The Wrath of Tito - WWE Royal Rumble review and grade
Submitted by Mr. Tito on Monday, January 30, 2006 at 1:29 AM EST
Welcome to the post-Royal Rumble edition of the Wrath of Tito. I have to work early in the morning, so let's get right into the review!
Royal Rumble is Tito
Interesting set up for the Rumble. I liked the Castle theme. Why not crown the Royal Rumble winner with royalty? Give them a crown and septor for winning the damn thing. Why not? Production costs were WAY up for this event, as John Cena's entrance, especially, had to cost a bundle. And for what? I personally thought an alien ship was about to land, but here it was Cena's entrance. I'll probably forget about it the next day. Then, you had Undertaker's special effects. Whatever. Welcome to 2006, Undertaker and WWE. Those supernatural tricks won't "wow" the current wrestling audience. In fact, they didn't "wow" the mid-1990's audience or else the WWE wouldn't have had problems selling places out or eventually losing to WCW. I did like the entrance, though, and the royalty them should be kept... just go a bit easier on Stephanie's eye shadow for next year's ads.
The Rumble started off with a 6 way Cruiserweight match between champion Kid Kash, Gregory Helms, Nunzio, Funaki, Jamie Noble, and Paul London. Some nice spots hit throughout the match, but nothing in the way of psychology. I can remember when Cruiserweight matches featuring Dean Malenko were every bit as entertaining as the Luchador matches. Helms was the surprise entry and I do like his new look. Adding the beard seems to have added a more mature touch to his character and he seems to have gained some weight. Nice to have him as Cruiserweight champion with that being said... At least Helms is getting some respect by winning this match and who knows, maybe he's what the Cruiserweight division needs for people to care? Nah...
Funny stuff with the backstage segments of Vince McMahon and Torrie/Candice Michelle/Victoria making the drawings. Lots of funny sexual jokes... I wonder how Linda McMahon lives with that man! I still remember, quite fondly, of Eddie Guerrero switching numbers with Ric Flair. Damn, that was hilarious. Some nice RAW and Smackdown interaction...
The next match was Ashley vs. Mickie James. Before the match, Mickie told special guest referee Trish Stratus that she loved Trish. Ohhh, the drama! GET ASHLEY OUT OF THE RING or GIVE HER MORE TRAINING. Damn, that poor girl was pathetic in the ring. She hit a few nice spots, but when she was trying to hit a flurry of offense, it wasn't happening. The finish was devastating, but a tad bit blown. Again, Ashley should be a hot diva cheering on at ringside and NOT a wrestler. Let Mickie, Victoria, and Trish handle those duties, as well as the many other females who are getting called up soon. Ashley, Candice Michelle, and Torrie Wilson are NOT wrestlers and should be treated as such. Mickie James won the match and tried to hug Trish often afterward. Nicely done on that, though, for Mickie is going to flip her lid and lead to a hot Trish vs. Mickie James match for Wrestlemania 22. Works for me...
Next match was John Bradshaw Layfield vs. Boogeyman. Several who were in the room with me and weren't wrestling fans were laughing very hard at the Boogeyman. Stupid, stupid gimmick... Ohhhhhh, I eat worms! That says so much as a draw! This match sucked and I wonder if the WWE is actually punishing JBL, still, for the ECW One Night Stand attack on the Blue Meanie. JBL is a main eventer and should be treated as such. Boogeyman's gimmick will forever restrict him to the midcard and he shouldn't be even in JBL's class. However, this is the WWE booking and Boogeyman beat him handily with the pumphandle slam. The quick win shocked/baffled me.
