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Submitted by Wevv Mang on Monday, August 7, 2006 at 2:15 AM EST
Ridin’ With The Bossman – The Divas Of WWE Greetings! Welcome to another edition of Ridin’ With The Bossman! The column that is used as a bedtime story for Aurora Rose. Well, another week of wrestling, and the clock is ticking down to SummerSlam. It’s only a few weeks away. Lots to talk about, and so little time. Let’s not waste anymore, but get right into it. WWE TV – The Series Raw Recap courtesy of Chad Matthews We start the show off with a celebration. A celebration of H’s fertile sperm. Vince and Shane may have stated the show, but HBK and H took over. Pictures of the baby were shown. Joke pictures. Slightly amusing. No, I’m lying. It was not good. Even HBK trying to get h audience going by doing the Shane dance didn't help. And then it was over, after an announcement was made that Vince and Shane will be facing DX at SummerSlam. With special guest referee Aurora Rose. Randy Orton Knows Best Not a bad segment. Honestly, it came across as death. But the material was not bad. It could have been better, but it felt like an idea that got rushed to TV. If they had taped the segment, with a set, it would have gone over much better. It’s still Randy Orton, but the skit was a good premise. I’m sure H will rip it off I no time. Chicks! Wrestling! Torrie was the special guest ref, and damn, she looked good. It was Trish and Candice vs Mickie and Vicki. Ross was saying that the ladies weren’t just eye candy and he was right. The ladies put on a match. A decent one too. Candace is good. Trish appears to have taken on the role of mentor once again. All in all, not a bad match, even if Micki did botch the finish. Trish went for the Stratusfaction and well, that move just seems too hard for the other chicks to hit, so it might be time to retire it and come up with a new finish. Flair and Foley Not bad, not bad at all. But Ric, well, he tried and did his best, but it wasn’t that good. Ric bounced around the ring, and used his emotion to make it work. But that only works once, not over the long haul. Foley carried him. With his words and his reactions. If it weren’t for Foley, that bit would have bombed. Some great liners in there too. Still the match has a lot of interest in it. I know I’m looking forward to it. DX Hijinks Armando gave Vince some Cuban cigars to celebrate the birth of his granddaughter. Vince said he doesn't smoke, but that he used to. Vince asked if he had any more. Armando said yes. Three boxes. Later, the feds raided H’s locker room and found two boxes. They carted off H. So, H doesn't wrestle tonight. Just HBK. HBK vs Umaga I have to say, HBK is winning me over. Still not a fan, but his work has been really good. This match as well, as HBK sold for Umaga. Even with Vince and Shane interfering, it was a solid match. HBK took another of those wicked looking Samoan drops. Umaga wins. We then get to see Shane and Vince beat down HBK. We also learn that H will face Umaga next week. Well, due to an error, I got to see the last five minutes of the show at the very beginning of Raw. Must have been the switch over. Way to go guys. Not a bad show. Not a great show, but there were some very good segments. Oh, and before I forget. Divas Search The chicks were told to say whom they wanted voted off. Only one of them actually named some one. Instead they played nice girls, and said everything but. The chick that was voted off was not the last remaining Big Titted Blonde, but Rebecca, the girl who looks like she’s from Jersey. I get the feeling that Vince made the call. Now, it’s time for some H Trivia. Now, it’s more of a question than actual stats. I will be making a call for those noble gentlemen, but at the end. Ready? Here goes: How many men does it take to beat H? See, I’m thinking that H is going to beat Umaga. And I get the feeling that he’ll be beating up more than just the Samoan Bulldozer. Let’s see, we got Vince, Shane, and possibly the Spirit Squad all running in. HBK as well. It takes more than one man to put down H. So, this year, and this is a tough question, I know, but on average, how many men does Triple H beat up winning, and how many men does H beat up on average when he loses. Also, the same question could be applied to Undertaker. Now, some may point to the jobs H did for Batista, but that was a long time ago. And the only clean win I remember seeing Undertaker do was the one for Khali. Oh, and on a completely unrelated note, Hogan jobbed to Taker. In fact, Hogan was dragged down a hallway Behind Undertaker’s motorcycle back in Biker Taker days. Now, on to ECW. ECW Recap courtesy of David Slade Ah, the Hammerstein Ballroom. Filled with loyal ECW fans. Chanting up a storm. In fact, chanting things that can’t be allowed to air on Public Television. Dreamer and Sandman vs Knoxx and Test I did read