The Wrath of Tito - Lots of Wrestlemania hype, Ashley, Spike TV bashing, more
Submitted by Mr. Tito on Thursday, March 23, 2006 at 9:06 PM EST
I'm a cold heartbreaker, fit to burn, and I'll rip your heart in two... Welcome wrestling fans to another EXCITING, THRILLING, TREMENDOUS, and AWESOME edition of the Wrath of Tito. I am your host, with one year to go before retirement, Mr. Tito. Gotta love the opening sentence with some classic Guns N Roses. One thing I like to talk about in wrestling is "greatness". If Axl Rose's ego didn't go off the deep end while the rest of the band enjoyed they drugs/alcohol way too much, GNR would be considered one of the best bands of all time by now. That's right, baby, I'm calling it now. They were *that* good back in the day, and with Axl Rose leaking out new GNR tracks, I've got in some heated debates over that. By the way, speaking of the GNR leaks, check out my buddy Jules's latest wrestling column by CLICKING HERE.
With greatness in professional wrestling that was cut short, I always cite Owen Hart. If he didn't tragically die in 1999, I believe he would have been up for a push in a year, perhaps. Owen never got that legit World Title push, other than wrestling Bret several times. Now granted, who knows how Owen would have been affected by the talent rush of 2000 (Jericho, Angle, Benoit, Tazz, and Guerrero all added by early 2000), but I figure he'd be due a world title push somewhere down the road. Then again, he was also on the brink of retiring to spend more time with his loving family (damn I feel deeply sorry for them over the loss of Owen, to this day). Other "could have beens" for greatness were obviously the Von Erichs, all of them, as they believed in their own hype way too much and couldn't keep out of the drugs. Who knows about Brian Pillman had he not hurt his leg or died? Who knows about Diamond Dallas Page, who was completely disrespected by the WWE upon arrival in 2001 and depushed heavily. Looking at an injury basis, I personally believe that Triple H would have been better today had he not blown out his quadriceps muscle in 2001. Now, he's slow on his feet and can't carry matches like he once could.
BUT I DIGRESS...
So we have WRESTLEMANIA in less than.... That's awesome. Great time of the year. We have the NCAA Tournaments really catching my interest, Spring Training heating up and MLB just around the corner, NFL free agency making headlines daily, and the WWE hitting their peak time of the year. NHL and NBA, do those leagues even exist? But anyway, the Wrestlemania card is shaping up nicely (though I have some critical nitpicks below) as follows:
-Torrie Wilson vs. Candice Michelle in a Pillow Fight
-Boogeyman vs. Booker T
-Trish Stratus(c) vs. Mickie James for the Women's Title
-Kane/Big Show(c) vs. Carlito/Chris Masters for the RAW Tag Titles
-Chris Benoit(c) vs. John Bradshaw Layfield for the United States Title
-Edge vs. Mick Foley in a Hardcore match
-Money in the Bank Ladder Match(RAW has Ric Flair/Rob Van Dam/Shelton Benjamin while Smackdown has Fit Finley/Matt Hardy and ???)
-Vince McMahon vs. Shawn Michaels in a No Holds Barred match
-Kurt Angle(c) vs. Rey Mysterio Jr. vs. Randy Orton for the World Title
-John Cena(c) vs. Triple H for the WWE Title
My analysis... Overall, I think it's a good card. I'm excited to see the main events, Trish vs. Mickie, Money in the Bank, RAW tag match, Benoit/JBL, while I figure Edge/Foley and McMahon/Michaels will be entertaining. But what I want to get into is what is the difference between HARDCORE and NO HOLDS BARRED? Seriously, what's the difference? Fact is that both Edge and Shawn Michaels are essentially working "Best of Backyard Wrestling" style matches against two non-wrestlers. Yeah, Foley WAS a wrestler. Don't give me that. His last match against Orton was nothing close to what we once saw from Foley. They guy had some great ability before he retired, but resorted to a more hardcore side when making his comeback against Orton. And McMahon? Both his match against Hogan and his son Shane McMahon at past Wrestlemanias have been straight out of the backyard. Entertaining, yes, as Vince McMahon is dumb enough to put his body on the line for his prize show, but there's only so many times you can go to that kind of match. Look at the crap match he had with the Undertaker more than 2 years ago if you'd like to see the formula getting tired.
But what's the difference between Hardcore and No Holds Barred? Having both gimmicks, very similar in nature, is going to take away from each other. For instance, say Edge vs. Foley happened first. Then, when you watch Michaels vs. McMahon, you'll say to yourself "I already saw a weapons match". Zero difference. What's even worse is that drawing the Foley and McMahon cards have become extremely tired on the WWE roster. I'm tired of the lazy booking that the WWE puts on with the McMahons being actual wrestling equals to wrestlers (seriously, in a real world, Shane McMahon couldn't even compete with Test, Angle, Michaels, or Kane), while it's becoming especially sad to see that the current roster lacks a guy who will put over wrestlers in a big way. Foley is called to the roster to put over Edge and Orton because other wrestlers either do not want to do the job, are in tight with management, or aren't striving to make their careers better to get to the point of giving other wrestlers the rub.
