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Submitted by Morpheus on Thursday, June 1, 2006 at 1:49 AM EST
The Shoulda Been May Edition Yo, bitches. Morpheus here like clockwork on a watch that died a few hours ago and you just noticed now that it’s not 2:30. One delay after another has kept this from being posted until now, and not all of them mine, I’m happy to say! But fuck all that shit, homey, let’s do the damn thing. I hereby turn all reigns over to my man Boss Foxx so he can turn this mother out… Thanks, Morph Daddy. Spring is in full gear and my allergies are finally starting to kick in. Dammit. For a country boy like me, nature has a funny way of fucking up my Christmas so to speak. Ah well, I got my new supply of allergy pills so I should be set for the summer... provided I don't catch bird flu, SARS, West Nile, Lyme Disease, or whatever the hell else is floating around to scare the masses. Anyway, this month we've got a good batch together for May's edition of FoF. There's yours truly, of course, to wax poetic on the various topics of the month. We have main page all-star, Morpheus, to hit you where it hurts. And then from the bowls of the LoP Forums, we've recruited Sufi Jeebus (blossoming, if not sporadic, columnist), Bloodrose (LoP's favorite Asian), and Ham Sammich (the disenfranchised wrestling fan), and April's Columnist of the Month, Rommel. Enough of this chit chat, however, let's get to the good stuff. 1. Rey Mysterio's title reign thus far has proven to be one of the worst displays of booking and creative direction for a World Champion in a long time. FACT or FICTION? Morpheus - I would be inclined to agree with this statement at first, but after a little further thought, I have a change of heart. I see what they are trying to do with Rey. They are making him out to be full of heart, even though he just can’t measure up to the huge nasties, and it’ll make it that much bigger a deal when he beats JBL to retain the title. I see the logic behind it, and in theory it’s solid, but the way they are going about it is turning out very badly. Still, there have been worse creative directions in relatively recent memory. Anyone else remember Jericho as Undisputed Champ playing second fiddle to Stephanie’s dog? Yeah, I figured you would. FICTION. Sufi Jeebus - I'm gonna have to go with FACT on this one. It's been debated by everyone and their mother in the IWC that Rey was only given the title because Vince wanted to capitalize as much as possible on Eddie's untimely passing (SEE: HOF Induction), and I'm not about to dispute it otherwise. The fact of the matter is that while Rey was undoubtedly going to be given a World Heavyweight Championship reign sometime this year, creative fucked it up royally. I could see Rey wanting to dedicate the Rumble match to Eddie, but creative should not have used it as a booking point. And after the win at WM22 (again, in Eddie's memory) it was like creative pretty much said, "Shit, what do we do now?" Which is my we are now forced to deal with the craptacular Rey/JBL feud, as Vince & Co. are throwing all kinds of shit at the walls and waiting to see what sticks. Bloodrose - FACT. I mean, they gave Rey the title because of Eddie Guerrero's untimely passing, and since they were going to give the title to him anyway, they might as well honor Guerrero's legacy by giving the title to Rey. But now, I think that novelty wore off, cashing in on Eddie's name long after he passed, and now Rey has to create his own legacy with the world title. And unfortunately, I can't see that happening. I can't see a cruiserweight holding his own against heavyweights, and isn't that the name of the title? World HEAVYWEIGHT Championship? Seeing a little guy defend his title against a bigger guy will get old after a while; it looks somewhat unrealistic. Sorry, but while I love Rey, his title reign just doesn't look believable to me. Ham Sammich - Alright, I think I have about the most unique perspective on most of these issues, since I rarely if ever watch wrestling anymore. Don't get me wrong, I still have a fondness and an interest in the sport, but for whatever reason I just don't care that much about the products that are available anymore. When I do catch wrestling its usually Raw on USA, or Impact after Ultimate Fighter 3, which my friend Jesse Forbes happens to be competing in, though that is irrelevant. I almost never watch a second of Smackdown, beats me why not so I don't really know how the Rey Mysterio Championship has been going, but I've noticed that the reaction is almost universally negative. Most of it is due to his size, he's shorter than my mom and the last time I weighed as much as he did I was in the 7th grade, and that does fly right in the face the World HEAVYWEIGHT Championship