I Got To Tell You Something 50: Quote The Raven…
Submitted by Big Brother on Thursday, August 10, 2006 at 1:47 AM EST
I Got To Tell You Something 50: Quote The Raven… (1)
DISCLAIMER: This is a special edition for me because it is a milestone edition. I wanted to do something different from my usual work. There are a total of 50 famous or semi-famous wrestling quotes (not hidden anymore) through the whole text (title included). They are underlined with a number at the end. At the end of the column all quotes are now credited. Hope you find them as entertaining as I did.
Also, this is kind of a personal column and I kind of have a bad feeling about it now that I am ready to post it but… it’s a bit too late to turn back now. Hope it doesn’t make you chant “You suck”. (2)Now, I have to ask: Are you ready? I said, are you ready!? Then, for the hundreds in the CF and the thousands on the Main Page, let's get ready to suck it! (3)
It’s me. It’s me. It’s B, B…shit I’m missing a letter here. Wait, let me start that again. (4)
Finally… Big Brother, has come back, to LOP. (5)
Hey there little brothers and sisters, how are you doing these days? I hope you are all good as I’m great. How could I not be in such a happy mood? I’m currently writing my 50th column and ohhhhhh what a rush (6) it is. It’s a blast to do it for you guys and I am damn proud to achieve that milestone. I know some of you like me, some of you don’t, but whether you like it or not, learn to love it, because its the best thing going. (7)
The feedback from the last column was awesome and I want to thank you all for that. It was fun to do the DVD poll but I won’t do another one for a while. Speaking of which, I received a lot of feedback AFTER my DVD poll from readers who thought that some titles were missing and I wanted to acknowledge that.
Degenerate: What a great idea!
Big Brother: What in the blue hell are you doing here? (8)
Degenerate: Hey, holmes. (9) I was thinking…
Big Brother: It doesn’t matter what you think. (10)
Degenerate:… Are you finished? (11)
Big Brother: Yeah.
Degenerate: Well if you’re going to finish that DVD poll in this column I thought I should be a part of it. It’s not like you could do it on your own?
Big Brother: Tell me you didn’t just say that. (12) Get the hell out of my column, D-Gen otherwise I’m gonna hit you so hard you’re gonna starve to death rolling. (13)
Degenerate: You can’t hit me, I’m way too fast for you. I'm so quick, I could spit in the wind, duck, and let it hit the old lady behind me! (14)
Big Brother: It doesn’t matter how fast you are because if I hit you, I’ll kill you. If I miss, the wind behind the punch will give you pneumonia and you'll die anyway. (15)
Degenerate: Mr. Big Brother, it seems to me, I need to reintroduce your brain to your mouth, because your speakin' out your ass! (16)
Big Brother: If you prefer, Big Brother is going to take his size 13 boot, lube it up real good turn that sum-bitch sideways, and stick it straight up your candy ass (17) . And when I’ll be done with you' it'll look like I set fire to your face and put it out with an axe! (18) Besides, don’t you have anything better to do than to invade my column like that?
Degenerate: No. I have really nothing better to do… I need to get some… you know…
Big Brother: Aww, what’s the problem, gertrude? You mean to tell me that you can't walk into a bar with a $100 bill on your forehead and walk with anything, either male or female? (19)
Degenerate: Let me tell you something Brother (20): You sound like a human vacuum cleaner, managing to both suck and blow at the same time! (21)
Big Brother: You can’t talk to me like that. I’m a Main Pager now. I’m a household name.
Degenerate: Oh you are a household name but so is garbage and it stinks when it gets old too. (22)
Big Brother: Ok. That’s enough. Hit the bricks, Junior. (23)
Degenerate: You know what, I’m happy to leave this stinking column. As usual, the pleasure was all yours. (24)
So… what was I saying again? Oh yeah, I got some pretty nice suggestions of DVDs that could have been included but were left out... because nobody voted for them. Off the top of my head I could name “Wrestling With Shadows” (which is a DVD in Europe). Also, I got a question that I found very interesting and might be a good idea for another poll: What wrestler do I want to see having his own DVD set and why. Actually that would suck as a poll but it could be a great subject and I’d love to hear your opinion on it. If I had to name 3 guys right now I would say Angle, HBK (a real one, not only 7 matches) and HHH. Like him or not, HHH was part of so many great matches. I could add the name of The Rock to the list but I would watch the DVD for the promos more than the wrestling itself.
