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Submitted by Wevv Mang on Sunday, July 9, 2006 at 7:28 PM EST
Riding With The Bossman – The Lesson? Don't Speed In Ohio. Greetings! Welcome to another edition of Ridin’ With The Bossman! The column that those crewmembers were reading when they forgot to lock the door to the production truck. Hey Guys! When it comes to production of live television from location, the NFL has nothing on you. Seriously, did you see that truck? They got more gizmos than NASA! Nice to get a peek behind the scenes. We have plenty to discuss this week, with two big news stories. No, wait, there’s more than that. Three big news stories. And we’ll get to those in a little while, but first, some reader feedback. Wevv. Great column as usual and I think I have a solution to your problem regarding your coverage of all three shows. I suggest you do what WWE does when it comes to them. Simply focus all your attention on Raw and merely brush over Smackdown and ECW but whatever you make sure Raw always comes first. Keep up the good work man and bring back Kane's House. -Eric Thanks Eric, and Kane’s House is making a comeback. In this very column. But first, let’s take a look at what went on this week in the wake of RVD and Sabu getting busted for weed, pills, and speeding. WWE – The TV Series Raw The show starts out with DX trying to enter the building. Coach turns them away. And they…leave. Odd. And from now on, I’ll just focus on the main points of the show. Segment by segment takes up way too much time. So saying let’s talk about: DX They had a parking lot party, with plenty of hijinks. Weiner talk, boobs, sex with pants on, in a scene right out of National Lampoons “Going The Distance”. Which was a good film. Not to mention “Police Academy” and many, many, others, but that National Lampoon Flick has been playing on Showtime I believe, and well, I’m sure the Steph Pregnancy Command Center gets cable. A couple of random thoughts generated from the antics. Messing with Vince’s mic? Not that good. And I kept wondering why Vince, the heel, didn't just threaten to fire the board ops. You know, the guys sitting right there? The bit with Armando and Umaga, well, too long. And Umaga better get some measure of revenge. The guy was gaining momentum. He should have some success against DX. Not just a burial. See, that’s the thing with this angle. It’s been all DX. Some measure of retribution needs to be had by the McMahon’s. Even is his match with God, Vince took a hell of a beating, but at the end, he was mostly walking on his own, and still managed to flip off HBK. Vince doesn't like to show weakness, and he’s showing it now, because a degree of it is needed, but even Austin-McMahon, which is the template for all feuds with Vince, both sides had their moments to be the strong one. HBK HBK and H don’t mesh that well, in my opinion. H is rude and crude and Shaun, well, he’s dorky. Second Banana. H gets to play off of HBK, but the reverse doesn't seem to be true. So, HBK needs some one he can work with. His material can be just as, if not more, effective than H’s love of male genitalia. I still think HBK and Mick Foley would have a blast working together, but I know that Mick is a “Heel” and HBK a “Face” even though the DX antics seems to be pushing Vince into the “Face” role. Only HBK is keeping them Face. Which brings me to: H H is still H, doing the same things he was doing when he was a heel, only now, you’re supposed to cheer him, because he’s a face. And he’s not using the sledgehammer, the symbol of evil H. One last thought about the DX Stuff Now, you heard the sound effects being used. Do you really think that WWE can't pipe in chants, cheers, and boos? Also, you think they can't splice in video footage of crowd reactions into the broadcast? I’m not saying they did, but now WWE has let the cat out of the bag, and well, it’s now something you can look for. Look at the crowd, and see who’s standing up and cheering and who’s sitting down, looking bored. I used to look for signs, now I’ll be looking for reactions. RVD vs Edge vs Cena Well, you knew it was going to happen as soon as the new hit the wire. And it did. RVD lost the belt, when Edge snuck in and made the pin on Cena. So, RVD didn't get pinned. Edge as the champ is a good thing. I hope