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Submitted by Wevv Mang on Monday, September 11, 2006 at 1:47 AM EST
Ridin’ With The Bossman – Are You Ready For Some Benoit? Greetings! Welcome to another edition of Ridin’ With The Bossman. The column that gives Vince the heebie-jeebies. But in a good way. Yes! It’s time! The NFL season is off and running! Literally! Yep, week 1 is here. And you know what? It’s also the five-year anniversary of the terrorist attacks that struck New York on September 11. And Raw is coming from Madison Square Garden TONIGHT! Should we expect a replay of the clips that aired on Raw five years ago? Possibly. I’m sure they’re thinking about replaying at least the Bradshaw and Steph clips. Five years. And so much has passed since then. Did you know that a poll was conducted recently that said that 42% of Americans think that the government is concealing facts about the attacks? Well, rest easy readers; this is as far into that quagmire that is American politics as I’m going to go. Yes, it is an important date in American history, but I think the media will beat that horse into the ground, if they haven't already. So, that’s all. This here is a wrestling column. And there’s plenty of wrestling related topics to cover. A new television season, wrestlers returning, a PPV coming up, and my buddy Stu has sent in another Not Kane’s House. So, let’s get to it, shall we? WWE TV – The Series Raw Recap courtesy of Chad Matthews Edge Speaks Edge shows us what is involved in a Tables, Ladders, and Chairs match. He also talks. He reminds us that he has never lost one of these matches, and he’s been in a bunch of them. Edge did a great job. The guy is a solid champion. Cena showed up, Edge tried to jump on him, Cena caught him (HOLY CRAP! Edge from the top of a ladder, and it was an awkward take off, and a tough catch) and then gave Edge an FU through a table. Great opening segment. Maria and Jeff Jeff is paining a wall. Maria asks him what’s going on. Jeff tries to basically say that Nitro and Melina are as exciting as watching paint dry, but while the wording was off, the message was clear, and thus begins a long night of pointless, and badly timed clips. Jeff Hardy vs Johnny Nitro A good match. But there were a lot of miscues on spots, but the guys covered each other so well, it was amazing to see. I got the impression that neither guy was sure what the other could or wanted to do, so they improvised. A lot. Like when Nitro went for a back cracker, he underestimated how flexible Jeff was, so it didn't look good. Later, they tried the spot again, and it was solid. There were other aerial based spots, that one guy tried, and the other improvised. It was really cool to see these guys work out their spots in the ring, and it was done nearly seamlessly, unless you were watching way too closely, like I was. They kept the momentum strong, kept crowd interest. Those two could really tear the house down at Unforgiven. JR and King mention Trish Stratus’ Retirement Speech She gave a speech? Did I miss it? I checked the recap and…nothing, and I’m sure Chad wouldn't have missed that, as little gets by Chad. CATFIGHT! Trish and Lita share some words, and that word is “Bitch”. A catfight erupts, Carlito comes out, and then Randy attacks! Coach Lita went and complained to Shane. Shane made a match, and then Coach sucked up to Shane. Coach, nice job man. You need more screen time. Masters vs Super Crazy Super Crazy is on Raw now? Anyhoo, decent match, and the goatee apparently did not intimidate Super Crazy at all, as he picked up the win. Good match. Tangent It looks like this round of returning wrestlers will make their return on Raw. Super Crazy, a Smackdown guy, came back on Raw. Benoit, another Smackdown guy, will apparently return on Raw. DX, McMahons, and Big Show The McMahons came out to the ring. Shane spoke first, praising Big Show. Nice to see Show get some love. Show then got on the mic, and cut a solid promo about how he’s going to beat DX. Vince then spoke and made the big finish. Nice work there from all three. They all got to say their part. DX then came out, and HBK had a big bandage, H had some small ones that were hard to see. H got to say “WHO WE ARE!” and they charged the ring. Vince and friends made their escape, while DX got to beat up security guards. Nice, and I mean that. Tangent See? Beating up scrubs was just as effective and actually better than beating up your champions. Makes the guys doing the beating look tough, while not making your champions look like scrubs. Use those development guys in the right way. As fodder, until they are actually ready. Tangent #2 Yes, I am picking on H for a little thing. It’s the little things that can make a whole world of difference. See, we’ve all seen guys get beat down, and show up the next week practically wrapped up like a mummy to sell an injury. Or even just to show that the character is injured. It’s a little thing that happens all the time. I think it needs to be said again. H is part of Upper