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Submitted by Xan on Tuesday, September 12, 2006 at 6:40 PM EST
 "Anywhere I roam; where I lay my head is home. I ask no one."--Metallica I was born a nomad. As some of you already know, I was an army brat and ended up living in three different states(one twice) and two foreign countries while I was growing up. I've lived in Minnesota now for 15 years, which is now about half my life and by far the longest I've resided in one place. Because I moved all over, I never got much of a chance to plant roots, and while I enjoy sports I never really had what you'd call a hometown team. Because I lived right across the river from Kentucky, in southern Indiana, between the ages of 4 and 10, we went to a lot of Louisville Redbirds baseball games and an occasional Louisville Cardinals basketball game, but there weren't any major league teams for any sports that I was raised on. My parents hated the Indianapolis Colts because of that whole packed up in the middle of the night and moved from Baltimore thing, the Pacers weren't anything great, and there isn't a Major League Baseball team in Indiana or Kentucky. As for hockey...actually, fuck hockey. The other day, when I was telling my dad how much his adopted favorite NFL team--the Green Bay Packers(whom he likes because he hates their archrival Vikings) suck--my mom said to me, "So which team are you cheering for this year?" She has a bit of a point, as in picking my sports teams I've generally chosen to go with the front-runner, but she also misses the point that I've got no childhood sports heroes to choose from. It's not like I lived in Denver and suffered through all of Elway's struggles before he finally retired following back to back Superbowl victories and riding out on a wave of glory. Nor is it like I lived and died with Michael Jordan's Chicago Bulls teams that couldn't beat the Pistons...until they could. Hell, I didn't even go through my favorite baseball team, the A's, having back to back to back rookies of the year in Jose Canseco, Mark McGwire, and Walt Weiss, because I knew absolutely nothing about baseball when I chose them as my favorites--I just liked their Baskin Robbins batting helmet ice cream bowl. However, what I did have was professional wrestling and professional wrestling doesn't really teach one to have a hometown hero, does it? It doesn't so much teach you to love front-runners the way my other picks(The Niners, Indianapolis Colts[yes, those hated ones,] and Duke Blue Devils are the other true sports teams I really get behind) are, either, of course, but it also teaches you selective fanhood. As I was growing up, there was a clear line of separation in the one sport I could actually watch at the age of 10 between good and evil. Yes, at 10 years old I believed professional wrestling to be a sport, even over my dad's objections. He could say it was all fakey if he wanted. I didn't care. I was embraced by the spectacle of the World Wrestling Federation, by good versus evil, by men in masks, by guys apparently getting off on cutting the hair of their fallen victims, and by mortal men defeating giants on ever greater stages. "They say the grass is always greener on the other side. Just remember that once you've jumped to the other side, the grass is STILL greener on the OTHER side..."--The man I know only as Jukebox Hero See, that's what wrestling bookers want you to get hooked on. Don't get me wrong, they want you to be sold on the wrestlers, too, but they sell you on THE STORY. The story trumps all else. Does it help to have talented performers enacting your stories? Of course, but really any lug will do when it comes right down to it. I know, a lot of you are going to call bullshit on that. After all, were any of us entertained by the Khali/Undertaker feud? Did we give a shit about Nathan Jones when he was around? No, we didn't. But, see, we're not the people I'm talking about. I'm not talking about members of the IWC or smarks, I'm talking about the people that the writers write for. It would be easy to say I'm talking about "marks," or I'm talking about "wrestling fans," but those are just designations, with the former assuming that you and I are in the know and the latter assuming that members of the IWC are not wrestling fans. Neither of those are what I mean. While I can go on-line and read all the breaking news about professional wrestlers and rumors of upcoming characters, story-lines, and promotions, in no way does that make me an insider, but on the other hand neither can I consider myself to actually be part of the audience for which the wrestlers are booked, or for which the stories are written. Would it be possible for me to rejoin that audience? Yes, I think so, given enough time. One of my former colleagues her on LOP recently wrote a column in the forums describing what it was like not having a computer--and thus access to the IWC--for close to a year and he found himself falling in love with wrestling again because of the constant surprises, and getting deeper into the story-lines because that's all he had to go on. He didn't know Masters was gone because he was on 'roids or that Randy Orton was suspended for being who he is. All he knew was what was going on on his television screen, and ignorance, as has been ever foretold, was bliss for him. I can