thing. But to be honest a Rey Mysterio title shot is perhaps one of my favorite all-time wrestling moments. I think it was Spring Breakout one or two years before the very last Nitro and it was during the Ric Flair 14th/15th/432nd title reign and I think he was the Generally Managing Commissioning Executive Officer or some other dumb storyline at the time. Anyway there was a lottery for a title shot at the end of the show because Ric Flair was being a cocky jackass Ric Flair who was a jerk instead of a cocky jackass Ric Flair who was a jerk to the heels at the time. I think the guy who won was supposed to be El Dandy, but he already had a match and was banged up, so Rey-Rey jumped in for him. The match was a great one as I remember it, Rey was doing all the spectacular cruiserweight moves and Ric was finding out was to stop him dead in his tracks. Finally it out to a point where it was clear that Rey might actually be too much for the 87 year old Champion, and for a moment I actually thought he could win. Of course he didn't, Arn Anderson hit him with a crowbar or some other cop out, the point is it was really cool to see someone completely unexpected get that close to winning the big match, and actually believing it. For whatever reason, people don't seem to be getting that same feeling from his title reign, from the build-up to the execution. So, I'm going to with a reluctant FACT, on this one, perhaps more as a sign of the times then a reflection on Rey himself, but the spontaneity and magic of him capturing that title was never present, because of the obvious specter of Eddie over his shoulders. They would've been better off not invoking his memory, he's almost legend now, and no one can be expected to shine under that shadow. Rommel - It is with great hesitation that I comment upon this subject. Not for lack of stance or insight, but because of it. I fully and completely understand the mindset of the current direct for Rey Mysterio. It is, in fact, booking 101. Or perhaps it is booking 010, a perverted and reversed matter of what is considered canon. Typically, a face will lose several matches prior to his obtaining gold, in order to set up logical opponents afterward. Unfortunately, Rey already lost the matches (More than he won in the build to his victory) before fluking his way into the new position and afterward, the downward spiral of his legitimacy continued. I understand it all entirely. The WWE is attempting to transform the underdog into a true killer before our very eyes by dealing him loss after humiliating, clean loss until he snaps. And perhaps it may yet work. Maybe the fire will light in his eyes during this feud with BL, and he will go on a tear of epic proportions as he avenges those defeats on his quest for respect. Of course, this has been attempted before, and in every instance I can recall it usually ended with the angle being dropped once it became apparent that the audience could no longer perceive the individual as a credible threat, no matter how far he or she was pushed past some abstract breaking point. When all is said and done, it ends with the devaluing of a potential asset and a failed plan. In this case, the asset happens to be the number one draw of the fastest-growing population group in the United States. And what does the title around that man’s waist mean now? Rey has been displayed to be nothing, a charity case enjoying his undeserved ride. Whoever seizes it will have obtained it from nothing. It’s marketability as a brass ring that fans desire to see struggled over is growing closer to moot by the squash match. (Note from Morpheus: Rommel didn’t actually include whether or not he thought a statement was fact for fiction, so I’m going through and giving it a best guess based on what he wrote for each of these. FACT) Boss Foxx – FACT. Look at Rey Mysterio's reign as World Champion and tell me that he has been portrayed as a champion that you can rally behind. You can't, can you? WWE is either ignorant or indignant in the way they have booked Mysterio so far. I can appreciate them wanting to exemplify his being an underdog champion, but the key word they should focus on is “champion”. Champions don't get jobbed out repeatedly and get made to look like weak paper champs that don't deserve to where the belt they have around their waist. I thought Chris Jericho was booked poorly as a heel champion back in early '02, but Mysterio is definitely the weakest face champion that WWE has possibly ever had on their payroll. It's a shame too because something like this should have broken some barriers for smaller wrestlers, but it's doing the opposite now. 2. Restarting ECW as a new brand is a good idea. FACT or FICTION? Sufi Jeebus - As much as the ECW mark buried deep inside me wants to say fact, I