As for the worst DVD ever, I got one especially good mention: "WWE The Videos vol.1 - Ramped Up!" As a starter, you know when the WWE never release a Vol. 2 of something, it’s because the first one was THAT bad. It’s basically 10 superstar entrance and the DVD is only 26 minutes long (thanks Stuart for that info). This is CLEARLY a DVD completely botched, no effort was made to make it any good, it was only designed to steal a few bucks, nothing more. Oh it's true, it's true, it's damn true! (25)
That’s enough about DVDs, I’ve covered that enough already. And since I promised you guys an in depth look at who I am and what makes me love wrestling I’m going to hold true to my words and do it. I’ll have four different parts to the Main column: How I started to watch wrestling and writing columns and 3 sections on 3 things that I love about wrestling. But first, I need to ask myself…
Questions I shouldn’t even think about
- Isn’t it stupid that one of the girls in the Diva search competition complains about the lack of creativity and uniqueness of the other competitors yet still use the sentence “Often imitated but never duplicated” (26)which is clearly a lack of creativity?
- Why are they still keeping Tatanka? He couldn't draw money if you dipped him in glue and drug him through Fort Knox. (27)
- Kane is on the hunt for the IC title? You've got to be freakin' kidding me, right? (28)
Wow. After this supposed monster push all he get is to job to Johnny Nitro? I guess it’s better than to job to your old self…
- Every time I see Jim Duggan I’m asking myself: Does the tongue hanging out help his balance? (29)
- So Trish may be leaving soon and some are sad to see the 3-time Babe of The Year go. Wait, wasn’t Babe a talking pig? (30)
- Talking about gorgeous women, man is Torrie Wilson hot or what? She's so hot she'd make Clay Aiken go straight. (31) But my personal favorite is Maria. I go from zero to horny in about 3.5 seconds when I hear her music. (32) There is a way to look stupid and make you look even hotter and that chick is doing it to perfection.
Ok, enough chit chat. Now is the time to tackle the Main subject of the column. Of course, if you're not down with that, I’ve got two words for you… (33)
How I fell in love with wrestling
As with pretty much everybody else from my generation, I watched wrestling (on a semi-regular basis) when Hulk Hogan became insanely popular. I remember when he asked us to “Say our prayers and eat our vitamins”. (34) I watched this man feuding with André the Giant (which is my earliest wrestling-related memory). “Whatcha gonna do brother when Hulkamania runs wild on you?” (35)And before you ask… no, my big brother nickname have nothing to do with this.
But after while, I stopped watching wrestling because of a lack of interest and the fact that I didn’t have cable anymore. Years have passed and we fast forward to 2001. I was living in a 8 ½ apartment with 2 other couples and another single guy in the cheapest sector in Montreal because we are all students and have basically not enough money to get by on our own. The other single guy had a huge bedroom with a TV set and a couch so… when I felt like talking with human beings (that wasn’t all that often, believe me) I went to talk with him. One Monday night, I decided to have a little conversation with him but he didn’t want to… he was busy watching Raw. My first reaction was “Oh my God, don’t you know it’s fake?” But my father taught me one great lesson in life: It’s better to try to find the positives in something than to bash it without knowing what you are missing. So I gave wrestling a fair shot and, before I knew it, I became hooked on it. The action, the catchphrase, the charisma of these guys… Whoooooo! (36) All of it.
Then after an exciting Survivor Series, I started to look at various websites to learn new insider information about Wrestlemania XX. I learned 6 months in advance about the return of the Dead Man Undertaker, I learned about the Lesnar-Goldberg match and I loved it… until I saw the event itself. I learned that day another important lesson: I hate spoilers. Because of them, I had in my mind the perfect storyline for the Dead Man return, I knew how good the Lesnar Goldberg match could be, I knew it all…but it didn’t happen how I wanted it so I felt let-down by the WWE. Therefore, I stopped reading spoilers but I became addicted on something else, something more in my taste… Wrestling Columns. The Main Pagers here were (and still are) the best you could find anywhere and I couldn’t wait to read their opinions on various happening, the results of Raw or on the latest PPV. It took me a while to read the forums because, as a lot of you guys probably think, “Who want to read second grade columns when you can read the Main Page?” Man was I wrong…
I’ve said it, exactly one year ago, and I’ll continue to say it. There is in the CF a quality of columns that is different. I’m not knocking on Main Pagers here but there is usually more creativity from there writers who try as hard as they can to garner 200 or 300 hits. You usually don’t see a “Raw review” or “PPV rating” because it’s not their style. Besides, Tito and DaveyBoy do it so well that there wouldn’t be any point in doing what they already do. And seeing these guys write their thoughts and create some wonderful work, I wanted to be a part of it. So I started to write columns as “Big Brother, the one who taught you life” because I wanted to show the other side of the medal. When people complained about the Orton title win, I explained why it was the best solution at the time. When people complained about HHH always being in the Main event (and trust me, we heard that all the time) I explained how a strong heel like him made victories by the faces that much more meaningful (see the Benoit-HBK-HHH triple threat at WM20 to see what I mean). When people said that HHH married Stephanie just to win the championship… I reminded them that he was going out with Chyna and that Steph, even if I don’t like her, is one hell of an upgrade over Chyna… It wasn’t easy. As most of you know by now, I am French Canadian which didn't help matters either. Actually I'm bilingual too. I'm bi a lot of things. Wait, no I'm not. (37)To top it all off, I’m a natural born asshole which makes it easy for people around to hate me. The point is, even if the road to become a successful wrestling columnist was a hard and bumpy one, I fear nothing and regret even less. (38) I’m proud of what I did even if in some cases, I shocked some people.