Management. He’s an integral part of putting the show together. He’s not the final say, that is Vince, but his words carry more weight that the bookers, road agents, writers, producers, and so on and so forth. His voice is one of the last ones Vince hears before he makes a decision. Now, should he have been wrapped up like he was just in a train wreck? No. But would it really have made a difference? No. But, but, it would have shown that he was taking the angle seriously. It would have shown that H was willing to do things that he tells others to do. It would have been an example of leadership. Again, it was a small thing. But it was a small thing that happens all the time, and that the crew would have expected after a beat down with a lot of blood shown on camera. Fake blood, true, but an injury portrayed as serious. Again, it was a small thing that reflected his ego. A small thing that would have gone unnoticed, except for kooks like me looking to bash H for something. A small thing that would have gone unnoticed, except for the guys who got busted open by H, and then were told to wrap twenty feet of bandage around their head, and/or wear a halo neck brace. Tag Team Hoopla It’s the Highlanders vs Viscera/Hass vs Cade and Murdoch, with the Spirit Squad at ringside. All those people and the match was over like that. Can you guess who won? Highlanders. Maria and Ric Maria is doing her Kiss Cam schtick, when Ric shows up. Ric and Maria made out. HA! Take that CM Punk! Ric starts to talk about Mick Foley, when Armando….Alejandro…Estrada and Umaga show up. Armando talks, and it’s been a while since this guy got some mic time, and I’d forgotten how good he is. He demands that Ric say that Umaga is the Man. Ric says no, and Umaga beats him down. Solid segment. Well, he was going to, but Kane showed up and chased him off. Nice. Cryme Tyme No comment. Yet. I’ll just say this. The premise for Grand Theft Auto: Vice City is: “The player takes the role of Tommy Vercetti, who has recently been released from prison in Liberty City. While attempting to re-establish himself within the Forelli Mafia family, boss Sonny Forelli sends Tommy to Vice City to supervise an important drug deal. At the exchange, masked gunmen kill three of the people involved in the trade (two Forelli henchmen and Victor Vance, Lance Vance's brother), stealing both the drugs and the money Tommy was charged with protecting. Vercetti narrowly escapes and informs Sonny, who demands that Tommy get back both the "product" and the money. Both Sonny and Tommy wish to kill those responsible for the theft. Much of the action in Vice City concerns Vercetti's burgeoning criminal empire, spanning drug trafficking, contract killings, counterfeiting, and protection. The player progresses through the game narrative by performing a series of missions, most of which involve criminal activities. This takes Vercetti from being a small-time hood staying in a beachfront hotel to being the city's crime kingpin, but Sonny is looming over Tommy until he finally comes down to get his stuff personally. And in a shootout similar to that of the ending of the Brian De Palma film Scarface, Tommy Vercetti kills Sonny Forelli and his traitorous partner Lance Vance.” - Wikenpedia Grand_Theft_Auto:_Vice_City Teddy Long Nice segway WWE. Edge, Randy Orton and Lita vs Carlito, Cena, and Trish An amazing main event. Just chock full of great moves and psychology. Everyone worked off each other. A great look at the new main event scene. And it was good. End came when Trish and Lita were mixing it up, and Edge and Carlito each made saves and protected their partners. Trish went down, got back up, but that sneaky bastard Randy came in and laid her out with an RKO. Lita makes the cover, and gets the pin. Well, the show kept moving towards what is looking to be a really good PPV. But this show has some problems. The constant cutting to Maria staring at the pain, usually while something else was just about to happen, threw the show off. Still a really good show. ECW Recap courtesy of Eddie Martin The show opens with highlights of Big and DX. DX is then shown arriving at the arena. BINGO! Get it? Do ya? Huh? Bingo! As in Bingo hall. I have to admit, that was a good zinger. Sabu and RVD vs Mike Knoxx and Test One hell of an opening match. Honestly, best Test match, ever. Crazy spots left and right. Brutal. Violent. Excellent. Very nice match. I think everyone was bleeding to some degree, from some part of their body. Mainly the face. A lot of chairs to the face in this match. Thrown chairs that is. RVD and Sabu pick up the win. Kevin Thorne and Arial They get a backstage skit, and then come out to join the announce team for the next match. And we get a special treat. Arial gives Joey a lap dance. It was hot. It was funny. And it was good. Joey kept going on about Arial was trying to bite his neck. I’d let her, if she was writhing on top of me like that. Balls vs Stevie Richards Good match, but you could tell that Balls was trying to impress Vince backstage. He oversold on