here? Big Show: Bossman couldn't make it, and he asked me to fill in for him. He didn't say what the job was though. Johnny: Relax Jimmy! Big Show has worked with Bossman for years. Besides, look at him! He’s huge! He’s perfect for the job! I always thought Bossman was over-rated for this kind of work anyway. Big Show and you will do fine. Jimmy: If you say so Johnny. Johnny: Just sit back and relax! Jimmy: Kind of hard to do with Big Show back here. Can't I sit up front? Johnny: No can do Jimmy. You know the rules. You have to EARN that spot! Jimmy: But it was a really long flight and really cramped! Big Show: So, what’s the job? Dead silence answers his question. Two hours later, Johnny is turned around to face the back once again. It’s a rough neighborhood they’ve stopped in. It looks like Compton. Johnny:You know what to do Jimmy? Jimmy: Yeah. Big Show: What are we doing here? It’s not to pick up drugs is it? Johnny: Don't be absurd! We got a policy against that! Jimmy and Johnny burst out laughing. Big Show laughs along, nervously. Johnny speaks again. Johnny: Just go in there and give the guy the papers Jimmy. It’ll be a piece of cake! Jimmy: No sweat Johnny! I know how to handle these folks! Let’s go Big Show! Ten minutes later Big Show and Jimmy are in a large room, filled with people. A man sits on a couch, but the way the people are treating him makes it seem more like a throne. The man has his hands on his face, reacting to what Jimmy just told him. Jayceon: So, let me get this straight. You want me to stop using my name, and publicly apologize for using it all these years, without your company’s permission? I only got one question for you. Are you insane? Jimmy: Now listen here Jayceon- Jayceon: The name is THE GAME! Jimmy: (nervously) Not anymore, now what’s your answer? The Game: I’ll tell you what my answer is! The Game pulls out a gun… Ten Seconds later: The door to the house explodes off it’s hinges as Big Show barrels through. Jimmy is right on his heels. Big Show: START THE CAR! START THE CAR! Gunshots ring out, and Johnny takes off in the minivan, before Big Show and Jimmy can get inside. Big Show runs after the car, moving surprising quick for such a large man. Jimmy struggles to keep up, more gunshots ring out. Jimmy trips and falls. Jimmy: WAIT! Big Show: OPEN THE DOOR! OPEN THE DOOR! Jimmy: WAAAAIIIIIITTTT!!!!!!! Big Show runs off into the night, chasing the speeding minivan through South Central Los Angeles Flash forward A deserted parking lot. The minivan has stopped and a gasping Big Show throws himself into the back. He slides the door shut and crumples into a heap. Johnny steps on the gas. Johnny: Where’s Jimmy? Big Show: He didn't make it… Johnny: If you tell anyone about this, I…no VINCE will make your life a living hell! Big Show: Oh yeah? How’s he going to do that? Send me into the home of a rapper and his posse and tell me to tell him to stop using his name? Johnny: I’m warning you Big Show… Big Show: Go to hell Johnny! Johnny: Remember the cemetery? Only this time, it will be Boogey Man…Do I have your silence? Big Show: yeah… Johnny: Good! Now, let’s get our stories straight… Back to the present: Big Show: yeah…stories… Big Show: yeah…stories… From across the way, a scream rings out. Big Show pulls back the drapes, and Kane gets up to stand beside him and looks out. The front door opens of Trish’s home and Bossman runs out, with a handful of bras and panties. He’s cackling madly, as he heads off down the street. Trish follows him to the end of her walkway and throws a frying pan after him. Trish: You son of a bitch! Bring back my panties! Big Show: Well, I better go pick up Bossman. No telling what trouble he’ll get in if left on his own. You have a really lovely place Kane and thank you for the coffee. You know, I was thinking of moving here soon. It seemed so peaceful. Kane: Oh, it is! There always houses for sale! I’d love to have you as a neighbor! Big Show: Well, I don't know for how long. Now that Bossman knows where Trish lives, he’ll be over here all the time. Then there’s the fact that Lita is moving here- Kane: WHAT?!?! MY FILTHLY LITTLE WHORE IS MOVING HERE? Big Show: Yeah. She said she’ll be moving here soon. Kane: How did you find out? Do you talk to her or something? Big Show: Me? No, but she said something on her webcam show about retiring, and well, I think she said something about moving here. It was kind of hard to tell. She was deep throating a salami at the time…and well, I wasn’t paying attention to what she was saying, if you get my drift… Kane: Lita..moving here… Big Show: You OK with that Kane? I know how much you like it here and all. Kane: Like it?...Like it?? I LOVE IT! FINALLY! WE’LL BE TOGETHER AGAIN! Big Show: You know she’s still with Edge- Kane: AT LONG LAST, MY DIRTY, FILTHY, LITTLE TRAMP AND I CAN BE TOGETHER! AGAIN! IT’S BEEN SO LONG! I just hope that Mae doesn't get jealous, but she’s pretty open minded! Big Show: Mae? Who’s Mae? You sly dog Kane, you never said anything about having a girlfriend! Kane: I met her at work. I thought she was one of our “clients”. Just then, Bossman comes running down the street, the other way. He’s lost his armload of underthings, and is screaming in terror. Bossman: HELP! HELP ME! KEEP HER AWAY! A corpselike woman is chasing Bossman with her walker. Mae: Come here you sweet young thing! You like panties? I got some you can keep! Bossman: DEAR GOD HELP ME! BIG SHOW! START THE CAR! Big Show: yeah, nice and quiet… Kane: Just like old times…HAHAHAHAHAHA! The End. And that’s it for today. Final thoughts: Some Survivor Series matches have been announced. On the web site. No hype, no angles, just there they are. One really stuck out in my mind. The Degeneration X vs Team Orton Edge. They got a Hardy Boys re-union in that, but so far, no angles for it. So, this week should be a good one for putting angles in place. Last minute planning, The Evil that is Vince Russo knows no bounds, TNA or WWE. Speaking of TNA, they have their big special this week. Looks like a good week to be a wrestling fan. And a better week to be a snarky wrestling columnist. Take care folks, and hope you liked the return of Kane’s House. No idea if it will be back next week. I got a good topic in mind, but we’ll see. Quick Plugs and that’s a wrap. QUICK PLUGS! LOP FORUMS New and Improved! The latest Sports, Entertainment news! What are you waiting for? LOP COLUMNS FORUM THE MOVIE BAR! Great place for reviews of DVD's, Music, and special video clips. Your one stop review spot. THE PROJECT LIVES! A creative site for creative people. Be sure to check out the forums! The Rose Reports A great site for politcal news links. LOP'S PWA E-FED. Best E-Fed on the net. Period. That's all for this week. Thanks for Readin' and Thanks For Ridin' Wevv Mang mrwevv@mac.com - PLEASE LABEL ALL EMAIL AS FEEDBACK. THANK YOU.
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