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Submitted by Wevv Mang on Monday, July 31, 2006 at 12:22 AM EST
Ridin’ With The Bossman #230 – All Hail The Dawning Rose Greetings! Welcome to another edition of Ridin’ With The Bossman. The column that Shane McMahon is too ashamed to admit he is a fan of. Well, Shane McMahon is not alone. But that’s not news. What IS news is that Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley gave birth to a daughter, Aurora Rose Levesque. Congrats go out to the parents. It does raise a question of whether H and Steph will be at Raw, or decide to spend the time with their daughter. In honor of the occasion, I will leave them alone. No disparaging words about H or Steph in this column! No sir-ee! Why, it’s a cause for joyous celebration, and to make fun of the happy family would be like, well, it would be like making fun of some one who died. Just wrong. And WWE would never stoop so low. So, in this column, we have a special Kane’s House, in honor of the occasion, stat results from good ol’ Sheepster, and Captain Happy. Both of them came through. Thank you gentlemen. I’ll save them for OAW. So, let’s get this column rolling shall we? Oh, and in case you didn't notice, we have some new additions to the main page. Big Brother, RIPBossman, and Boss Foxx. Sunday’s used to be such lonely times, but no longer. Welcome gentlemen, and congratulations. WWE TV – The Series Raw Recap courtesy of Chad Matthews I liked this show. I liked it a lot. It made sense, it wrapped up loose ends, the promos had some extra fire, and the wrestling was top notch. It seems that with H, Vince, Steph, and Gerwitz gone, the rest of the staff picked up the slack, and made a good show. HBK HBK got the bulk of the mic work, and I’m sure that all the HBK marks creamed their jeans over it. Well, it didn't suck, so, I’m glad. No penis jokes, no bare asses, just wise ass comments, and Coach, playing his role, and well. Much better than H and his love of male genitalia. And HBK did another amazing move in his match against Coach, which he won. That Samoan Drop was amazing. That’s twice now that HBK has stolen a match by taking a move. See, selling can work just as well as squashing. Mick, Ric, Edge, and Cena I must say, while being treated as second bananas, these gentlemen have really been carrying the show. Foley has come back on fire, and his work has been outstanding. It’s fresh, new, and a great way to lead into this feud. Cena has been quietly gaining momentum. He still gets booed, but now it’s more from habit, and from facing foes that are red hot. Edge is still the man, and the champion, and doing a great job of letting H play, while he keeps interest in the title. Ric has been the weak one in this mix, but even he’s holding his own, he’s just not shining as brightly as Foley or Edge. But he can, and I think he will, when the time is right. Carlito, Trish, Benjamin, Nitro, and Melina You know, if Foley wanted to, he could put together another Four Horsemen, and really stick it to Ric. But these folks have their own feud going, and even though it’s tied to another, it’s just as good. Carlito and Trish have been good. Benjamin has been showing off, and that’s good as well. He just needs some one to help with his talking. If it was Foley, that would be pure gold. I don't get the constant mention of Melina. I know it’s a net thing, but it does lack something. HOGAN! HOGAN! HOGAN! It was fairly quiet when he came out, but ten seconds after he started talking, he had them all in the palm of his hand. I love that big orange crufter. Man’s a genius. Hell, he even got the fans to chant HOGAN! When Randy was talking. But I forgot. Everyone is now a Randy Orton fan, since they hate Hogan. Candace A smart pick up from the Divas Search and she’s doing great. She has the instincts, the presence and she’s working on her ring skills. Not a bad match, and she does get the crowd going. Divas Search Another blonde with big tits is voted off. Good. WE really don't need any more. We have plenty. And as for the final six, well, I think they would all do well. Seriously. Don't forget, ECW needs chicks and I can see Jen, JT, or Rebecca as the next Francine or Dawn Marie. So, that was Raw. Nothing to complain about. Seriously, some things weren’t to my liking, but there was plenty of stuff that was, and what didn't was forgotten. Or is easy to ignore. But this show did a good job of linking everything together, and setting up feuds and angles. It didn't really advance, so much as prepare. And I like that. ECW Recap Courtesy of David Slade Vince returned in time for this show and Smackdown, and it shows. How? Let’s look at the matches we got. Sandman (w- DQ) vs Mike Knoxx The Vampire (Mordecai) (w) vs Little Guido Justin Credible (w – DQ) vs Balls Mahoney Big Show vs Kane Yep, bug guys all over the card. Vince loves the