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Submitted by Randomguy#5 on Saturday, June 3, 2006 at 10:40 PM EST
An ECW Expose “Beat me if you can. Survive if I let you!" Welcome back to the column that is still waiting on The Undertaker to kick out, The Nosebleed Section. I am your emotional host Randomguy#5 and I am ashamed to admit that I’ve finally run out of tears after watching the WWE legend do the j-o-b to the forehead chop of absolute death from Kahli. Somebody needs to alert the WWE quickly, that Raw has dropped the “God” gimmick and thus Satan can get the fuck off my Smackdown TV now. Sorry I’ve been away for a bit, I needed to take a week off what had been a very consistent bi-weekly run. The time off was justified I hope, by launching Monday Night Countdown. It’s Lop’s own weekly podcast that you can download every Monday afternoon before Raw. If you may have missed them, here’s what you’ve missed so far. Monday Night Countdown: 5.22.06 Monday Night Countdown: 5.29.06 And be sure to check the front page of Lop next Monday afternoon to download the latest episode. Thanks to everybody who has supported it thus far, your feedback is much appreciated. --Watching the previews for “Nacho Libre” reminds me why the rest of the world thinks wrestling fans are stupid. I love Jack Black, but nothing good can come of that movie. --Alright. That’s it. Who hired Ayatollah’s mother and dressed her in that Big Vito mask? --WWE Wreckless Intent has some really decent stuff on it. No seriously. --Michelle McCool=Stacy Kiebler 2.0 And that’s not a bad thing….that’s….a good thing! With any luck, she’ll hook up with Stryker and we’ll get to see a former teacher stable that could definitely kick the entertainment ass. --The D-X storyline almost has to go somewhere significant Monday Night. They had done a great job of giving it a slow build, but it has started to drag a bit in recent weeks. However, with the threat of Trips being forced to join the “Kiss My Ass” club next week, surely this is the point in which this story will finally break because there aren’t too many ways I can think of for Trips to weasel out of this without sending Vince into a rage and thus moving this storyline along immensely. However, its not like he’s not already a member of the McMahon “Kiss my ass” club. I have a strange feeling he’s “been there-done that” with Steph. Now, maybe if there was a McMahon “Kiss my Dick club” than he…. Shit Steph covered that one too….damnit. Today I’m hoping to take on the entire ECW topic in one fell swoop. To me, the re-launch of ECW is not only the biggest story in wrestling at the moment but also possibly the biggest story in wrestling in a number of years. It provides a wide range of possibilities and topics to discuss and the ramifications of what could be happening here are both extremely promising with unlimited potential and a virtual landmine that could implode on the WWE. At its highest potential, ECW could be the turning point in North American wrestling as sports-entertainment begins its ascent back up toward the next “High Cycle” that we love to talk about so much. Gone wrong however, and it could be an XFL like catastrophe for the WWE and leave fans feeling further alienated, disinterested and otherwise apathetic. Upon hearing that ECW was coming back I was at first skeptical that it would even come to be having heard the same rumors last year. I held off writing a column on and kept my comments fairly reserved because I felt no need to dedicate entire columns to what was purely speculation at that point. As the idea slowly became a reality however, I found myself ecstatic and fearful at the same time. My biggest fear was that they were going to make it a ‘net based promotion similar to what they’ve done with Velocity and Heat. This was particularly scary upon hearing that Velocity had been cancelled. The more the story progressed however; it became more and more apparent that ECW was not going to be a spoof but rather a legit attempt to revive a phenomenon like we’ve never seen before in wrestling. In fact, maybe some of us have still never seen it. I am not an “ECW mark”. I’m not an old school fan. In fact when ECW was at its prime I’m not even sure I’d have able to tell you what it was, though logically I’d have assumed it was a wrestling promotion I think. Having been devoid of cable television (curse the rural setting in which I was raised!) I missed out on a good majority of the “Attitude Era”. Yet, I stand here today as a fan of the ECW that World Wrestling Entertainment has fed me. I do “mark out” for the books, the DVD’s, the war stories of veteran wrestling telling tales of years gone by. ECW was a cultural phenomenon (and perhaps still is) and the quassi-sociologist in me froths at the mouth to learn all I can about the ECW of old-to join a cult long since left for dead. Of course this