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Submitted by Wevv Mang on Sunday, February 19, 2006 at 9:20 PM EST
Ridin’ With The Bossman – Getting Religious With Vince Greetings! Welcome to another edition of Ridin’ With The Bossman. The column Vince reads when he’s feeling blue. These damn tanning attendants never seem to appreciate a good cell phone pic of a naked 60-year-old man. Sigh. What’s a billionaire to do? Count his money? Or read on and be amused. So, Raw got pre-empted by the Westminster Dog Show. So it aired on Thursday in the US. Those lucky Canucks and the UK got to see the show at it’s regular time apparently. Oh, and by the way. There’s a PPV tonight. A Smackdown PPV. Let’s see what happened on TV, shall we? WWE – The TV Series It’s really too bad that Raw got bumped, what with Valentine’s Day and all. Usually some really good cheese happens before a theme holiday. Especially with the current crop of Raw talent, the potential was off the charts. Raw Recap courtesy of Carl Walsh The show starts off with a match. H vs Big Show Good match. Lot of back and forth on offense, and a lot of intensity. Both men were more interested in injuring the other, as opposed to winning the match. Not a bad thing. Some new spots were done, as Show worked the hand. Not just stomping on it, but also using some holds. Lots of outside moves as well. Which is when the end came, there was no winner, as both guys didn’t get back into the ring in time. After the bell, they kept beating on each other. Very nice work, and Big Show was the guy who bled in this match. Shawn Michaels Retirement Plans Vince has his lawyers with him, and Todd asks hi about the match with no winner. Vince says he doesn’t see two losers, but two men who wanted to win. That’s one way of looking at it. Next week, Show and H will face RVD. So, by not winning, both men get another shot. Mama then came in and cried to Vince to help her little boy. Vince says OK. Shelton Benjamin vs Eugene Quick and over in a few minutes. Shelton won. Shawn Michaels Retirement Footage Running all night long. Highlights from HBK’s career. With some very interesting choices. They showed the footage of the Madison Square Garden incident. You know, there are members of management who were against shows like Confidential, and Byte This! They said they exposed the business. Yet, some of those same members took part in things like the MSG incident, which did more to expose the business than any of those shows ever did. And a clip like that, showing them not only drawing attention to the incident, and putting it on National Television, so that everyone could see it, well, it now seems like hypocrisy to me. In other news, Byte This has been cancelled, stemming from an incident with the HeartThrobs, who have been fired. Ashley vs Torrie Wilson I strongly dislike small dogs. Using it as a prop just reinforces that sentiment. It’s a stupid move. Torrie slapping Ashley’s ass? That I liked. Ashley wins. After the match, Candice announces she will be in Playboy. Playboy feud now begins. Good news for Torrie. HBK’s Retirement What an event. Just full of goofiness. A nice three-week angle shot it’s load in one segment. Motives were revealed and surprise, they made no sense. All this hatred is about Vince wanting Inner Peace? Huh? Vince wants Jesus? This bit left me shaking my head and trying to figure out where it all went wrong. It was a loaded bit, that’s for sure, and it crashed and burned. Let’s take a moment to Over-Analyze this bit. Raw, Week 1 Vince is in the ring with his lawyers and it’s going to be a contract signing. That’s the way this bit is set up. Desk, red carpet, papers Vince wants HBK to sign, not for a match, but for a retirement. Contract Signings suck on principle. Vince says that this is the last night of HBK’s career. (Big Premise) HBK comes down. Vince offers his hand, but pulls it away. Nice. Vince talks. He’ll put together a music video for Shawn. Big whoop. They do love that Creed song though. Vince will call out all the superstars from both Smackdown and Raw. Ah, it was a double taping. I thought so. But he would do it, if it was real and HBK wanted it. So, that’s good. So, what does he get? Spirit Squad, who fucked up the cheer. They are the epitome of Suck. Vince insults the crowd and tells Shawn to sign the papers. HBK starts to talk. Vince says cut his mic. Vince then goes nuts. What does Shawn want? HBK grabs Vince’s mic, nice, and then says he can’t leave the fans and that he loves the fans, and it’s