|
|
|
|
|
Submitted by Wevv Mang on Sunday, June 25, 2006 at 6:12 PM EST
Ridin’ With The Bossman – The Generation Of X Greetings! Welcome to another edition of Ridin' With The Bossman, the column that Vince like to read to Stephanie’s Unborn baby. Much to Stephanie’s and H’s outrage, but Vince is a BILLIONAIRE! And well, no one ever says NO to Vince. Hello fans! We got a lot of wrestling reviewing to do, and some news to cover, and a Kane’s house, and STILL more ECW thoughts. A promotion only premiers once, and the honeymoon is over, and well, it’s onto the marriage. So, lot’s of column coming at you this week. Let’s get started shall we? WWE TV – The Series Raw Recap courtesy of LOP It’s the reformation of Degeneration X! That means goofiness galore! Are you ready…for comedy?!? Show opens with Vince given a speech. He steps out of his office and we get: A chicken joke, an alien, male strippers, and Dusty Rhodes. I hate Dusty, but I can’t hate a shameless plug. Good job fatty. Oh, and a penis enlargement pump. Yup, DX is back and that means homo antics. Are you ready? For more bad gay jokes? Tough luck, this is just the first five minutes. Vince, In the Ring Vince has a few things he’d like to say, but before he can say them Shane comes out and tells Vince that Steph has gone into labor. Vince runs out of the ring, and we have a backstage bit where Vince leaves Coach in charge and calls Steph a bitch. YEAH! STEPH IS COMING BACK TO TV!!! REJOICE NET FANS! STEPH WILL BE BACK! WITH A BABY! YEAH! Are you ready…for breast-feeding as your main event? Are you? Torrie Wilson Photo Shoot Chick is just plain hot. Damn you Billy Kidman. More Torrie! In a match. With tag team partner Maria against Mickie and Candace. Mickie wins, and beats up everybody. Entertaining match, and Mickie is now the top heel. She was before, but you know, by beating up Candace and stuff, oh never mind. Lillian, Vis, and Charlie So, the angle lives on, this time with Vis and Charlie as heels. I think, I don't know for sure, but they’re acting like heels. Vis wants Charlie to apologize, Charlie said he did, and then banged Lillian. Vis gets upset. Beat down occurs and I do mean beat down. Vis beat the crap out of Charlie. Lillian looked horrified. Oh well. I guess the happy days of Vi smacking on Lillian over a plate of nachos are long gone, but live on in my memory. Some great stuff. Back then. Mickie steals JR’s hat. SPIRIT SQUAD! Come out and beat up both guys. They are no longer funny, but mean and intense. They don't like DX. H and HBK appear on the screen, and we get the Spirit Squad getting slimed. Like on Nickelodeon. Yeah, that creates a hell of a mess, that’s a bitch to clean up. The Spirit Squad talk to Coach Coach says Vince’s plan will be put in motion. He then gives an evil laugh, shared by the Spirit Squad, and then the camera fades out. No, that didn’t happen. Instead, Spirit Squad punks Coach, and Coach goes into Vince’s office and find Paul Heyman. Coach tells him to get out, and Paul starts to leave, but warns that if he does, things will get worse. Paul only wants two things, and that’s a tag team match for the Vengeance PPV, and a match tonight. Coach agrees. Very well done segment. Back in the ring, they are still cleaning up the mess. So, we get an interview with Kane. With Kane in the back, and JR still at ringside, it’s done over the PA system. A horrible way to do it. Kane says that this guy who dresses like him is more screwed up than Kane. You know what, that’s funny on so many levels. Kane walks away. Umaga vs Jobber Umaga wins, and Armando…..Allejandro…..EEESSS – and the crowd picks up on it and finishes for him, and Armando reacts with disgust, and drops the mic and leaves. You know what? Damn good segment. That dude is getting over, and so it Umaga. Good job guys. CHES! John Cena vs Balls Mahoney Eh, a slow paced match, since Vince probably put the fear of Vince into Balls before the match. Cena wins, Sabu attacks and does one of his most impressive moves I’ve ever seen him do, in my opinion, and runs, jumps, lands on the middle of the top rope, catches his balance, checks the distance, checks Cena's position, thinks about it, and THEN jumps off. He lands on Cena lying on the announce desk. Very nice move. Cena was face down, and got a nasty looking bump. Orton vs Snitsky Orton wins. Almost, but not quite a squash match, as Snitsky got to throw some punches and try one move. Carlito vs Nitro and Benjamin Handicap match. Benjamin and Nitro had a miscommunication, and a disagreement, and Carlito almost won, but Nitro got the pin. DX Strikes! They deface Vince’s office with tame graffiti, and pretty colors. They trash his photos. H and HBK then sit down with Coach to watch the rest of Raw. Aw, how cute! They then pants Coach and spray paint his butt. Were you ready? Our recapper was, as he pointed out that for three straight weeks, we’ve had man ass shown on Raw. Edge vs Flair Good match, but Mick Foley stole it when he said he was going to stink up the place when he faced Flair. That’s hilarious. Foley then runs in and helps Edge get the win over Flair. MORE DX! ARE YOU READY? FOR MORE