imagine. I can imagine because I've often felt that reading all the news here and reading about how one guy has a great workrate, while another has the charisma of a snail was slowly draining me of whatever it is that makes me a fan. Despite my feelings, though, this wasn't the case. What is the case is that it was making me a different kind of fan, and I'm not sure it's the kind I want to be. But, just like last week, I'm in a quandary, because I LOVE to write and wrestling is, for the most part, my chosen subject to write about, whether it be here in the Star or co-writing Excuse the Aggravation with my long-time partner, double helix. If I went back to being one of those guys, I would definitely enjoy the product better, because it would just become another television show or sporting event to me; however, I'd lose one of the things in my life that brings me joy--writing about this "sport," that we all love so much. It's certainly something I've got to think about, but in the meantime... "Dammit, Jim, I'm a doctor, not an escalator."--Dr. Leonard McCoy Let's get back on point. The point is when we're caught up in the opera that is professional wrestling at its finest--and we all have been--it's normally because we're caught up in the story, and not in the performer. Not that we can't love a performer or his performance--clearly we can, or else we wouldn't have favorite wrestlers, Hulkamania never would have become the force that revolutionized the industry, and we wouldn't care that much when Mick Foley all of a sudden starts acting with evil intent...and there's the rub that makes professional wrestling--and being a fan of it--different than any other professional sport. Let's not get into the debate I had with my dad when I was a child. Either you buy into professional wrestling, the athleticism, the athletes, and the stories that it provides--or you don't. And, if you don't, what the hell are you doing reading this column? Instead of having the obvious debate, let's understand that if wrestling is your first sports love, you're taught you can't be a fan of any one guy or team for very long. I suppose that has the advantage of you not getting too upset when a player on your favorite sports team moves to another via trade or free agency, but that actually is a different scenario. What I'm talking about is the bad guy turning good, or the good guy becoming bad. I'm talking about the ultimate fan favorite, The Hulkster, turning his back on Sting, Lex Luger, and all his Hulkamaniacs to become "Hollywood" Hulk Hogan and become the leader of the evil New World Order of professional wrestling and I'm talking about the Undertaker grabbing the chair just as Jake Roberts is about to bash Miss Elizabeth's head in with it. Total paradigm shifts happen all the time in professional wrestling, which makes it the ultimate in entertainment because it combines the sheer athleticism that we see every week in the ring along with the type of rollercoaster emotional story-lines that "real" sports can only achieve in rare moments. These ebbs and tides are only possible, though, because wrestling fans are a lot like nomads. We may get comfortable for a while in loving a character, but when the situation warrants, we're willing to move. In fact, lots of times we start feeling that wanderlust way before we have the opportunity to relocate and the best part about getting that feeling is that it's like a shared consciousness. We can feel when the performance has hit a sour note, when it's time for that character to evolve...and the characters always evolve, because wrestlers are like any other actor--they may get into a comfort zone and be afraid to leave it, but they usually are willing to take a chance, they want to be challenged, they want their characters to be dynamic and when we act collectively, our influence can make that happen and why? Well, because when it comes right down to it, wrestlers are also nomads. So I may get teased for picking a couple of new teams a year, either because I like the new coach they've got, I think they're exciting to watch, I'm following a player I enjoy, or just because they're damned good. Does that make me a front-runner or a bandwagon jumper? Probably, but I don't care, and here's why: A few years ago there was this big hit nonfiction book called "Everything I Ever Needed To Know I Learned in Kindergarten," well I can't say professional wrestling has taught me everything I've needed to know, but it's certainly taught me that in life you have to roll with the punches, that if the land you're standing on is about to be flooded, it might be time to look for higher ground, and if the people you lean on let you down, it might just be time for you to look for some new people to pick you back up. Bones may be entirely clear on his place in life, but I've always found guys like Chris Benoit, AJ Styles, and Ric Flair are adept at various things, chief among them juggling while moving. These guys need stability like ice cream needs a stove. That will conclude today's voyage on The Northern Star. For feedback, please email me atXanManX@hotmail.com, with the words "Northern Star" or "feedback" in the subject line or click here to leave it in the LOPForums. The Northern Star will rise again. Until then, Long days, pleasant nights
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