all for the fans, and he doesn’t want to leave. He doesn’t know why Vince is doing this, and frankly, the fans aren’t sure either, but assume it’s because Vince is a dick. Here comes the big motive. Vince then gets creepy and says that Shawn has something that Vince wants. Something that Vince needs. Something Vince can’t have. Something that money can’t buy. Something in HBK’s pants. Sorry, too easy. No, Vince keeps on going. Vince says HBK has Inner Peace, and Vince doesn’t. Vince has a tough life, answering to stockholders (HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! YEAH RIGHT!) He has an appetite for life, and wants more! He has an empire to run! He has a film division to get off the ground (When is that Cena movie coming out? It’s been over a year. Vince’s life is a nightmare, and he’s going to make it all better by getting rid of HBK. Now sign the damn paper! Analysis: No, it doesn’t make much sense, but it only has to make sense to Vince. It’s a motive, and an insane one, but the net has been saying Vince is nuts for years, and this proves it, right? So, right there, a big, emotional event, which is capped off with: Nothing. What could have happened? HBK should have signed the papers and taken a few weeks off. Wrestlemania, they have a clock and it stands at 40 days. Part 2: HBK So, here we are. Vince has made his big speech and told HBK to sign the papers. HBK teases signing the papers. Pick up the pen, put down the pen, pick it up again, walk around, oh, the agony! Oh, the indecision! HBK finally takes up the papers and rips them up. Vince slaps HBK, and then says that HBK has opened the gates of HELL! Analysis: So, who thought HBK would sign the papers? I’m betting very few. It’s the way these contract signings are done. Predictable is the key word. What could have happened: HBK signs the papers, after waffling and apologizing to the fans. He does it, and then walks off. Vince gloats. Vince could even do a little dance. Week 2: Highlights of HBK’s career, and more gloating, creepy Vince. Wrestlers comment on HBK, and express sorrow, or joy. Week 3: Even more gloating Vince only something new is added. A masked wrestler emerges. Mr. Canada. It’s HBK under a mask. Hey, why not? It worked wonders for Hogan. OK, maybe not that far, but HBK comes “out of retirement”. He read the contract. It missed something, whatever, but now he’s back. Did Vince find that peace he was looking for while he was gone? Cherish it, because the Heart Break Kid is back and he's going to get Vince! WHOO! Place goes nuts, and we have ourselves one red hot feud, that's had time to sink in, and make a statement. Yep, pacing, timing, all things WWE ignored with this angle. They loaded up one ten minute or so segment, with several key plot devices. The result was one lump of crap being thrown at the viewers, who had to try and take it all in, or just let it slide right over them. What do you think the silence was? Sure the place erupted when something they could understand, HBK getting physical, ripping his shirt open, but the gist of the sketch? Right out the window and lost. So, instead of pacing themselves, and letting viewers put their own spin on things, they blew their wad. Nice going schmuck. Why are you still employed? Now, let the blame pass to Vince for a crappy segment. Head Of Creative my ass… For the record, these are the same people who got handed the answer to Cena’s decline, found a cure, only to fuck it up by putting the belt right back on him, because he’s just so damn sexy. OK, I’ve vented. I just hate seeing a perfectly good long-term angle wasted. RVD vs Masters RVD wins. I’m a bit surprised, but there it is. Oh, wait, he gets to face Big Show AND H next week. Nevermind. Trish’s Date Returns OK, I just went off on one angle, and here we are with another one that I could rip apart for blowing a good opportunity. See, Trish’s Boyfriend got booed something fierce last week, and again, this week. So, the guy plays face when he should be playing heel. Which would have saved me from the bad acting and worse writing later. The guy should have been like “ OK, but we have to be quick, Trish will be back soon!” when Mickie came onto him. Fans would have loved it. It would have been great for Trish, and better for Mickie. That uncertainty factor can work wonders, but now we know that Mickie is “Just Plain Nuts”. Sigh, I knew it was coming, but I held onto hope for as long as I could. It was good, and now it’s over. Oh well. Edge vs Cena w/ Mick Foley as Ref I