spot in the corner and just threw himself backwards, while Stevie watched. He also kept trying to get the fans to chant for him. They did eventually, when he was doing the punching thing. Still a decent match, if pretty short. Balls did work hard. He even did the job. Arial distracted the ref, and Kevin popped him with his cane. Shannon Moore Shannon speaks. Something about CM Punk. Truth be told, I’m not sure what he said exactly, but the recaps say he said he’s “Bringing back sexy”. Ooooo-kay. Like I said, I thought it was about CM Punk, and well, that puts a strange spin on things. Punk does show up, and slaps Moore. Moore looks hurt. Emotionally. You rebel you. FIGHT THE POWER! You know what Moore needs? A chick. A punk rocker chick. Yeah. That would work. WE got some Diva Search chicks coming in right? Think on of them would shave their head and get a Mohawk? Get right on that Johnny Ace. Big Show and Heyman Paul makes a speech. He says that Extreme Rules for this match are unfair. For DX. Nice! Show is just too powerful, and unleashed, well, he might hurt them too badly for them to make it to Unforgiven. Paul can always make a match interesting. DX then arrives. DX vs Big Show It’s two on one, and it’s mostly HBK doing the work. Of course. Show starts off as an equal but the tide turns, and then outside interference is needed to stop H. Then, from out of nowhere, Hardcore Holly runs in to make the save on Show. DQ is called, while Hardcore Holly takes out H. That’s funny. The group teams up on HBK, while H gets his sledgehammer. Show and Holly run off, while security takes the sledgehammer blows. And the ending of the show is DX standing in the ring, while Heyman, Show, and Holly run away. Number of people involved in this match: Announced: 3 Folks who interfered: 4 (Heyman, Bashams, Hardcore Holly) So, a total of five people, and I’ll count Big Show as two, since he deserves to be, so the magic number is: SIX! And they still loose. Yes, I know, it’s to build up DX. They are the underdogs, even if they haven't been portrayed as underdogs. Heck, even when WWE portrays some one as an underdog, it usually means that the guy gets the crap kicked out of him at every turn. It’s only seems like now, they are really stacking the deck against DX, and DX keeps winning. That just doesn't seem right. Maybe it’s my bias against H. Maybe not. But this Monday, it’s Vince vs H in MSG. That match will be very telling. Especially when Steph runs in. Smackdown Recap courtesy of Jason Jason, thanks for all your hard work. I still am unable to see the show. No replays anywhere that I can see. Damn you UPN. The CW doesn't start until the 20th, and that means no Smackdown until the 23. That means I haven't actually seen the show, and go only go by the results. Let’s see what I’ve missed. Kennedy will be facing Undertaker at No Mercy, the October PPV. Finlay is no longer the US Champion. He wasn’t pinned, but he lost the belt. JBL is no doing interviews at ringside. Just hearing that makes me think I will miss Miz. Since Rey has beaten the Eddie thing into the ground, apparently Vickie and Chavo are now using it. He faced Tatanka and apparently Tatanka is going heel, and arguing with the ref. I can feel, another racism angle is brewing. Won't CW be proud to broadcast how the white man hates the Indian? Oh, Mr. Kennedy is now the US champion. Kennedy wants to go to Raw. Everyone seems to be talking about John Cena coming to Smackdown. Edge swerve ahead. Miz is now wrestling and beat Matt Hardy. Helms interfered, but come on. Regal is having a feud with Vito. And finally the Tag Team Champions have an honest feud. With hot chicks in their respective corners. Michelle McCool and Ashley. So, it doesn’t look like I’m missing much. Some things I want to see, like the tag team feud, and Booker. Other things I’m glad I’m missing, like Vito, and Miz. I’ll call it an even exchange. Well, Stu sent in another Kane’s House. Only this one is a little different. It’s still gold, in my opinion and I hope you feel the same. It gives me great pleasure to present: Trish and Wevv’s House It’s been a couple of weeks since the wedding, and having returned from their honeymoon the couple decided that with Trish now unemployed it would make financial sense if she moved in with Wevv as opposed to Wevv moving in with her. To this end Trish has packed up all her stuff and sold her house, and has now arrived at Wevv’s to get settled in. Trish: Wevv honey, I’m here. No answer from anybody, and not a sound in the rest of the house. Trish goes to the kitchen and discovers a note stuck to the refrigerator door: “Gone fishing with Big Show and Bossman. Back later. Make yourself at home in “our” home. Luv Wevv” Trish smiles at the cute spelling of love. Trish: Well I might as well take his advice. It’ll also give me an opportunity to learn more about the man I married. It’ll also give me a chance to hide my underwear before Bossman can get his hands on them. As she’s in the kitchen she checks the cupboards to see if she can