he gets to keep the belt for a while this time. ECW Recap courtesy of Chad Matthews The second night of fall out from the RVD Incident. RVD lost the World Heavyweight Championship Spinny Belt That Busts People Open Easily When Hit With It. Heyman Speaks Paul tells us about RVD’s schedule, and he’s got a point. The title has been defended non-stop for two weeks or so. That’s pretty cool. Rob is still the ECW champions, but not for long. Big Show wants a title shot, and he’s going to get it. ECW Guys vs New Guys So, we had Mike Knoxx vs Little Guido, and Test vs Al Snow. Now, the ECW guys got the fan support. Especially Nunzio. And they both lost. To Test, who’s peak was when he had Immunity. And Knoxx, who has a hot girlfriend, who likes to take off her clothes, and he yells at her. Which reminds me of the time Stacy and Test were paired together onscreen, and Test was a dick to her. The angle bombed, though it did lead to the memorable debut of the “I Love Testicles” T-Shirt, which was a real item you could buy. Never did see a figure on those sales. Anyway, the point is that I see where people are coming from when they complain about this not being ECW. These two goofs are not good. Might be my kool aid talking, but if Paul had a say in how these guys are used, it might be good, but right now, they’re more generic Big Goofs, and one has a history of sucking. Hard. Pinning the fate of the company on these guys is not a smart move. Give Tony DeVito a steady job. That guy is good. But bring back the Zombie. These Sandman skits are already old, and the show has only been on three weeks. RVD vs Big Show A solid match, with good work from both guys. I’d say they needed a house show practice match to really work the bugs out, but this one was really good. The ending was not good. Heyman turned on Rob for no apparent reason other than to be a heel. I never really understood where the whole ‘Rob, I’m concerned””No problem” thing was going. Well, I did, but I was hoping for better. Maybe over time it would have been. But, circumstance forced the issue. Still, Big Show as ECW champion. Could be worse. Now, I just hope like hell that Tommy Dreamer stays far away. See, that’s the thing about Dreamer. He’s been portrayed as the heart of ECW, and that’s fine. He’s been loyal to the company, sacrificed a lot, and worked hard. But, he just doesn't have that champion aura. He hasn't captured anyone’s interest, and I’m not sure he can. Dreamer may be Classic ECW, but it was more of the people he was surrounded by, really putting him over, that got him there. And it barely worked. Let Dreamer work with Knoxx or Test. Not Show. There’s one guy who could work with Show, and the problem is, he’s not on ECW, but he should be. I’ll talk about that later. Smackdown We start things off with a Battle Royal. Booker T, Regal, Finlay, Funaki, Scotty2Hotty, and others all take part. Booker wins. Mexicools So, we got Super Crazy and Psychosis interfering, but not really, in each other’s matches. You know, I’m looking forward to them facing each other. Should be some really good wrestling. But, it probably will only get five minutes, instead of the fifteen, twenty these guys could do, and really show what they can do. KHALI! Has a match, in which he wins, and then we are treated to the introduction of a Punjab Prison match, or as it is more commonly known as, a body bad match. Yay. Bobby Lashley vs Greg Helms, Cruiserweight Champion A pretty good match, and it lets Lashley work a slightly different style. Lashley wins of course. Batista! He’s back! And he ‘s calling out Mark Henry! Rey comes out and gets his ass handed to him and then Batista saves him. Man, what a return. Just when you think Rey can't sink any lower, WWE shows us, yes, yes he can, and will. Heavyweight Champion. Way to show some respect. And poor Mark, stuck right in the middle of it. Well, one thing that’s most likely to happen is that Booker and Batista will square off. WWE loves to use those shoot angles, and the only drawback is, they usually end up screwing them royally. Will this time be different? Probably not. The show was just kind of there. Not much too it. Krystal did some good backstage promo work, and it seemed like there was less Miz, and that’s a good thing. I was able to ignore most of JBL, and that’s also