big men. The matches themselves were a bit screwy in their endings. Two DQ’s for the smaller guys to get the win. Still the matches were pretty good. Mordy really showed a lot pf promise. Dude has some badass moves, and he’s got a chick, Ariel. Some interesting notes. Chad Matthews Punk needs to have a match to back up his talk. And in other interesting news, I have learned the truth behind the CM in CM Punk. Are you ready world? Loyal reader Shady Stone sent this in: Dear Wevv, I would first like to thank you for the entertainment you have provided with me for your columns thus far and I hope that you continue to do so for quite some time. Secondly in your last column you took a guess on what the "C.M." stood for in Mr. Punks name and I have come to break the news. It is NOT Chad Matthews. It actually stands for "Chick Magnet" as he wrestled in a tag team when he first broke in the business as Chick Magnet Punk and has since continued to use that name in an abbreviated form. Thank you for you time and hope to read you again soon. Sincerely, Shade Stone Thanks Shade. CM does live up to that part of his name. He’s got Maria shaving his balls every weekend. Lucky bastard. Damn you Billy Kidman! Sorry, hadn't said that in a while and since Billy got a try out match, I’m trying to get back into the habit. I wonder who Heyman’s guards are. Kane vs Big Show was awesome. A damn good match. Brutal, intense, and given enough time to tell a story. The ending was good too. Sabu attacked Big Show. Nice. So, ECW is getting it’s act together, and guess what? Rumors are that the run on Sci-FI will go beyond the initial offering, and into September. That’s great news. The rating has been solid, and steady. ECW is going to stay. And on Sci-Fi. Smackdown Recap courtesy of Jason I missed Smackdown on Friday. I was at a Santana concert. Great show. The concert I mean. I finally watched Smackdown this morning. A decent show. Let’s take a look. King Booker I like King Booker. He also makes the effort and sacrifice to make Rey look good. Take note JBL. Finlay and Regal was a treat to see. Musical Chairs Diva Search. Not bad, not bad at all. Oh wait, they’re hot chicks. BOO! BOOO HOT CHICKS! WE WANT MORE MEN ON OUR SHOW! NO MORE HOT CHICKS! I’d rather have a ten-minute Batista promo! BOO HOT CHICKS! Michelle McCool, Kristal, Ashley, and Jillian There was dead silence when Kristal and Michelle came out. Some sound when Ashley and Jillian came out. At the end, there was noise. The chicks dragged them into it. Jillian and Michelle are good. So is Kristal. Ashley, not so much. Bt these chicks got some life out of a dead crowd, and that’s good news. Chavo I have no idea what they plan to do with Chavo. He’s now turned on Rey. I’m sure it will exploit Eddie. Because that’s what Vince and Steph like. It could be good. It could be doom. But WWE gave themselves another week to make a decision. All in all, a good show. Not great, but good. Another show that it is in a holding pattern. Until Steph gets back and who knows what will happen then. All you really need to know about this show is that Undertaker was not there. Yes, he faced Big Show, and Big Show lost, and then he went back on vacation. Ah, I can hear the speech he gave to the ECW locker room two weeks ago. Undertaker: You ungrateful sons of bitches! How dare you claim to be unhappy! I haven't worked in weeks, and I’m still getting paid! If you put in fifteen years, you can slack off as much as I can! OBEY VINCE! Now, shut the hell up, and show me RESPECT! You’ll ALL be jobbing to me in no time. Now, where’s my paycheck and my plane ticket? I have a UFC event to get to in Vegas. I’M THE UNDERTAKER AND I HATE HOGAN! He never puts anyone over! SHUT UP! Put that jockstrap back on your Aldo Montoya, because I said so! Bye Bye! See you in four weeks! Well, maybe he didn't say those words exactly, but I’m sure they summed up the spirit. Well, now for something completely different. Kane’s House The town is abuzz with the news. A child! A child! Born this day! Rejoice! Every media outlet is carrying the news. On the TV, on the radio, newspapers are being rushed to print. Everyone knows. Well, almost everyone. Kane is out back of his house, filling in holes. He’s singing a tuneless song, in between bouts of maniacal laughter. Big Show and Bossman enter through the gate in a rush. Big Show: Did you hear? Stephanie gave birth! Bossman: It’s a girl! Can you believe it! Old Vince must be having kittens! Big Show: Yeah, but he’s got two grandsons. Still, a granddaughter! Kane: What? Big Show:We’re going to get tickets for the processional to see the child! You wanna come? Kane: What? Bossman: The kid! Everyone in town is expected to pay homage to the child, the Heir! Kane: Who? Big Show looks over at Bossman. Big Show: Um, Kane, have you been listening to anything we’ve said? Kane: I’m trying, but these damn demons keep screaming! Kane picks up his shovel and starts pounding the ground with the flat end. Kane: SHUT UP! I’M FREE OF YOU NOW! YOU CAN'T TORMENT ME ANYMORE! I KILLED YOU AND BURIED YOU! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! Bossman and Big Show start to back away. Slowly. Bossman mutters out of the side of his mouth. Bossman: Maybe we should leave him here! Kane drops the shovel and drops to his knees and grabs his head and starts to scream. Big Show: Good idea…. Later: Bossman and Big Show are standing in line, waiting for tickets. Ahead of them a commotion breaks out. Bossman: What’s going on? Simon Dean: They just announced that only specially selected people would be allowed to see the child! Bossman: WHAT? Well, we’ll just see about this! Bossman pushes through the crowd with Big Show right behind him. As he gets to the front, he sees a familiar figure in a cowboy hat. JBL: But I HAVE to be allowed in! I’m JBL! I’m a personal friend of Steph and Hunter! Check your list again, jackass! Look for those three letters. J-B-L! Bossman: Stuff it, assmuncher! Hey buddy, I’m the Big Bossman. My name’s on the list right? The poor clerk looks down his list, and starts to mutter : Clerk: Bossman….Bossman…Boss-OH MY GOD! SECURITY! CODE BLUE! CODE BLUE! HE’S HERE! GET HIM! GET HIM! Security guards in riot gear are suddenly everywhere, clubbing people left and right. JBL grabs his hat, and takes off after Bossman. Big Show just vanished. Bossman and JBL duck into a nearby ice cream store, and start stacking plastic chairs and tables against the windows and doors, as canisters of tear gas bounce down the street, with fleeing and screaming people right after them. JBL: Jesus Christ! What the hell was that about? Big Show: They know Bossman. Everyone knows Bossman. JBL: GOOD Grief! Where did you come from? Bossman:He does that. Damn them! How dare they?!? I’m the Bossman dammit! No one tells me no! I’m going to see that kid! Whether they want me to or not! You in Big Show? Big Show: Do I have a choice? Bossman just laughs. JBL: You can count me in! I have to see that child and pay my respects! Bossman: Is that so? OK then, we need a plan… Outside the hospital, which is surrounded my men in riot gear, and patrolling with snarling dogs. Spotlights pierce the night sky. In some nearby bushes, Big Show, Bossman, JBL, Val Venis, and Justin Credible are hiding. A patrol goes past them, and Bossman turns to the group and whispers. Bossman: OK, here’s the plan. WE sneak up to that guard station over there. Val does the talking, and Big Show sneaks around and bops them on the head. Once we’re in- Justin: Uh, Big Show does the sneaking? He’s kinda big… Bossman: If you’ve ever been to Subway with him, you’d know that he can steal the bread right out of the over. Big Show: It’s a gift. Bossman: Right! Ready! OK, let’s move out. He group starts to crawl through the grass, less than silently. As they get near the door, a van pulls up, and out hop a bunch of cheerleaders. Mikey: Guys! We’re here! ALL RIGHT! SPIRIT SQUAD! Kenny: You bet! On three! The group huddles up, and Bossman suddenly springs up. Bossman: HOLD IT! Who are you guys?!? Let’s see some ID! Johnny: We’re the Spirit Squad and Vince told us PERSONALLY to come and perk up his beloved daughter! Mitch: That’s right! We got our special passes right here! Bossman: Let’s take a look at those….OK…Now….NOW! NOW! Big Show jumps out of the bushes, followed by Val, who clock the Spirit Squad and knock them out. Bossman: Quickly, take their clothes! Justin: Hey! I don't go that way! JBL: That’s not what I heard! They’re just disguises you ninny! Now come on! Get that guy's pants off! I know it’s not you first time… The pants come off, and in their cheerleader outfits, the group boldly moves into the hospital. They make their way past security stations and are waiting for an elevator to take them to the top floor. Orderly: I heard that she really didn't give birth, and in fact she wasn’t pregnant at all! Orderly#2: What? Are you insane! Orderly: No! It was all a publicity stunt! Like with Tom Cruise and Katey Holmes! Orderly#2: Dude, shut up. Just shut up. Orderly: No, seriously… Just then a troop of security guards come around the corner. Guard: All right men! We have intruders! Be on the look out! The elevator doors open, and the group quickly steps inside. Justin: That was close! Bossman: Don't worry. I got a back up plan. The group rides in silence as the elevator climbs. As it reaches the top, the doors open and a surprise awaits them. Vince: So I said to them, man, look at that guy! He’s huge! He’s ripped! He needs to be on top! And that’s when I pushed Lex Luger to the moon, and it was a great success! Shane: if you say so Dad, but I, hey, who are those guys? Bossman shoves Justin out into the hallway, while Big Show frantically pushes the