Why I love wrestling: First Reason
But I am rambling here, I was talking about what hooked me up with wrestling for good. Back in 2001, I fell in love during The Invasion Angle. Wow. What a bold statement. Possibly the worst wrestling angle ever done and that was what made me a fan? Yep. But there are multiple reasons for it. First off, I wasn’t a fan before that so I didn’t really know any wrestlers. I didn’t care if Scot Steiner didn’t sign with the WWE (and I still don’t). I didn’t have any preconceived notions about any of the wrestlers. Wait, that’s not completely true. Did I knew who Stone Cold was? Hell Yeah! (39) I already heard “If you smellllllllllll what the rock is cooking”. (40) I just didn’t have any reasons to care about it when it was said by a 24 year old fat single guy living with me.
Now I saw it. Now I fell in love with it. The Rock was the first wrestler that grabbed my attention and simply wouldn’t let it go. He was so talented on the mic I couldn’t believe it. And that was the first thing that hooked me: the catchphrases. Well, not all catchphrase. What? There are some that I didn’t like. What? Some of them were simply annoying the shit out of me. What? (41) Yeah… that one. Couldn't stand it 5 years ago and I still can’t. There is a huge difference between Hulk Hogan telling us to eat our vitamins and today’s catchphrases. Today it looks like the fans are completely involved in it. Today, the wrestlers interact with the audience and want us to say it with them. If you agree with me give me a hell yeah. (42)
And when you think of it, those catchphrase are not too dissimilar to famous quotes from the movie industry. “To be the man, you got to beat the man” (43) or “Austin 3:16 says I just whipped your ass” (44)is pretty much wrestling equivalent to “My name is Bond, James Bond” or “One ring to rule them all”. As a society, we seem drawn to those quotes that we can just reuse and, with that simple sentence, we are saying more than the words themselves. Those are basically important and/or cool moments in their own rights. For sure, you can easily quote James Bond in public but I’m not sure that many of my friends would understand “Oh, you didn't know? Your ass better call somebody”. (45)Actually, I’m even pretty sure some of you don’t remember this either.
But it’s more than just catchphrases that I loved, it’s all of those promos that can be insanely good. Anyone who remember some of Mick Foley’s anti hardcore promos in ECW know what I’m talking about. I just loved looking at those charismatic wrestlers take a microphone and hold the audience in the palm of their hands. Not everybody could do it. Stone Cold could. The Rock could. Foley, Flair and HBK still do it every once in a while. Eddie Guerrero was able to do it too. I just love to hear these guys make me laugh, make me hate them, love them…
Why I love wrestling: Second Reason
There is another big part of me that enjoy another side of wrestling and that is… the wrestling itself. I don’t necessarily mean a Benoit-Angle 5 star classic like they had at the Royal Rumble in 2003 (although, I LOVED that match) but I think that a lot of wrestlers entertain me with their antics in a match. I enjoy watching Kane perform as I always thought he was the best big men in the WWE. I prefer to watch him wrestle than his “brother” Taker. I don’t know why, I just don’t like Taker as much.
I enjoy also pretty much every Holy Shit moment although, it varies on the type of moment. I was stunned to see Brock Lesnar pick up the Big Show on the third rope and superplex him only to see the ring collide. Wow. For an instant, I wasn’t even sure if it was real or not. Or about a year ago in the Gold Rush tournament when Shelton jumped from the third rope all the way to the other side of the ring only to be greeted by HBK’s superkick. Oh My God what a slobber-knocker!!! (46) I love to watch these athletes defy gravity for my personal entertainment.
