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Submitted by Wevv Mang on Sunday, February 5, 2006 at 4:40 PM EST
Ridin’ With The Bossman – Sex, Lies, and Vince Greetings! Welcome to another edition of Ridin’ With The Bossman, the column also known as Mark Henry’s Best Friend. Well, back on track, and thanks for the feedback folks. I actually got to read it this time, and believe it or not, I DID reply! Miracles of Miracles! This week, we have a lot of TV to cover, and some tasty news bits, and much more. So, let’s jump right into it. WWE TV – The Series Royal Rumble Recap Info courtesy of Carl Walsh, King Of Recappers LIVE! From Miami Florida, it’s the 2006 Royal Rumble, and NO COACH! WHOOT! Cruiserweight Battle Royal Funaki vs Jamie Noble vs Kid Kash vs Little Guido vs Paul London vs Sugar Shane Helms Yep, Gregory Helms jumped from Raw to Smackdown, and now, two guy sin a row have come over from Raw and won belts in their first match. Ooops, sorry, didn’t mean to spoil it for you, but if you saw the show, I bet you thought he was going to be winning it, and you were right. Great match though, and I was more surprised by Jamie showing up. First time I’ve seen him on TV, though he may have been on Velocity. Match Notes: Brutal spot with the top rope neckbreaker. I thought London was seriously hurt, but he got back up. And poor Funaki has to do the job, but I hope he gets in on the title hunt action. Vince sends Teddy home Thanks for coming Teddy, but you’re not welcome. Chick looks hot, and I do enjoy the number drawing for the Rumble. Usually some good stuff, and this year, well, it was good as well. Randy and H, nice work. Oh, and you mean being #1 is not a good thing? I could have sworn two years ago, two guys were fighting over that spot, and not just midcarders, but main eventers. Huh, I don’t think either won though. Mickie James vs Ashley Nice match. It was. Some blown spots, but a fun match, and Mickie earlier said she loved Trish. Nice. Not in a perverted kind of way, but it was well done in execution. Mickie has some serious acting talent. That Savat kick is awesome. Mickie wins, and Trish makes the count, and it looks like good things are on the horizon. Vince likes Tattoos The chicks all have tattoos apparently. So does Big Show, but Vince doesn’t want to see his. Rey then comes in, and says Eddie got him. He got #2, and H got #1 by the way. JBL vs Boogey Man It was one goofy match. JBL pushed Lillian into the way of Boogey to start things off. He pulled some worms from his pants, and chewed them, then drooled all over Jillian. Tangent: That’s right OVW Divas! You too could get in on some WWE action like this! Get those titties bigger, a W cup is preferred (For wheelbarrow) and your dreams could come true! Tangent 2: Jillian is taking it like a trooper however. First the mole, now worms, and she gives a solid performance. Boogey Man won. Vince and Momma This time, Momma is hot for Vince, but he keeps his pants on. Melina comes in and Shelton tries to get some, but Momma blocks him. Royal Rumble Wait, it’s not the main event? Huh. Wonder when the last time that was. Some highlights Rey and H stayed in till the end. Both guys worked their asses off. Nice job. SHANE O’MAC IS BACK! Excellent! Big Show vs Kane? Not yet, but nice tease. Tatanka, Eugene, and Goldust were the surprise entrants. Tatanka stayed in a long time. Lashely squared off against Kane and Big Show. It was good. It’s easy to forget that Show is a big guy, and doesn’t move like smaller guys (Which is everyone). Lashley tried to shoulder toss Show, but he didn’t go over, more like through. Still, Kane and Lashley was cool. RVD came in, and was solid. He worked with Rey and it was like old times. For a while, there were a steady number of guys in the ring, like 11 or so. One would go out after another came in, but the number was about the same for a good ten minutes or so. I kept expecting some guy to come in and clean house, but it didn’t happen. I think the most guys one person eliminated was 3. Final Four: Orton, H, Rey, and RVD Rey took out H. Nice, and a real surprise that Rey made it. Weirder still to me, is the sudden push of Eddie tributes. After pissing on his grave so to speak, the mood has changed and now it’s a good thing. A little too much of a good thing, but it’s still there, and is theoretically going to carry through the next two months, to Wrestlemania. I’m just not sure it has the legs to get there. John Cena vs Edge WWE Championship Match Cena won. Strange, but true. Edge was a transitional champ, and I’ll have more thoughts on this later. Kurt Angle vs Mark Henry World Heavyweight Championship A solid match. Yep, another solid Mark Henry match. Kurt Angle used heel tactics, but was cheered as a face. And it made sense. Mark has been booked as an unstoppable monster, and to win, Kurt