get a grasp on the kind of life Wevv lives. She is unsurprised by the lack of kitchen utensils, cutlery or even plates, glasses and cups in the cupboards, as she can see them all stacked chaotically in the sink. She is also unsurprised by the large amount of food in the cupboards as, until recently, Big Show and Bossman had still been living with Wevv. In one cupboard she discovers an unopened case of “Good Ol’ JR’s BBQ Sauce” that the couple received as a wedding present. She also finds a plain glass jar with a hand written label that simply says “worm paste”. Trish: Eeewww! I still can’t believe Wevv actually wanted Boogeyman at the wedding. As Trish makes her way from the kitchen to the lounge she notices on the wall a framed set of Lita’s underwear. After closer inspection Trish notices that the underwear has been signed personally to Wevv, and that there is no Certificate of Authentication visible. Trish: That little slut! Well that’ll be our first argument. Trish opens the door to the lounge only to be confronted with a wall devoted to wrestling DVDs, videos, books and CDs. Trish: My man obviously likes his wrestling, and hopefully he’s done enough wrestling with me over the past 2 weeks that I’ll be able to get rid of all this stuff. After the lounge Trish makes her way upstairs. On the landing she is confronted by 5 doors. The first of these has a small plaque on it that says “Wevv’s Room”. Trish: That’ll need changed. Well here goes. Let’s see what our matrimonial bed is like. The bedroom is quite normal, and actually quite plain. Apart from the bed, the only other items of furniture are a wardrobe, 2 chests of drawers and a bedside cabinet. Trish: Quite nice. A little plain, but nice. It needs a woman’s touch and a couple more cushions, though. Trish exits the room and goes to the next door which has a Triple H height chart stuck to it. She notices that at the top of the door frame is a dent as if someone has banged their head repeatedly against it. At the apex of this dent is what appears to a height mark with the words “taller than you” written beside it. This was obviously Big Show’s room. Trish pokes her head around the door and is surprised to still see all of Big Show’s stuff still in the room. Trish:Obviously Paul hasn’t had the chance to clear out his stuff. Well that’ll be first priority whenever Wevv gets back with the boys. Trish moves onto the next door, which has a novelty “This room is protected by the Bossman” poster stuck to it. Trish again pokes her head around the door, and again is surprised to see that all of Bossman’s stuff is still there. Trish: Curiouser and curiouser. I must have words with Wevv. It’s almost as if Paul and Bossman are still living here. The next door conceals the bathroom, which looks as if it hasn’t been near a scrubbing brush since Wevv moved in. In fact the rings around the bath have all had names written beside them to signify Wevv, Bossman and Big Show. Trish: We’ll have to get a new bathroom suite. His and Hers sinks would be nice. After leaving the bathroom Trish is confronted with the last door. On it is a large piece of paper on which a Valentine’s heart has been roughly scrawled with a crayon. Written inside the heart is “Trish’s Room”. Trish: How sweet! Wevv has obviously set this room aside for me to do whatever I like with. Trish opens the door and makes her way into the room. She stands in the middle of the room with a look of horror and confusion on her face. Her facial expression becomes more pronounced as she turns round and round looking at the walls which are covered in pictures of her, but these are no ordinary pictures as they are all of Trish during her day to day life and have obviously been taken by either hidden cameras or telephoto lenses. Scattered on the floor are a number of shoe boxes, all of which more photos, as well as numerous articles of women's clothing (most of which she thought she had lost). As Trish tries to gather her thoughts and deal with the situation she spots a child’s paddling pool in the corner that appears to have some sort of thick liquid, some of which has dried out and turned flaky, in it. Beside this is a large, half used tub of personal lubricant. All of this is almost too much for Trish, but on one wall she spots a double door that looks to be a built-in wardrobe. As sickened as she is by what surrounds her, she cannot fight her curiosity and opens the doors. Trish lets out an ear piercing scream and runs out of the room, down the stairs, out the front door, and falls into a faint on the front lawn. At this point Bossman and Big Show make their way up from the basement. Big Show: I think we may have gone too far with the Real Dolls dressed up in their wedding outfits? Bossman: Nah. That was nothing compared to what we had down in the basement. Big Show: Do you think we should untie Wevv now and let him out of the coffin? Bossman: Not yet. I think I’ll have a rummage through Trish’s stuff first. Having a woman around the place is going to be fun! Very warped Stu, but I love