But the match itself wasn’t nearly enough. I mean, if I wanted to watch a fight, I’d be looking at MMA or Ultimate Fighting or those type of competition. No, what makes wrestling different is that… well… it’s fixed. The results of the match being predetermined makes the matches more entertaining because they can more easily build-up to strong moments and that’s what I love. I know it doesn’t make sense that HBK is stomping his feet on the ground before his Sweet Chin Music, it still is part of building up the excitement.
Actually, the build-up to a match is also part of what makes the match so unique. The feud that can go on and on and keep me riveted to my television asking myself what is about to come next.
Why I love wrestling: Third Reason
Last but not least, there is another thing that made me love wrestling and I’m ashamed to admit it. I loved to see them get hurt. I loved the physicality of it and I understood pretty quickly a lot of things. Yes, it’s rigged, but it’s not completely fake. You can’t fake gravity. (47)You can’t fake the contact of a naked back on the ground. And they had to do that live, in front of an audience. You can’t get any more real than that. No stuntman that switch with the main actor. And that leads me to what makes me respect them. It’s something that we, as fan, know of but that most people don’t see. It’s not a physical thing, it’s a mindset. It’s their determination and dedication to their craft. We all know it, they are on the road nearly every day, they have to work through injuries and pain on a daily basis. I don’t want to be too long on this as I've already covered a lot of that issue in a previous column but I really wanted to say it again: these men and women do a lot of things that entertain me on a weekly basis. Sure, some of them have a hidden agenda or other reasons behind their actions than simply “make my day” but it doesn’t mean that I shouldn’t respect their dedication.
But then again, some of them are more dedicated than others and those earned even more respect. I’m talking about each of these guys who took more risks in order to further a storyline. I’m talking about Eddie being slammed on the broken windshield of a car by Big Show (he still had those scars in his last match), about Orton being thrown on thumbstacks, Edge spearing Foley through a flaming table… hell… Foley for his whole career. These men gave a lot more than what was required and for that, I admire them. I admire their willingness to do more, to be more. Broken necks, splattered patellas, severed arteries: These are the things from which dreams are made of. (48)
So there you have it. What made me love wrestling. What can kill my enthusiasm. What made me write columns. Who I am… this, as stated earlier, was a very personal column and I hope some of you will enjoy it for what it was. I also hope that some of you guys will give the Columns Forum it’s fair chance and that you will go read some of the best work you can find on the net. As a matter of fact, it’s time for a returning section of mine…
Your brother tells you : You should read more!
I’m going to give two quick shout outs to two very talented columnists. The first one is Benbeeach who recently won COTM and should post his newest column on the Main Page in the near future. He have a tendency to write long column. He write and write and… it’s like he can’t stop. This guy makes coffee nervous. (49)
The other one is to Mike From Jersey who improved dramatically recently and I wanted to acknowledge his latest column which was pretty good. It’s called Takin' a Ride Down I-95 #22 - Five Star Classic and deserve to be read.
If you want to leave feedback, I’d love to hear it. You can send me an email here or you if you are a member of LOP you can simply got to my feedback thread here. I’ll answer to everyone.
And that's the bottom line, 'cause Stone Cold Said So. (50)
So you wanted to know where these quotes came from? There it is:
1: Raven
2: Fans chant towards Kurt Angle
3: DX
4: Diamond Dallas Page (changed)
5: The Rock
6: Legion Of Doom
7: Ric flair
8: The Rock
9: Eddie Guerrero
10: The Rock
11: Stone Cold (after listening to an opponent complain)
12: Booker T
13: Jim Garvin
14: "Rowdy" Roddy Piper
15: The Rock
16: Jake The Snake Roberts
17: The Rock
18: Road Warriors
19: "Rowdy" Roddy Piper
20: Hulk Hogan
21: Edge
22: Jim Cornette
23: Chris Jericho
24: Jesse Ventura
25: Kurt Angle
26: Captain Lou Albano
27: Jim Cornette
28: Kurt Angle
29: "Rowdy" Roddy Piper
30: Chris Jericho
31: Jerry Lawler
32: Jerry Lawler
33: DX
34: Hulk Hogan
35: Hulk Hogan
36: Ric Flair
37: HHH
38: John Cena
39: Crowd, usually answering to Stone Cold
40: The Rock
41: The most annoying crowd chant I’ve ever heard
42: Stone Cold, before the crowd answers
43: Ric Flair
44: Stone Cold
45: Road Dogg
46: Good Ol’ JR
47: Micheal Cole, sounding quite brilliant describing an RVD-Sabu match
48: Road Warrior Hawk
49: Bobby Heenan talking about the Ultimate Warrior
50: Stone Cold
The Latest News on Stone Cold Steve Austin's IN-RING WWE Return!!
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