ASS? Where’s Rikishi when you need him? He could sing that hit song of his “Put A Little Ass On It” wouldn't that be great? Anyhoo, we get more Steph references, midgets, Spirit Squad beat down, and midgets dropping their pants. The show then ends. Oh, there were some hot chicks in there as well. Thank god. That was Raw, and I understand why they had DX all over the show, for the PPV. Some of it was amusing, some of it wasn’t and it was the big push, so it was over the top. It did the job, but it showed promise of getting really old, really fast, and threatening to bring Steph in is not helping. ECW Recap courtesy of Chad Matthews The show starts off with a fortuneteller predicting the future. Spooky stuff. Sabu vs Tony Mamaluke (w/Trinity) It’s Trinity! She’s made it to TV! With Tony! Why? No idea! Some clever moves in this match, however and Sabu gets the win. Kelly! Kelly explains why she had trouble with her bra, and promises to take off more clothes this week. Thank you Kelly. RVD Speaks Decked out in titles, Rob makes pot-smoking references. Welcome back Rob. Big Show Beats the hell out of Dreamer. You know, the thing about Dreamer is, he milked all his sympathy years ago. When he won the belt, it was the finale. Now, it’s not the same. The Vampire is back!Spooky! Macho Libre vs Sandman I thought this was funny. The guy did a great Macho Man impression. A great Macho Man impression. The only thing missing was the Sandman’s ‘What the fuck?!?” look as he came out. Cena arrives! Cena walked into the locker room, faced off against everyone, made a challenge to Sabu, and then walked away. Doesn't sound that impressive, but they did it with style and intensity. Very good work, and I’ll say it again. ECW is good for Cena. Very good. Kelly took off her clothes No complaints. Then some rat bastard showed up and covered her up. Test????? Test is coming to ECW? Oh man. This can't be good. Randy Orton and Edge vs Kurt Angle and RVD Solid match. Excellent work from the four guys. Nicely done. RVD gets the win. Much better show, as they are still working on a format. Much smoother, and there are still characters to be introduced, but they have found an effective way to work them into the mix. Smackdown Recap courtesy of Damon Faulkner The Miz is annoying. That is all. Not like you didn't already know… London and Kendrick vs The Mexicools Another solid match. Kendrick and London’s masks still look like crap. I wonder what happened to the old ones? You know, the ones they were wearing when they first started teaming up. Those were cool. A lot of high flying action, and some cool spots. Miscommunication between the Mexicools leads to their loss. Tatanka vs Simon Dean Yes, that impressive young newcomer Tatanka is worth all those promos. Simon takes another beating when out of the blue, here comes Khali, who just lays everyone out. Finlay vs Gunner Scott A solid technical bout. Finlay is just amazing. That guy knows a million things to do with the ring apron. The Leprechaun makes an appearance and that guy cracks me up. I gotta give credit to Finlay for making it work. Finlay gets another sneaky pin. Vito and Ashley You know, I get that Vito is not gay, but the dress thing is just…weird. Mark Henry Speaks Very well done promo by the big guy. Impressive and intense as hell. Very good, and yes, Mark is now a credible threat, and I wouldn’t mind in the least if he got the Big Belt. Lashley vs Booker Loads of interference. Regal runs in. Finlay runs in. Lashley is injured. Lashley grabs a chair and lays everyone out, and Booker picks up the DQ win. Kennedy The Cheesehead vs Funaki, #1 Smackdown Announcer Kennedy wins. Booker and Teddy, Best Buds Booker is an awesome heel. Great work by both men, especially to the announcement that next week will be a Steel Cage match between Booker and Bobby. Rey vs Mark Henry Good match. Mark looked strong, and Rey looked creative in his attacks, which worked. A first. The end saw Mark dominant, but Rey came back, Chavo ran in, got beaten up, and use an old Guerrero way to win, by getting Mark DQ’d. Nice. Mark still looks strong, and Rey gets a boost. Good show. JBL is learning. I got the impression that this was a test show. TO see how well they can lay out the Heel chasing the Face. Since it was usually the Face chasing the Heel. Why? The Booker T ending, the Rey ending, Finlay’s match, and so forth. In those matches, the heels brought everything they had, and all had some type of shenanigans finish. The face won, the face lost, but everyone was protected and made to look credible. We’ll see how many of these ideas are stolen for Raw. Oh wait, the PPV is tonight. Nevermind. One thing to keep in mind, is that the prime directive is about to change. H is a face. That means that Faces are now going to be booked strong. Cena style, not Rey Mysterio style. Think of the H pushes, then flip around Heel and Face, and you get the picture. Kane’s House - A special submission by long time reader Stuart. Thanks Stuart. I love it. So many places to go with this. Thanks again man. It is with great pleasure that I present Stu’s work: Kane’s Retirement Home Kane and Big Show are in Kane’s