really liked the earlier segment, Shows what two guys who know how to work with each other can make it happen. Nice product placement as well by Foley. So, here we are, Edge vs Cena, AGAIN. Was the match good? Yes, as working for weeks straight against the same guy makes for good matches. Did I care, no, not really. I already thought Cena would win, and well, that lowered the match. And Cena won. So that’s that. Smackdown Recap Info courtesy of Chad Matthews I don’t remember how the show started, but I think we got a match right off the bat. Rey vs Sylvan I put the tape in, hit play, and then went about my business. I paid attention to the start, saw/heard Sylvan come out, and promptly lost interest. So, I have no idea how the match was. Rey won, and then Randy came out and said some stuff, and we went to commercial. Rey and Angle, Best Buds Rey is backstage with Kurt, and I started paying attention. Kurt gave Rey a pep talk, and said that Rey can do anything, and that Rey is deserving, and that Kurt is really looking forward to facing Rey at Wrestlemania for His World Title. Or something like that. Mark Henry showed up and had trouble reading the cue cards. Shake it off Mark. OJ Speaks and Wevv Sleeps OJ was talking about something, and I don’t think it was about his boy and girl friend. Boogey Man came out, and did his worm thing. You know, I didn’t think it was possible to make a bad Boogey Man segment (Now stop laughing), as I always find something to laugh at, but not this time. Is the magic gone? Could be, could be, or it could be OJ. Hey, at least you're still wearing pants OJ. Cruiserweights Ahoy! Everyone, and I mean all the cruiserweights, are talking about Sugar Shane, who walks right past them and taunts them. He’s got a match. Who could it be? Helms vs Scotty 2 Hotty Eh, a basic match. Some good moves, but not spectacular. No worries there, but could have been better. Helms wins, and then the Cruisers Attack! Everyone gets to hit a cool move on Helms, except Scotty, who does the Worm. Yep, it’s four years later. Captain Jack Burchill Interview time, and there’s Krystal, who gets replaced by a Cheesehead. Who insults Burchill, who only says one word the whole time. “Ello”. Kennedy verbally attacks, and Burchill pulls out his sword and suddenly the Cheesehead thinks the idea is great. You know what, a solid bit. JBL and Fit Finley vs Lashley and Benoit Booker T joins us on commentary, and did a pretty outstanding job. He lost it at the end, and started to mess up, but he was solid most of the time. I like Booker on commentary, and there’s a guy who should guest host Byte This, oh, wait… Good, solid match. Great work from all involved and we also get to see where the ideas for the H and Big Show match came from, as JBL and Finley work over Benoit’s hand. Some great come backs in this match as well. Finely is just solid, and I’d love to see Finely and Benoit go one on one again, with plenty of time given to the match. In the nick of time, as Booker was losing it, he got up and whacked Benoit with a chair, and revealed that he’s ready to come back. JBL picks up the win. Nice. Very nice. Matt Hardy Gets TV Time After Hardy squashes Simon Dean, Hardy is in back with Melina and says he’ll find a partner and take on MNM. The early rumors floating around said it was going to be Animal. Poor Matt. Then it got worse. Tatanka. Sweet Jesus. So, who is going to get to feed off Matt’s popularity and justify hiring these old goofs in the first place? I have no idea, but I do have a suggestion. Whatever Basham is on Smackdown. I honestly have no idea, and no intention of looking it up. But the guy has been invisible. A former tag champion, just sitting there doing nothing. So bring him out and make a character out of him. Good luck Matt. I hope it works out. Angle and Taker vs MNM and Mark Henry You know, every once in a while, WWE has a good handicap match. This was one of them. Just a treat to watch. Excellent work from everyone. Even though it was ten minutes of entrance and about a minute from when Taker set foot in the ring to when he took off his hat, it worked. Built the intensity. Nice. The name of the game was one –up, as Taker and Angle both sought to outdo the other in who could dish out the most damage. Mark Henry was the wild card, and the pity is that it was the Tag Team Champion being thrown around, but thankfully, that fact can be overlooked this time. Doesn’t excuse last week, but this time, it’s OK for me. Seriously, the lack of Tag development is getting