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Submitted by Wevv Mang on Sunday, April 9, 2006 at 8:52 PM EST
Ridin’ With The Bossman – The REAL Story Behind Randy Orton, and Other Stuff Greetings! It’s another edition of Ridin’ With The Bossman. The Wrestlemania Wrap Up edition, and like the title says, other stuff. So, what’s the real reason behind Randy Orton’s suspension? You think I know? I might. I got me a hunch, and well, there are a couple of scenarios. But we’ll start with this one. The REAL reason Randy Orton was suspended was… he caught Vince reading the latest edition of Ridin' With The Bossman, and caught him taking notes on how to kidnap Brett Hart. It wasn’t the kidnapping that got him in hot water, but the fact that he told everyone about him reading my column. That’s a big no-no. What? You expected something lurid? Come on, you folks should know me by now. There’s more coming. Hello new running joke. This time change is a bitch. It’s now officially Sunday and it’s only 9PM STAURDAY, here. Phoenix, the land that time forgets. The rest of the world changes, but not us. One a brighter note, it now means that Raw is on at 9PM, not 10PM. So, Wrestlemania is over and done, and the poor creative team was on pins and needles the whole weekend. Apparently Vince changed his mind. A lot. And the poor creative team had to keep telling Vince each of his ideas were great. Until Vince asked a question. If each of the most recent idea is the greatest, what was wrong with the previous ones? “Uhhhhhh…..My you look hot Vince! Can I take a nude photo of you and keep it on my phone to show the tanning attendants?” The end result? A pretty good show, and some not so good follow up. Smackdown in particular wasn’t up to it’s usual level. I think for the first time in weeks, creative paid attention to Smackdown. But we’ll get to that, as it’s time for: WWE – The TV Series Wrestlemania Recap info courtesy of Carl Walsh Man, what an atmosphere. I’m really jealous of the folks who attended. Rat bastards. It’s my damn hometown! I should have been there! But oh well, I’m sure Judgment Day will be just as good. We get the big intro, with Michelle Williams, not the Dawson Creek chick, the one from Destiny’s Child, who just looked thrilled to be there. And we gots a match! Kane and Big Show vs Carlito and Masters Pretty quick match, and Kane and Show win, and retain. HBK Speaks! HBK tries to explain what’s going on with Vince. Vince is not nuts apparently, just disturbed. HBK told Vince weeks ago to just move on, and Vince went loony tunes on HBK. HBK promises Vince will endure a personal hell? What the hell? Is it Vince’s personal hell or HBK’s personal hell, and what about Eugene’s personal hell? Money In The Bank Ladder Match Really good match, that didn’t get enough time. Ric took a nasty bump and sold it like there was no tomorrow. Shetlon was amazing, RVD was awesome, Matt Hardy was a stud, and Bobby, Bobby got introduced to a ladder match and was top notch. Finlay didn’t fit into this match, but kept it interesting at times. But the other four guys made this a great match. Shetlon stole the match. RVD may have won, but Shelton was the star. Mean Gene Speaks Mean gene, you still got it. The guy is pure gold. During the Hall Of Fame ceremony, he even worked plugs into his speech! That guy is true talent, and he can still do the job better than any WWE announcer they got working for them today. Gene should be working in some capacity for WWE, if not on TV, then give him a hotline or something. Nice Slam on Brett Hart Finkel says that Hart was “uncomfortable” taking part. There was no reason to say that other than they wanted to get in a dig at Bret. Glad you got out OK Bret. Just in time too it appears. Benoit vs Bradshaw Solid match, with, at least to me, an unexpected outcome. JBL will be a good US champ though. Mick Foley vs Edge One hell of a match. Intense, brutal, and clever. Some unique spots, and one hell of a finish. My favorite Wrestlemania match. The ending was astounding. Not the spot through the table, as that was impressive, but for Edge’s reaction to the match. He won, but he looked really shaken up. Like if Mick had kicked out, he would have turned and run. That’s a dramatic finish. A defining Wrestlemania moment if you will. I know it’s one that