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Submitted by Morpheus on Thursday, June 29, 2006 at 12:18 AM EST
 Welcome back, mother fuckers and mother fuckerettes to the latest edition of a Lords of Pain staple, the infamous FACT of FICTION. This month, we have shaken things up a bit by undergoing a bit of a brand extension of our own. Boss Foxx and I were getting so many applicants to participate in the Fact of Fiction frenzy each month, that we were turning away more people than we were using, so we decided to split the roster to give more people some airtime. So, starting this month, and every month from this point forward, we will be having one FoF posted here on the Main Page, hosted by yours truly, and one posted in the LOP Columns Forum, hosted by Boss Foxx. You can access the CF Edition of FoF for this month by clicking HERE. Today, we have five people stepping up to the plate for some good old fashioned wrestling discussion. First, we have Wevv Mang, closet Chuck Norris fan and extremely comedically-inclined author of Ridin’ With The Bossman, which can be read weekly on this very site. Next up we have therik, who despite being one of the newer additions to the pool of talent in the Columns Forum has done quite the job of making a name for himself, though he is British so take what he says with an extraordinarily large grain of salt. Third on the list of miscreants in doublehelix who gave up on writing solo columns due to chronic laziness, but can still be found writing the entertaining half of Excuse The Aggravation with XanMan in the Columns Forum. Fourth, we have a returning Legend in YourAyatollah who once upon a time wrote an excellent column called All About The Game here on the LOP Main Page until the hurricane wiped out his WebTV. We’re working on getting him a computer again soon, so he did this one over the phone. Finally, we have me, Morpheus, who will shortly be a certified as a court stenographer after all the transcribing I’ve been doing for that Ayatollah guy. In the Columns Forum Edition, we have Boss Foxx moderating, and Jules, Big Brother, rogue9, and the almty1 rounding out the Furious Five. Now you know the players involved, so we can get on with the game. Fact or Fiction is a go! 1. FACT or FICTION: ECW is immediately hampered by being broadcast on the Sci-Fi Channel, which is insisting on the inclusion of "Sci-Fi" themes. Wevv Mang – FICTION – There is a huge cross-over in the Sci-Fi fanbase and wrestling. Many wrestling fans like music and movies that can be classified as Sci-Fi or Horror, and that is what the Sci-Fi channel markets to. In fact, being on Sci-Fi could introduce more fans to wrestling, and here is the key thing, they may actually LIKE it and seek it out. But I don't think making wrestling more “Sci-Fi” style will help. therik - It's been said that Sci-Fi execs were pushing for wrestlers to be "transported to another dimension during a match". I'd like to ask how exactly that's supposed to happen. The best I can come up with is the wrestlers stopping the match suddenly, then spinning round saying "whoo-ooo-ooo-ooo" before suddenly "materialising" (this would be illustrated by a cessation of spinning) in a new dimension... where Styles is a moose. You can't make this stuff up - that one's downright FACT. doublehelix - It depends what type of 'hindered' we're talking about. Commercial success in regards to ratings and shit and product quality are two different things (for instance, Smackdown is still around, despite not being very good at any point since Eddy Guerrero died, and only sporadically good since Wrestlemania XX; or, to go with a non-wrestling example, 50 Cent). In regards to the former, this is FICTION. ECW is a WWE product, now, and there isn't a force on this planet that can prevent a WWE-sponsored product from being successful on some level, particularly one that is being pushed as strongly as ECW (though the aforementioned Smackdown is trying really, really hard). Naturally, there will be some old skool ECW marks who simply can't stand the thought of their beloved ECDub not only being under control of the McMahon's, but also on the same network as such cinematic masterpieces as Frankenfish; these people will be replaced by WWE fans, of which there are many to spare. Now, as for whether this hurts the product... I'll say MAYBE, BUT I DON'T THINK SO (yes, I'm a very decisive fellow). After all, Heyman has the book. Anything he does deserves the benefit of the doubt, at least initially, even if it involves aliens and witches. Grant you, these cartoony gimmick concepts are very un-ECW (or at least, un-idealized, nostalgic ECW), but we should all come to terms with the fact that this isn't that ECW. And if people put aside their conceptions of what is and isn't suitable for a promotion that died years ago, they just might find this new incarnation to be pretty entertaining in its own right, aliens, vampires, and all. Or, hell, it might suck. But I'm optimistic. YourAyatollah - Jesus Christ man, I would say FICTION. I would assume that these allusions are to the Zombie and the