somewhere that Heyman’s guards are none other than the Bashams. Interesting. Match wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t real good either. Some comedy spots, some hardcore spots, and a run in ending. Sabu and Paul I do like their segments. Heyman saying Sabu will never get a shot, and Sabu not backing down. CM Punk So that is CM Punk. Not bad, not bad at all. He’s got some good skills. Justin Credible kept up, and it was a solid match. Crowd was firmly behind Punk. Only about a four minute match, but it felt longer. Still, it would be nice to see more time given, and see if it can hold up. Punk wins by the way. Boston Brawler Yes, he’s back to being from Brooklyn, but I will still honor his wishes and call him the Boston Brawler. Angle comes out and beats the crap out of him. Nice. Big Show vs Batista Yeah, some of the luster has worn off the animal. What’s funny, is that this match is a PPV main event on any other WWE show. And the crowd pretty much said they didn't really care about it. The match itself wasn’t stellar, but it didn't suck either. It was the crowd that sucked the life out of the match. The crowd did like the ending, when Sabu ran in and nailed Big Show with some great moves. Impressive stuff, and it would have been a lot better. See, the match was designed to protect Batista, who is the Chosen One of Smackdown. That’s been the problem with these inter-promotional matches. While a match up with the names involved scream main event, the matches themselves scream “Protection!”. Like Undertaker was protected. Like Batista this week. The only guys who went out of their way, Edge and Cena, were allowed to do so because the show was new, and they wanted it to succeed and WWE was worried about projecting an ECW atmosphere. Now that the pressure is off, to an extent, ECW main events are now being used to bolster the other shows, as opposed to trying to improve their own. Big Show has shown a willingness to work a stiffer match, and do what it takes. He’s been solid as the ECW champ. Would Angle have been better? Short term yes, long term no. Angle’s health is always an issue. Especially in ECW. Sabu? Maybe, but Big Show is a name and now that the new fans are learning about Sabu, he’ll be good later. But that’s two weak finishes to title matches in a row. And this week, well, it’s rather pointless if Batista isn't coming back. And yeah right Undertaker is coming back. He’s getting paid to not appear on TV. Smackdown Recap courtesy of Jason “No Last Name Needed” Well, how wrong was I? Undertaker is wrestling TONIGHT! He’s got a contract after all, and might as well get most of those dates out of the way now, so he can take the Fall off. And that’s not all. All those people who got suspended for liver enzyme problems? Almost all of them are back. Lashley is back. Khali is back. Tatanka is back. I know you were really worried about that last one, but it’s OK. He’s back now, that impressive young talent. Elijah Burke and Sylvester Terkay You know, I knew who Terkay was. A MMA fighter. But this Elijah Burke guy has some potential. Kennedy vs Batista Kennedy is about on the same level when it comes to the crowd as Batista. Batista has the lead, but Kennedy is quickly closing it. It’s funny, because some folks thought this would be bad for the Cheesehead, but that guy is showing fire, and grit. Batista wins, and then tells Cole to save his congratulations for after he wins the World Title back. Good promo. See, less Batista talking is a good thing. Vito The guy sucks. He’s got some moves, but this gimmick is dead in the water. He’s in a dress. So what. I know it’s a knock on the Highlanders, since WWE has only one idea at a time, but still. This week, Vito beats the Boston Brawler. Hey! Two matches in a week! If Tatanka can come back, why not the Brawler? MVP I have to say, I like the guys’s first appearance. Not bad, not bad at all. Only problem is, if it’s a knock on the rookie NFL players, well, they’re going to have to start naming some figures when it comes to money, and the numbers WWE is going to use are going to seem ridiculously low. Chavo Speaks I liked it. I liked it a lot. Chavo said all the right things. Good segment. Went a bit too long, and with Vicki there, well, at least she’s getting paid. But good stuff so far. I dread what WWE creative will do to it though. Undertaker vs Booker T I kept getting the feeling that this match would determine who wins at Summerslam. Batista or Booker. If Taker won, then Booker would lose the belt to Batista. If Booker won, well, he could still loose the belt, but he would still be in the title hunt. Well, Booker sold like crazy for Taker. Then Khali came out, and the fact that Booker lost was swept away by the Match That Never Happened. Khali vs Undertaker, Take 2. Let’s hope those enzymes stay under control, right folks? Well, it was a show. A show that put some