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Submitted by Wevv Mang on Sunday, June 4, 2006 at 11:09 PM EST
Ridin’ With The Bossman – Extreme World Domination Greetings! Welcome to another edition of Ridin’ With The Bossman! I usually start off with a snarky comment putting myself over as a must read column. Not this week, no sir. See, something was announced on the newsboards. Something that deserves proper respect and attention. Vince McMahon is a billionaire once again. That’s right, Vince and his billions of shares of WWE stock, not including his huge paycheck for appearing on TV, and as Chairman of The Board, brought Vince back to the heights he was at before the XFL sucked all his real world credibility away. Vince is back on top. One billion dollars. That’s Bill Gates money (OK Gates is way richer, but still). That’s Donald Trump (Well, when you think of Trump, somewhere in there, rich is one of the adjectives used) money. Vince may actually be richer than Ted Turner now. AOL killed Ted. Not bankrupt, no, but he ain’t as rich as he used to be. So stand up, and pay your respects. Vince is now richer than all of you damn internet smarks combined. Vince no longer has to give a crap what you think. He’s a billionaire baby! He no longer has to pay any attention whatsoever to what anyone has to say. He can go on fondling chicks, and making people kiss his ass. Hell, Vince can bring a bunch of Jerry’s kids into the ring and make fun of them on national television. He’s going to have a bunch of political connections. Billionaire Vince is back. Brace yourselves. WWE TV – The Series Raw Recap courtesy of Carl Walsh We started off the show with a tribute to the troops. Nine times out of ten, this is a bad sign. Happy Memorial Day! Now, thanking the troops and offering them our gratitude and respect is a good thing, WWE usually sees this as a protection blanket to unleash a god-awful angle on us, the unsuspecting viewer. Like a racist angle, or a rape angle, whatever. Did it happen this time? Wait and see. Billionaire Vince! Respect! Respect! Vince is in the ring and he has something to say! Shane is OK! No GM for you! Here’s Coach! Administrative assistant! Triple H vs Kenny! Paul Heyman and Mick Foley have a debate! A PPV! ECW! Cena vs Mystery opponent! WATCH THE DAMN SHOW! I’M VINCE DAMMIT! I’M F’N RICH! Kane vs Shelton Benjamin Not a bad match, but not good either. The jump to commercial just as the match got started didn't help either. Kane was winning when his mask showed up and talked to him. We got no winner. But we did get a Kane imposter coming down to the ring. That’s hilarious for all the wrong reasons. They changed Kane’s look, and it got over, so they bring out Kane II. Who I have heard is the Freakin’ Deacon. Some Tough Enough wash out who got a job because he’s big. Anyhoo, it was clearly some guy dressed as Kane. Who baffled Kane as much as the people at home throwing out names of whom it was. Test was leading the pack. Chokeslam, and it’s over. Coach! Coach is on the hunt! Where’s H? No one knows. Certainly not Armando, who wants Coach’s. H and Vince So, making Coach look like a total putz, H is already in Vince’s office. H wants to know if anything is wrong between them, since Show and Edge are number 1 contenders. Vince says no. Vince changes up H’s match against Kenny, by putting the Spirit Squad at ringside. H has got his sledgehammer though, so he’s not worried. Viscera vs Umaga Umaga squashes Viscera, but the big story is that Vis and Lillian are back together. First time around was gold, until they actually put them together and that’s what killed it. I’d rather see Vis try to smooth talk Lillian with some nachos or a hot dog, but not have her be interested. Oh, and Umaga, well, eh. Torrie and Phoenix vs Vicki and Candace Trish and Mickie were at ringside. Beth has got some moves. Candace hasn’t forgotten everything after being fondled by Vince for weeks, but she’s still rusty. Torrie continues to impress me. And it was good to see the division in action and lines being drawn. Nitro vs Cena Yep, Nitro and Melina are now on Raw. Pretty good match. RVD was doing commentary, and basically was there to start the hype for an announcer feud. Yay. Post match, after Cena won, RVD and Cena tried to face off, but Nitro got clever and tried to spear the champ in the back and missed. -Tangent Yeah, RVD vs Cena is not where is should be. The chemistry is all wrong. It’s not the apparent lack of interest in ECW that’s doing it either. RVD still gets cheers, and that I think is the problem. Two faces squaring off, and no one is sure who to cheer for, as they are being kept equal in the fans mind. Some one has to have an edge. Intense RVD was a one-time deal. I want to see cocky RVD, and I’ve been waiting years to see him come back. Dude. I don't need RVD yelling at me about ECW, I still remember the show from when it was on, and the last time RVD told me about ECW, which was last week. Now tell me you’re going to win, because you’re RVD, and