Vampire guy that keeps showing up. You may end up with a Vampire character that actually catches on, which to all of us wouldn’t necessarily be a bad thing. But besides all that, it’s not like the Zombie came out and ran through half the roster. Up until this point, these characters are being booked as more joke characters (Morgan Freeman is on my TV, mother fuckers!) and it’s not like it’s being shoved down anybody’s throat. So instead of a solid hour of good old fashioned hardcore action, you get 55 minutes and the added bonus of seeing the Sandman pound the living dogshit out of some stupid Sports Entertainment character. Because realistically, at this point in his career, who the fuck else is the Sandman going to be beating? (Though I must say he’s in better shape at this point than I’ve seen him in his entire career.) Morpheus - I’m going to go with FACT for two main reasons. First, I don’t want therik to feel lonely in his decision, and I’m a nice guy like that. Second, I think whenever a network starts to dictate what a show can or should have in its broadcast, something is horribly unjust. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not talking about censorship, or things of that nature (although I very easily could be), but rather the actual CONTENT of the show itself. It would be tantamount to FOX going up to Bernie Mac and saying, “Yeah, Bernie, great show. But we really think you should throw in a couple of white guys. That would be great.” They may be on different levels, but it’s the exact same thing; enforcement of executive opinion on carried content. Regardless of the content they suggest, that is NEVER a good thing in my book. Although if they insisted on having some of those hot three-tittied aliens from Total Recall on there doing some of that lesbian shit, I would likely be less opposed. 2. FACT or FICTION: WWE is only encouraging Orton's attitude further by bringing him back from suspension early and promoting him to Raw. therik - That's FICTION. It's quite obvious to me - and to most qualified psychologists - that Orton's faecal mishaps were a direct result of being turned down by girls on Smackdown!. By moving him to RAW, he has the perfect opportunity to hook up with the one diva who won't turn anyone down. Yes, that veritable buffet of sexual diseases known as Lita. If you'll allow me a cheap shot, she's the result of a tragic misunderstanding of the Pokémon slogan "gotta catch 'em all". Orton's behaviour will improve as soon as he gets some Russian Roulette nookie. doublehelix - What I'm about to do is extremely unwise: I'm going to both support Randy Orton, and fully trust the rumour mill. FICTION. I'm mostly basing this on the assumption that word of Randy Orton undergoing professional counseling and returning determined to not be a complete dick backstage is 100% accurate, in which case this is just a good ole American Way, second chances for everyone, feel good tale. Again, this is an utterly foolish assumption, but, even though I don't like Randy Orton, I'd prefer his fall from grace to be for reasons other than an inability to stop shitting in other people's luggage. Besides, the suspension (again, operating as though the rumour mill is, in fact, dictated to us smarky mark internet nerds by God Himself) was indefinite, which means there is no real "coming back early", and I'd imagine the WWE wouldn't bring him back now unless they felt they had gotten their point across. All said, though, Randy Orton is still dull as paint, and has done anything worthwhile since the RNN thing. YourAyatollah - FICTION. If nothing else than for the sole reason that that makes it seem like SmackDown! and ECW are somehow inferior to RAW, which in reality may be true, but in theory is not supposed to be. If you ask me, Orton’s return is based solely on the fact that they need all the warm bodies they can get with this third brand extension. Besides, it’s not as if this guy is Shawn Michaels, calling his own shots and all but running the show, as we have seen in years gone by. Yes, dude has an obvious attitude problem, and yeah, maybe letting him sit at home for a while and stew would have better gotten the point across, but last I checked, this isn’t WCW, and attitude or no attitude, Vince McMahon has never been one to let guys sit on their asses at home and collect a paycheck. I’m no expert on the subject, but I’ve read enough random books to know that problems of this nature are usually fixed though Trial By Fire. If you want Randy Orton’s attitude fixed, don’t give him a paid vacation; make him wrestle Bob Holly every week for a month. Morpheus - I’m going to go against the grain and say FACT on this one, but with a stipulation. Yes, I think bringing Orton back from his suspension early is only showing him that he is NEEDED by the company right now, which will only serve to inflate his already overflowing ego further. However, I don’t think this is the ONLY thing they are doing wrong with this kid. The WWE has only themselves to blame for his self-worth reaching critical mass; between the decision to make him the