pieces together and got the ball rolling for SummerSlam. Two weeks. And a lot of new faces. Well, some showed up last week, but they got time this week, and if they can make it two weeks in a row, that’s not bad. For WWE rookies. Not Kane’s House * * At long last, Stu’s next edition of Not Kane’s House. Thank you Stu, and see, I didn't forget! It’s morning at Smackdown High School in the town. The Miz is attempting to read the news and sports results for the week over the sound system, but he obviously struggling with some of the words. Principle Regal catches some of the boys laughing in the corridor at The Miz and calls one of them into his office. Principle Regal: Well Mr. Kendrick, what were you laughing at just now in the corridor? Brian: Nothing, sir. Principle Regal: Really? Are you sure you weren’t making fun of Mister Miz? Brian: Yes, sir. I was actually just thinking that the sports report could be a little more entertaining if a little play-by-play could be incorporated into it. It would also be a good way of increasing morale and getting some of the students behind the athletes. Principle Regal: That’s not a bad idea Mr. Kendrick. I take it you would be interested in taking this forward? I’ll tell you what, starting tomorrow you can record a twice-weekly 1-hour show. In fact you could do it live on the school radio channel that the Board of Governors persuaded the town elders to give us a permit for. Brian: Can I use Paul as my broadcast partner? Principle Regal: I don’t see why not. Mr. London would make an excellent addition. Go and see Miss Kiebler before the end of the day. She should be in the school gym taking dance classes most of today, and with her media connections I’m sure she’ll be able to give you some support. Now get to class. Brian leaves and tells Paul the good news as the make their way to class. Later that day… During a break in classes Brian and Paul make their way to the school gym where they hope to find Miss Kiebler. When they arrive at the gym they look through the window in the door to see Miss Kiebler stretching before her next class. They watch mesmerized for a couple of minutes before Miss Kiebler catches them watching her. Miss Kiebler: Brian, Paul! What are you doing out there? Come in here this instant! Brian: Sorry Miss. We didn’t want to disturb you. Principle Regal said that we should come and find you as he has given Paul and I permission to do a radio show on the school’s station. Miss Kiebler: Well thank you for your “consideration” in not disturbing me. As for the radio show have you any thoughts about what you plan to do? Paul: We are going to do a sports show to try and liven up the sports results because they are so dull Nobody really listens to them anyway when they are read out. Miss Kiebler: True. You can only hear about Mark Henry Jr. not winning anything a couple of times before you just tune it out. So how can I help with the show? Brian: Well Principle Regal said that you are pretty media savvy, and with all the new connections that you are making that you would be able to help us structure the show. Miss Kiebler: Meet me in my office in the morning before school starts and We’ll see what we can do. I know that you pair are wrestling at a meet tonight and, despite being champions at the minute, you are in a handicap match tonight with one of the heavyweight guys so good luck with that and I hope that you will be in one piece tomorrow! Brian and Paul: Thanks Miss Kiebler! As they walk down the corridor one of the boys mutters “You so would, Wouldn’t you?” The next day during lunch break: Brian and Paul are sitting in the radio studio ready to start broadcasting the “Los Hooligans Sports Show”. As he’s passing, Principle Regal sticks his head round the door. Principle Regal: Remember boys that proper planning prevents poor performance. I’ll be listening in my office. Good luck! He throws them double-thumbs up as he walks past the window of the studio. One of the school geeks taps the glass from the producer side of the studio to say that they are starting in 10 seconds. Brian and Paul: Good afternoon! Brian: And welcome to the? Paul: “Los Hooligans Sports Show” Brian: We’ll be doing a twice weekly sports show to keep you, the listening public, up to speed on all the sports related happenings at the school this week. We’ll also be covering some the other news that we think you need to know. So if you’ve got anything that you want made public knowledge let us know. Paul: I don’t know about you Brian, but after last night I’m absolutely wrecked. Brian: For anybody that wasn’t there last night we got our *beep* handed to us last night by some new exchange student. I can’t believe that guy is in high school. He can’t even talk! Paul: I find it hard to believe that as current champions we got fed to the slaughter with that big *beep* guy! Way to build up our reputation! Dude (addressing the geek), what’s with the censoring of the word *beep*? I bet they don’t have this trouble over at Raw College! Brian: Yeah, so that was the news from last night’s wrestling meet. Oh, I forgot to say that Rey also held onto his heavyweight championship. Good job Rey, though not an actually “job”, obviously, as you did win. Paul:Seriously, Rey as heavyweight champion? In the words of Gregory, back when he used to have a cool catchphrase, whatsupwidat? Somebody needs to weigh Rey’s mask separately! Brian: Speaking of weighing things, I see Mark Henry Jr. managed to come last in the track event yesterday. No surprises there! Paul: I still can’t believe he’s on the running team. The only time I ever see him running is to the cafeteria at lunchtime. How did his dad ever convince Coach to put him on the team? Brian: His dad must have nude of photos of someone. Paul: Yeah, of himself eating a whole chicken, and nobody wants to see that! At this stage Principle Regal crashes into the producers booth and lunges for the OFF-AIR button. Brian: It looks like we’re about to have some technical trouble Paul: We’ll be right back after these messages’. Maybe. The speakers around the school go silent. Over-Analyzing Wrestling Today’s Topic: Chick Power Revisited Wrestling and women don'’t seem to go together if you listen to the fans. The most vocal of them complain endlessly about chicks appearing on TV. Yet, they have been a part of wrestling for years. It was announced this week that Lita’s contract is coming due. Trish is not expected back after our wedding in September. Both have expressed a desire to try their hand at acting. Both are mainstays of WWE. The Divas Search has narrowed down their contestants to 5. One of the recently eliminated contestants has been offered a contract. WWE has had a revolving door of women the past few years. Chicks come, chicks go. Some are true losses, some weren’t worth it. Some of them were gone so quick, I can't even think of their names. But Trish and Lita, if they do leave, will be a big blow. I still remember the first big promo Trish did. The one where she was only a manager at the time of T and A, Test and Albert. She did a promo for T&A’s upcoming match against the Dudley’s. It was a tables match. Trish, in lingerie, writhing around on a table, and making all kinds of innuendos. It was a masterpiece. Hot, funny, and it sure got people interested in the match. Lita has been around the business longer. She was in ECW, and before she got the boob job. When she joined the Hardy’s, she was an instant face and fan favorite. Her neck injury occurred when she was filming a stunt for the TV show Dark Angel. But for every Trish and Lita, there are the Joy Giovani’s, the Christy Hemme’s and the Gail Kim’s. The ones who show promise, either in the ring or on the mic. I’m still shocked that WWE let Christy and Gail go. I can understand Christy, as their was probably an option on her contract for a lot of money, and WWE didn't want to pay it. But letting Lita and Trish go is something different. Would it really have that much of an impact? I think it will. Trish has been the leader of the women’s division. Well, maybe not leader, but let’s call her the Coach. She worked her ass off and made it. She improved year after year in the ring. Lita had the Hurricanrana, and well, a lot of people learned about that move from her. Sure, others used it before Lita, but with the popularity of the Hardy Boys, some new folks learned about an exciting new move. Her neck injury seems to have made her reconsider her style. One other thing about Lita. She is now basically a manager and a good one. It seems that she has paved the way for the return of managers and frankly, that’s a good thing. Trish and Lita were both staples of the Divas DVD’s. Now, new bodies can easily replace their spots on the DVD, but when it comes to fans, and not just horny guys looking to get some soft core wrestling porn, it’s a different story. The chicks do have fans. And surprise, some of them a young girls. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’d like to go on a tangent. There was an incident at the SuperBowl that you may remember. The shockwaves of that incident prompted networks to tone down their sexually suggestive content on their shows. CBA did get fined a half million after all. Now, the women on WWE and their antics are not nearly as suggestive as other shows. But that’s not the problem. Wrestling is a lightening rod for trouble. The fact that WWE creative loves to try and create it doesn't help. But the FCC has shown a willingness to go after sexual material. They have a new head, and a few months ago, they were said to be clearing a backlog of complaints. More fines were levied. Now, the networks are fighting back, appealing the fines. In other words, networks are fighting for their shows, to a degree. That would