door button. Justin: HEY! Vince: GET HIM! The doors close, and Bossman heaves a sigh of relief. He stops the elevator at the next floor down, and the group gets out. Bossman then sends the elevator to the bottom. Bossman: OK! WE sneak up the stairs. Big Show, you lead the way, JBL you follow right behind them, and Val and I will bring up the rear. The group heads towards the stairwell, and starts to make their way up to the next floor. As they reach the landing, Bossman opens the door a crack and looks out. The Hallway is filled with guards, but all their attention is focused away from the door. As Bossman watches, he sees Justin run down the hallway screaming, and the guards take off in pursuit. Bossman: I knew bringing him along was a good idea. Boy sure can run. OK, let’s go, but keep it quiet. The group sneaks out into the hallway. As they reach the door, they pause and check to make sure the coast is clear. Bossman opens the door, and peeks inside. He nods his head, and Big Show enters, followed by Val Venis, Bossman goes next, and then JBL. But before JBL goes in, he stops and cups his hand around his mouth and draws a deep breath. Quick as lightening, Bossman jabs him with a needle. JBL starts to slump instantly, and he mutters as he does so. JBL: Over…here…guys…Vince will love me for this…over…hereeeeer. Bossman: I knew we couldn't trust this guy. In the room, which is white, but brightly lit, Steph is lying on a bed, unconscious, while in a crib next to her, is a small child. Bossman: OK Val, set up the camera, and let’s do this and get out. Big Show: Huh? What are you up to Bossman? Bossman: Keller offered ten grand for pictures of the baby! TEN GRAND! Big Show:I should have known. In the next few minutes, pictures are taken of the baby, Steph, the baby and Steph, A zonked out JBL and the baby, and a zonked out JBL, Steph, and the baby. Bossman and Val finish up and start packing their things away. Big Show: I think we should take one more. And one more is taken. It’s of Big Show standing next to Steph, wearing a rubber glove on his head, Bossman on the right, holding up a bed pan over Steph’s head, with a light shining on it, while Steph holds her daughter, and a buck naked JBL, except for his cowboy boots, is strung up above them, with his hand stretching out towards the child. Bossman: That’s going to be my Christmas card. Fin Over-Analyzing Wrestling Today’s Topic: Hardest Working Man in WWE I put out a call and a few brave men answered it. Who ahs had the most matches on Raw and on Smackdown. Here are the answers. Which will be followed by random observations. First, we have stats from Capt. Happy, v2: Rough appearance stats for the year (through July 23) I broke things down into two categories: 1) matches 2) in-ring promos/run-ins. I did not count backstage segments or video packages as it would have been much more difficult to determine if all of those were properly transcribed in the recaps. 1) Edge has had 25 matches and 21 promos or run-ins for a total of 46 in-ring appearances. Here are the other contenders (anyone with 30 or more appearances): 2. John Cena- 30/13 = 43 (You were right on the money with your guesses) 3. Rey Mysterio- 30/9 = 39 4. Triple H- 21/17 = 38 5 (t). The Big Show- 25/9 = 34 5 (t). Finlay- 28/6 = 34 7. Randy Orton- 23/10 = 33 8 (t). Mark Henry- 22/10 = 32 8 (t). Kurt Angle- 26/6 = 32 8 (t). Shawn Michaels- 20/12 = 32 11. Shelton Benjamin- 29/2 = 31 12 (t). Carlito- 23/7= 30 12 (t). Johnny Nitro- 25/5 = 30 Most matches- Top Twenty: 1 (t). John Cena- 30 1 (t). Rey Mysterio- 30 3. Shelton Benjamin- 29 4. Finlay- 28 5. Bobby Lashley- 27 6 (t). Kane- 26 6 (t). Kurt Angle-26 7 (t). Edge- 25 7 (t). The Big Show- 25 7 (t). Johnny Nitro- 25 10 (t). Carlito- 23 10 (t). Rob Van Dam- 23 10 (t). Randy Orton- 23 13. Mark Henry- 22 14 (t). Triple H- 21 14 (t). Chris Benoit- 21 14 (t). Matt Hardy- 21 17 (t). Booker T- 20 17 (t). Shawn Michaels- 20 19 (t). Paul London- 19 19 (t). Super Crazy- 19 Most In-Ring Promos or Run-ins- Top Twenty: 1. Vince McMahon- 25 2. Edge- 21 3. Triple H- 17 4. John Cena- 15 5 (t). Shawn Michaels- 13 5 (t). Shane McMahon- 13 5 (t). Mick Foley- 13 8 (t). JBL- 11 8 (t). Trish Stratus- 11 10 (t). Paul Heyman- 10 10 (t). Randy Orton- 10 10 (t). Mark Henry- 10 10 (t). The Great Khali- 10 14 (t). Rey Mysterio- 9 14 (t). Booker T- 9 14 (t). Big Show- 9 17. Mickie James- 8 18 (t). Carlito- 7 18 (t). The Spirit Squad- 7 20. 8 tied with 6 Good stuff. Let’s here from the Stat Sheep Himself, and see if it matches up. [---QUOTE---] And, with that in mind, I have another request for my stat friends. Who has worked the most matches, and been on TV the most? Just off the top of my head I would say: Raw: John Cena Edge Smackdown: Rey Mysterio Fit Finlay [---END---] Aloha, once again! Stat Sheep is here to provide you with the stats you want. Let's take a look at Raw first.