have to resoundly say FICTION. Like I noted in several spots of feedback in some LOP Forums columns, Vince is just trying to squeeze every last penny he can out of the ECW brand name. Sure, I marked out like a 12 year old girl at a John Mayer concert when I saw One Night Stand last year, but that was somewhat special. It was billed as the last time to see all the ECW alumni wrestling for the ECW banner. Anything Vince does now, including the next ONS, does nothing more than piss on the legacy of ECW. Bloodrose - FACT. Only if Paul Heyman is allowed to book and Joey Styles is allowed to call commentary will ECW be successful. Just as long as the WWE outcasts like Orlando Jordan and Scotty 2 Hotty aren't allowed to be put over the ECW crew. If they move the cruiserweight division to ECW, and allow more moves to be performed, then people will tune into ECW. Ham Sammich - Get it out of the way quickly, I'll go with FACT. Now, I don't think that McECW (as in McMahon, marvel at my cleverness) will be as close to authentic ECW as Chicken McNuggets are to actual pieces of chicken. Dammit though, if McNuggets aren't really fucking good. Now I'm not saying it'll be a smash-bang success, but at least its something a bit different from the usual. The mass-production deep-fried and covered in glitter WWE ECW though presents a chance for a more wrestling action based product that doesn't have that gross stench of Jarrett's ego anywhere near it, so I'll give it a chance to see if it's at least fun to watch. It'll never be E-See-dub-ECW, for sure, but I don't put the original on a pedestal like some fans do, it was just another brand to me. Rommel - On my mantle, precariously close to the edge of oblivion, there stands a picture of a very cute little boy. He is innocent and kind, displaying a hole where one of his teeth had recently come loose and fallen out. In his place is a man, who is very much that little boy but at the same time not. That man would give everything he could to return to that former state, but he cannot. No matter how many childish games in which he partakes, the childhood is gone. The innocence is over. That little boy is dead, no matter how alive I may be. And what good would it do if I could return to my osh gosh suspenders and power wheels? What more could I deign from the inner workings of Kindergarten? If childhood is a lesson, what more is there to learn except what I already know or what would only hinder me in adulthood? These are questions for those seeking to return to that time, long since past. To teach men and women seeking to become the child in the picture once more, and develop into something else entirely is a futile effort. It is a wonderful idea to revert backwards. Oh how I would return to those playgrounds, to those carefree days of coloring and finger paints. Still, it is impossible. Reliving the past is not a realistic goal. Any attempts to do so will only result in failure, a twisted visage of what once was truth. For just as time changes – so does everything within it. How amazing an idea it would be to relive the happiest times long gone, a shame it simply cannot be done. (FICTION) Boss Foxx – FACT. ECW is a very marketable name and definitely has the potential to ring in some revenue for WWE in the long run. The trouble has always been creating ECW without completely turning into a corporate schill of its former self. I think that if Paul Heyman is given enough slack on his leash, he should be more than capable of turning “ECW: The Next Generation” into a very successful promotion. The key is to remember that ECW was a small independent promotion that had more roar than it did bite. By that I mean that the aura of ECW is much larger than what the promotion actually was. Nostalgia has a funny way of building up things to be bigger than they really were – Hulk Hogan being a prime example. If wrestling fans and WWE fans approach the new ECW with the same optimism and lack of bias that's needed then I think they'll be more than willing to accept the new incarnation of ECW. Morpheus - I’ve heard all the anti-ECW arguments out there already. It’s not going to be the same, they’re going to fuck it up, they won’t have all the right people, Vince’ll ruin it, etc. Some of them, I happen to agree with, while some others I see as just another case of people needing to complain about everything. Still, the FACT of the matter is that ECW will bring in viewers, it will be a fresh product, and it will make money. These things make it a good idea, regardless of the specifics. Now resume bitching, ladies. 