call Cena a poser. Paul Heyman and Foley A great segment. From both Foley and Heyman. Paul knows how to get a subject over, and this segment did the trick. Very well done, with good back and forth, and Foley was in top verbal shape. I still think the Funk and Dreamer vs Foley and Edge match will not be that good, but not from lack of trying. But now, I at least have an idea of what the new ECW is promising me. And I like it. Edge vs Big Show Not bad, not bad at all. Lita helped Edge win, and that’s not a bad thing. Kenny vs H Vince took H’s sledgehammer before he went out to the ring. All the Spirit Squad members got involved and H beat them all up. That wily H had a spare hammer stashed ringside. Vince then comes out and says H can join the Kiss My Ass Club. Not a bad show, and the theme seemed to be to build to the PPV, and start lining up matches. Hopefully, Carlito will get some more time. Smackdown Recap info courtesy of Chad Matthews Note to Chad: Thanks for all your hard work. I look forward to your ECW recaps. I haven't watched the show yet. I have it on tape and plan to watch it later, but column first. So, I’ll just go off the recaps and see what’s in store for me. The Miz He’s a host now? Ohhhh-Kay. Angle vs Mysterio Well, this is a twist. The wrestling could be very good. And I know why it was done. To give Angle a rub before going to ECW. Still, Rey loses and that’s not going to help Smackdown. Rey was starting to make some progress and here’s another loss. Honestly, I’ve never seen a world heavyweight champion lose more than Mysterio. I just see absolutely no positive in it. Batista is coming back. Piper’s Pit Well, this should be a good one. Khali is his guest. A guy who can't speak English. But Daviari will be with him. And Undertaker is still not on TV. Though I did read there was a post show dark match, and you know what happened? Undertaker beat up Mark Henry AND Khali! Krystal vs Jillian Michelle McCool also made a return. Oh, and Jillian won. Mark Henry beats Burchill Yeah, the pirate gimmick was working, and that wasn’t the plan, I guess, so it looks like it’s over. Finlay vs Jobber Midget attacks! It just cracks me up thinking about having a midget as a weapon. Lashley vs Booker Well, with barely any matches, this should be a long one, and something to look forward to. Regal is now with Booker, and Lashley wins in spite of Booker having all these people at ringside. Booker has the potential to be a top heel. Hell, I’d like to see Rey and Booker go at it. So, Smackdown looks like they’re going to change direction again. They have suffered losses of quite a few key players, and the replacements aren’t ready to come back yet. So, placeholder show. Both shows look like they’re holding back, which makes sense with plans for launching a new brand being changed around at the last minute. Still, I kinda like these shows. Gives one a look at what the big plan is, even if there isn't one. IT shows at least what direction WWE is thinking of heading in. And right now, it looks like a lot can change. Kane’s House Big Show is in his backyard, watering his plants with a hose. He’s in his bathrobe and bunny slippers. Suddenly, from next door, the sound of loud crashing can be heard. Big Show puts his hand up over his face, and shakes his head. He sighs and goes over to turn off his hose. He then walks over to his neighbor’s house. He enters through the back door into the kitchen. Pans and utensils are scattered all over the place. Big Show: Knock! Knock! Hey Kane! Are you home? Kane pops his head up from the behind the kitchen island. Kane: Hi Big Show! Big Show: What’s up Kane? Kane: Well, I’m trying to make some lunch! But it seems to have gotten away from me… Big Show: Yeah…not much of a cook are you? Kane: Not really no. Lita used to do the cooking, but now that she’s off with Edge…Anyway, I’m watching this cooking show, to get some pointers. Big Show: Really? What’s it called? Kane: It’s called…. COOKING WITH KHALI AND UMAGA! On the screen a man with a Panama Hat appears. Armando: AH HA! CHES! AH HA! CHES! CHES! AH HA! I am Armando….Allejandro…..EEstrRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR- Davairi: Estrada! WE know! And I am Daviari! Daviari then launches into an angry tirade in Arabic, with lots of spitting, and finger pointing. Armando: CHES! Ah HA! And with us is de Samoan Food Processor! UAMGA! CHES! UMAGA! CHES! AH HA! CHES! Daviari: And the Culinary Giant Khali! Two men appear from opposite sides of the screen. One man’s head is cut off. Both are shirtless. Khali: GRARGH! RAGGA GRA GRA RAAGAH! Umaga: OOOGA BOOGA OOGA OOK OOK! Armando: And today we are going to prepare…de chicken! CHES! CHICKEN! CHES! AH HA! CHICKEN! CHES! Khali lifts a massive hand and plunks down a frozen chicken. Khali: GRARG! GRRR! GRAGH! GRRR AH GRAGH! Davairi: Khali says that fresh chicken is the best, but in a pinch, a frozen chicken will do. Just let it thaw overnight in the sink, covered with water. Umaga: OOGA BOOGA OOK OOK! Armando: OOOOO-MAGA