to be a gigantic problem. Stop gap measures aren’t working. Honest to goodness tag teams need to be developed. Now, where was I? Oh yes. A good match. Angle’s new style of Ankle Lock is impressive. Taker doing the Tombstone on Mark was just insane. From the visual look, to the fact that Taker lifted up Mark and dropped him on his head. Dangerous move. Very dangerous. Mark’s got some smart lawyers you know, or at least Satan Incarnate for an agent. Ten years people. Paid. So Smackdown decided to scale back the Rey and Orton stuff and focus on the rest of the card. The show was good, and it paid off. No Way Out won’t get my money, but it looks like a better show than it did a week ago. Raw, well, they messed up two big angles, and the rest of the show was in a holding pattern. There is the Tournament, but that was scaled back to fit in the Sports Entertainment Crap. Still a while to go until Wrestlemania, keep that in mind Raw writers. Kane’s House It’s a frantic time in the neighborhood. Valentine’s day is here. Pink hearts adorn windows in houses, up and down the lane. Save a few. In one house a door flies open and a very large man runs out. Big Show: Valentine’s Day! Oh crap! I forgot to get Joy a present! She’s going to kill me! Gotta get something! OK, keys, check, wallet…wallet…damn, where’s my wallet?!? Bossman! That son of a-no time! Need money now! Big Show runs across the front of Kane’s house to Bossman’s house, but trips over a hole. He tumbles into the mud, and grabs his shin, but only spends a few minutes nursing it, as he gets up and limps over to Bossman’s house. He knocks on the door furiously. Bossman opens the door, and is wearing a night vision headset. Bossman: Hey Show, what happened to you? Big Show: Bossman, I know you stole my wallet, and I need it back now! Bossman: I have no idea what you’re- Big Show: Come on BM! I need to buy Joy a gift for Valentine’s Day! Now give me my wallet back! Bossman: Honest, I don’t have it! Big Show: Fine! Then can I borrow a couple of bucks? Bossman just laughs at Big Show. Big Show: Crap! OK, who can I borrow money from? There’s only one person I can think of… Big Show takes a deep breath, and starts over to Kane’s House. Bossman, still chuckling, follows him. Big Show carefully moves around the various holes across the front yard, and knocks on Kane’s door. Kane: WHAT?!?! Oh, hi Big Show, Bossman, what can I do for you? Big Show: Hi Kane, listen, this is awkward, but I was wondering if I could borrow some money. See, I forgot to get Joy a Valentine’s Day present and she’ll kill me if I don’t bring her something. Bossman: I don’t know why you go through all that hassle. I’m telling you, say you love her with a photo. A NAKED photo! Big Show: Shut up Bossman! So Kane, can I borrow a few bucks? I’ll pay you back. Kane: Sure! Hey, you mind if I go with you? I’ve been trying to think of something nice to get Lita. Big Show: Sure. No problem. We gotta hurry though. Kane goes back inside and comes out a few minutes later, while an anxious Big Show paces and mutters to himself. Big Show: Chocolates? Nah, too predictable. A nice card? Nah, she deserves more than just a card. Bossman: I’m telling you, naked pictures! You can’t go wrong with naked pictures! Kane: Here you go Show. Big Show: Thanks Kane! Now come on! Time is running out! Bossman: Pictures only take a few minutes to develop! Big Show: Shut up Bossman! I’m not giving Joy naked pictures! Big Show runs off, while Kane and Bossman walk after him. Kane: Your idea intrigues me Bossman, and I would like to hear more… Later at the Hallmark Store Big Show is looking over the aisles of cards, candles and knick knacks, while Bossman and Kane wander behind him. Kane has a cell phone out, and is showing Bossman something on it. Kane: How about this one? Bossman: Nah, too wimpy. What do you think Show? Show: I don’t think balloons will do it. Huh? What? Kane shoves his phone in Big Show’s face. It takes a second for it to sink in what Show is seeing. Show: What the? Put that away! I’m trying to think here! Kane: OK, I’ll be back in a second. A sales person walks up to the group. Maria: Can I help you with something? Kane: What do you think of this picture? Big Show: Kane! NO! Um, yes miss, I’m trying to pick out something for my girlfriend, but can’t seem to find the right thing. Can you suggest something? Kane: And where is your bathroom? Maria: Uh, down the aisle over there. Have you seen our selection of collectables? They’re right over here. A Few Minutes Later Big Show: I like these candles, but I think I need something more. Kane: Hey Bossman, what about this one? Kane holds up his phone, so that everyone can see. Maria: What is that? Big Show: Sweet Mercy! Kane! Put that away! Bossman: Better, but still not hot enough. Here, take a few of these candles to set the mood. Kane: Good idea! Lita likes fire! FILTHY WHORE! Kane wanders off again. Big Show distracts Maria with a question. Big Show: You know what, can I see your stuffed animals? Later: Kane comes back as Big Show and Maria are having fun with cute stuffed animals. Kane: Here, how about this one? Maria: Oh my GOD! Big Show: COVER YOUR EYES! KANE! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!? Stop that! I’m terribly sorry Maria, he doesn’t understand… Bossman:Now, that’s HOT! But you need to show your tender side. (Bossman checks and sees that Show has turned Maria’s back to them and distracted her with a stuffed elephant.) Here, take this! This one will be a keeper! Go get ‘em Romeo! Kane wanders back to the bathroom. Later: Big Show: I think that will be all for today! Thanks Maria! Bossman! Where are you? Oh, there you are. Where’s Kane? What have you two been up to? Kane comes back, and he’s smiling. He’s holding out his cell phone. Kane: I think this is the one! Big Show: Sweet Mother of God… Maria: What are you doing with that teddy bear? Big Show: Don’t look! Think happy thoughts! Kane! Bossman! Outside! Now! Here, keep the change! Thanks! Big Show grabs Kane and Bossman, and shoves them towards the door. He grabs up his packages and follows. Big Show: Well, there’s another store I can never set foot in again! Thanks guys! Kane: What did I do? What do think of this picture? Big Show: What are you doing to that teddy bear? How did you..? nevermind. Let’s go. Before they call the cops. Bossman: Now that is HOT! Oh yeah! Send her that one Kane! Man, she’s gonna love it! Across town… In Edge’s Apartment Over the blaring of Warrant’s “Cherry Pie”, a ringing is heard. Lita emerges from under a pile of blankets, sweaty, and flushed. Edge’s head pokes out a second later. Edge: Is it your husband? The Big red Freak? Wondering where his little wifey has gone to on Valentine’s Day? Tell him you’re getting Speared by the Real Cupid! Lita: It’s him all right! Let’s see what the retard wants! Hey, it’s a picture… She looks on stunned. Edge crawls over and looks at her phone. He looks puzzled as well. Then suddenly- Lita: EWWWW!!!! Edge: What is it? What the….well, that just killed my boner. Happy Late Valentine’s Day! Over-Analyzing Wrestling Today’s Topic: Brett Hart and The Hall Of Fame Brett Hart has agreed to take part in the WWE Hall Of Fame ceremony this year. I had a lot of thoughts when I heard this. Most of them grim. When I first started watching wrestling, over two decades ago, in my early teens, I knew almost nothing about the sport. Different feds, angles, history, nothing. But I knew who I liked. And I liked the Hart Foundation. Bret Hart was cool. He had the good nickname “Hitman”, he stood out in the ring against the rest of the guys. He wasn’t Hogan, he wasn’t Piper, he wasn’t Koko B Ware. He was Bret “The Hitman” Hart. I have good memories of Bret. When I got back into wrestling in the late Nineties, after big gap of years, I was shocked to hear what happened to him at Survivor Series. How could Vince do that? Was it real? Yes, I was older, but still a mark. Something I had learned about, but it had been a long time since I paid attention to wrestling. Now, one of my childhood favorites had just gotten screwed over. I went about learning what I could. I was still new to the Internet, and when the thought crossed my mind, “ I wonder if there’s any websites about wrestling?”, well the world opened up to me. It was Montreal, and Mike Tyson that brought me back to wrestling. Oh, the irony of it, Kevin Nash on a WCKG radio talk show, that I forget the name of, but it was s show that didn’t usually have guest, and this was a surprise. Kev was cool on the show, but once I learned more about him, well, the guy can get paid, that’s all I’ll say. For now. I borrowed tapes of the show, not having cable. I started paying attention to wrestling, and hooked up with an old friend of mine, and began a nightly ritual that has lasted almost ten years. Watching wrestling. I asked questions. I learned. I began to be a fan again. In my quest, I read and believed just about every rumor I came across. I was now a smark. Well, 90%mark and 10% rational, thinking