maybe all for naught. On more than one occasion we’ve seen the WWE attempt to rekindle the magic of yesteryear only to have the magicians exposed as clowns. The WWE has an awful track record longer than Ron Jeremy of botched rehashes of old gimmicks, and Degeneration-X may soon join that list. Yet there are still a few things about this ECW business that keep hope alive in the heart of Random, but before I get to those, first a few concerns along with some ideas on how to alleviate those concerns. Content… Many have long since feared that the wrestling market may be getting saturated and that the industry in general is suffering from over-exposure. I think both are true to an extent but what I do know for sure is that wrestling fans do not tire of good wrestling programming-they tire of shit wrestling programming and make no mistake the market is certainly flooded with that. What sort of wrestling will we see on ECW? Will it primarily hardcore? Will it be the old WWF cookie-cutter hardcore or will we see a genuine brand of hardcore popularized by ECW originally? Will it be bloodthirsty over-the-top hardcore to appeal to the new hardcore fan and attempt to steal some of the heat of CZW? Or will we instead get a more mat based style for the wrestling loyalist? Taking some of the “entertainment” out of the show and getting back to in ring action could certainly be a great idea and this notion was (along with hardcore) what the original ECW was all about. So to was the Lucha-Libre style of Super Crazy, Psychosis, etc. Taking the leash of their performers could see a HUGE upside for the WWE and pose a serious threat to TNA and their X-Division. If ECW can put together a show based entirely on action, focusing on hardcore, high-flying, and fast paced mat-based wrestling, than they can capitalize on a market they’ve alienated for quite some time, while still leaving Raw and Smackdown to their own failures and/or successes. For ECW to succeed in this regard they will have to do something different by WWE standards. They will need to bring styles and storylines to the table that WWE fans have not seen before, and they will need to do it quickly. People will tune in once to see what ECW is about, but if they tune in to see more traditional WWE programming minus all the flash and sizzle of Raw/Smackdown, they will quickly forget that it’s on and never look back. Roster… This seemingly simple task of putting together a roster could be tricky and what is more important to a wrestling show than the talent performing on it? As we found out a few weeks ago (and have been reminded by every Smark since) the mainstream wrestling fan base doesn’t know much about Tommy Dreamer and they’re not inclined to care anytime soon without a push. The same is likely true for Sandman, Balls Mahoney, and possibly even larger ECW names such as Sabu. The veterans of ECW will need to make a name for themselves all over again. The other issue with this group of ECW diehards is that they are for the most part well passed their physical prime. There are more rumors kicking around than I can count about names being considered from the main WWE rosters. RVD was a given and should have been a no-brainer. Angle is one that shocked the shit out of me and I’ve gone back and forth since regarding my opinion of it. Angle is a name I can handle as long as the content requirements I suggested a minute ago are upheld. If he becomes dorky-heel Angle again cutting milk-drinking promos, than he’s a complete failure. ECW should become the next step from OVW for many of the WWE stars, and the place where we can find out just what guys like CM Punk are bringing to the table. Just as dangerous as it may be to put too much stock in the seemingly no-name veterans past their prime, its equally as dangerous to put too much stock in SD/Raw castoffs. (Please God don’t let Big Show end up on ECW). A proper blend is the key. Mix in a significant amount of ECW vets, a few key WWE names (Angle, RVD, I also like Hardy, Nitro, Noble, Helms and Benoit) and a heavy dose of young, hungry, unproven talent and ECW will have a chance. Extreme Attitude… ECW’s “attitude” is legendary in wrestling circles, and I’m not convinced at this point that a WWE approved version can carry with it the same attitude. I believe its possible, but rather or not those holding the checkbooks are willing to allow it is another story. To me, the ideal vision for ECW would be a wrestling show aimed at young adults, particularly pissed off ones. Profanity should become a staple, as should routine excessive violence. On PPV, I have no qualms about the limited use of nudity, F-bombs galore and more blood than you can handle. This will essentially alienate a core group of fans but in that alienation you are breeding the counterculture fan base that will support this project. Ideally I’d have rather seen ECW end up on HBO