3. Without wrestlers such as Rhino, Shane Douglas, Raven, and the Dudley Boys, Extreme Championship Wrestling doesn't really have much chance of resonating with ECW fans. FACT or FICTION? Bloodrose - FICTION. Sure, those guys you mentioned are big names in ECW, but ECW was about making names. These guys were nobodies until ECW gave them a chance. Given time and proper booking, anyone can become a star in ECW. Ham Sammich - This is gigantic, throbbing, pulsating FACT. The truest of the true ECW fans will never accept this current iteration, especially without some of those icons. Hell, even with some of those Icons there'd still be a significant contingency of fans that would outright reject the new ECW, because it is just one of those brands, in entertainment in general, that just have there rabid purist fans that are content with their memories. Liken it to the Family Guy resurrection, after the show's cancellation it exploded in popularity, and managed to get itself back on the air. Despite having most of the original staff still on the show, and as far as I'm concerned very little actual discernible difference in quality, the same kinds of people who lamented its canning now hate the current version as an abomination. You just can't live up to the expectations of a rabid nostalgic fan base. That doesn't mean it might not be a hoot to watch, objectively. Rommel - As of current plans, the resurgence of ECW will be taped prior to Smackdown! tapings in a WWE ring. Behind all matches and angles will be the Smackdown! set. This will not be ECW, no matter who the participants. It will be a creation onto itself, one that should be judged on its own merits. Please, ignore the letters and the bumper music. When I attended Massacre on 34th Street in the Hammerstein ballroom, most of the more famous participants of the company had already departed for greener pastures and paychecks that cleared. Still, the show was eaten up by a rabid audience of a few hundred.The ECW fans were in love with a mindset, a philosophy of rebellion and dissent towards power and mainstream acceptance. No one man or woman, including Paul Heyman, drew the chants of passion from that throng – a zeitgeist did. Whomever steps foot in the ring come the finalization of this project has the weight of a legacy on their shoulders. One, I am afraid, they will sadly unable to live up to. Wrestling is no longer mainstream, and no longer something to rebel against. It is no longer even a separate entity at war with a larger, more materialistic dominion. There are no great beliefs to play upon any longer. This is not to say the endeavor will fail or be poor in execution. It is simply to state that it will never resonate with those who chanting in chorus the letters of their coliseum. It can be fifty five-star matches in a row featured the heroes of our memories, and it will never resonate with those who carried a canoe to the ring—not so long as the fans turn towards the video screen, and there is one. Not so long as a fist punches through glass behind them. (FACT) Boss Foxx – FICTION. Some ECW fans just aren't going to accept a WWE version of the promotion no matter what. Even if WWE could sign all the ECW vets away from TNA, some fans would still reject it out of some diluted sense of loyalty to the past. In reality, even if ECW had been around for the past five years it is highly unlikely that any or all of those names would still be involved with ECW. Look at WWE from five years ago and you'll see that it is remarkably different than the current product that we see today. To place unfair expectations of past glory onto a new promotion is just wrong. If given a fair shake, this new ECW can flourish and it won't need a roster polluted with 40+ year old cripples to do it. It's the future that people need to be looking to and not the past. ECW is a brand and not a group of people, but some folks don't seem to grasp that. Morpheus - FICTION. The return of ECW doesn’t have a chance of resonating with the true hardcore old school ECW fans anyway, so fuck the Dudley's. Yes, it sucks that the Dudley Boys will not be there, Rhino would be nice I guess, Shane Douglas I never much cared for, but he was a big part of ECW, and Raven, well… Yeah, ok. It sucks mad nutsac that Raven won’t be involved in the new ECW, but them’s the breaks. With the line up of other talent that is coming back for this relaunch, things are looking pretty good as they are. Sufi Jeebus - I'm kind of divided on this one. So far, Vince has signed enough of the big names from the past that, honestly, it really wouldn't matter to me one way or another if these names weren't signed. Don't get me wrong, I would absolutely LOVE to see Shane, Raven, Rhino, and the Dudley's back in the ECW ring. And it could still happen. So far as I've read or heard, Shane Douglas is the only one opposed to it. Damn, DAMN opposed. So I'm gonna stay in the middle, but leaning more towards FICTION. 