good. I don't enjoy JBL on commentary. There, some one had to say it. In fact, for most of the show, I thought there were three people in the booth, as some of his work sounded different, from one sentence to the next. So, I suspect that there was some heavy editing going on. Not a bad week of WWE TV, as a lot did happen, and the plans have obviously been changed yet again. And we may not have a PPV coming up next week, but we do have Saturday Night Main Event. You know, the show that’s on NBC? I wonder when it will be on this time? I’m just used to thinking it’s the old time of 10:30 to Midnight, but I do believe it might be on in prime time… Kane’s House A moving truck with “Spirit Squad Movers!” is parked in the driveway of Kane’s House. The front door is open wide, and men in green coveralls are moving furniture out. Bossman peaks his head over the bushes and watches for a while. He then steps through the bushes. He waits. He then moves closer. Finally Big Show and Kane emerge, holding a couch between them. Big Show: Easy Kane! Turn it a bit to the side…there we go! Oh, Hey Bossman! You come to help Kane move? Bossman: No. I just wanted to know what was going on. Bossman points across the street, where JR has set up a tent and is having a party. JR sees Kane, Show, and Bossman looking at him. He lifts his beer, and takes off his hat, and waves. Kane waves back, and JR throws himself on the ground and covers up his head. He slowly removes his arms, and gets to his feet. He heaves a sigh of relief and goes back to his party. Bossman: So, you moving Kane? Kane: Yes. I found a nice quiet place with lots of hot chicks to help me get over Lita. Bossman: Moving to the campus huh? Kane: No, a retirement home. Bossman: Yeah, I got a few cameras over there, wait…did you say a retirement home? With like, old people? Kane: Yes. It’s going to be great! Big Show: Lay off Bossman. It’s what Kane wants to do. Now make yourself useful, and grab a box. Bossman: WHOAH! I came over here to be nosy, not helpful. Move your own damn furniture! Big Show: I think one of these boxes has Lita’s left over thongs in them.. Bossman: Stand aside! Bossman runs into the house, cackling madly. Big Show: Well, that should help get rid of some of this stuff. You just have to know how to- A scream comes from inside. Big Show: Five seconds, a new record I believe. Come on Kane. Kane and Big Show go into the living room, where the Spirit Squad have barricade the basement door, and are all trying to hold it shut. Loud thumps are coming from the other side, and the door moves a fraction with each thump. Kenny: WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT THING?!?! Johnny: I don't know! I just tried to move it and it nearly took my arm off! Mikey: I don't think it was human! It’s some kind of zombie! Nicky: There’s no such thing as zombies! Kenny: You tell it that! A low moaning comes from behind the door. The doorframe shakes, and rattles. The Spirit Squad cover their ears. A vase breaks. Big Show: Easy guys! Kane, what was that? Kane: I’m not sure. There’s so much stuff down there, but I don't think I left anything…dangerous. I got rid of most of my experiments last week, and my old girlfriends were shipped over to the new place last weeks. The moaning starts up again, and the door opens a bit. Big Show throws his weight against the door, which slams shut. Big Show: OK! You! Get some fire! You! Get some weapons! You Two! Be ready! Kenny and Mitch: For what? Big Show:ANYTHING! This is Kane’s house! It could be Juvi Henry down there, and trust me, you don't want to face that. OK, ready guys? Johnny: Do we have to? I mean, we could just board it up and pretend nothing ever happened. Big Show: And leave whatever it is for some innocent family? No way. Come on guys, show some backbone! OK, on three! 