at about 1am, but given the circumstances, I’m content with the current arrangement, which seems to be that ECW will air at 10pm Eastern on the Sci-Fi network. This is a huge ordeal for ECW not only because ratings will dictate the shows success but also because of the perceptions of the show as hardcore and the demographic to what it is traditionally marketed. ECW at 11am on a Sunday morning would not be the same show that it can be late at night again because of the format and content of the show. The Sci-Fi network is PERFECT in my eyes in that it is an obscure enough channel that it hides ECW from a real mainstream tongue lashing should the content be too abrasive for some, plus it lends its self to a cult following already. Not only is that network an underground network fueled by a cult fan base (hopefully some of whom will be wrestling fans) but ECW has always been fueled by an anti-authoritarian, underground mentality. This mentality still exists and the late night timeslot on an obscure network will add to the cool-factor of reaching out to people who feel compelled to stay up late at night and watch some weird-ass show that nobody’s ever heard of with guys jumping off balcony’s going through flaming tables. ECW will hinge on a few key principles, and all of those principles will need a “non-primetime” obscure timeslot to survive. The development of that counterculture fan base is critical. Perhaps more than anything else, the fans of ECW truly set it apart from any other promotion I’ve ever witnessed. This is why it truly disgusts me that they will be recording the shows parallel to Smackdown recordings. Is this not a fatal mistake? In a perfect world, the WWE would be marketing Raw as the “sports-entertainment” shows aimed at teenagers and young adults. This is the flagship show and will always be treated as such. Continue to push the cultural envelope here a bit and lace it heavy with great characters, some T&A, and a bit of great wrestling every now and again. Smackdown has always seemed to me to be best suited as a “kids” show, wrestling as it was in the 80’s with colorful personalities and over-the-top gimmicks. Mix in a few high spots to make the kids go “WOW!” and a slue of penis jokes and you’ve got yourself a two great shows cornering your primary age targets. Unlike other forms of entertainment, wrestling doesn’t have a set age demographic to shoot for, it’s timeless and can appeal to all shapes, sizes, races and ages. Which is why marketing Raw and Smackdown in this fashion makes perfect sense. This leaves a huge void for “adult” wrestling programming. Again, the ideal situation would have been HBO or Showtime in a nighttime timeslot but that’s asking a bit too much right now. Still, the WWE needs to take special care to be sure to market ECW as adult programming and make sure the content coincides with that. Recording ECW to a Smackdown crowd of 8-12 year olds and their mothers is never going to work, the environment will never be the same and people will never stand for what would be successful ECW content in an arena full of Smackdown fans. Without the bingo hall, small venue atmosphere, without a predominantly male crowd 21 and over, ECW is going to suffer. In conclusion… I know that the ECW I’ll be privy to in a few weeks can never be the same as the one many of you knew and loved in 1999. I respect and understand that. Which is why I come to you today as living proof that the same ideas and ideologies that spawned forth an underground cultural phenomenon can succeed now in the form of the new ECW fan. What makes ECW so unique isn’t just that they were hardcore, or that they were vulgar. ECW carries a certain mystique about it. They were anti-authoritarian, grunge and punk rock, they were pissed off. They were alternative culture-and while the folks who may have been fueling those angry anti-authoritarian subcultures may all have white collar jobs now living in the suburbs with a white picket fence and two kids, don’t kid yourself and think that those same sentiments don’t exist in today’s society. If you don’t think there is enough angst-driven youth to support a counter-culture wrestling show than my friend you are severely out of touch with the world around you. Whether or not Vince, Stephanie, and company are out of touch, I couldn’t tell you. If they smear the WWE brand name all over this and record it as they’re saying in Smackdown’s arena I guarantee you this brand is in serious trouble. If they remove all “WWE” branding from it and treat it as its own separate brand independent of WWE, and allow Paul Heyman the resources to develop and market a brand of wrestling targeted toward an angry adult sub-culture, than it will be a tremendous success and usher in the next great era of professional-wrestling. All I can tell you, is that as a wrestling fan, this will be most intriguing story to