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Submitted by Randomguy#5 on Sunday, July 2, 2006 at 10:05 PM EST
Welcome back to the column preaching that Hot Topic is Not Punk Rock, The Nosebleed Section. I am your host, MC Random. Those of you who frequently download my audio pod cast “Monday Night Countdown” will be happy to know that former co-host “Roomate Shropy” finally went and got married last night. It was a great time and I wish him all the best of luck with his new bride who is a genuinely great girl and my longtime friend Shropy could not have done better for himself. She likewise got a good deal in the transaction as well, so congratulations to the both of them. Sadly, this leaves me without a co-host for Monday Night Countdown as Roommate Shropy is no-longer my roommate. Fear not, the void has been filled and I think you will all be presently surprised to hear the voice of a man who’s opinion you have become quite familiar with here on Lop. If you are interested you can download the last show with Shropy, last week’s episode, by clicking the link below. www.theprojectlives.com/MM/MondayNightCountdown5.mp3 --The time is soon coming, possibly as early as next week, when I’m going to give up on this whole “wait and see” policy that I’ve adopted toward both ECW and D-X. My preliminary thoughts are: ECW=bad, DX=Good. Perhaps my next column will go into more depth than rudimentary linguistic mathematics. --I sincerely hope there is no truth to this bullshit surrounding Trish Status and her rumored departure from WWE. Trish is the pinnacle of female wrestling in America, and I can’t imagine that she is anything short of the paradigm example of what WWE wants their divas to be. I smell bullshit on the whole story, and firmly expect her to be around for a long, long time. --Smackdown is doing absolutely nothing for me right now. That show is just plain awful. Here’s hoping Batista is enough to bring it back to watchable levels, but at this point I’m sincerely doubting it. There’s light at the end of the tunnel I suppose, but you know that is occasionally just “a freight train coming your way.” --The Jim Cornett character on TNA, and the entire situation surrounding him shaking things up on Impact has been highly entertaining to me. So to is the TNA crowd, which is getting a bit rowdier these days. *Thumbs Up* On July 15th on NBC at the WWE’s “Saturday Night Main Event” I firmly believe that Adam Copeland, aka Edge, is going to win the WWE title. Now, this is not a particularly bold statement I know, as a good majority of people around the ‘net are expecting something similar to happen. Some have ventured a guess that this title win will actually occur at SummerSlam, perhaps even in a repeat of the same triple threat from ‘Main Event. Now, this would be a disaster as I’ve never enjoyed witnessing a triple threat match repeated and I’m dying to see the WWE leave ECW alone, and that means getting RVD out of the title hunt. To me though, this is more than just saying that “Edge will win the title”. I believe Edge SHOULD win the title. I’ll even go one step further than that-I think Edge is the best man wrestling in North America right now to hold the premier belt in sports-entertainment, the Heavyweight Title on Raw (at this time, the WWE Title). Edge has such a strange little history in recent years. He’s been with the company now for around eight years I believe, and that is more than enough time to ascend into the main event if one has the talents and necessary abilities to do so. Edge is not a case along the lines of Brock Lesnar, Randy Orton, or even Bobby Lashley where management seemed to have him touted from day one as a future main eventer, and the game then became “How quick can we get him there?” No-Edge paid some dues. He was a member of one of the top three tag teams in the world during the WWE’s famed Attitude Era as he and his “brother” Christian fought war after war with The Hardy Boyz and The Dudleys. Along with many random tag teams and a few lesser realized regular contributors (APA, Too Cool, RTC, and the New Age Outlaws) Edge was really just a promising face in a thick tag team division. Such is the state of professional wrestling today that whenever a great tag team comes along, people immediately want to break them up in hopes of finding the next mega-star in the business. This happened with The World’s Greatest Tag Team (How’s that going for you Shelton?) and more recently was at least a contributing factor in the split up of MNM. Luckily for Edge, when he and Christian were at the height of their Tag Team days, there was just no room higher on the card. Sure all of those tag team wrestlers played around in the midcard title ranks and in some cases the King of the Ring tournament, but don’t think for a second that anybody was sitting around then going “Ok-who should we break up and shove into the main event scene? The Dudleyz? No-Bubba’s too fat and D-Von’s too black. The Hardys? Matt’s got potential but he’s an emo-crybaby and Jeff’s too strung out. Edge and Christian? No…Christian’s too small and Edge is too….goofy.” So in reality I’d wager that for a long time, nobody backstage envisioned anything grand out of the Attitude Era’s glorious tag team division. Following the brand split it became obvious that everybody was going to get a shot at the top spot though everybody failed for different reasons (Somewhere, Bubba Ray