hearse driving slightly out of town to the Titan Towers Retirement Home. As they approach the home they see a large set of gates marking the entrance. At first glance it is impossible to tell if they are meant to keep people in, or keep people out. Even after looking at them longer they are still unsure. The name “Titan Towers Retirement Home” is written on the marble slabs inset in each of the gate supporting columns. A sign on the gate written in large white letters on a red background says “Thank you for not discussing the real world or other retirement homes”. Big Show has brought a loaf of bread to feed the ducks down at the lake, but he has eaten half the loaf on the drive over already. Between mouthfuls Big Show tries talking. Big Show: It is nice here Kane, but I’m still not sure why you’ve decided to move here. Kane: The house just isn’t the same without Lita there. And Edge. And Matt Hardy trying to attack Edge at every opportunity. Even Bossman has stopped hiding in the wardrobe. There is something else though. It just feels as if there is some force stopping me from getting anywhere with my life, you know stopping me from fulfilling my potential. Eh, maybe it just me. Big Show: I think I know what you mean. On occasion nothing in the neighborhood changes, but then at other times there is just so much going on. Did you know that Paul has opened up the Extreme Car Wash down beside McMahon Mart. I’m working down there on occasion, but there are some weird guys down there! There’s this one guy who comes out drinking beer and hammering the cans on his forehead before he starts washing the car. Anywhere else he would be unemployable, but Paul seems to know what to do with him. They pull in to the car park and find an empty space. As they are walking towards the entrance a little old woman with a walker shuffles past throwing Kane a little smile as she passes. Kane: That’s Mrs. Gibson. They reckon she only has a month left to live. I’m taking her out on a date in a month and a half. The anticipation is killing me. Big Show involuntarily shudders. As Kane and Big Show enter reception they spot the memorial wall for those residents that have now passed on. In the middle is a picture of the late John “Earthquake” Tenta. Below this is a note from the canteen saying the special this week will be QuakeBurgers. At the reception desk a stunning looking young woman in a very, very tiny, nurse’s uniform greets them. Candice: Hi Mr. Kane, it’s nice to see you again. Is there anything I can help you with today? Kane: I’m actually here to finalize some of the details with Mr. Funk, as I ‘m hoping to get a date for when I can move in. I was also going to have another look around if that’s OK? Candice: Mr. Funk should be in his office. I’ll give him a ring and let him know that you are on your way up. If you want a guided tour just let me know. I’m sure that either me, or one of the other girls could easily fit you and your big friend in. Big Show starts to make an off hand comment, but Kane drags Big Show away from Reception and they make their way up a corridor to the door marked Residential Manager. They knock on the door, but get no answer. Big Show knocks again, harder, but still no answer. Big Show starts for a third time, when Candace comes up the stair, breathing heavily. Candace: I’m…so…sorry….Mr. Funk…was called away…on…business. Kane: That’s too bad. I was really looking forward to moving in. I like this place. It reminds me of home. Quiet, peaceful, death looming everywhere. Oh well, I’ll try again tomorrow. I still have some packing to do anyway. Let’s go Big Show. Big Show is staring at Candace’s heaving breasts. Big Show: Huh? Oh yeah. Definitely coming back tomorrow. Over-Analyzing Wrestling Today’s Topic: Too Much Of A Good Thing? There’s a lot of wrestling on television right now. WE got 2 plus hours on Monday night, the traditional home of wrestling. Now, we have an hour of wrestling on Tuesday night, and two more hours on Friday night. For now. That’s five plus hours of wrestling, unless you count TNA, which would bring it up to six weekly hours of new wrestling product. But who counts TNA? That’s a lot of wrestling. The summer doldrums are being felt across the network landscape, both on cable and on network programming. Ratings are dropping for repeats. The NBA Finals are over, and those proved to be big ratings getters at the end. World Cup Soccer will be wrapping up sometime, but the ratings for that, at least in the US, has not been that strong of a factor. Baseball, well, its baseball. And the World Series is months away. The Fall season doesn't start until September, early August, depending on which networks gamble the start dates. In other words, it’s wrestling’s time to shine. Raw has reclaimed the top spots. ECW is in contention for making the top fifteen, even with this week’s 2.0 rating, that’s still nothing to sneeze at. Smackdown is having troubles, but it has for quite some time. Still, when the highest rated show on Friday night is only getting a 5.7, a 2.7 is tough to compete, but not out of reach. And the ratings picked up across the board after 9 PM. But