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Submitted by Randomguy#5 on Friday, August 4, 2006 at 7:18 PM EST
Welcome back everybody to the column that gets more press coverage than a suddenly gay Lance Bass, The Nosebleed Section. I am your not-so-shocked host Randomguy#5, and I can’t figure out why for God’s sake everybody is still talking about this shit a week after he came out and five years after he was relevant in American Pop-Culture. Seriously, does this surprise people? “No! Not a boy band member who’s gay! Say it ain’t so!” Please. If I were a gay man I’d be throwing a fit right now. I can hear the Rainbow Coalition now- “We don’t want his faggot ass-you straight folk keep him!” Ton’s going on in the wrestling world lately kids so I’m going to extend this week’s Arbitraries a bit to compensate and cover some ground. I apologize but I don’t have that Jericho column for you that I talked about last outing, namely because two days after I’d said that fellow main pager Wevv Mang jacked my idea and did the column for me. Be sure to email him and tell him to quit stealing Random’s ideas. After taking last week off to finish up the site over haul for The Project and finish editing for my other non-wrestling podcast The Cooler I’ve decided to spring on you guys an idea I’ve been kicking around for a long time. See, everybody at one point or another attempts a “Random Thoughts” column and I don’t know that I ever have. I figure I’m entitled, being the one called Random and all, so I’m going to try something today I’ve never done before, and with any luck you’ll find it passable on your Good-column-o-meter. --Monday Night Countdown continues to grow and I’d like to think that Morpheus and I are starting to get better every week. If you haven’t yet downloaded the show, please do so and check us out, I’ll put links to the most recent editions at the end of the column. Last week’s show nearly broke the 2,000 download mark, so our voices are being heard by quite a few people. If you’re not one of them, I’d appreciate your giving us a chance to earn a space on your Ipod or on your CPU. We’re better than suck. --This week’s ECW show was the best ECW I’ve seen in the WWE, sans the two PPV’s. What does that mean? It means it was better than the crap they’ve had on the last few weeks and miles ahead of what they put on the first couple weeks. Why was it better? Simple they did everything that I told them to do in my ECW Expose column two columns ago: They recorded in a small venue with their core fan base (albeit editing some crowd noise, bastards) they gave us at least one bloody carnage filled contest, they featured on great wrestling contest (Punk/Credible) and they featured new talent in CM Punk. Now if they could only get a handle on this whole main event scene that is entirely too much WWE talent, they’d be in good shape. --What’s not in good shape is Smackdown right now. Many of you have emailed me and asked if think Smackdown is drawing is final breath, and my answer to this is “NO” because it’s still strong enough in the ratings to justify CW keeping it around, particularly when its not getting preempted in every major market between Miami and Vancouver. I do however think that the brand is in need of a major energy injection and I don’t think that Bobby Lashley is it. Batista had that potential but the problem is that there just isn’t anybody for him to feud with. It’s starting to remind me a bit of TNA at times, where the main event scene is ok, the ring action is solid, the midcard is stellar and the mic skills are deplorable. The lone exception to that seems to be King Booker, who in spite of his awesome new gimmick that I just loathe (in a good way) I still can’t believe it has a lot of life to it. Then again, I thought the same thing about JBL. What JBL had however is a number of big time faces to mow down in ‘Taker, Eddie, Booker, and eventually Cena whom everybody was clamoring for in the main event. While Batista could be that face that everybody is begging for to win the title, he doesn’t play the face in peril well role well simply because he’s too dominant at times-it just gets too unbelievable when he looks weak. Ideally I’d like to see the feud with him and Kennedy continue through Summerslam, and find some more people to feed to Booker for a while, such as Rey in a rematch, Taker in a screw job, or even the turning face Finlay. --Which is a horrible idea by the way. That guy’s entire gimmick was built around being a dirty Irish bastard who stomps on your knuckles and racks you on the ring apron. Wait…yeah I could cheer that. But not the midge. I’ll never cheer a midget. --Boo Midgets. Hooray Beer. --And hooray for the resigning of Jeff Hardy. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a huge Glow Boy mark or anything, but I do think that if booked right Jeff could be a viable midcarders or more. I once described Jeff as “Too small to be in the main event with a limited offense and terrible punches, but he sells very well, appeals to a niche audience, and can be very entertaining with his high spots.” I can’t recall but I believe it was BC who then replied to me “Sounds like Shawn Michaels.” When he first debuted in TNA I thought it was the saving grace of his career as he appeared refreshed with a new character prior to falling back into the glow boy three move of doom motif. I once wrote a column entitled “Back to the Future with Jeff Hardy” declaring that he would be a prominent figure in TNA. I was going to link you to that column, but Boss Foxx deleted it. Boo Boss Foxx. --Steven Colbert > Boss Foxx. -- And the only thing greater than DX is apparently more DX. I’m still not completely for or against the group, which is why I haven’t really even mentioned them in a column until now, but I do think they are entertaining more often than not and I can see where they could be worth keeping around until the fall as Stephanie suggests. It would however greatly upset me to see the group continue going nowhere and doing the same old things for six months. --Much like TNA’s main event. I tell you what if there is anything that breaks your heart more often than a young hot Russian tennis player, it’s TNA’s Main Event. They’ve had every opportunity to really take that promotion to the next level in the last six months. Christian was better as a champion than anybody they’d had in a long time though even he could have been better. Rather than continue with what was a solid title run, they turned it into a cluster fuck which would have been passable if the strap somehow unfucked its way onto the large-ass of Samoa Joe. But no. They