needed to use every trick at his disposal. Daviari tried to stop Kurt, but was nailed with the chair. Angle nailed Henry, but the big guy was still standing. Exposed turnbuckle shot later, and Angle kept his belt. Nice. The Undertaker He returned form his vacation, looking well rested, and it was all out for him. Druids, a chariot, special effects (which I suspect were digitally added. No wire and liquid for this one, as the lines looked really jagged). He pointed at Kurt, and the truly amazing thing happened. Kurt didn’t run away! HE DIDN’T RUN AWAY! The show went off the air, but Kurt was still in the ring. The ring did collapse, so maybe he didn’t have time to run away, but he was still in the ring. Overall, a very solid Rumble. Some good bits, some solid matches, and a surprise winner in the Rumble, well, at least to me. Looks like Rey’s PPV losing streak is really over. Think about this. The last three guys on the show. One of these things is not like the other. Mark Henry, Undertaker, and Kurt Angle. It was also a PPV where H didn’t bleed. When was the last time that happened? So, a good PPV, well worth the money. What will Raw do to screw it up? Raw Recap info provided by Carl “Recapping Machine” Walsh Edge Speaks Edge ain't happy. He’s going to get that title back. Nice. Vince NOW we get Vince, because Vince is in charge. Vince says he screwed HBK. Vince then says he’s got power and he’s going to use it. He can do anything! HBK then comes out, and says he’s a good Christian (main theme of the bit) and that he’d like to kick Vince’s ass, and he’s screwed worse than Brett Hart (subplot). HBK then looks like he’s about to attack Vince when Shane runs in and lays out HBK with a chair. Tangent: I like it when WWE uses the chair as a weapon. It’s a solid foreign object, makes a loud noise, and is not lethal. That’s the key to me. You know it’s going to hurt and do damage, but not going to cripple some one. Like a blow to the head with a sledgehammer or what have you. Now, in real life, you clock some one with a chair, you could kill them, but in WWE’s world, it’s been done enough that the fans know it’s not permanent, but when they see it, there’s a good chance of said user winning. And there’s plenty of ways to use the steel chair. Tangent 2: So, HBK really was a pill popping party machine? Why Shane, Why? It’s about respect. Brett Hart learned it. Stone Cold learned it, and now, so has HBK. Vince and HBK vs Hogan and Cena, Special Guest Ref: Shane. May PPV, Shane vs HBK. RVD vs Snitsky First match back on Raw, and Rob gets Snitsky. And it wasn’t bad. Once Rob started moving around, it was pretty good. End saw the Five Star Frogsplash, and the win for RVD. Mama and Goldust Very nice. Goldust sneaks up on Mama. Great stuff. Like back in the days of Bookdust. Still some creepiness to work out, but hey, a Raw without creepy is like a day without rain, and we’re up to 110 days rain free in Phoenix. Maria and H H cuts a solid promo, telling folks he lasted through 29 other men, and that Rey beating him was a fluke. He then goes off on an anti-Eddie rant. He then finishes solidly, saying Chavo better pray, because he’s going to need all the help he can get. Chavo vs H Good match. Lots of support for Chavo, and H does let him get some offense in, and actually works a match with Chavo. H still wins. Carlito and Masters, Best Buds Something happened with Shaq, but I don’t know what. Something with a ta-da, chair. Masters ignores him, and brings up the fact that Carlito has screwed him twice now. See a pattern? Carlito says that tonight they can become Tag Team Champions, and they should work together. Carlito and Masters vs Kane and Big Show Solid match, and Carlito is ready to move on to the next level. That guy has really developed. Masters got the Master lock on Kane, and on Big Show. End saw a sudden reversal of fortunes, as Carlito and Masters were in control, but Kane came in, and kicked Masters in the face, and double chokeslam for the pin. RVD Speaks and Mickie does too. RVD does a good job. Mickie is damn good as a crazy chick. Vicki has been crazy before, but Mickie has it down pat. It’s only taken about 20 chicks to get the gimmick right. Shelton vs Goldust Mama threw a shoe. Shelton picks up the win. Not bad at all. Trish Stratus Love Fest Very amusing. Trish still hasn’t gotten to say more than one sentence. Ashley came in, and Mickie attacked her. Nice ‘She’s a Psycho!” chant. Trish pulls Mickie off of Ashley, and we end the segment with meaningful looks. I’m digging it. Edge vs Cena Another solid match with a surprise ending. Lita ran in and hit Edge with the title belt, causing Cena to be DQ’d and Edge to get the win, but not the title. Very nice. Well, I’ll be. Another solid show. Two, back to back, and no complaints. Can this trend continue? Smackdown usually is