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Submitted by BC on Saturday, July 22, 2006 at 9:09 PM EST
An EC sidenote: if you're an aspiring wrestling columnist... you're not trying hard enough. It ain't tough to break into this shit. However, if you ARE a wrestling columnist and would like to be a part of the third season of The Elimination Chamber, sign-ups are still open here. I've already had more entrants than I need, but I'm counting on half of those people being dead or in prison by now, so you can still be a part of the run-off round coming soon. Sign-ups will close very soon so... you've been warned. One last thing to address before I actually start, and a bit of a sad note too. I'd like to pass along my condolences to the families of Bob Orton Sr. and Billy Firehawk who both passed away recently. Bob is, as most of you know, the father of Bob Orton and grandfather of WWE’s Randy "it'd be inappropriate to make a derogatory comment here but I'm half tempted to do it anyway" Orton. Billy was the promoter of New Jersey-based NWA affiliate ShockWave, formerly NWA CyberSpace. I’d like to wish ShockWave the best of luck as they forge ahead in the murky, treacherous water that is independent wrestling. Speaking of which... Would you like warm water now or melted ice later? Apparently, there's a saying some fans use to defend certain performers in TNA. That saying goes something along the lines of "__________'s RoH matches are a better indication of their overall ability." I haven't seen it used too often but when I have, it's usually in reference to the likes of Samoa Joe, Alex Shelley, Austin Aries or Roderick Strong. Now, for the real question... is it true? I know, I know. You don't want questions, you want answers. Well, in my opinion, the answer is no. The single greatest attribute a wrestler can have is adaptability. If you can have a great twenty-minute match, but all your five-minute matches suck (C.M. Punk) then the average of the two is your overall performance. Now, because of the inherent drama that wrestling mystifies fans with, of course a longer, more paced match will be better. A match which tells it's story fully and completely beats one shimmed, shaved and crafted to fit between commercial breaks any day. However, if you can't do that one thing, whether it be a killer spot or just a flash of personality, that makes fans want to see more of you within a typical televised squash... then whatever, dude. Enjoy your cardio, because you're only amusing yourself, iron man. Still, it opens an interesting train of thought. Can a promotion with a strikingly similar roster to another really be THAT much better? We've all heard the adage of the whole being greater than the sum of the parts, but just how far can that concept be taken? When you add in the crossover demographic between the two, it's rather alarming just how similar yet different these companies can be. Just looking at TNA's roster tells the story... You have no less than sixteen TNAers (Raven, Cage, Hardy, Styles, Douglas, Lynn, Abyss, Senshi, Sabin, Petey, Lethal, Bentley, Kazarian, Dutt, Tracy and Hernandez) who've competed for RoH in the past, most of them extensively, while there are another seven of them (Alex Shelley, Austin Aries, Roderick Strong, Homicide, Christopher Daniels, Samoa Joe and Jim Cornette) who simultaneously make up the regular roster for both. A closer look at those seven yields some rather telling results... Shelley, Aries and Strong made immediate impact in RoH as the Generation Next faction in the summer of 2004 along with another former TNAer in Jack Evans. Before the end of the year, however, the faction would split as the leader (Shelley) was usurped by Aries the same night Aries dethroned Samoa Joe and ended his 22-month reign as RoH World Champion. A Shelley/Aries feud was a natural progression, but hit a bit of a snag when a reinvigorated James Gibson (Jamie Knoble) hit RoH like a tornado, eager to prove himself with his "Screw Sports Entertainment" streak. Along the way, Shelley's natural heel tendencies shone through once more and he returned to the "dark side" joining Prince Nana's Embassy faction... which in turn, turned Gen Next was a stable war broke out between the two. Along the way, Strong proved to become the most viable draw for RoH in the bunch after a great feud with RoH Champ Bryan Danielson shortly after his title win. Today, Aries and Strong reign as tag champions while Shelley still serves a pivotal, albeit