come about in professional wrestling in a decade and perhaps last year’s “One Night Stand” will rival Austin’s 3:16 speech for most compelling and influential moments in wrestling history. Do not give up on this before it is fully born my friends, please look past the cynicism that WWE has instilled in you by dropping the ball in the past. We could very well be living in one of the greatest moments in professional wrestling history. Or a cataclysmic failure as a result of horrendously missed opportunity. No pressure Vince. Sanctimonious Son of a Bitch Is it not bad enough that they have to routinely bring back that waste of Television time Diva Search. but that we have to pollute both shows with it? It never yields anything more than perhaps a laugh and some cleavage spots and I’ve hated it since its debut (though I do enjoy the work of both Hemme and Massaro since the end of the competition) and I can think of ten things I’d rather watch than Sgt. Slaughter’s Diva boot camp. Leave that shit for MTV. Hell, at least if they’d put it on Smackdown fulltime, I wouldn’t feel as bad about changing the channel. Cannon Fodder Welcome to Raw Johnny Nitro. I’m really hoping this guy gets a push on Raw, but he definitely didn’t get off to a great start laying down for John Cena last week. The push being given to Umaga (and his thumb of death) would be much better spent on Nitro. I would love to see a mix up in the IC Ranks and see Carlito/Shelton/Nitro all get it on. Those three characters, along with Melina, could make for some very entertaining television. Cheap Pop Well it would appear that I‘ve stumped the masses with my quote from last week, which originated in Denzel Washington‘s movie Training Day. Since nobody was able to identify the quote at the top of the column, then the cheap plug in this column get left up to me. Typically I would take this opportunity to link one of my favorite Indie Rock bands, porn, or my own websites, but today is an exception. One of my favorite all time columns is back in full force and in the columns forum for a limited time only. I say “limited time only” because its only a matter of time now until it gets brought up to the main page and ascends to the elite of Lop column lore. Excuse The Aggravation featuring DoubleHelix and Xanman is the best two-man column I’ve ever read, and is a parody of sorts of the popular ESPN television show “Pardon the Interruption”. Give ETA a read and drop them some feedback and tell them Random sent you. Well there you have it. My expose on ECW is complete and I doubt I’ll have much more to say on the topic. I know a lot of people are probably sick and tired of ECW talk already The fact remains however that this is a real shake up in the North American wrestling scene. When the industry’s giant WWE decides to start moving around personnel and launches a new television brand all together, those of us who dedicate a great amount of time to watching/reporting on the wrestling industry are obligated by our own hearts to address it. I’m counting votes now for next week’s Monday Night Countdown so be sure to send me your comments on what you think the hottest topics in wrestling are right now. I would really like to get that show back to its roots as “pulse of the internet” or way of determining just how people feel about certain storylines or characters. You can drop that in the feedback email below and I would very much appreciate it. That’s all for this week though kids in what has been a very long column that I thank you for sticking around until the end for. I may try and shorten them up in later weeks but since I don’t get to write that often I feel compelled to fully satisfy you guys when I do. Quality over quantity and all that. Anywho…I gotta run. As always I thank you for being cheap and sitting in The Nosebleed Section-but next time, get better seats. Click here to Email Randomguy#5!  A new pod cast episode of “The Cooler” coming very soon, new music downloads and new written pieces by Lop’s own Xanman and Pt2 already posted. Head over to The Project and enjoy some creative brilliance.  If you dig hard rock or perhaps a bit of metal in your music, why not have a listen to Project Radio? It’s a free internet radio station owned and operated by yours truly featuring Metallica, Tool, Disturbed, System of a Down and a burst of new Indie Rock including Syndrome 8, Reaxis, and much more. Give it a listen and let me know what you think.  The best E-Fed in the planet, Lop’s own Pyschotic Wrestling Alliance has gone audio. Click here to listen to a twenty minute, completely in character, presentation of Payroll Radio, staring Randomguy#5 as he vulgarly rips on White Falcon, The Misfits, Zuma, and Pen. Yeah, I know, I’ve got to much time on my hands. *NEW GALLERY* The WWE Developmental Divas REVEALED! Must See Shots!
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