4. The Batista/Booker T backstage "shoot" is an effective way of creating interest in a future feud, as well as generating interest in WWE.com. FACT or FICTION? Ham Sammich - Who the fuck cares? I don't at all, because it comes as no surprise that a bunch of extremely muscular, testosterone riddled, meat monkeys whose job is make a bloody violent spectacle would occasionally disagree and come to blows. Top that with the very nature of the backstage wrestling community and its emphasis on respect for the past and the business, then it must be expected that this kind of crap will happen. WWE.com reporting on it doesn't make it anymore special, and it's only going to interest the most avid fans, not the lapsed fans or anyone else that wouldn't normally be headed to the website. Smell that? It smells like a heapin' helping of some fresh steamy FICTION. Rommel - A moment ago I was set to type with venom and vitriol my distaste for this angle and the method upon which it was imparted. As a long-time MMA fan, I was even prepared to dissect the ludicrous nature of the incident as it was reported. That was all just a brief moment ago. Then, I read the question on more time, and allowed myself to reflect upon it. The fact of the matter is, the question exists. From that standpoint alone, and in a vacuum, the angle is a success. The WWE wants to control the nature of what its fans see, feel, hear and think. This is the most basic tenant of wrestling. Now, the WWE seeks to manipulate those supposedly above such methods of control by transforming their own resources into a setting under quasi-kayfabe jurisdictions. In this way, they can regain the portion of their audience they can no longer completely direct. The question becomes the future success of this angle and others like it. That future looks bleak when taken singularly on the merits of what has thus far been exposed. Despite what Michael Cole believes the majority of wrestling fans do not frequent news boards, read newsletters or are a member of any BBS. While crowds can appear incredibly inside, this is all the result of trickle-down mob mentality caused by a vocal minority within the audience. When something is hotter than whatever “Kill Cena” chant is currently resounding, all smart references cease. Case in point: A Madison Square Garden crowd that chanted for Hogan because of a fan dressed in full red and yellow garb. The result is that the WWE will end up having to promote any future angles launched on WWE.com on their television all over again. If not, they risk confusing those casual dollars that may not know nor care to know what has already been revealed. And for pure redundancy, this leaves the effectiveness of this method of storytelling wanting. (BOTH?) Boss Foxx – FICTION. Michael Cole is no doubt the little man who brainstormed this idea of turning WWE.com into “where the truth lies”. The thing is that the internet vie and large caters to the smart fan and these tactics are really only going to bring scrutiny to the product rather than excitement. Misleading fans with these worked shoots is insulting, as far as I'm concerned. Michael Cole, since becoming the new head of WWE.com, has stated that he wants to basically revolutionize the site into something exciting. I got news for him – Publicity stunts like this aren't going to get the job done. Morpheus - First, let me say that this fight probably was a real occurrence. I have no doubt that these two actually got into a scuffle backstage and rocked each other a bit. Now, let me answer this by giving a resounding FACT. WWE.com wanted to be more of a go-to site for insider info, and the way they capitalized on this situation made them couldn’t have worked toward that goal any better. King Booker vs. Batista for the big belt sounds like a good time, wouldn’t you say? Well, a couple weeks ago, who even thought of that as a possibility? I rest my case. FACT again for good measure. Sufi Jeebus - I'll say FACT in regards to the feud part, but FICTION in regards to the WWE.com part. As long as the WWE doesn't wait too long, or uses subtle hints to keep reminding fans of what happened (ala Michael Cole mentioning Booker's black eye on the 5/12 episode of Smackdown), then it could work. As for the website thing, I'm actually more inclined to come to the LOP main to get my WWE news than going to the WWE's own website. The only way that could work for the WWE is in attracting casual fans there. Bloodrose - I have no interest in WWE.com, and I don't see how this feud will make me want to go to WWE.com for news, when I can go to LOP and get my news here. Also, WWE.com is very graphics- and-flash-heavy, and that doesn't sit well for my old computer on a dial up connection. As for creating interest in a future feud on WWE.com, I've always held the belief that WWE.com would