part-time, role with the Embassy. Their TNA debuts were completely different however. Strong emerged in 2004 as an X-Division jobber, a role he's really yet to fully climb out of in TNA. Shelley had a bit more success with his laudable "Baby Bear" character as he joined Goldylocks' crew and teamed with future Embassy-mate Abyss. He left TNA a few months later, then returned after his trainer, Scott D'Amore, took over the book. After a few hit and miss tweaks, he adopted the Shelley-Cam and is now permanently adhered to the side of Kevin Nash, just months after being featured heavily in two different main event programs. Aries debuted in TNA last year after winning a rather slanted internet poll (ironically over Strong and future Gen Nexter Matt Sydal) but languished until hooking back up with Shelley and Strong as the cleverly-dubbed "Generation X" trio. Unfortunately, Aries and Strong's commitments to RoH have found them in hot water with TNA management and any push they were to receive stalled out. Homicide's run in RoH is FAR more storied as he is probably the most credible threat to the RoH Title there is now. He debuted in RoH's freshman year of 2002 as part of The Natural Born Sinners, a go-nowhere Gangstas-esque team. It wasn't long before 'Cide proved to be the Shawn to partner Boogalou's Marty and ditched him in favor of a solo run. On several occasions, 'Cide came within inches of ending the seemingly endless reign of Samoa Joe, long before it was considered seemingly endless. Along the way, and thanks to some frighteningly controversial comments about 9/11, he became the man the RoHbots loved to hate. Whether it was forming The Rottweilers, feuding with a pre-championship Danielson, compounding the scarred flesh of Steve Corino or pouring Drano down Colt Cabana's throat, 'Cide's ruthlessness knew no bounds. That makes his current station as the company's top babyface all the more fascinating. Siding with RoH during it's war with CZW endeared him to the crowd who will now be at his back as he goes for the gold against traitor Danielson. In TNA, his career has had far less highlights. He debuted at Konnan's side in L.A.X. where he's yet to really move. This Thursday saw 'Cide show the first shade of the brutal street soldier the RoH fans know and somehow love. His assault on the NWA World Tag Team Champions placed him in a position to challenge for NWA gold... as half of a go-nowhere Gangstas-esque team. Is Hernandez going to be getting an up close and personal look at a barber shop window soon? Christopher Daniels was easily the top heel in RoH upon it's conception. From day one, he created the Prophecy stable with the unified purpose to destroy the "code of honor" RoH was built on. In an ironic way, he succeeded. The forced pre- and post-match handshakes are no longer used. He also used the Prophecy to rise through the tag ranks and claim the first RoH World Tag Team Titles with partner Donovan Morgan. However, from then on, Daniels' TNA commitments always kept him from reestablishing his spot atop the card. Daniels' RoH matches are often looked at as "special attractions" much like when RoH flies in overseas performers who are meant to draw based on reputation, not an ongoing storyline. In fact, save for his brief involvement in the Joe/Lethal feud earlier this year, he hasn't been placed in a storyline since. Daniels' rise in TNA was much more tempered... and fruitful. He began as an unassuming member of Vince Russo's Sports Entertainment Xtreme (S.E.X.) faction as part of a sub-stable called Triple X. Together, he, Elix Skipper and Low-Ki (Senshi) tore through the X-Division tag ranks. When Ki was phased out of the group (and company), Daniels and Skipper went on to have a classic feud with America's Most Wanted that yielded not one, but two brilliant cage match blowoffs. Three months after the decree that he and Skipper were done as a team, Daniels won his first X-Division Title and remained champion deep into 2005. After fending off every challenger not named Joe, he settled his matters with A.J. Styles and joined his side to claim tag gold once more... and once more unable to cement his perhaps rightful place in the main event. Believe it or not, Samoa Joe's RoH debut was rather unassuming. He debuted as a part of Steve Corino's cleverly named group, The Group, alongside C.W. Anderson and Michael Shane (Matt Bentley). Together, the foursome waged war on Daniels' Prophecy, ending with the unlikely outcome of Joe dethroning