will stick out in my mind. Winners of the Snickers Sweepstakes Todd: How many Snickers have you eaten? Lady: Six or seven Todd:That’s great! Now here’s the Boogeyman and his worms! Boogeyman vs Booker T Booker T is the Man. That guy is a great talent. He’s made this angle more than just fodder. He’s made it entertaining. He’s made it enjoyable. I know I’m going to laugh when I see Booker and Sharmell. So, what’s his reward for his outstanding work? Jobbing to Boogey. Who’s injured. Who’s going to be out for a while. We may get some skits, but the guy ain't going to be wrestling. So, Booker T loses. On the biggest stage of them all. To some goof. Oh, and there was the repulsive Worm Kiss. Yeah, how’s those Snickers tasting now ladies? Mickie vs Trish Chicago fans, you made me proud. Boogeyman just killed the place, and instead of lying down and taking it, you fucked the WWE right back. My third favorite match of the night, and most of it was due to the crowd just cheering the bejesus out of Mickie. You booed Trish, but like a pro, she worked with it. This match had phenomenal energy from the crowd. And Mickie was just rolling with it, and soaking it up. Well done ladies. Well, not the finish, which almost killed it, but it made a nice recovery and ended right after that, so it’s all good. But does Trish get to talk now? Stay tuned. Vince, You Crazy Bastard Vince hates God. Satan is a jealous bitch. Mark Henry vs Undertaker Well, you knew how it was going to end, but wasn’t there that niggling doubt in the back of your mind? At once during the match, didn’t you think Mark Henry had a chance? I know I did. And it lasted a couple of seconds too. Then Undertaker did that jump and yeah, you knew it wasn’t going to happen. Now, folks are praising Undertaker for carrying Mark, but I’ll counter and say that mark kept up and did what Taker wanted him to do, and took the big moves, and caught Taker when he needed to catch Taker, and well, it wasn’t a bad match at all. Henry stood toe to toe with Taker. He got beat. Plain and simple. But he put in a good effort, and Taker worked with him, not against him. So, I congratulate both men on having a good match. On a side note, the formula works. Running away from Taker = sucks, while standing up to Taker = much, much better. Vince vs Shawn Well, Vince let HBK just beat the crap out of him. Shane made a return, and it was good. HBK showed some flashes of coolness, which even reached my jaded tastes. DX returning? Probably not. Unless it’s a DVD. Then Shawn jumped on Vince from on top of a ladder. Brutal. So, HBK got to shine. All is well and good. Vince got the final act of defiance, flipping off Shawn as he was wheeled out. The End? Come on, it’s Wacky McMahon! Hell no! Next week, Vince pelts HBK with puppies. Rey Mysterio vs Randy Orton vs Kurt Angle Orton Suspension Reason #2 – Randy Orton is getting married some time. Maybe it’s now, and Randy asked for some time off, and this whole suspension gimmick is just that. WWE working the net. EH, this match was solid from a style standpoint, but bleh from an emotional one. Mysterio won. The reaction quickly tapered off, once it sunk in. Oh, and the goofy ass costume for his entrance didn’t help. Every Wrestlemania, it’s always something bad. Still Rey won the belt, and that would be a good thing except for: 1) The constant jobbing 2) The beatings he takes even in matches he wins 3) Eddie. Just let it go. You squandered it not once, but twice WWE. 4) On Smackdown, Raw, etc, they said Rey was never given anything, but they show a clip right after of Teddy giving Rey a shot at WM. Candice vs Torrie Weird place for this match. I understand it’s to keep the brands and championships separate, but still. This would have been a good place for the Taker match or Vince vs HBK. But oh well. Hot chicks. It was a match, and the chicks tried some moves, and well, they got most of their clothing ripped off, and that means I’ll let a lot slide. Torrie won, which was surprising. Clips of H saying he’s going to win, and clips of Cena verbally blowing H air. Good grief. H vs Cena Man, I laughed long and hard at H. That outfit was hilarious. Just friggin hilarious. That almost makes up for Booker T losing to Boogeyman. Almost. SO, by now you know that H lost, Cena won, and that Vince has declared