youngest World Champion ever, and the constant push to make him the future of the industry, low self-esteem was never even an option for this guy. When I say Fact, it is because I believe that the statement above is true, but there are so many more factors to consider as well that the answer isn’t as simple as all that. For the record, though, shitting in someone’s bag… Classic. Wevv Mang - Nothing could be more FICTION. Bringing Orton to Raw was not a promotion, it was a demotion. Being on Raw means being directly under the supervision of the top people in the company, the real decision makers. Vince may be backstage on Smackdown, but since Smackdown is considered a “B” show, there is more of a cavalier attitude in the locker room. With the Undertaker being the main muscle, and well, he ain’t around much, now is he? Just think about all the stuff JBL has gotten away with, and then think about how many locker room stories you hear leaking out of Raw. Raw seems to have less tolerance for locker room troublemakers than Smackdown, and Orton is trouble. He’s basically under house arrest. 3. FACT or FICTION: In a time when multiple superstars are sidelined with injury, by sending Kurt Angle, Nunzio, and Tazz to ECW, and giving up Randy Orton, Nitro, and Melina to RAW without getting any returns, the WWE are effectively sabotaging SmackDown!. doublehelix - FACT. Smackdown is fucked. Oh, I'm supposed to elaborate? The show is completely devoid of any true star power, the semi-star power is all injured, in rehab, or of questionable talent to begin with, the ratings are in the shitter, the show has already been pulled in my area, and it wouldn't suprise me if this were not an isolated incident (though we have the added bonus of crazy preachers who honestly believe UPN is all that is wrong with America - of all the stupid moral crusades throughout the centuries, the war against UPN is the most retarded), Mark Henry has been in the main event scene for a period of time longer than 15 days, Rey Mysterio's title reign - and, to be clear, I am a Mysterio fan - has been a disaster, and most of this shit was true before the WWE shipped Kurt Angle, Johnny Nitro, et al to Raw or ECW. YourAyatollah - I’m torn on this one. I want to say Fact, because I’ve had the exact same thoughts over the past few weeks as I’ve watched the slow dismantling of the SmackDown! roster, but I also want to say FICTION because this seems like a combination of bad luck and Superstars simply being needed elsewhere. In other words, sabotage implies that this was a deliberate attack on SmackDown!, whereas I believe they are more victims of circumstance. Besides, with their apparent gung-ho attitudes toward the Rey Mysterio Title reign, I personally would have to say that the less viable contenders you have to pit against the man, the better it is for him because even a casual fan is capable of noticing that Mysterio as Champion on the same show as the gold star of Kurt Angle would be bad news for our little Mexican friend. Morpheus - I’m going to answer this one in the spirit of the way the statement was worded and say FACT. Whether or not the actual sabotaging of the SmackDown! brand was the intent behind the roster moves or not, the end result is the same and has effectively sabotaged the chances of the brand at succeeding as it stands. With a little luck, some better booking, and the returns of Kennedy and Batista, they may be able to turn things around, but right now SmackDown! really does hurt to watch sometimes, and to be honest there are times I begin masturbating with steel wool just to dull the pain of what I am seeing. Don’t look at me like that. Like you fuckers haven’t done the same thing. Wevv Mang - FICTION. It may seem that way, but I see it differently. Smackdown now is forced to rely on the undercard for star power and that is a good thing. Booker T is now the top heel, and he’s doing very well in that role. Rey is the top babyface, and it’s not his charisma or ability that is holding him back, but the booking. Finlay has stepped up and is now getting a lot of time, and that is a good thing to me. The rest of the roster now has a chance to get more time, and develop more personality and a following. While I do think there is sabotaging going on for Smackdown, I think it’s mainly the people calling the shots on Smackdown, in terms of creative direction that is holding it back. therik - Who in their right mind would say FICTION? Me, that's who. Tazz, although a good commentator, is replaceable (I think JBL's done a good job thus far), Angle came from RAW to cover for Batista (who's back in a couple of weeks). Nunzio was a jobber (did he ever do a finisher on Smackdown!? I don't think he did...). Randy Orton doesn't fit with the Smackdown! style of wrestling, and Melina - although mildly hot - brought very little to Bluetown. Will SD! miss Nitro? Probably not. They've raised Lashley, Kennedy and hopefully Burchill will blossom soon. They'll just bring someone else up. It didn't take long for Nitro. Give them a Spirit Squad member from RAW, and nobody will notice the difference. Unless it's Mitch. 