RoH Champion Xavier in what some might have called an upset. In an era where title reigns are measured in days, not weeks... Joe hung on for 22 long months, becoming the longest-reigning champion of the new millennium. However, his reign was far from as dominant as it seemed as a slew of stiff contenders came his way, each making fans believe that night was the night the streak ended. When Austin Aries finally did it in December of 2004, the entire promotion shook to it's core. While he always carried a sense of vulnerability, it opened the floodgates for Joe to drop matches to Nigel McGuinness, of course Kenta Kobashi and even the much smaller Jay Lethal. Only now, a year and a half after his last reign, is Joe creeping his way back into contention, courtesy of his blood feud with reigning champ Danielson. Joe didn't have the luxury of simply creeping into TNA. His debut was hyped months in advance and when Slammiversary came around, all eyes were on him, testing if he could be the same unstoppable force in a bigger, more-sided ring. The answer was a resounding abso-fuckin'-lutely as Joe has completely decimated everyone in his path, from David Young and Puma to A.J. Styles and Christopher Daniels to Scott Steiner and Jeff Jarrett. No one has even placed a believable challenge to him. It's the same "Goldberg" method of destruction that has forced TNA to keep him out of the main event picture. Joe is absolutely right when he says the question isn't "Who's next?" The question is what's next? What's next for Joe after the inevitable happens and he finally succumbs to defeat? How well will he bounce back? Finally, there's the newest member to both rosters, Jim Cornette. Cornette made RoH history as the first on-screen "authority figure" in the company's history. Save for a few of his classic promos, he remained relatively quiet, even as RoH and the traditional wrestling values it stands for were run roughshod by the ultraviolent Combat Zone Wrestling. In the end, Cornette led the team to victory by summoning the only RoHer able to battle at the hardcore level, Homicide. Unfortunately, he repaid Homicide and the RoH fans he represented by quickly turning heel and leaving RoH's savior lying in a heap amidst the broken bodies of CZW. In TNA, Cornette is an untested commodity. Following his brief appearance at Slammiversary and the subsequent iMPACTs, he's taken the Jack Tunney attack to his post and remained rather reclusive in his office. Given all the circumstantial evidence presented... is there reason to believe he's back there with a can of mace, waiting for the standard-bearer of TNA to step out of line? It might not be a question of if it will happen... but rather "when". It seems like anybody who spends enough time in RoH to develop a character usually finds a way to recreate that character in TNA at a later date. Ridiculous? Probably... but as a conspiracy theory, it holds more water than most you'll find. Does that mean RoH's "it boy" of the season, Davey Richards, could be coming to a cable network near you? You bet. Sci-Fi. Stevie needs a time-traveling great grandson... from the future! How's THAT for Sci-Fi?! As for the original point... RoH or TNA? Which is better? Given all I've said, it's easy to see why I don't bother choosing between the two. Despite the similarities I've presented, they're both different enough to enjoy on their own merit. Sure, you'll likely never see Jeff Jarrett in an RoH ring... but you'll also likely never see RoH in your TV guide. Ultimate X or the Scramble Cage? Kevin Nash or Kenta Kobashi? The strict rope break counts of Pure Wrestling or the "no limits" X-Division? "Showtime" Eric Young or Prince Nana from Ghana? Who can choose? Who'd want to? Eek! This is a new feature to Volume One and hopefully it will become one you skip over last to see the Foreign Capital. Basically, I take a match, classic or current, good or bad, and give you the backstory, forestory and, of course, what happened. Consider this a small concession to those of you who've enjoyed my TNA recaps in the past or an elaboration of my short-lived "Last 3 Matches I Watched" segment. Obviously, the concept's hardly complicated so... In honor of this weekend's Great American Bash pay-per-view, I've decided to share one of my all-time favorite matches from the Great American Bash. From quite possibly the single most underrated pay-per-view event in wrestling history, I proudly present... WCW GREAT AMERICAN BASH 1996 Falls-Count-Anywhere