says that busy families should plan ahead. CHES! And that way, when they come home from work, the chicken, CHES! De chicken! Is ready for de cooking! AH HA! Khali brings his other hand down and plunks a thawed chicken on the counter. Davairi: We have a thawed chicken, so we can get started. First, Umaga- Armando: CHES! Davairi: Umaga- Armando: CHES! AH HA! Daviari: Umaga will – Armando: CHES! OOOOO-MAGA! CHES! Daviari: -WILL START WORK ON THE STUFFING! Daviari then goes into another fit of Arabic, pointing and shouting at the top of his lungs. Armando: My esteemed college says that the stuffing can be made from, CHES! made from simple ingredients from around the house, like de LEMON JUICE! AH HA! CHES! Khali: GRARGH! Armando: Or de salad dressing! AH HA! CHES! AH HA! Daviari: Today, we are going to use fresh vegetables and 1000 island dressing CHES! Daviari stops, looks at Armando, and shakes his head. Daviari: Now you got me doing it… Khali: GRARG! Umaga: OOGA BOOGA BLLLLAAAAHHHH! OOGA! Armando: CHES! De first step is to preheat the over to 375 degrees! CHES! EES HOT! Khali: ARRRGGGHHH! Armando: Oh, so sorry! Umaga, CHES! OOO-maga already preheated the over! Daviari tends to Khali’s burned hand. Umaga had been laying out the mixing bowls, suddenly stops and starts to sniff the air. He licks his lips and sniffs some more. He picks up a bottle of 1000 island dressing. He sneaks up behind Davairi, sniffs, licks his lips and pouts the bottle of salad dressing over the burn. Davairi Yells at Umaga in Arabic. Armando: AH HA! Ches! OOOO-Maga, he say, Ah HA! CHES! HE say, dat de salad dressing, AH HA, it be de old family remedy for de burns, AH HA! Umaga starts licking Khali’s burned hand. Umaga tilts his head back and opens his mouth wide, and lunges forward. Khali pulled his hand away jump in time. A nervous Armando starts wiping his forehead with a handkerchief. Armando: Ah HA! Ah ha! Ah Ha! CHES! De licking! Good for de burns, Ches! Armando grabs Umaga by the shoulders and drags him over to the salad bowls. Umaga is staring at Khali. Armando: De side dishes! CHES! De side dishes! OOOO-Maga will start de side dishes! CHES! Umaga starts pulling out bowls, looks over at Khali, and go underneath the counter and starts pulling out the biggest bowls he can find, while Armando laughs nervously. Davairi watches Umaga for a while, and then turns back to the camera. Davairi: The Great Khali will now show you how to prepare your chicken! First… The show goes on. Umaga keeps sneaking over to Khali, and putting salt and pepper on him. He would then wipe it off and lick it, while Khali would jump, and growl. Armando just laughs nervously. And Furiously wipes his forehead. At one point, Umaga creeps up behind Khali, who is beating pieces of chicken with his fist, to tenderize them, and sizes up Khali. He then creeps back to his pots, picks up a knife, gives a blood curdling scream and charges Khali. The camera shakes, and a commercial appears. When we come back, we are treated to a close up shot of Armando and Davairi, side by side. Armando: Ches! AH HA! Dat’s all for today’s show! So diced carrots are thrown at them. Daviari: Yes, be sure to tune in next time, for Cooking With Umaga and Khali! And us….hopefully… The camera pans out, and we see Davairi and Armando in a giant pot together, with Umaga and Khali standing over them. Umaga throws more vegetables at them, while Khali stirs the pot. Armando: Uh, Guys? CHES? AH HA? Ches? Guys? You don't really want to eat your good friend, CHES! AH HA! Armando….Allejandro……EstrRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR Daviari: COME ONE GUYS! DON'T EAT ME! FOR GOD’S SAKE, EAT THE CAMERAMAN! LOOK AT HIM! HE’S FAT ENOUGH FOR BOTH OF YOU! Umaga looks up at the camera, and licks his lips. He nudges Khali and the two start to head to the camera…which suddenly goes blank. Back In Kane’s Kitchen Big Show turns off the TV, and laughs. Big Show: I can see why you would like that show Kane. But I don't think you’re going to learn how to cook…. Big Show had been turning around, and sees Kane looking at him and holding a bottle of 1000 Island dressing. Big Show slaps the bottle out of Kane’s hand, and slaps Kane across the face. Big Show: Snap out of it Kane! Come on, let’s go get some Italian. Kane: Yeah. Sorry Show. I like Italian. Even if they are a bit hairy. Kane laughs, while Big Show shakes his head. The End Over-Analyzing Wrestling Today’s Topic: Another ECW Effect Yes, there’s still plenty to talk about with ECW. And one thing that inspired me this week. One thing ECW is often not given credit for, is the fact that they educated their fans about wrestling. Indeed, it may have been the fact that ECW was honest with it’s fans, to a degree, that helped build such momentum. Consider this. Al Snow was in ECW. He came in after many failed attempts at characters in WWF. When ECW and WWE started to cross promote, Al was part of a stable called the Job Squad. Their gimmick is that they would lose matches. They would “Job”. A