the weak link. Let’s find out. Smackdown Teddy Teddy gets to open the show. He mentions a match for No Way Out, which is in two weeks, of Angle vs Undertaker. I wonder how that will go. I really do. After the show, I’m not sure. Teddy then brings out Rey, who has to be the super happy face, with the big smile, and everything. Randy comes out and ends the Eddie love fest, and says he can beat Rey, and that Rey can’t beat him. Randy challenges Rey to a match at No Way Out for the Number One Contendership. MNM vs Mexicools Really good match. Faced paced, with a nice variety of highflying spots, and some solid mat based. Good pacing too, as a slower start to a flashy finish worked well. Melina got involved, getting a leg scissors on Psychosis mid match. She runs in at the end, hitting Super Crazy with her boot, knocking him to the mat, and Mercury gets the pin. JBL Exposes the Business What is going on? First H, now Bradshaw. JBL says he shouldn’t be in the ring to make rookies look good, or put them over. Basically, it’s Bradshaw complaining about losing to Boogey Man. Well, make those house show appearances, and all will be well. Bobby Lashley vs the Dicks Huh? It’s not a tag match? Anyhoo, quick squash match, and then JBL decks Bobby. Undertaker Speaks Undertaker shows up and says that Angle has what he wants, which is the Title. Interesting. Angle then shows up and gets in taker’s face. No running away and crying. No pussing out. Right there, come and get it. Finally. I kept waiting for the squash, and it never came. Taker says at No Way Out, Angle will rest in peace. Lights went out, and still Angle didn’t run away. Cole and Tazz tried to make it seem like Angle was scared, but I saw something else. I didn’t see a freaked out Angle, I saw an Angle who was READY. Oh, yes. Midgets You know, I was dreading this, and was instead pleasantly surprised. Tzuki and Octagoncito put on a good show. Solid wrestling, solid action, and the required comedy spot didn’t distract from the match at all. I do think the heel was the guy getting cheered, but eh, who cares. It was fun. Kennedy and Benoit, Best Buds Nice bit. Very nice. Kennedy asks Benoit what it’s like to face another substitute, and Benoit just smacks him, and Kennedy sells. Very nice, and it looked like both guys were having fun with it. Cool. Benoit vs Fit Finlay When I heard it was Finlay, I thought, this is going to be good. And it was. Finlay has the skills. Short bout, with a screwjob ending, but that’s OK. It’s a solid PPV rematch. Stiff shots, and good groundwork. Finlay picks up the win when Sharmell hits Benoit with Booker’s crutch. Tangent: I’d send Finlay to OVW again. Not as punishment, but as head trainer. The guy knows how to work, and the only thing going against him is his age. In OVW, he can train those guys how to wrestle, and that would be a good thing. Sure, some have some skills, but with all the big goofs WWE has signed, who have nothing, Finlay is a good guy to teach them, as he can physically work with them. Sports Entertainment Krystal talks with Mark Henry and Davairi. Great promo by Daviari. Just awesome. Booker thanks Finlay and then Boogey Man shows up. Unintentional Hilarity ensues. Josh Mathews talks with Sugar Shane about winning the Cruiserweight Championship. Helms says so what is he jobbed to King, then showed up and won the belt. He’s the cruiserweight Champion. Nunzio then shows up and says he wants to be Cruiserweight Champion. Helms says he is Cruiserweight Champion and that he will defend his Cruiserweight Championship belt next week in a Cruiserweight Championship match against Nuznio. - Yes, the word Cruiserweight was thrown around a lot. But that’s a good thing. Identify the title. Helms and Nunzio did some solid work in that promo. Good job guys. More Sports Entertainment Cannon is back. Why? No idea. Teddy is still there and both are talking with Regal and Burchill. They want to go their separate ways. Burchill wants to be a Pirate. Yes, that’s right, a pirate. BWAH-HAHA! Go right ahead. I can see it now. Boogey man vs Pirate Man. Swashbuckling On Smackdown. You know, it’s goofy enough to work. Mark Henry and Randy Orton vs Kurt Angle and Rey Mysterio Solid to start with, then gets bogged down in sports entertainment. When the actual match was going on, good stuff. The ending is what was lame. Angle chases off Davairi, and Mark Henry follows, leaving it Rey vs Randy. Randy wins, and says Rey can’t beat him. He also bashes Eddie. So, Rey gets pissed and puts his title shot on the line. For the PPV. I thought Smackdown was a really solid show. Nothing really dragged it down, and it kept pace the whole show. Some parts were not good, as I don’t get the Eddie bashing. But then again, Rey is profiting from it, even though he doesn’t need it. He’s over enough to get to this level on his