being. I knew the matches were scripted, in who wins and who loses, and than they weren’t really fighting, but doing “stunts”, but this was a whole new kayfabe to me. Still, I didn’t like what happened to Brett. That was uncool. That was not right. I saw “Wrestling With Shadows” as that was a big topic at the time. I felt compassion for Brett. I felt his pain. I sympathized with Brett and I still do. Nearly ten years later and I’ve changed since those early days when I used to stay up later and watch wrestling, now caring what company was giving me wrestling. WCCW, UWF, and NWA, and WWE, were all the same to me, only the characters were different. I liked NWA better, as those guys did some great matches. But WWE was just as cool, though in a different way. They had some great characters and more skits. Nearly ten years later, and I’ve learned a lot more about wrestling, as a business, and as a sport. I’m no insider though. Just a guy who’s been watching the business for years. After studying and working in the entertainment industry, my appreciation for wrestling has grown. But one opinion hasn’t changed. After nearly ten years, it’s a topic that won’t go away, and is a critical piece of history. Vince fucked over Brett Hart. I’ve written about HBK’s part n it. I’ve written about Vince’s part in it Hell. I’ve even written about why Brett Hart shouldn’t come back to WWE. Period. But now, it’s going to happen. Brett Hart will appear at a WWE event. It’s not a ring. It’s a stage. It’s not a show, it’s a ceremony. There are differences, but still. It’s WWE. It’s Vince. And we all know that Vince just can’t help himself. Vince has been obsessed with Brett Hart. His motives and plans are unknown. Maybe he does want to make amends. Maybe he wants to screw Brett again, thinking it will break the cycle and make his company hot again. It worked once before, though it wasn’t the plan, it was a spark. Brett Hart appearing at the Hall Of Fame Ceremony is a historic event. Now, that doesn’t mean that it will make national headlines, or that millions of fans will magically start watching wrestling. History sometimes goes unnoticed by the masses. WWE may not make a single dime off of Brett Hart being there. Now, it could all change. Brett could back out, Vince could have another episode, and the whole deal could fall apart. But on the chance that is does hold together, well, I’m thinking nothing good will come of it. So, I’m dreading it. Brett seems to have moved on. After all he’s been through, I’m happy for him. Brett has some serious physical problems and the one thing I most definitely don’t want to see, if Brett Hart wrestling. I have my memories and they’re good enough for me. I can thin back to the good days and be happy. I can run out and pick up the DVD if I want more. Or scout around on the torrents and download it and save my money. Either way works for me. I don’t want an angle out of this. Just for Brett to say his piece and go home. Away from Vince and his craziness. Away from the backstage politicians who want to feed off this event to further themselves. There are still vultures in WWE. There is still a Klique. And they gots the power. They can fuck this up beyond belief. And don’t think they don’t want to. It’s a once in lifetime opportunity. You can talk about what a big deal Superstar Billy Graham coming back to WWE is, but the business was nowhere the size it was in the 80’s. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a Superstar match. And I’m old. Hogan and Bischoff? Nothing. Hogan and Bischoff? Nothing. The Brett Hart incident changed the wrestling landscape. The events leading up to the incident were crucial. The aftermath earth shaking. And it won’t happen again. Screwing Brett Hart again will accomplish nothing. It won’t. People expect it. They’re looking for it. And not eagerly. All I’m hoping for is closure. An end to the tragedy that happened nearly ten years ago. It wasn’t the worst, and it may not have been the beginning, but it’s the first and nearly biggest milestone. An ending. Bittersweet no doubt, but an ending nonetheless. Well, that’s it for today. Time for plugs and that’s it. QUICK PLUGS! LOP Forums! LOP Columns Forum The PWA, best E-Fed on the net, period. DVD Fanatic, the Ultimate DVD Resource Feeling Creative? Check out The Project Until next Time, Thanks For Readin’ and Thanks For Ridin’ Wevv Mang mrwevv@mac.com *NEW GALLERY* New AMAZING Candid Photos of Karen Angle on BLTS! WOW!
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