war on the people who boo Cena. If you boo Cena, you’re for H, since he is the more “traditional” wrestler. If you boo Cena you’re an old fuddy duddy with no sense of what’s hip or cool. Never mind the fact that booing Cena is more cool than cheering H. Never mind the fact that booing Cena is more than just a trend. Never mind the fact that Jericho and Edge got people to actually cheer for Cena. Never mind the fact that Angle was criticized for not getting fans to cheer Cena, but H has a less plausible excuse for the exact same thing. H lost. For the third time in a row at Wrestlemania. H did no favors to Cena is his match, keeping it textbook. Lots of punches and kicks. Lots of stall moves. And then a surprise tap out. Cena won, and H lost. So, that was Wrestlemania. A very good show. And now, it’s on to the rest of the year. The next one is in Detroit. Good for Detroit. I won’t be going, but hey, good for Detroit. A Superbowl and now Wrestlemania. Raw CENA! BOOOO!!!!!! Yes, Cena opens the show, and has some words to say. Screw you! Boo me all you want, I’ll just cry myself to sleep. But thanks to all those who cheer me. Now buy some stuff. H comes out and punks Cena. H then speaks, and says he is still better than Cena. Uh, you lost, buddy. Edge then comes out, and well, business picks up. Yeah, only one day later and I miss JR. Verbal sparring and it’s very good. Then, Edge and H challenge Cena to a handicapped match. Cena should have just laughed at them, but no, he’s stupid, I mean, he doesn’t back down from a fight. Hey Cena, I challenge you to fight a northbound semi on I-94! Don’t be a pussy! COME ON! Anyhoo, we gots a match. Cena vs H and Edge. Oh, and Lita has a good look. I like it. Big Show and Kane vs Spirit Squad. I hate Spirit Squad. Seriously, those guys are annoying as hell. But there’s like twenty of them, so they beat Big Show and Kane and are now your tag team champions. Whoopee -Seriously, can’t you guys spend like ten minutes practicing your cheers? How hard is it? RVD Speaks<br> He says he’ll use his money in the bank stipulation at One Night Stand, so next week, RVD loses the briefcase. Masters vs Jobber Squashed and Carlito comes out. He spits his apple in the face of the jobber, hugs Master’s and then attacks him from behind. Nice. He then spends time looking for his apples to spit it in Master’s face, but settles for a loogey. Carlito is now face. HBK Speaks He says he could beat up Cena, and you know, I bet he could. But he’s locked into an angle with death and not even death can free him until Vince gets another pin on him. So, Shane comes out. His job, introduce Vince. Who shows up. And starts gibbering away, talking all kinds of wacky stuff. -You know, I get the feeling that no one knows what Vince is going to say when he starts talking. Oh, they may have some bullet points given to them, but there’s no guarantee that Vince will get to them. It’s all a crapshoot. Come on, Vince and Shane vs HBK and God? Well, there is one possibility. Sent to me Tuesday, April 4, at 2:59 AM “Actually, not so much feedback as it is a precognitive question. Is it just me or do you not see the Mr. & Shane McMahon vs. HBK and "God" at Backlash ending up being an HBK and Foley match with Mick pointing to a sign that says "Foley is God" somewhere in the arena? Eric PS. Loved your column! As always! Now, that's gold. Thanks Eric. Unfortunately, it will probably end up being H. King of Kings and all that. And a DX Re-Union right around the corner. Whoop de doo. Wait and see I guess. Mickie and Candace vs Torrie and Trish And Mickie is now dressing like Trish. Come on, Chi-Town LOVED that crazy bitch. For being a crazy bitch, not a Trish clone. Bah, WWE is messing with things again. Mickie and Candace win. Chavo Speaks Chavo says that Rey won the Smackdown Title and that tonight, he’s going to dedicate his match to Eddie. You know, Chavo got the crowd going, and it seemed like it was against their will. But he did it. Chavo vs Shelton Solid match. Lots of big spots. But Shelton keeps his IC title. Chavo, upset ,says he quits. Poor Chavo, you just get crappy gimmick after crappy gimmick, don’t you? Ric Flair Speaks! Ric says that he will get a 17th reign as champion again. He is then interrupted by some guy. Some Cuban guy. Not bad, nice verbal