Anywho, I see that Trish Stratus vs. Mickie James is officially going down (duh, it was obvious before Saturday Night's Main Event). That match could deliver in a big way, for the WWE booking has been quite dead-on for pushing Mickie so well. Excellent character development and I figure we'll be treated to an actual good women's match at Wrestlemania. When has THAT ever happened? Does anybody still have bad memories of Christy "5 head" Hemme against Trish from last year? However, we'll get a bad women's match with Torrie Wilson vs. Candice Michelle. Granted, this won't be hard on the eyes, as both women are sooooo stunning. But wrestling-wise, look no further than when the WWE brought in those beer commercial chicks for a "pillow fight" at another Wrestlemania. 'Nuff said.
Booker T vs. Boogeyman will go down at Wrestlemania. And I mean "go down". I'm not seeing the hype of the Boogeyman, as his gimmick seems to be masking if he's a good wrestler or not. I think eating the worms is funny at first, but it wears off quickly. What's bad about that gimmick is that you have to ask yourself: "why is he in wrestling?". If he was a Boogeyman, you'd figure he'd torture people outside of the wrestling realm. And what does he do when he's not on television? You'd figure that any justice department division would look into a psychopath who eats worms and stalks people. Welcome to 2006 where goofy things are no longer believeable. This gimmick will always restrict the wrestler behind the gimmick and it's going to be a shame if Booker T and Bradshaw had to put over this guy on 2 consecutive "big" Pay Per Views.
The Money in the Bank match is crap on the Smackdown roster. Matt Hardy? Fit Finley? Seriously, folks, neither guy is even in the class, here in 2006, of Ric Flair, Rob Van Dam, and Shelton Benjamin. Both guys, and I hate saying this cause I like both guys, are OLD NEWS. Hardy is still your same ol' Hardy, thinking that his Version 1.0 gimmick is actually cool. Still wrestles the same, despite actually adding some good bulk to his physique. Fit Finley seems to be out of his element and somewhat obsolete with his wrestling style. Plus, he's not a name wrestler. Everybody knows RVD, Flair, and Benjamin. People are beginning to laugh at Hardy and they don't know Finley.
One thing I know is that Triple H vs. John Cena MUST deliver at Wrestlemania. With Angle/Orton/Mysterio, there are 3 guys and 2 of which can keep things interesting and fresh. Both HHH and Cena haven't delivered well on Pay Per View main events. With HHH, since his quadriceps injury in 2001, only his matches against Shawn Michaels/Chris Benoit have delivered huge at Pay Per Views. With Cena, it's his match with Chris Jericho at Summerslam 2005. The RAW brand needs a blockbuster main event and badly. HHH vs. Batista was BAAAAAD last year, while Booker T vs. HHH in 2003 sucked and Chris Jericho vs. HHH in 2002 sucked. It might be more HHH's doing than anything. It MUST deliver so that both guys look strong coming out of the match. WWE is hyping this match to be huge, given how loved Cena is among children and for the fact that nobody has dominated RAW like HHH. They have to deliver, just as Rock vs. Austin always delivered, and after that match, both guys still looked strong and their matches are still talked about to this day!
This is Wrestlemania. It's time for both HHH and John Cena to step up and deliver a fantastic match. Rumor has it that Cena and HHH don't like each other backstage. HHH has a lot of backstage stroke and has probably booked the finish to the match. It would benefit both guys if they gave great effort and didn't dog it on the biggest event of the year. It's like the Prisoner's Dilemma, for when both guys work together for a great product together, they'll deliver a great match. If HHH decides to dog it to start depushing John Cena, HHH will be the only one coming out of the match who will smell like a rose. It would be zero sum game with one guy staying in the main event while the other will enjoy the midcard. HHH vs. John Cena MUST deliver, and if I were HHH, I would seek to desperately add something to his WWE legacy. Only Wrestlemania 17 against the Undertaker and his 3 way at Wrestlemania 20 stick out for HHH at Wrestlemanias. His other matches aren't there (though I liked the heel turn at Wrestlemania 15 against Kane), nor were they relevant to the card. As the so-called top star of the WWE, HHH's matches need to stick out. They don't, as other matches on the cards keep overshadowing him. And secondly, it's time for John Cena to step it up. He's been a bit robotic within the ring and he has a personal distaste for HHH. Cena needs to up his workrate by adding an extra bit of energy into his step and he must realize that this is Wrestlemania. Put all personal dislike for HHH aside and give yourself a huge Wrestlemania moment by stealing the show with a great match.
In fact, if HHH vs. Cena doesn't deliver, it will be a LONG summer for the RAW roster.