4. FACT or FICTION: Outlandish characters like "The Zombie" are not what is needed if the new ECW is to flourish. YourAyatollah - This is another one I am torn on. I would say Fiction, in terms of the fact that these characters, as I said before, are not being shoved down our throats, and are not a major part of the show. However, I would have to say FACT if this is to be a regular occurrence. It’s one thing to have a cool vampire character, for instance, or even a group of vampire characters, however, you can only have the Sandman beat the shit out of so many B-Movie characters before it gets lame. At this point, and please note that we are only three weeks in, I would say it’s not a problem, and could actually take further strides towards the whole “ECW, Fuck Sports Entertainment” mentality by offering these obviously gimmicky characters up to the sacrifice every week. However, if what I am told is true, and the Network is forcing ECW to continue these outlandish characters, then it is indeed a FACT that it can only lead to the detriment and outright mockery of what ECW is supposed to be. Morpheus - I am going to go with FACT on this one, simply for a literal interpretation of the statement again. Characters like the Zombie are not NEEDED in order for ECW to flourish once more. Will they be an overall detriment in the long run, we will have to wait and see, but anyone who thinks they are the key to the success of the new ECW is on much better weed than I used to get in high school. And we had that laced shit… Wevv Mang - FICTION, though it’s a tough call. It’s the Boogey Man principle. Boogey Man got over huge. He was the biggest joke on the Internet before he even showed up. That’s good and bad. Bad in that he wasn’t supposed to be for comedy, and good in that the fans were braced for him. Now, when it comes to the Zombie, he was immediately portrayed as a joke. That got the fans laughing, and well, comedy can reach as far, if not farther and faster, than drama. Outlandish characters are fine, as long as they aren’t taken too seriously, since the fans won't anyways. In the case of the Boogey Man, people backed him (in a fashion), until the worms came into play and became the focus of his gimmick. Once that happened, well, it became as appealing as eating worms, which is to say, not very. I’ll just say that it’s not the characters, it’s how they are used. therik - The zombie was booked brilliantly. His eloquent moaning bought him a place in our hearts, and his subsequent beatdown told a story so tragic that it brought a tear to even the most hard-hearted of ECW fans. Utter bollocks aside, it was funny and a nice middle finger to Mr. Sci-Fi and his 13-week cohabitation period. Nevertheless, I think saying that the ECW will flourish as a result of supernatural creatures is stretching the imagination as much as Mysterio's title run. The ECW's making the best of a bad situation, and, while the vampires could be fun, if ECW want to flourish they need to get back to the roots. That is FICTION from my POV. doublehelix - FACT, though I did think The Zombie and his follow-up Macho Libre were awesome. The thing is, only retarded people like myself will tune in on a weekly basis to find out which stupid gimmick Sandman will beat the shit out of this time. Average Joe Curious will tune in because he’s heard good things about ECW, and wants to know what the fuss is about. Marky McMark Mark is tuning in for the John Cena appearance. Smarky McSmarkerson is tuning in because he feels obligated to watch it, despite knowing he hates it well beforehand. There are some gray areas there for people tuning in for Kurt Angle, or Rob Van Dam, or whoever their favorite wrestler happens to be. Zombie & Co. aren’t really harmful since, so far, they’ve been funny as hell, and entertainment is the objective, but they aren’t needed, either. Really, at some point, most people will probably find them annoying. The exceptions will be people like me – people who, two weeks later, still giggle uncontrollably at the Zombie’s “UHHHHHHHHHH” thing, and subsequent caning at the hands of Sandman. There aren't many of us. 5. FACT or FICTION: Involving Kevin Nash with the X-Division has been a trainwreck from the start. There is no way to salvage their premiere division after this debacle. Morpheus - Now, as someone who hates Kevin Nash with a passion, I really would love to answer FACT on this one, however I will refrain. Don’t get me wrong, I used to love the guy, but the fact of the matter is that Nash’s two greatest roles were as Diesel in the WWF, and as Super Shredder in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret Of The Ooze. Everything else, not so much. However, despite my deep-rooted hatred for the guy, the answer to this statement can only be FICTION. The angle has brought more attention to the X-Division by showing how they compete with big name big men, and has led to some humorous moments as well which is always good. However, if Nash and Shelley refer to Kev’s Cock one more time, I’m mail bombing Dixie Carter. You read it here