it. Great work man. Reminds me of the old days. I miss Bossman. Rest in peace, big guy. Over-Analyzing Wrestling Today’s Topic: Coming In Hot Chris Benoit is coming back to TV. He’s been gone a long time. A lot of things have changed since he was gone. It’s been what? Three months since he’s been on TV? Four? No reason was given for his time off, other than a fear that he was burning himself out, and could use the time to heal up some nagging injuries. I don't think it was said that he failed a drug test. I don’t think it was because he was a locker room concern, not a troublemaker, but that he might be on the edge. No, as far as I can tell, and I could be wrong, it was simply to rest up Benoit, and get him healthy. That’s a good thing to me. Benoit is one of the three best wrestlers that WWE has had in the past five years. He’s right up there with Kurt Angle and Eddie Guerrero. And that company right there could be part of the reason why he was given the time off. Benoit was good friends with both men. One has passed beyond, and one was on the verge of doing so. The rumors about Kurt’s health problems were apparently more sever than let on, along with his pain killer addiction. Benoit was one of the early ones to join the neck surgery club. It’s amazing what he’s done afterwards. He wrestled just as hard as he did before the surgery. It would not surprise me to learn that he did have a pain killer problem. I’d be more surprised if he didn’t. But, like I said, the reason for Benoit’s time off is not known to me, and any speculation about the reasons for it would be wild speculation. The important thing is, he’s coming back. A twist to his return is that there are rumors he will be showing up on Raw, not Smackdown. That seems to fit the trend of problem cases being brought back to Raw, so that Vince can keep an eye on them. It just seems strange, that with the network promotional machine getting ready to heavily hype the debut of the CW network, that undoubtedly will be in print magazines, on the radio, and some television spots, that Smackdown would not be the one to get Benoit. Granted Cena is supposed to jump, but remember when Raw first moved to the USA network? That show was stacked top to bottom with talent grabbed willy-nilly from the brands. It got a good rating. Not a great rating, but a good rating. It also was called overkill, but that was mainly due to the fact that it was done just to hype the show. Benoit is a name. Smackdown is weak. Raw was not weak with the talent they had on it when they moved. Super Crazy just showed on Raw, when he would have been better suited to ECW, since he was an ECW name. Randy Orton was moved to Raw from Smackdown when he came back from suspension. Again, Raw is not lacking in name power. Now, the time expected for Benoit to return to the ring is October. Early October. Yet, the benefit of Smackdown is that the show is taped, and if Benoit is not ready to step in the ring, there are backstage promos that could be done, as well as video packages, like the ones done for Batista, and so forth can be done. It’s a weird thing that’s going on. Raw is grabbing talent. Smackdown talent is now saying that Raw is better. That Raw is more important. It might be nice to see some kind of balance restored, that maybe if Benoit does show up on Raw, he says he wants to go to Smackdown. Smackdown has a chance to recreate itself. The show is not on in a lot of markets. It’s a new network. IF Benoit did go back to Smackdown, he’s been away long enough that some of his previous feuds might be fresh again. Say, Benoit vs Batista, or Benoit vs Booker, or even Benoit vs Lashley or Benoit vs Kennedy. That is, if one of those names doesn't jump to Raw first. You only get one chance to make a first impression. The CW is about to take that chance. The curiosity factor will probably draw new viewers in. Smackdown has an entire night to itself. A night that is traditionally weak. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Smackdown could be the #1 show on Fridays. The gap between ratings is not that big. All it takes it planning, advertising and the most important thing. Giving the fans something good. Well, that’s it for today. So far so good in my fantasy football leagues. I’m winning all three leagues. That makes for good taunting fodder. Time for quick plugs, and then it’s off for another fun filled week of work. Yay. QUICK PLUGS! LOP FORUMS New and Improved! The latest Sports, Entertainment news! What are you waiting for? LOP COLUMNS FORUM THE MOVIE BAR! Great place for reviews of DVD's, Music, and special video clips. Your one stop review spot. THE PROJECT LIVES! A creative site for creative people. Be sure to check out the forums! LOP'S PWA E-FED. Best E-Fed on the net. Period. That's all for this week. Thanks for Readin' and Thanks For Ridin' Wevv Mang mrwevv@mac.com - PLEASE LABEL ALL EMAIL AS FEEDBACK. THANK YOU. *NEW GALLERY* Go Directly to a RANDOM COOL & RARE WWE & TNA VIDEO! Check It Out!
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