not be the case with wrestling I believe. Wrestling has it’s own stigmata to overcome, and if the FCC cracked down on them, well, I don’t think they would get much support from the networks. It would be easier for the networks to just abandon wrestling. Even with the ratings wrestling pulls in, the translation of ratings to profit for the networks is about the same as they would get by throwing replacement programming in. Especially for USA, who makes the lion’s share of money off the ad revenue. What does this have to do with the chicks? Well, consider this. Trish has refused time and time again to do Playboy. Lita has expressed interest, but only recently, around the time she started taking part in Live Sex shows. That isn't to say that they won't do risqué material. They will and have. Steph got to completely humiliate Trish, and that was years ago. Lita, well, I already said what she would do. Part of the Divas Search seems to be that the finalists pose in Playboy. Candace Michelle did not win the Divas Search and she appeared in the magazine. Does that mean that the new round of Divas Search chicks will instantly replace Trish and Lita? I doubt it. This round really hasn't done anything. With Christy, she had personality and energy. With Ashley, well, they’re trying really hard, but she just doesn’t quite cut it. Candace has the personality and presence to make the fans pay attention. Kristal has shown real talent, not just on the mic, but also in the ring. Could there be a woman in OVW who could take their place? Not sure. But Mickie stole Trish’s spotlight in their Wrestlemania match. Quickly afterwards it faded, but it hasn't gone away. Jillian got a horrible gimmick as her debut, but once that was gone, she’s starting to gain momentum. Melina is a very talented woman, and she could go far, but she’s suffering from the Sable persecution. Over, and then the talk of an ego comes into play. Sharmelle has the potential, but she’s not a wrestler. Victoria has had a bad knee for over a year. I know the rumors have been swirling that she hurt it recently, but it was a long time ago that she blew it out. She never got the surgery. I think this time it’s more along the lines of re-injuring it. Torrie has managed to survive, and that’s no small feat. Folks thought she would be gone last year. But she’d gotten better in the ring, and people know who she is. Her mic skills are not great, but they’re good enough. WWE just seems to see the chicks as bodies. Easy to replace. That’s not the case though. The ladies are just like any wrestler. Given time, they become familiar. Just like favorite wrestlers. Which is exactly what they are. They’ve put their bodies on the line as much as the men. Well, at least some of them have. But the guys sure as hell wouldn't look as good in a bikini. Just look at Vito. Now, there is talk of the splits being on good terms. Which is a good thing. These ladies, when they’re out trying to make it in acting, will be spokespeople for wrestling. They may, just may, be able to help change people’s, aka not wrestling fans, outlook on wrestling. It really would make no sense to have Lita and Trish go through some really horrible angle, only to have them show up on Access Hollywood and be forced to tell people that wrestling is fake, and be forced to avoid all questions about what they were doing before they got that gig in Pirates Of the Caribbean 3. One last thought before I wrap this up. Never underestimate the power of a hot chick. Hot chicks get more attention than average looking guys. Folks have surfed around looking for picture of the Divas Search contestants. Some photos have been found, and names have been learned. See, when a guy sees a picture of a hot chick, they would like to see more pictures, preferably with less clothes, of said hot chick. Think I’m lying or just plain wrong? I got one name for you. Paris Hilton. She’s not an actress. She’s not a musician. But she’s a huge celebrity. Why? Hot rich chick. She got famous before the porn. The porn just pushed her over the edge. And that completes today’s column. That day being Monday. Sigh. Yes, a very late column. Nothing like working enough for seven days crammed into six. Oh well. It’s over now. Oh wait, crap. It’s Monday. Time to start all over again. Well, quick plugs and that’s a wrap. QUICK PLUGS! LOP FORUMS LOP COLUMNS FORUM THE MOVIE BAR! Great place for reviews of DVD's, Music, and special video clips. Your one stop review spot. THE PROJECT LIVES! Looking for submission of creative writing. A great way to get your work published, and noticed. LOP'S PWA E-FED. Best E-Fed on the net. Period. That's all for this week. Thanks for Readin' and Thanks For Ridin' Wevv Mang mrwevv@mac.com - PLEASE LABEL ALL EMAIL AS FEEDBACK. THANK YOU. *NEW GALLERY* Hot Photos of Shawn Michaels' Wife Rebecca!!
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