never break kayfabe for any reason whatsoever, except for news that is earth-shattering, like Eddie's passing. If they wanted to capture my interest, WWE.com would not have said anything about the backstage brawl, and instead let LOP report on it. That way, I might be so inclined to visit WWE.com to see if they said anything about this, find out they didn't, then come back later on to check on any more happenings. Maybe while I'm there, I'd check out the Diva section and take a look at Maria, Mickie, and Trish and.....um, never mind. Anyway, from my reasoning, I say Fact, even though, for some strange reason, the back of my mind says Fiction. But I said Fact first, so it's a FACT. 5. Bringing Dawn-Marie into the TNA fold is pretty much a waste of time considering the roles that current TNA "Knock Outs" hold on the programs. FACT or FICTION? Boss Foxx – FACT. I'm a long-time fan of Dawn-Marie and I'd love to see her return in an on-air role in wrestling again, but I just don't see how TNA can provide the proper platform for her when they already have enough trouble finding things to do for the girls they already have on the roster. Traci Brooks is with Matt Bentley and they aren't doing squat with either for the most part. Jackie Gayda is pregnant and written out of storylines, but even when she was around her storyline meandered worse than a drunken prospector. Gail Kim has a decent role as the wench for AMW, but she's not exactly lighting things up. And Christy Hemme is basically the Vanna White of the promotion since all she seems to do is stand around and look pretty. What the fuck is Dawn-Marie gonna do when the girls that are there already have no bearing on the TNA product at all? Morpheus - Well, while I would like to see Dawn Marie head back to ECW, I’m not sure that’ll be happening after she was unceremoniously dumped by Vince during her pregnancy. She could be a good addition to TNA, but right now their women do exactly jack and shit. While the women have perhaps too prominent a role in the WWE right now (I wouldn’t be complaining if it was actual wrestling in a Women’s Division), they have perhaps too little on TNA. Even though I think we could use a couple of good women on TNA who aren’t aligned with Jeff Jarrett, whether voluntarily or forcibly, I still think it’s a solid FACT that Dawn Marie will be making little to no real Impact on Impact!. Yeah, fuck puns, and fuck me for inadvertently using one. And fuck you too, just to be on the safe side. Sufi Jeebus - That is blatant FICTION. As far as I'm concerned, she still looks pretty damned good. She didn't even look all that bad last year at ONS. As I said in one of my own columns, given the choice between a pregnant Dawn Marie or, say, Stacy or Maria...actually, I'd pick Stacy or Maria. OK, bad example. The point is that as long as Dawn Marie (or anyone else, for that matter) still looks good, then it's never a waste of time to bring them in. Now Tammy Sytch, on the other hand...*shudder* Bloodrose - FICTION. How many Knockouts are there? I think four; Gail Kim, Jackie Gayda, Tracy Brooks, and Christy Hemme. I don't see how Dawn Marie would be a waste of time when she's just standing around looking pretty. I say make Dawn Marie a backstage reporter or something, so we can see her often during Impact. Or a valet, but then she'd only show up when she's escorting the wrestler to the ring, and random shots of her at ringside while the wrestler is getting his ass kicked. Ham Sammich - FACT. Tits and ass are window dressing in wrestling, despite the fact that the fed is named for it. I'd still like to see her naked, but signing a lot of thong-stuffers is kind of pointless and Dawn Marie is probably past her HAWTNESS expiration date. Isn't she the one who just squirted out a rug-monster? Unless you have thousands of dollars to waste on the recovery effort, having a parasite grow in your womb for nine months kinda destroys the figure and the mass appeal most of the time. But even if that isn't the case, bottom line she isn't really going to add anything that they don't already have. Rommel - (Didn’t Answer) Well, that wraps it up for this month. A big thanks to everyone involved and another big thank-you to those of you who took the time to read it. Join us next month with a new batch of talking heads and a new batch of topics. Until then, this is Boss Foxx signing off, asking you to please enjoy what many of you have grown to love. Here it is... Your moment of zen.  What do you do when the weight of the world is crashing down on you? E-Mail Boss Foxx E-Mail Bloodrose (via Morpheus) E-Mail Ham Sammich E-Mail Morpheus E-Mail Rommel E-Mail Sufi Jeebus *NEW GALLERY* Very CONTROVERSIAL Shots of Randy Orton in His Hotel Room!!
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