1 – 2 – 3!!!! Big Show rips open the door, taking the furniture with it. A dank mist oozes out of the basement. A slim skeletal figure is hidden by the shadows. Big Show: AIM FOR THE HEAD! Voice: Oooohhhhhh, I like head……let me just slip my teeth out, big boy! Big Show: YOU! Mae Young steps out onto the landing buck naked. Mitch: It’s horrible! Nicky: I'm BLIND! Kenny: Cool! That means you have super powers now! Mae: Kane honey, I knew you were kinky, but I didn't know how much! Come on fellas, I can take you all on at one time! Let’s get it on! Kenny: Is she…is she…talking about sex? Johnny: I think she is… Mitch: KILL IT! KILL I NOW!!!!! Kane: Oh hey Mae, I thought you left last night. Big Show: Sweet Jesus! We almost killed you! Mae: Nonsense! I can't die. Jimmy Snuka thought he killed me once! Then I jumped him. Slippery devil snuck out while I was resting. But that’s a long time ago. Kane, honey, I’m horny! Let’s do it! Kane moves over to Mae and hugs her. Kane: Mmmm. You smell like death…My favorite. OK Guys, time for a break. Kane and Mae run upstairs. Big Show looks at the horrified Spirit Squad. Big Show: Guys, trust me on this. Just do your job and get out. The quicker the better. Don't let your mind- Suddenly, Mikey starts screaming. Big Show: -Have time to think about it. Will you? Yeah, he’ll be alright. Just take him outside. That’s good. OK guys, this stuff isn’t going to move itself. A scream comes from upstairs. The Spirit Squad and Big Show look up, and see a pale Bossman coming shakily down the stairs. He has several panties on his head, and only one eye is visible. Bossman: The horror….the horror….the horror…they were…they were…I don't know if I’d call it sex….the horror… Bossman staggers outside. The Squad looks at Big Show, who just shrugs. Big Show: He’s got it on tape. He’ll figure it out. Oh, and anyone got a radio? We may need it… Over-Analyzing Wrestling Today’s Topic: The News There’s a lot of stuff to talk about in the news today. So, it’s going to be a potpourri of topics for this section. Italy Wins The World Cup Yep, the Italians have won. Undoubtedly, that means that soccer fever will be sweeping that nation, if it isn’t; already in the grip of the madness. What does that have to do with wrestling? A couple of things. First, Rikishi has been running a very successful promotion in the country. Wrestling fever was running wild. WWE even took notice and started booking some shows over there. Now that Italy won the cup, I’m just curious about how that will affect that wrestling market. Was it just a fad, which has now been replaced? Will that market still be strong? WWE did have a string of shows lined up in November. Ironically enough, the brand was going to be Smackdown. So, if a downturn in business happens, well, Smackdown will probably be blamed. If Rikishi’s promotion folds, what are the odds of him returning to the WWE, to possibly team up with Umaga? I wonder what Kish thinks of that gimmick. Probably not much, but not negative either. WWE’s New Magazine The WWE has decided to repackage their magazine, doing more of a People magazine format. I think. Haven't seen it. Only know what I’ve seen on TV, and the website. But it’s no longer just about the action in the ring, but about the lifestyle, Superstars and fans both. But mainly it’s about Batista. Yep, and the Divas, talking about sex. Along with some photos. Not of the Divas having sex, but wearing skimpy clothes. And Mr. Fuji apparently is reviewing movies. And it all can be yours for like $5 bucks. Is it necessary? I would say yes. The publishing industry is facing strong competition from the web. And a magazine that featured out dated, about 90% kayfabe material, well, that’ not really worth the price, when with a simple click, you can get the real story. And as for pictures, well, that’s on the web too. But this promises to offer something different, and it’s still going to be a tough sell, but then again, people still but People. Hogan and Orton I find the whole situation funny. Hogan is going to win, make no mistake about that. He’s got creative control, and in this situation, that’s a blessing. After all the rumors, and innuendo’s sticking creepy Orton with budding music star and hot chick Brooke Hogan is a disaster waiting to happen. Much, much worse than the Stacy Keibler incident. Now, Hogan is going to use this to his daughter’s advantage, and that’s not a bad thing. It’s a good thing. Hogan is working with music industry people, the same people who work with big stars, and possibly some of the names of the people who did Wreckless Intent. You know, the music division that WWE raises from the dead every eight months or so? Yeah. This brings up a problem. WWE and their celebrity guests. There’s whole column right there. But the key thing is this is a