Dudley still has a table with HHH painted on it waiting to be used). Oddly enough on what I believe was a completely whimsical piece of on the fly booking, former APA member Bradshaw morphed seemingly overnight into JBL and became what I’m sure many felt was the surprise of the decade in terms of wrestling talent. Oddly enough, it was two other pieces of randomness and “accidental” booking that may have spawned the next (and maybe only) true main eventer to come out of that Attitude Tag Division. The first of these two accidents was the Edge/Matt/Lita love triangle. Now, I hesitate to call this an accident, because in hindsight I’m not convinced that the entire thing wasn’t a complete work right from the get-go. Matt and Adam Copeland (Edge) have had one of the true “friendships” that wrestling fans thought we new about. I tend to believe that wrestling ‘marks’ know very little about the actual business and that us ‘smarks’ in the Internet Wrestling Community know more about some subjects and perhaps less about others than the ‘marks’. It is quite conceivable in my mind that Matt and Edge conceived the entire thing, and fabricated the greatest work in wrestling history. Matt was injured at the time and still working towards a comeback, and doing basically nothing. Edge was on the cusp of the main event at the time, but in reality he’d been in that “upper mid-card” state for basically the last two years with a severe neck injury and year off sandwiched in between, not to mention that the god-awful Kane/Lita/Baby angle was mixed up in the middle. It is entirely possible that the entire thing was fabricated from nothing while Matt and Adam were having a beer one night, particularly if the Matt/Lita breakup that we’d heard about actually did happen on good terms. Maybe Edge goes to Vince and pitches the idea to work all the ‘net smarks (whom we know Trips loves fucking with) and he got the green light and a little bit of leash to work with. Hardy needs some time off and gets “fired” at which time he uses this time to recover from injury and use his fairly successful website/message board to complete work the IWC. Edge and Lita both play along because it gives both of their characters a significant boost and the rest is history. Or, maybe the whole thing genuinely happened exactly like we were led to believe that it happened, and Matt and Adam were able to be professional enough to capitlize on a bad situation. It got Matt a small push and re-hired, got Lita out of the Kane-baby trap, and gave Edge much needed direction. The fact remains however regarding that little situation that regardless of its origins, Edge came out smelling like roses. He’d been high on the card before, as a face on Smackdown feuding with Kurt Angle but was WAY too goofy and cutesy with all his moves involving the word ‘edge’ in one way or another. The Edge-a-cution, the Edge-a-matic, the Edge-a-cator, blah blah. My ten year old brother liked them a little too much for me to ever enjoy it if you get what I’m saying. But now-he was risqué. Edge had gained some momentum with his heel turn and his ‘I got screwed’ attitude, and this whole dimension to his character fit in WAY too easily to not be used. Even before that the WWE had the foresight to give him the “Money in the Bank” knowing that he was the one with the best chance of growing into ‘main event level’ and now he had all the momentum in the world, and just needed a catalyst to propel him there. And it came when people started booing John Cena. The night last January when Edge won the title from John Cena I was literally shocked. It was the biggest swerve the WWE had pulled on me in quite some time. I was disgusted by the way the Elimination Chamber had ended and it was one of the few times that I was truly on the Cena Hating bandwagon. Then, when things transpired, I was screaming at the TV, BEGGING for Edge to beat Cena. I wanted to see something new, something unexpected. I wanted Cena to chase the title for a while and maybe freshen up his face character. I wanted something that made me go “HOLY SHIT I GOTTA SEE RAW TOMORROW!” and sure as shit, we got it. On more accidental booking. “Damn…the crowd’s booing Cena. We can’t turn him, we don’t have any other faces. He needs to freshen up but we can’t waste the Trips feud just on that…we need a transitional champio….EDGE!” Out comes Edge with his Money in the Bank match, a “Live Sex Show” the next night, a *gasp* Lita nipple “slip” and all of the sudden Edge is WHITE HOT with the belt. Except all the long-term planning was for Cena vs. Trips at ‘Mania. So Edge got pushed back again. Pushed back apparently so that Randy Orton can have his way with the Raw main event scene. Orton and his in ability to keep his shit in his own gym back, his sexual deviance, his social skills that make the Great Kahli look charismatic and well-spoken. Randy Fucking Orton and his rest holds of doom will spend the summer feuding with Hulk Hogan, John Cena, and Triple H-who doesn’t feel that “now is the right time” for a feud with Edge. The fuck? Now isn’t the right time for Edge? My dearest big nosed bastard you may be right in that now is not the right time for that feud because you are not yet strong enough as a face for a heel Champion Edge, and you have unfinished business with a baby on the way and a DX to somehow work out. But now is exactly the time to be pushing Edge. For right now, all of the