the important thing is that wrestling is getting a lot of exposure and reaching potentially a large, new audience. Make no mistake, Sci-Fi fans are passionate, but they can rally behind an action-oriented show. It’s just a matter of how to make them accept it. Sci-Fi fans love to launch crusades. It’s getting a reaction from the dedicated Sci-Fi viewers. But is that translating into ratings? Too early to tell. Not every Sci-Fi fan is going to put away their “Beam Me Up Scotty!” T-Shirt and start sporting an “EC F’N W” one in its place. But the show is getting cross-stream publicity. It is getting ratings for a network. All in all, I’d say it’s helping Sci-Fi more than WWE. Isn't that the reason that Sci-Fi signed the deal? Wrestling has had a lock on a chunk of fans for years. The fans wrestling draws in are dedicated, loyal, and fickle. If they don't like something, they will say it. They love to complain. But they’ll more than likely keep watching. Week after week. Unless it’s Smackdown, where the numbers keep getting smaller. TNA has been around for over three years now. They’re getting around a 1.0 for their ratings. That number has stayed steady, with slight dips and even fewer raises, for months. Ultimate Fighter gets better ratings, and TNA has struggled to find a way to keep those viewers. In spite of Jeff Jarrett. Their strategy has been similar to that of WCW, in bringing in old names. WWE has dipped into the past to try and spice things up. ECW obviously, but now they have brought back DX. A new version of DX. This time, they seemed more aimed at kids than the fans of bygone days. In essence, they are trying to create new fans. ECW is trying to find it’s way, but it did manage to capture the interest of fans, and in the second week, the show improved. Enough to call it a success? Not really, but enough to keep hope alive. Smackdown is in a unique situation. They have lost tons of “main event” names, like Kurt Angle, Randy Orton, and so on, but are trying to create new stars, and to a degree, succeeding. Booker T, Lashley, Mark Henry, Fit Finlay, Regal, all have stepped up, in some capacity. They even have new announcers. One could say that the show has been revamped. Again, it’s still early, but it shows a lot of promise. Batista is coming back, and that will help tremendously, as he has plenty of new faces to square off against. Well, not new, but in a new position, shall we say. WWE seems poised for big things. WWE seems to have a plan to get their names out their and make people at least tune in once, and offers promises of more good things to come. TNA has a plan, but it seems to involve squashing their promising X-Division, and dragging out more old names and throwing them on TV. With plenty of booking plans that worked in the old territories, and well, how did that work out for those territories? And a run with the belt for Jeff Jarrett. As a face. Please, and I mean that sarcastically, just in case of confusion. Wrestling is poised to make a splash. Summer programming on the other networks looks weak. Once the CW network is launched, it could mean good things for Smackdown, as it was one of their higher rated shows. Having an entire night that you know will do solid numbers is a plus to a fledging network, not to mention the bonus of having that show promoted for free on other networks. That’s worth the cost of picking it up alone. Well, at least for month, anyway. The downside is that so much wrestling could lead to burn out. Over saturation can hurt the product. The three shows offered by WWE, on three separate nights offers three different styles of wrestling to watch. TNA offers a fourth. It may come down to fans picking and choosing what they like best. In this situation, Raw has the edge, simply because it has a strong tradition behind it. But the season is still early. ECW is on only it’s second show. TNA has changes in mind. But I will say that I think right now, wrestling has a lot of opportunities, more than they’ve had in a while. I, and I’m sure WWE still have the memories of Saturday Night Main Event and the fiasco that was in their thoughts. Speaking of which, it’s almost time for another one. With three brands to choose from, the lessons learned from the first one, and competition fierce in the creative meetings, it will be a telling show. Fall is not that far away, and with it brings plenty of options for a disgruntled wrestling fan, a Sci-Fi fan as well. WWE has already begun to make moves towards dominating the cable landscape. Networks are watching. And so are the fans. On that note, I think that’s it for today. Quick Plugs and then it’s off to the bar to see the PPV. Hey, I may not want to pay for it, but I’m still interested to see what happens. QUICK PLUGS! LOP Forums! LOP Columns Forum The PWA, best E-Fed on the net, period. The Movie Bar! Movies! Music! You want to know? Go here! Monkey Approved! Feeling Creative? Check out The Project. Until next Time, Thanks For Readin' and Thanks For Ridin' Wevv Mang mrwevv@mac.com *NEW GALLERY* BRAND NEW Pregnancy Photos of a BIG Stephanie McMahon!
[Back to LOP] [News Archives] [Results] [Columns] [Forums]
|
|