sparring, and then the bomb is dropped as Armando introduces JAMAL! Whoops, it’s UMAGA! Who lays out Ric. And I’m left wondering, as Ric looks up at the lights after being laid out by another rookie, if Ric is thinking about where his life is heading. A man his age, after all he’s done, after all the wives, and all the jobs, you know, sometimes you just gotta think about things. That was my impression of that bit. Edge vs Cena vs H H lays everyone out. TA DA! What, you expected something different? You Cena hater you! BOOO! Don’t you know that all the old farts love H? GET OFF MY LAWN! Smackdown Recap courtesy of Chad Matthews I’ll say this now. Like I said earlier, this appears to be the first time in weeks that Steph, H, Gerwitz and Vince have paid attention to Smackdown. It just felt…weird. Let’s take a look and see. Paul London and Spanky vs MNM You know, when I hear the words non-title, I immediately think to myself, “SO, that means the champs aren’t winning”. And sure enough, they didn’t. It was a great match, and best match of the night, but still, once it was over, and the words “Non-Title” repeated, well, it took away from it. Booker T and Sharmell Damn skippy Booker, you put Teddy in his place about that Boogey. Man. Situation. Booker T vs Jobber And Booker loses. What the fuck???? Look people, I don’t give a crap who that guy is. Brent Albright, who’s that? So OVW guy? Good for him. There was no reason in hell for him to win. Come close, no problem. Win? Um, no. So, is Daliph Singh going to get a clean pin over Undertaker? Hell no! What are you, on crack? Who just lost at Wrestlemania? Booker, that’s who. To Boogeyman. JBL did the job for Boogey, granted, and you know what? He’s US Champion now. Booker? Another job. Benoit vs Simon Dean Quick squash. And then remember those JBL promos from last year? Yeah, they’re back, with a new graphic, and some new voice over tracks. Kurt Angle talks with Randy Randy Orton Potential Reason #3: Drug test results came back and Randy’s got Hep C. Randy does the talking and Kurt just grunts. Seriously, he now longer is allowed to talk. He’s brain damaged or something. Yep, Kurt, you got over too much, and now must be punished. Rey vs Orton Orton kicks Rey’s ass for like fifteen minutes before Rey gets a lucky break and makes a quick pin. Yep, your World Champion, who people cheered for MONTHS, until WWE creative got a hold of him, is now lucky to even step into the building with the belt. Tough? He gets beaten up every week, but some how, some way, in the last week, manages to squeak out a win. Got heart? He owes it all to Eddy. Without Eddy he’s nothing. He doesn’t deserve the championship, but by golly, he’ll try. -Horrible Creative Idea Rey’s family was backstage, including Dominic, who you may remember, was won back from Eddie by Rey, in the now infamous Dominic On A Pole match, back in July. Now, let’s have Dominic get possessed by the Spirit of Eddy Guerrero. Hilarity ensues. Get to crackin’ WWE creative. Regal and Burchill, Best Buds Nice little skit with Paul and Regal. Regal wants Burchill to give up the pirate gimmick, but Burchill says that they have match next, and if he loses, he’ll give up pirating, but if he wins, he gets to tell regal what to wear next week. So, while I’m getting all excited about a pirate tag team, reality sets in, and we’ll get Regal in a dress. Boo. Regal vs Burchill Burchill wins, because people really want to see Regal in a dress. Well, creative does at any rate. Undertaker vs Mark Henry Not Henry’s best work. I took off on a tangent involving a sandwich, a casket and the drive of Mark Henry to “find the inner strength to eat that sandwich”. Mark: Undertaker! You put me in a small box and I am a large man! So, Undertaker, while I lay trapped in the dark, feeling that cold grip of death, I saw a light! A small light! Glowing in the cold and the darkness, and then I saw something that gave me the strength to go on! A foot long sub from Subway! Made just the way I like it! Extra cheese! An extra helping of turkey! Lettuce! Tomatoes! On fresh baked bread! And I knew! KNEW! That I want4d to eat that sandwich! That NOTHING was going to stop me from getting out of that box and eating that sandwich! Undertaker, you know what? I got out of that box and I ATE THAT SANDWICH! It was the best