first. Wevv Mang - FACT AND FICTION. See, involving Kevin Nash was a trainwreck, that is FACT. No way to save the division afterwards, FICTION. It will just take a lot of effort. Nash is using the popularity of the X-Division to get himself over, and is putting in calls to his WWE buddies each and every day. You can bet on that. If the goal was to get the X-Division some attention by using Nash, well, good job TNA, it’s backfired completely on you. AJ Styles and Christopher Daniels are breathing a huge sigh of relief, because they got out. The rest of the guys are now jobbers to Nash. And they’re stuck in that role. Who’s going to want to job to those guys, and look like a wimp after the fans just watched Nash laugh at them, and no-sell their moves? Nash, the guy who can barely move. You think Jeff Jarrett is going to? Hell no. Hell, even Ron Killings is probably going to say no. But it’s going to take Jeff Jarrett doing a job to Sonjay Dutt to make the Division believable again. So, yeah, FACT that the division is in deep trouble, and FICTION that it can't be fixed. It can, but a lot of the people who have power are going to have sacrifice some of their pride to make it happen. therik - I love the X-Division and hate Kevin Nash. This one could well be a no-brainer. You see, the X-Division isn't about weight limits, it's about no limits. Kevin Nash should be disqualified from competing based solely on this. He is severely limited as most standard movements - among them jumping, walking and eating - cause him to pull at least 3 muscles. I hope I'm done pretending I know about TNA and bringing my fact v fiction count to a less one-sided 2-3. This one's FACT. Probably. doublehelix - Fuck, first Randy Orton, now Kevin Nash? I have to say FICTION, because this honestly hasn’t sucked. The skits with Alex Shelley have been pure gold, and, honestly, the foundation of this angle is very solid: one of the criticisms of the X Division is it’s a bunch of scrawny guys doing flips, and none of them are big time material. Clearly, this is a purely kayfabe way of addressing such criticisms, but that real-life influence is what makes this such a good idea. Of course, it’s all for naught if Nash refuses to job, and if that turns out to be the case, the X Division will be fucked for a good, long while. But, hell, even if Nash doesn’t want to job, we have to remember the three certainties of life: death, taxes, and Kevin Nash getting injured. Even if he intends to put himself over an entire section of the roster, he could be back on the shelf before any real damage is done. YourAyatollah - FICTION… Like in Bold Letters! So am I to understand here, and you guys are going to hate me for saying shit I’ve already said, that Samoa Joe can lord over the entire Division at his whimsy, but Kevin Nash who, regardless of what one may think of him, is a bona fide legend in the business at this point, can’t beat up Chris Sabin? I know that the X-Division is the Holy Grail to the TNA fan, because really, when you get down to it, all TNA really is is one righteous-ass Cruiserweight Division and a really strong pack of Intercontinental Title contenders (and Raven), the simple fact of the matter is that any human being who likes to operate on this little thing we like to call logic KNOWS that a guy like Kevin Nash can take a guy like Chris Sabin. Did it kill WCW’s Cruiserweight Division when Nash took out Rey Misterio? I would daresay that it actually made the Cruiserweight Division stronger by showing that a smaller wrestler like Rey can hang with a genuine World Title contender who is almost literally twice his size, and actually even beat him once or twice. As I see it, again despite the notions one may have of Big Sexy, that this may actually be Nash’s way of giving back. The guy has always shown an affinity for smaller wrestlers, and it’s arguable that his best work has been done with X-Division-style competitors. Sure, it may not look all that great for the X-Division when the Silver-Haired Fox pounds the dogshit out of one of its founding fathers, but can you imagine the impact that it would have on not only Chris Sabin’s personal career, but potentially the entire viewpoint one has of the X-Division if he could pull off a win against the big man? Fuck you Nash-haters, WolfPac 4 Life. And while we’re at it, it’s been at least a month or so, so fuck you Random. Fuck you, your mother, your daddy, and the gay little horse you rode in on. I would say fuck you in the butt, but this is supposed to be insulting; so I will leave you with a simple Fuck You. But much love to everyone else. Hope to see you soon. And that about does it for this month’s edition of Fact or Fiction. Don’t forget to check out the Columns Forum Edition as well. If you have any thoughts, feel free to send them our way at the email addresses below. In the meantime, Stay Metal, and I’ll catch all you non-gender-specific fuckers at a future juncture. E-Mail Wevv Mang E-Mail therik E-Mail doublehelix E-Mail YourAyatollah (via Morpheus) E-Mail Morpheus
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