So, your guesses of John Cena and Edge are pretty close. In order of basic appearances, they both come top with 34. But put their workrate into it (being the amount of matches over time), and Edge falls down a lot. Shawn Michaels and Triple H have worked just as many matches as Edge, thanks to the DX reunion. With RWTB's own Big Show and Kane bringing us another fun-filled psychotic episode, they both feature prominently on the list. And the Intercontinental feud (which is always the most entertaining, I find) between Carlito, Shelton Benjamin and Johnny Nitro is helping them out, all nestling around John Cena. But Shelton Benjamin is obviously the workhorse of Raw. Now, how about Smackdown?
Smackdown has a lot of people who work almost every time they show up (like cruiserweights and tag-teams) because they don't have any other reason to be on TV. As such, I've tried to keep this list down to the main superstars. Fit Finlay and Rey Mysterio right up there in terms of workrate, so you were fairly spot on. Mysterio has only missed one possible match, and Finlay has wrestled every single time! He quite clearly loves to fight. Matt Hardy is only up there thanks to his Velocity appearances. Chris Benoit, despite being injured back in May, still has more matches than Booker T, and thus, a far higher workrate. However, Bobby Lashley is the undisputed king of Smackdown. He's actually had more matches than anyone else has had appearances. And to end on a light note, Khali is even worse than Undertaker. Sheepster [Those tables looked ugly in plain text, so I took the liberty of tidying them up a bit. From posting once on the main page before, I seem to remember it's all HTML code? I hope it works. It should. I tried it on my computer. If it doesn't work, or HTML isn't used anymore, let me know and I could try making it neater some other way, or you could leave the tables out and I'll put the numbers into words in some way.] I’m a gambling man, so I’ll take a chance. But look at those numbers! I originally guessed Cena because I can think back and remember all the times he’s been on the show, and all those matches he’s had. Then there was his time on ECW. Gotta give the guy credit. He took all those crazy moves and keeps on going. Not to mention the stuff he does for WWE.com. The guy is steady and working his ass off. He’s learned some moves from the beginning of the year as well. The guy is the go to guy. Lashley, just wow. The guy is a workhorse, and he’s on his way. A true rising star. Edge, if I remember correctly had an injury. Same with Booker T, or I would have listed them. HBK has been working his ass of as well. And H has the tag matches to thank for his spot on the charts. Rey, well, he got pounded for months. They still count as matches. Lashley, well, I didn't think he had that many. Fit was a guess, but he seemed to be on TV every week. Big Show and Kane is a bit of surprise, but then I forgot they were tag team champions as well. And Mark Henry is in there too! 22 matches! More than double the Undertaker! Wow. When you take out the hype, and all the WWE spin, it boils down to a solid core of dependable wrestlers to carry the shows. Thank you gentlemen, for all your hard work. You’ve given us plenty to think about. And with that, that’s all I got for today. I’ll be back next week, and for now, it’s quick plugs, and that’s a wrap. QUICK PLUGS! LOP FORUMS LOP COLUMNS FORUM THE MOVIE BAR! Great place for reviews of DVD's, Music, and special video clips. Your one stop review spot. THE PROJECT LIVES! Looking for submission of creative writing. A great way to get your work published, and noticed. LOP'S PWA E-FED. Best E-Fed on the net. Period. That's all for this week. Thanks for Readin' and Thanks For Ridin' Wevv Mang mrwevv@mac.com - PLEASE LABEL ALL EMAIL AS FEEDBACK. THANK YOU. EXCLUSIVES: Top 10 Trish Stratus Moments, Top 10 WCW Cruiserweight Matches, MORE!
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