Match: "Crippler" Chris Benoit vs. "Taskmaster" Kevin Sullivan (w/ Jimmy Hart) - Quick Backstory: Earlier in the year, Sullivan's Dungeon Of Doom joined forces with The Four Horsemen in "the Alliance to end Hulkamania". Well... it didn't work. Each side blamed the other and an all out stable war erupted. Notable points in the rivalry saw The Giant win the WCW World Title from Ric Flair, but no two wrestlers embodied the bitter spirit of the feud better than Sullivan and Benoit. Of course, this was also because Benoit's was fucking Sullie's wife off-camera. Oh, yes. The original "Rated R Supahstar" was indeed Mr. Toothless Aggression himself. - We now travel back to 1996... Baltimore... - Sullivan runs down the aisle... right into a clothesline by Benoit! This one's starting in the aisle. - Sullie recovers quickly and starts smashing Benoit into anything he can. Guard rail, apron, ring steps... you name it. - Hart shouts garbled instructions through the megaphone as they trade STIFF chops. - Apparently, Sullivan's strategy is now to "goodoo doo geedoo, BABY!" - They hop the guard rail and go racing into the stands, much to the crowd's delight. - And to think, the lady who cried when Ron Simmons won the title here four years prior in probably in these very stands. - Brief tug-of-war over a chair ends when both guys decide that it's really not worth the trouble. - "That's all you got, punk?!" Kevin cries out as Benoit headbutts him again and again... and again and again. - Sullivan drags him up the stairs to the men's room. This is the very reason I'll never forget this match. - Dusty warns there is "plunder" in there. Schiavone misses the obvious "plunger" pun and continues the rock-hard sell. - "THEY'RE FIGHTING IN THE MEN'S ROOM!" - Sullie slams the stall door on Benoit's head a few times... and a dude walks up, likely waiting to piss. - Doug "The Slug" Dillinger, WCW's resident security officer, dives up to hold back the fans... which are now overflowing over him. - I realize Benoit's never been a "Hogan" or even a Hart level draw, but are this many people really hitting the john during his matches? - Another stall door slam leads to a classic Sullie double stomp on the bathroom floor, which I really hope (and doubt) they mopped before this spot. - Sullie brags a handful of hair (which Benoit still had plenty of back then!) and aims for some obnoxiously-sized urinals, but Benoit fights him off, quietly muttering "the pay's good... but not THAT good". - Sullivan with an eye rake, then teases the swirlie again before Benoit drags him back over to the stalls for a taste of his own medicine. - VICIOUS chop by Benoit goes completely ignored as Dusty goes crazy spotting a lady in the men's room. - "LEDDY EEN DEH MEEN'S ROOM! DEY'S A LEDDY EEN DEH MEEN'S ROOM HEEEAH EEN BALLTAMOE!" - God, I miss Dusty on commentary. Vince, hook us up sometime, huh? Lawler's not nearly senile enough for RAW anyway... yet. - Sullie teases tossing Benoit into a laundry chute (in a public bathroom?) but flings him into the door instead. - He retrieves a clear plastic bag filled with a few rolls of toilet paper and smashes Benoit with it. - Another wrestling first: the first time the weapon is actually less dangerous than the item used to carry it in. - Unless those rumors about Jake's snake being dead were true... - Finally, the fight heads back out of the john with both men thoroughly exhausted. - Sullie smashed Benoit with a trash can, spilling it's contents everywhere... then proceeds to slip on them as he moves in for the kill. - Benoit uses the can to regain control as Dusty pleads for a peek at what the women's room looks like. - They trade punches that are less "you failed to help destroy Hogan" and more "she's mine, you son of a bitch". Ouch. - Back to the top of the stairs where they do a great job making viewers believe a NASTY spill is coming. - Benoit falls about seven or eight steps down before catching himself in such a way as to say "holy shit, that was close". - Sullivan pulls him up and throws him another length down, showing absolutely no regard for his opponent's well-being. - He follows up with a big stomp to the you-know-where, then can't help but crack a smile. I'd call this great acting... if that's what it was... but it's not. - Benoit recovers long enough to knock Sullivan off the final step for a harrowing five and a half inch bump. It's hard to tell which of these guys had the stroke with the booker. - Sullivan delivers a hard open