chips are in place. The cat is out of the bag and Edge can’t surprise us again. We’ve seen this act before, but God do we love it. Actually, we love to hate it, which is something that very few heels have been able to achieve on the wrestling landscape lately. Few people are really good at being bad anymore. Angle got pops, Trips got cheers, hell people were even writing columns about the greatness of JBL. Edge gets booed. LOUDLY. He uses old fashioned techniques like making fun of local sports teams, but he also uses new techniques like working us internet folk, techniques that Flair dabbled in but JBL perfected. Add in a whorish looking Lita for him to slobber on and you’ve got a perfect heel-getting champion, one that people will line up to see lose. People will cheer his opponents, and new faces can be built up. Like John Cena. They hope. And if they don’t? Man, Cena/Edge together in a heel “R-Rated” faction could be money. If Edge gets too many face pops than he’ll be in great shape for a feud with a bigger face. Like Kane in the middle of a ‘retiring soon’ push that the IWC will clamor for, or a returning Chris Benoit, Shawn Michaels heading off for surgery or maybe a face Triple H at Wrestlemania when Trips finally goes over at a ‘Mania after three straight losses. It disgusts me that Edge may have propelled his career into the stratosphere by nailing his best friend’s girl. It pisses me off that if not, than I got absolutely worked. It bugs me that he jobbed the title right back to Cena after being the most entertaining part of the Raw for a month straight. It makes me more than a little curious and a bit upset to consider while watching a lot of old footage that Edge seems to have gotten quite a bit bigger and may have had the aid of some illegal substances. I can’t stand those pretty boy fuckers with their six pack abs and their long hair and their “sexy little jeans” falling off their scrawny asses. The gum chomping is annoying, almost as annoying as his girlfriends mic skills or his tongue lapping up the camera. I have so many reasons to hate Edge. Which is why he dammed well better win the title on July 15th. Sanctimonious Son of a Bitch Roomate Shropy. I can’t believe you left me man! I loved you like a brother dude, and you betrayed me for a chick! Whatever happened to “bros before ho’s” and all that other quasi-macho garbage that people spew out on a routine basis? I mean, congrats and all, but my radio show is fucked, my weekly poker game is fucked, my Franchise Mode of Madden is fucked….all so you could get fucked. Boo! Cannon Fodder Everybody join hands and sing “nah nah nah nah“ to Gunner Scott. Gunner did the old j-o-b for Ken Kennedy and is now on his way back to OVW to work for a guy who doesn’t know the names of anybody on the roster. Way to go Gunner, shame you didn’t have any personality to go along with your vanilla offense. With any luck, the next time we see you, you’ll be given some sort of character besides “Chris Benoit’s Protégé” and/or maybe your mentor won’t go on “indefinite sabbatical” as you’re beginning your push. Best of luck G. Scott. The-Brand-New-Never-Before-Used Trying-To-Add-Some-Positive-Spin-To-My-Award-Section: “I‘m Pro-That“ Award Chances are few of you noticed that I dropped the quote thing at the top of the column this week. In reality, it was just a cheesy gimmick I adopted about 75 columns ago trying to “get over” in the columns forum and never really served a purpose, so I didn’t push it that hard. It was however, time to make a change on that front so I’m done with it in favor of this new award. Trying to make things a bit more positive, I’ll give you this each week as a way of showing you something that I’m “pro”, meaning I like it a lot. This week, I’m Pro-Bird33 the last man to ever correctly guess the quote at the top of my column and a loyal feed backer to this column. It’s tough to not love a guy who emails me frequently and tell me what a great job I’m doing, so for that I am eternally grateful to you Birdie. Thanks for reading. And thus ends another vaunted trip up the stairs to The Nosebleed Section. As always I appreciate your patronage both for reading this column here and for having a listen to my weekly audio pod cast here on Lop, Monday Night Countdown. If you feel so compelled, please have a look around some of my other internet endeavors that are linked below. If pod casting is your thing, you can download the latest episode of ‘The Cooler’ my non-wrestling podcast for The Project. It features another friend of mine who runs his own classic rock Internet radio station 20th Century Rock. We shoot the shit about his daughter looking up porn, spin some cool Indie Rock, its good times. If none of that sounds appealing to you, then you’ll just have to wait around until Monday and catch the next Monday Night Countdown, or for a week or so and catch the next Bleeder. Until then, I thankya for visiting The Nosebleed Section-but next time, get better seats. Click here to Email Randomguy#5!   Great new stuff from Mary Magdalan (some of the most awesomely demented lyrics you’ll find) and a new Primetime Playlist, where only the best tracks are in rotation during peak listening hours. Give it a listen while you’re reading some great columns on Lop or The Project. *NEW GALLERY* Amazing! The VERY RARE & Revealing Kelly Kelly BEACH PHOTOSHOOT!!!
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