passed on the hottest wrestler in the industry so as to lump in a three way feud with Rhino and Monty Brown. Joe has every right to be pissed and if I were him, I’d choke a bitch. --Which as per Morpheus, is what Bobby Lashley should do. Or say. I don’t know, I don’t get my co-host either. --Back to that TNA thing, something else I don’t get is how the title mysteriously landed on Jarrett. Now I’ll give him credit, he’s perfected the HHH ‘03 manner of heeldom where you hate him because you’re litterally begging your TV screen for him to drop the title, and by begging I mean like cheerleader-on-the-knees style. While a dominant and dirty heel champ can be done decently well (JBL, Triple H at times, Booker T?) as I mentioned earlier it only works if the right people are chasing. Since we’ve already seen AJ and Truth chase, and management is for some unknown reason Anti-Joe, that leaves Sting who is older than conflict in the middle east and about as entertaining to watch on television. I got an idea-put the strap on Eric Young! Eric Rules. --Don’t fire Eric. --Fire Khali. --Where was I…..Sting…Suck….Fire….KANE! Man, just when I thought the reason for his absence from TV was so he could pull a ‘Taker and take some time off to grow the hair out long, he turns up in Europe further promoting a crappy horror movie (aren’t they all?) and shows up on ECW to j-o-b to the Big Show. I like Show just fine, but Kane had all the momentum in the world to do something serious with his character. Now, he seems to being getting slapped with the whole “creative has nothing for you” excuse, which given what creative has come up with for Jamie Noble, Gregory Helms, Shelton Benjamin and Nick Dinsmore maybe he’s better off on the bench. --Which brings us to the Raw midcard. Carlito and Trish should just get it on already. I’d watch. “Cum” to think of it why not let Nitro and Melina join them and we’ll just have a XXX version of Raw on PPV one night. Probably do better buy rates than the ‘Bash. Umaga is a character I just can’t figure out, that character just keeps getting pushed to the moon but at some point you realize that moon is a long way up and his big ass just can’t jump that high. He’d be a good candidate for that whole “heel title holder while people chase” thing, but do it with the IC title. And let Matt Stryker chase. I know he’s not face, but Stryker owns. I mark for violent teachers. --I also mark for Torrie Wilson, the Canadian Destroyer, and Mick Foley. --Who has been simply phenomenal in his role in this feud with Rick Flair. Flair has been good, but Foley has been God. I love how this feud is drawing a line in the sand between wrestling fans, as they’re being forced to choose between which of you are Flair fans (boo) and which of us are Foley fans (Hooray!). Great mic work and limited physical interaction hiding the fact that neither are consistently great in the ring anymore. However, they can both be exceptional for one match at any given point, and I think that’s what we’re going to get at Summerslam. --Which should be the best PPV since ‘Mania or maybe longer. I’d run down the whole card, but I don’t think Morpheus and I have gotten finished adding it up yet. Download the latest show and you’ll hear two guys try and form a PPV card that ends up being somewhere around six hours and 12 matches long. The WWE should hire me. --It worked for the PWA. Payroll Radio on air soon. Death to the Misfits and anybody else who stands in the way of my quest for the tag titles, including the Witnesses. --And speaking of Witnesses I’d like to thank you for baring Witness to the Ultimate Random Thought’s column. Hope it too was slightly above suck. Sanctimonious Son of a Bitch Whatever Plague has stuck the Smackdown lockeroom needs to be addressed. Seriously, I don’t know who in their pissed off God but something holy is smiting the blue brand. The funny thing is, if its Liver Enzymes or behavioral suspensions, why don’t these things happen to Raw? Does anybody else find that a little sketchy? Cannon Fodder My St. Louis Cardinals are trying like hell to give away the National League Central. Luckily for us there isn’t anybody out there to take it. I’ve been a National League guy my whole life, but the American League teams really are so much better its getting scary. Damn the DH. Cheesy Thumbs Up Congratulations to the Lopforums.com “King of the Columns” Jules for winning the esteemed KOTC tournament (created by yours truly I might add). You can read his latest column and all of its royal greatness by clicking HERE but in reality he really doesn’t need the hits. I think he’s out hitting me now, and he’s doing it from the forums. What can I say, the guy is good. Thus ends another whimsical climb up the stairs to the Nosebleed Section and I hope you enjoyed your stay. Once again, feedback is always appreciated and I promise that I really am getting better about the whole replying to emails thing so give me reason to practice and tell me what you thought eh? While you’re at it feel free to click around and check out some of the links I’ve dropped today including Jules’ column, The Project, or the latest installments of Monday Night Countdown. I’ll be back again sometime in the next two weeks and I’ve no idea what I’m going to write about to be honest. You’ll just have to wait and see what comes out. Until then, as per usual, thank you for visiting The Nosebleed Section-but next time, get better seats. Click here to Email Randomguy#5!  Do me the honor of checking forgetting everything you think you know about The Project and checking out the new site won’t you? We’ve worked extremely hard on it, and hope it is infinitely improved over its initial incarnation. Read some great material, listen to some more, then let me know what you think.  Monday Night Countdown Last Two Episodes Monday Night Countdown is Lop's own exclusive audio podcast featuring me, Randomguy#5 and fellow Lop columnist Morpheus. The show is a countdown type format running down the hottest ten topics of the past week in professional wrestling. You can find it in the “News” section of Lop every week Monday-so check out Lop Monday afternoons-and start the Countdown to your wrestling week. Episode 9: Hi-Fi **Download Here** Episode 9 Low-Fi Edition **Download Here** Episode 10: Hi-Fi **Download Here** Episode 10 Low-Fi Edition **Download Here** --Hi-Fi Editions are slightly larger files and take longer to download but are better audio quality. Low-Fi are more dial-up user friendly. *NEW GALLERY* Randy Orton & Other WWE Superstars WILDIN' OUT and PARTYING!
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