sandwich I’ve ever eaten! And now, I’m no longer afraid of you Undertaker, and now I’m going to beat you!” So, Undertaker came out and beat up Mark Henry, and then Daivari came to the rescue with Daliph Singh, who killed a guy doing a wrestling move, but man, that guy is big. On a side note, the King Of the Ring Tournament is coming back. Good news for Judgment Day, tickets on sale next week. Well, that’s the week of TV, and I’m running out of space, so I’ll just throw out some random thoughts. - So, the aftermath of Wrestlemania sees a bunch of new guys being brought up. Armando, or whatever his name is, The Miz, Daliph Singh, Jamal, and the Guy Booker T Jobbed To. Who looks like Eugene by the way. Good for the developmental talent, but are they ready for the Big Time? Wait and see I guess. Randy Orton Reason for Suspension #3: Randy was caught beating off in the girl’s locker room. There’s your tawdry reason. Randy does have a habit of peeping in on the chicks. - Speaking of Randy, he gets suspended and three guys come out of the woodwork to replace him. - Yes, it’s time for roster cuts. Last chance for the rookies, and for some of the regulars as well. Tyson Tomko has asked for his release. It’s a shame, I didn’t mind Tomko. He knew how to act without talking, if you know what I mean. His work with Christian was excellent. Best of luck to you Tyson. - People are dying to cheer Triple H. Once H started back on TV, he’s done well. It’s only when he was going for the big belt that WWE got too H happy. But with a DX return being hinted at, you can felt he excitement building on the web. Folks want to cheer H, but they’ve not been given anything to cheer him about. Let me say this again. H has talent. H can work. But H has an ego, an ego bigger than Hogan’s, and Warrior’s combined. H also has the savvy of the Undertaker and Kevin Nash, so he knows when to keep it in check, but until he absolutely has to. Like jobbing at Mania. People forgive him a lot for that. But then again, Booker T did the job at Mania, so did Trish, and Benoit, and Angle, and so forth. Last year, H did the job to Batista. It put the stamp on the paper to make Batista a true Main Eventer. But then we got three months, and maybe five matches of nothing but H and Batista. H did the job in almost all of them. I think. But more importantly, H let Batista get the better of him in their verbal sparring as well. Being a champ is a two part process. You have to show you can be the champ physically and you have to show you are the champ verbally. Cena may have won the match, but H is winning the war on the verbal front. And since H is doing most of the talking, and the talking often lasts longer than the matches themselves, the impression H is giving is that of the cool guy, and along with the insider remarks, showing that he’s doing Cena a favor by letting him win. H is in control of the situation, and letting us, the fans, and the millions of people at home who may not be “smarks” but aren’t stupid, that this is H’s game. And you know what? After two months, people can see that H is the guy in charge, and well, folks will root for the guy with the power. The only thing they love more, is when that guy gets taken down a notch or seven. I don’t remember where I heard this said, but it’s true. “People love to build up idols, but they love to tear them down more” - Melina still has no clue on how to be manager. She screams at the wrong time more often than not. It’s not that hard to figure out. When the big move comes, scream. - The only thing I know about CM Punk is that he’s banging Maria. So screw him. You know who the fuss around Punk reminds me about. Paul London. How did that pan out? Flashy moves, and then jobber city. So, yeah, excuse me for not going nuts over CM Punk. You did such a great job of standing out in that one second of screen time you got with those other rookies walking Cena out. And that’s all for today. QUICK PLUGS! LOP Forums! LOP Columns Forum The PWA, best E-Fed on the net, period. DVD Fanatic, the Ultimate DVD Resource Feeling Creative? Check out The Project. Until next Time, Thanks For Readin' and Thanks For Ridin' Wevv Mang mrwevv@mac.com *NEW GALLERY* Very COOL and RARE Photos of WWE Stars and Divas OUT PARTYING!
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