term mostly unknown to wrestling fans, until the squad started wearing T-Shirts. With funny phrases like “ Pin Me, Pay Me” and “1-2-3 For Life”. Right away, wrestling fans learned something. And the group enjoyed some success. Fans backed them. When Mick Foley came into ECW in 1994, he came in with an idea for an angle. He would be “Mr. WCW”. A lot of his promos were built around his time in WCW, and the management policies and personalities. Folks were taught about how the company works. Or at least, in order to seem smarted than their cohorts, people promptly tried to learn what was going in behind the scenes. ECW frequently used terms and phrases that taught wrestling fans a new vocabulary. When the NWO came onto the scene, they took full advantage of this new mentality and with WCW’s resources and audience, made it a huge angle. It could be argued that the shoot work attitude was what drove the angle. That and fans suddenly wanted to know what was going to happen and went looking all over the place for answers. ECW fans learned about what they were seeing. They kind of had to. With strange wrestlers from all over the world popping up, and angles based on happenings in the other two wrestling companies. It could be said, that ECW helped to create a new generation of smarks, and helped spawn the Internet community of today. Indeed, with PPV events like CyberSlam taking place in 1996, when the internet was really catching on, helped drive their fans to the web. And from there, well, the rest is history. Ten years and a web explosion later, and kayfabe is just a term for fans of wrestling, not a reality. Now, I’m not sure it’s possible for ECW to have the appeal it did in it’s early days. The “ Stick with us and you’ll learn something and look cool in front of other wrestling fans”. That lesson has been learned. Now, the inside jokes don't really stay inside very long. Now, revealing the secrets of wrestling are just a click away. What more can ECW teach their fans, both new and old? Well, I’d say not so much a teaching as helping them unlearn knowledge, if that makes sense. Smarks have become too smart for their own good. We know what Vince’s vision of wrestling is, and frankly, most folks don't seem to like it, but that’s all they have. WCW, sorry, TNA? Yeah, that’s not really catching on either. The wrestling is good, but again, it appeals to a small audience, and frankly is only revolutionary in that they manage to avoid total failure. TNA seems to keep trying to teach their fans to cheer Jarrett and other old crufters, not usher in a new style of wrestling. Their “New Style Of Wrestling”. The X-Division, has Kevin Nash as their star. How is that new? Quick tangent here: Kevin Nash does give the X-Division a name that resonates with a majority of wrestling fans. The plan seems to be that Nash will keep beating X-Division guys until one lucky guy manages to beat him. Now, that puts Nash over, not the X-Division guy. Nash doesn't need to be put over. So, here’s a twist. Have Nash go after X-Division guys, and have Nash loose. Time after time. That puts the whole division over. Not just Nash. Who, and I can't say this enough, doesn't need it. Hell, even in the final show down, where Nash wins, let him cheat his balls off to get a victory, if it has to happen. This way, you're not sacrificing the division to make Nash look good. Making Nash look good is like burning down the building to keep warm. Now, back to my ramble. ECW was a rebellious company. Now, they are owned by their rivals, and can't really rebel against WWE, because that would make Vince mad. And Vince is a billionaire. So, ECW has to find something to rebel against. They need something special that only they can do. Wrestling wise, there’s not much that hasn't been done, and trying to make the most hardcore match ever is not a good idea. For one, it won't make it to TV. Second, hardcore is pretty much over, as in done. So, it comes down to doing something with sports entertainment to make the true difference. A tough trick. But something I think Paul Heyman can still pull off. At the least, it’s something to look forward to. Always a glimpse of hope. That’s it for today. Man, it’s hot. 112. That’s hot. And the Suns lost in the Conference Finals. But, they made it to the playoffs for the second time in a row, and played their hearts out. Reminds me of the good old days back in Chicago. Except the Bulls won. Still, it was easy to jump on the Suns Bandwagon. This team is great to watch. They should be coming back next year as well. So, that’s it for today. Man, a late edition. I’ll try to do better next week. So, Quick plugs and I’m out of here. QUICK PLUGS! LOP Forums! LOP Columns Forum The PWA, best E-Fed on the net, period. DVD Fanatic, the Ultimate DVD Resource Feeling Creative? Check out The Project. Until next Time, Thanks For Readin' and Thanks For Ridin' Wevv Mang mrwevv@mac.com Brooke Hogan Hanging from a Tree at the Beach! WOW!
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