~Apple Dumplings~
-Congrats to Ashley Massaro for the WWE contract extension. It's a 3-year deal and I believe it's worth it. She's gorgeous (great for selling calendars, DVD's, and other merchandise) and I enjoy the attitude she brings to the WWE. The in-ring product has a lot to be desired, but why push her as a wrestler? Let her be a fun character and a great hood ornament to look at. Some were trying to make comparisons of her to Christy Hemme. No, no, no... Not even close. Ashley has a lot of natual beauty with her, besides the implants. With Hemme, she's more like an ugly duckling that had a lot of work done to look decent. You can clearly see it, too, as the TrimSpa ad came out and a lot of make-up was painted on every week. Hemme isn't Playboy hot, by any means, and seems to have a personality that just didn't fit wrestling. Kinda loud and obnoxious when she spoke, and I thought that was very un-attractive. Ashley, though, is flat-out hot and seems to be a better fit with professional wresting based on her attributes.
-Michelle Williams, formerly of Destiny's Child, will be singing "America the Beautiful" this year at Wrestlemania. Good for her. I have a lot of sympathy for her based on this conceited moment for Destiny's Child: Click Here. Yeah, tripping on national television is embarrassing, but you gotta maybe try to pick your bandmate up. This is why they won't remain a band any longer and why the success they once had won't come back. Speaking of "greatness" from above, "Bootylicious" was HUGE. Some will say it's all Beyonce... I disagree. She doesn't seem to harmonize well in her songs without them. Yeah, she looks fantastic in the videos, but seems to be a bit off without her old friends. I really dislike Beyonce's solo career.
-Saturday Night's Main Event somewhat busted on NBC the other night with a low 3 rating (too many conflicting sources on the exact number). Regardless, the expectation on the WWE's part was around 5.0 and it somewhat didn't live up to expectations. HOWEVER, have you seen the ratings on CBS for the NCAA Tournament? Through the roof this year! For the first two days, the tournaments saw the largest audience since 1997. 4% increase over last year. I hate to use excuses, but that's a good one and the WWE should be happy with what they got on NBC. Please note, too, that NBC isn't exactly hot stuff lately in terms of ratings and the WWE boosted their teenager audience for the evening on Saturday. At least they had that going for them. I'd imagine the same rating, however, if the WWE were, say, on UPN for the evening.
-Rosey is gone from the WWE. He seemed like he put effort into his matches, but at the end of the day, he was an out-of-shape short guy who brought nothing to the WWE outside of tag team wrestling. The 3 Minute Warning reunion was short-lived... Doubtful that Rosey will generate interest on the free market. I do, however, wish the guy the best because he was a class-act in the WWE.
-Scott Steiner in TNA is just another example of the management not getting it. Steiner was a guy who was clearly impaired by his longterm wear & tear on his body from years of wrestling and body building during his term in the WWE. So what does TNA do instead of developing new stars? Of course... business as usual in TNA. They DON'T GET IT and will never get a primetime slot on Spike TV at this pathetic rate of growth.
Further proof of TNA not even being in the WWE's class, they are taking the "night off" during the Hall of Fame ceremony. But I thought TNA was so great? Granted, Bret Hart's induction will be a tremendous draw, but in TNA fans' minds and TNA's mind themselves, isn't TNA supposed to be an equal to the WWE? Hardly, which is why they are chickening out on Saturday night on Spike. This is the same wrestling promotion/channel who have bragged about getting better ratings than Velocity on the same timeslot. Velocity! AM RAW gets the same ratings as TNA Impact......
-Oh, and speaking of Spike TV, they renewed their relationship with Ultimate Fighting Championship through 2008. Never fear, wrestling fans, as UFC has declined in the ratings since the WWE left Spike. Given the choice between UFC and WWE, the WWE was clearly chosen in head-to-head match-ups. Why on earth do you think that UFC has moved to Thursdays? THEY CANNOT COMPETE ON MONDAYS! WWE kicked their ass, head to head, and the Ultimate Fighter's ratings started to decline without the WWE as a lead-in. UFC is a flash in the pan promotion, insomuch that they are hyping old stars to strike up excitement in Tito Ortiz vs. Ken Shamrock. This is about as bad as TNA signing Scott Steiner! Seriously, folks, where is John McCain when you need him so that he can forever ban UFC from boring us to death? If McCain runs for President in 2008 and his top platform is to "ban UFC", he'd have my vote in an instant. This is not because I want UFC censored from its content, for that doesn't bother me. It's because UFC sucks. Get 'em McCain!
-Does anybody really think that the WWE's drug testing will actually work? Once thing about the WWE... since 1994 when Vince escaped a bullet, the WWE hasn't had a loud steroid controversy. Yeah, several wrestlers have died and it was in their system, but the WWE didn't get attacked on a public basis like Major League Baseball or other sport outlets. Same with overdoses on drugs, as the WWE have had a few of those... nothing. If I were the WWE, I would not that there's a drug program in place, but I'd keep it very quiet with the results. The very last thing you want is for word to get out on the internet that a wrestler is juicing and for a crowd to chant "steroids, steroids, steroids" at a pro wrestler. That would get embarrassing and it would only attract the federal government to the WWE product. The WWE leaks news much to often to wrestling newsletter writers and online sources thanks to disgruntled employees, so it would be in the WWE's absolute best interest silence the leaks by any means necessary.
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