own. So, we got a week of good shows. Amazing. It really is. Usually, one seems to sink into the crapper, but Smackdown and Raw were good, and coming off the Rumble that’s a good thing. One reason, I guess, is that Undertaker is back. And pissed. And also has to make up for a lot. Sure, he got the hepatitis scare, but the locker room can say “Welcome to our world. Still backing management?” to which he would reply yes. But quietly, he needs the locker room support. He really does. So, Angle for the world title. Interesting. It’s already been a very different program, as Angle hasn’t run away, and he shouldn’t. Taker and Angle are like equals, and that means something new, and something, hopefully, good. And hopefully, Taker loses. He’s going to taking time off after No Way Out, the tickets are already booked, and there’s a big UFC fight that weekend, so yeah, he’ll be gone until Wrestlemania. Everything else is looking good. Some nice angle development, so excellent wrestling, and WWE looks on track for Wrestlemania. Which is eight weeks away. A long time to go. And the schedule looks brutal. Smackdown just had a show in the Thailand, on Thursday, and today is in Japan. Then, later this month, Raw heads to the Philippines (Raw). Beginning of March, Smackdown goes to Australia. Then in April after WM, the crews head overseas again, for a long European tour. Eight solid days of shows. Both brands. One other thing to mention, the fact that Cena got the belt back, after a strong, if short run by Edge. I don’t have a problem with Edge losing. See, Edge has shown that he can run with the belt. N other words, Edge is a good champion. It wasn’t the skits that made him a champion, though they did help. It was Edge the character. Now that he’s no longer champion, well, we can have the heel chase the face. Only this time, the heel is stronger than the face, but not the champion. It’s a good angle. And yes, Edge should get the belt back. Most definitely. And for the record, a heel vs heel match for the title would be just fine with me. One guy will get cheered, and that’s no big deal. It doesn’t mean he has to turn face, it’s just fans enjoying something good, and that’s not a bad thing. It’s a good thing. You know what that means? Plane rides. Lots of them. And with locker room morale low, and the biggest show of the year looming on the horizon, and creative showing it’s vindictive side (Orlando going bisexual, for an incident way back when involving a member of creative and gay porn, JBL no-showing), Johnny Ace on the outs (Undertaker is not happy with that guy, you can bank on that), and Vince having trouble, which we will get to in a bit, well, it’s a recipe for some good gossip. And hijinks. Plenty of hijinks. Over-Analyzing Wrestling Today’s Topic: Living Dead Rey Mysterio won the Royal Rumble. With Help. Chavo is getting TV time. With help. From Above. Eddie Guerrero is back again. Not in the flesh, but apparently in spirit, as both Chavo and Rey are getting pushes based on their ties to Eddie. Or so it seems. It was only a few short weeks after the death of Eddie that WWE decided to do a controversial angle, where Orton destroyed a low rider, and went into his feud with Taker. Now, the flip side seems to be coming into play, as WWE has changed their minds and now is saying Eddie is helping his friends on TV from beyond the grave. It makes sense in a way. It could have been a good angle, to dedicate a big win to a lost friend or relative. Dedicating a game or a win has become a kind of tradition, intended to honor the memory. The Royal Rumble was a good choice to pull the trigger on the positive. It gave Rey’s win a level of meaning beyond breaking the glass ceiling. In Chavo’s case, it does raise his profile, but when you’re not winning, well, it changes the dynamic. Yet the flip side is coming through, as heels try to get heat off the angle. Degrading the memory of Eddie. It’s a heel thing to do, but there’s a subtle way to do it, and well, WWE has never been subtle. And that’s my problem. WWE has already pissed on Eddie once, and that was shortly after his death. Now, that a fan favorite in Rey Mysterio is rising to the top, it would be very easy to knock him down. The fact that Rey is getting pushed, based on his friendship with Eddie is what bugs me. It makes Rey less. You see, Rey has all the skills to go the distance. But to get there, it takes Divine Intervention. Eddie wasn’t in the ring throwing guys over the top rope. In fact, based on Rey’s matches going in, he shouldn’t have won at all. He jobbed to mark Henry Twice. No, Rey deserves to be the Number One Contender on his own. You see, it’s a groundbreaking event that’s happened. WWE has always been biased towards size and look. Rey is a small guy. Rey is also Latino, and well, to say there isn’t a bias against that would be