palm thrust (only proving he doesn't want to literally KILL Benoit... yet) then atomic drops him balls-first onto the guard rail. - Finally, the match returns to ringside and an entire three-quarters of the arena actually sees the wrestlers for the first time. Nothing like a live show, folks. - Sullivan pitches a chair into Benoit's head, but Chris retaliates with an atomic drop on the rail of his own. - He knocks him onto the lap of a front row fan, then digs beneath the ring for a table. - The table is visibly caught under the ring frame, so Benoit abandons it and goes back to work on Sullie. - He scares the bejesus out of a middle-aged lady with a hideous lime green "Macho Man" shirt by flinging him over the rail. Luckily, she moved out of the way... though that would've been REALLY funny. - Benoit finally retrieves the table. Schiavone calls it a "chair", then goes on to correctly recall the previous month's Slamboree where Sullivan held Benoit down for a table attack by Public Enemy during a tag match. Sullivan and Benoit were randomly selected to be partners because... well, that's how WCW did stuff. - Benoit chops Sullie again, then carries the table into the ring, marking the first time either man actually entered the ring. - Hart quickly screams "Tapioca yellow bam bam!" which of course orders Sullivan to follow suit and enter the ring himself. - Meanwhile, Benoit has propped the table up against the ropes as a modern-day Rhino might do. - Benoit whips Sullie in, Sullie reverses... Benoit hits hard, but dodges Sullie's charge! The table still remains unbroken. - Benoit positions the table scaffold-style on the turnbuckle... but that sure as hell ain't steady. - Dusty chimes in saying Benoit's "gettin' hees plundah rawtt" or "getting his plunder right" for those not fluent in Dusty. - Sullivan conveniently backs up against the edge of the table... then ducks a charge, hoisting Benoit up onto it! - Sullivan quickly tests the table and realizes it won't hold them both, so Hart steps in and holds one side as referee Randy Anderson does the same on the other. - A referee assist?! NEVER! He's obviously... uh... trying to pull it down... or something. - Benoit fights his way back up, catches Sullivan on the top... then superplexes him off the table! - Good God, that was a nasty landing... - ...and enough to put Sullivan away with just the first pin attempt of the match. - Jimmy Hart runs around like a maniac, crying foul. - Well, you should've let go of the table then, you dumb shit. - Benoit chases him away, then continues pummeling away on Sullivan in the ring. - Arn Anderson, Benoit's fellow Horseman who has also recently expressed interest in aiding Sullivan's Dungeon Of Doom, rushes out. - He rips Benoit away and orders him to stop the madness, apparently unfamiliar of just how savage the "Crippler" distinction requires Chris to be. - He turns... and TURNS! He punts Sullivan in the gut! The crowd goes absolutely BANANAS! - The Dungeon rushes out to save their leader, but it's too late. The villainous Horsemen are now beloved babyfaces and there's a damn thing anyone can do about it. - The moral of the story: Arn Anderson can get a bigger pop with a kick than Paul London can get with a triple twisting moonsault... so fuck you, Paul. And there it is. With a final shot at fringe boy, I'm done. Feel free to send in your thoughts on this new section to onemillionbc@hotmail.com, particularly if you've seen this match or if you have an idea for a match you think should be Match Of The Moment in a future Volume. If you want to bump up my feedback thread at LOPforums.com, I'm sure everyone there would appreciate it as well. And check out The Movie Bar. Artimus Pyledriver says it's pretty cool, and I believe damn near everything those dudes say. All right, folks. Enjoy the rest of your weekend. Later. a.k.a. the section that's in no way as clever as you might think This week’s capital is Luxembourg. It’s the capital of a country called Luxembourg. I’m serious. It’s true. In 1995, Luxembourg was the European Capital Of Culture. That’s quite an honor if you ask me. You didn’t, but for future reference... yeah. Luxembourg’s not a very big place, but it’s not as small as you might think. The country, I mean. Not the city. The city’s tiny. So tiny, it’s not really worth mentioning. And yet, I mentioned it anyway. Go figure, huh? MUST SEE! Hot Pix of WWE's Set of Twins, THE BELLA TWINS! WOW!
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