chance to show what WWE can do with “celebrity” talent. Now, some may object to the term celebrity and applying it to Brooke Hogan. It does fit. Brooke has a TV show. Brooke is not a wrestler. And Brooke is trying to make a name for herself. Granted, it’s through Hulkster, but it still applies. And Randy Orton. Well, he is a Legend Killer, but you can bet that he ain't going to be killing Hulk’s legend. And if he can get on Hogan’s show, well, that’s branching out and getting some publicity, isn't it? And the funniest thing about this? IS that it could have, and should have been HBK. I can just picture that meeting in the locker room. Hulk: So, Shaun, how’s it going? HBK: Well, we’re doing the DX re-union, and Hunter has hired a bunch of stripper to rub peanut butter all over his ass. Hulk: That’s great. Well, gotta go now. You know, if you had just agreed to do the job again, you could have gotten that surgery, and made a lot of money. But best of luck. Rob Van Dam Get Busted Well, it’s a shame. But I do agree with WWE that he had to have the titles tripped off him and be suspended. However, I would have suspended him six weeks. Apparently, he only got a month. Not bad, not bad at all. Does this incident hurt RVD’s image? I doubt it. WWE themselves were even playing up the stoner lifestyle, as Rob had started to drop toking references into his promos. Is it a black eye for the company? Was anyone found dead? No? How about domestic violence, a la Steve Austin? No? Then the answer is no. No dead hookers, no violence, just a traffic stop. And busted for marijuana, and that’s a minor fine. The pills are a bigger issue, at least in the law’s eyes. The real problem will come from WWE. They had to suspend RVD, even though the Wellness program doesn't list pot. They took the titles off him, and it did create a problem. Not as much as Randy Orton apparently, but it’s still a problem. Not a black eye, just an incident, which they can use. RVD can do public service announcements about drug use. Hollywood has done plenty of those, and you know what? Some of those people got busted again. Hopefully not RVD, but you get the point. It is bad news for ECW, but then again, they survived talent raids, and lived. There’s a few people who can easily fit into that spot. Like Matt Hardy. Matt would be great in ECW. I’m still of the impression that ECW was about taking talent that had been misused by other companies and making something of them. Like Austin and Foley. See, I think it’s a good thing this went public. If it was kept quiet, and relegated to only rumors, then I do think that WWE management would over-react. Edge and Lita were an item, and Matt Hardy got fired because he talked about it. If the RVD bust hadn't made the papers, well, who knows what would have happened for sure. Folks might have been wondering why RVD now wears a dress and talks with a British accent. Why losing the titles drove RVD to become a stalker. Stuff like that. This way, a good chunk of the fans know, and understand why it happened. Make no mistake, RVD is going to have to climb back up the ladder, and rightly so. But I don't think anyone knows more than RVD how badly he messed up. I’m sure he and Sabu had a long talk, while the cop was searching their car. On the long drive to the airport. On the plane. The next day, when he went to the show. He knows. This was his big chance, and now it’s gone, maybe to never come again. It took him a long time to get there, and it’s over before it ever really got started. It all comes down to how WWE wants to handle it. So far, so good. It could have been a lot worse. When it’s time for RVD to come back, we’ll have to wait and see. And that’s it for today. Quick Plugs and I’m outta here. QUICK PLUGS! LOP FORUMS LOP COLUMNS FORUM THE MOVIE BAR! Great place for reviews of DVD's, Music, and special video clips. Your one stop review spot. THE PROJECT LIVES! Looking for submission of creative writing. A great way to get your work published, and noticed. LOP'S PWA E-FED. Best E-Fed on the net. Period. That's all for this week. Thanks for Readin' and Thanks For Ridin' Wevv Mang mrwevv@mac.com - PLEASE LABEL ALL EMAIL AS FEEDBACK. THANK YOU. *NEW GALLERY* Photos of HULK HOGAN and His Hot New, MUCH YOUNGER Girlfriend!
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