false. But it’s over and done. Rey did it. But the premise that Rey couldn’t do it on his own, that it took an “Angels In the Outfield” type of scenario is just not good. Because it takes away from Rey’s accomplishment in my opinion. You can’t have a match against a dead guy. No matter how much you insult him, he isn’t coming back. And I really don’t want a second coming of Eddie. I’d rather have the first appearance of Rey Mysterio as Champion. There is still a strong and loyal fanbase for Eddie. They keep the memory alive. The ‘Eddie” chants are still strong. But, trying to replace Eddie with some one else? Nothing wrong with tributes, but sequels rarely do as well as the first run movie. Unless the first is an homage to the second, and even then, it’s risky. I’m sure that Eddie wouldn’t have minded his name being used to help push Rey over the top to main event status, being the sole factor for Rey’s win? No. Eddie seemed like a humble guy and would probably have been happy for Rey winning, not his role in determining the outcome. My real fear in all this? That when the squash starts, that WWE will go overboard. It’s a habit with them, and well, the dead can’t fight back. The locker room couldn’t stop the fight travesty, and that was a stronger case than doing it months later. Now, there’s just about nothing that could be done, except watch it happen, and that’s not something to look forward to. One last news item to cover, and then it’s Superbowl Time! Controversy once again surrounds the Royal Rumble In a bizarre story from today's Palm Beach Post, a tanning attendant from the Boca Raton, FL tanning salon has claimed that Vince McMahon groped her during a session late Sunday night, which would have been after the Royal Rumble PPV.? The tanning attendant claims McMahon made un-welcome advances and groped here. This was after he allegedly showed her naked photos of himself from his cellphone.? ?Vince McMahon hasn't commented on the accusation yet, but his wife and daughter both have. Linda McMahon cites the story and the allegations as "totally bizarre" while Stephanie added she was aware her father was at the salon "the other night," but nothing else.? A police report on the incident is expected this week according to two Boca Raton police sources. With regard to the allegations, no charges have been made as investigations continue. That’s from the front page. It gets better. An update on the Vince McMahon harassment story in the Sun-Sentinel says that the alleged incident took place Saturday, not Sunday. Previous reports listed the alleged events as having taken place on Sunday, which, as reported, was impossible according to WWE sources.? ?McMahon was, in fact, at the Tanzabar salon Saturday, but one customer who was present is confident that he is not guilty of the allegations.? ?"He was nothing but a gentleman. He shook my hand three times," Kelly McMahon (not related) said Wednesday. "He showed no signs of coming on to [ the employee ]. He was talking to me. She was trying to interrupt our conversation."? ?Police will have to talk to McMahon before determining whether there exists enough evidence to file charges.” So, Vince went to a tanning salon, and next thing you know, he’s whipping out a cell phone and showing nude pictures of himself to some chick. And the groping, who can forget the groping. Is this story real? You know, I don’t know. The scary thing is, I don’t think anyone is putting it past Vince to do something like this. The guy is weird. I also find it weird that Vince, who made $45 million in three months, off his stock in WWE alone, not counting his pay for on-air, his pay for being President, and so on, has to go to a tanning salon, when he’s going to be back in Stamford in two days. Or that he couldn’t have gone to one through the hotel he was staying at. I’m sure they had a tanning salon. Vince is rich, and he ain’t staying at a Motel 6. But, there are facts missing that I would like to know. Like who he went with to the tanning salon, because you know he didn’t go alone. I have trouble seeing Vince driving himself anywhere. So, there’s more to the story that I’m interested in finding our. And the big question is: Will Vince make an angle out of this? I’m betting the answer will be yes. And I’m also betting it won’t be good. Only thing to do is wait and see what happens. Poor Shaun. Vince, keep your pants on and your hands to yourself. And don’t take legal advice from Ric. QUICK PLUGS! LOP Forums! LOP Columns Forum The PWA, best E-Fed on the net, period. DVD Fanatic, the Ultimate DVD Resource Feeling Creative? Check out The Project That’s it for today, Thanks For Readin’ and Thanks For Ridin’ Go Seahawks! Wevv Mang mrwevv@mac.com *NEW GALLERY* New AMAZING Candid Photos of Karen Angle on BLTS! WOW!
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