I was SHOCKED that the Royal Rumble wasn't the main event. SHOCKED! Given what was the main event, maybe the WWE should have reconsidered their decision. Nice that Michael Cole got the Royal Rumble calling job this year along with Jerry Lawler. Good announcing overall, given that Coach was in the Rumble so that led to the RAW team of Lawler/Joey Styles. Again, it's amazing how well that team sounds without Coach. Why can't the McMahons even notice that? I do miss the Jim Ross/Tazz teams that have usually called the Rumbles in recent times... ANYWAY, HHH was #1 and Rey Mysterio was #2. Both lasted throughout the entire thing until the very end. Mysterio played up the underdog role very well. Randy Orton drew #30 and your final four was HHH, Mysterio, RVD, and Orton. RVD had a nice return and was very over by the fans. I figure Carlito vs. RVD will be a hot feud and I'd push that for Wrestlemania. However, he was eliminated and HHH, Orton, and Mysterio were the final 3. Orton & HHH teamed up, but it wasn't meant to be by HHH. However, HHH attacked Mysterio afterward in anger and Orton thought he had Mysterio won. However, Mysterio reversed a slam attempt over the ropes for Rey-Rey to become the 2006 Royal Rumble winner.
Now, I've heard the internet rumors that Randy Orton will probably defeat Rey Mysterio for the #1 Contendership... but I suggest this: Why not Rey Mysterio? I've got the guts to suggest that I wouldn't mind having Rey Mysterio as World Champion. The guy has the offense to defeat any wrestler at any given time. He's put up great wars against the likes of Angle and defeated the late Eddie Guerrero multiple times. If he's going for the World Title, I believe many fans would tune in to see that. If a small guy can win the World Title, then what says that any fan out there couldn't achieve a major accomplishment of their own? He's a much more marketable champion than Randy Orton and that's for DAMN sure. Rey Mysterio vs. Kurt Angle at Wrestlemania 22 would be a great match. Why not? I figure that the WWE wants to do Mysterio vs. Orton for the next Smackdown PPV, let Orton win the title at Wrestlemania, and then maybe revisit the Mysterio vs. Orton feud thereafter. Orton still isn't title-ready yet, but whatever. Just throw money away...
As for the Rumble match as a whole, I thought it was a bit down. Just seemed like it had a lack of superstars. When you're forced to put out Sylvain Grenier, Coach, Orlando Jordan, and a few others, while excluding those who wrestled in the main events, it just seems a bit watered down. The Mysterio drama was nice, but that's about it. A bunch of good wrestlers were eliminated quickly. How about last year when you had Benoit and Angle teaming up to systematically destroy everybody who walked in? Then, you had the World's Greatest Tag Team (Haas and Benjamin) reuniting for some great moves. By the way, if the WWE is to bring back Charlie Haas, this would have been a perfect time for that. Tatanka looked good and had some very hard chops. I wonder if Goldust is getting another run? Dustin Rhodes is a great worker, but is never taken seriously. This year just seemed to be a bit weaker in preparation, surprises, and superstars... Still a fun match, but not as good as previous years.
Edge vs. John Cena was decent at best. The John Cena entrance was a bit too much... Watching this match, I just wasn't convinced that either guy had those intangibles to be World Title contenders or champions. It just didn't have that main event feel to it. John Cena, once again, received a mix of cheers (little kids) and boos (adults). That problem HAS to be addressed or it could be a rough Wrestlemania. I figure Triple H will now step in for John Cena vs. Triple H at Wrestlemania, for HHH will show John Cena who is the master of the RAW brand. I still see the possibility of Edge vs. Cena vs. HHH, a triple threat, happening. Whatever may be booked, I can guarantee that HHH will be crowned champion at Wrestlemania 22. I guarantee it! Afterward, Edge wasn't thrilled to be interviewed and the oddest use of Hacksaw Jim Duggan was then employed. Did they fly him in for that one scene?
Ohhhhh boy, Kurt Angle vs. Mark Henry was the main event. You could see the people filing out for this pile of crap. Seriously, folks... Mark Henry signed a 10 year, $10 million contract in 1996 before he completely buckled in the Olympics that year. He's had TEN YEARS to develop as a wrestler. Has he even lived up to that? No. Not only is he not durable (thanks to his weight problem), but he's a weak, weak performer. He can't even execute power moves correctly and that's supposed to be his specialty. Send the guy home and let him collect paychecks until his contract runs out. He's been the biggest bust ever in the history of pro wrestling and I won't be sad to see him go. Yeah, I hate to see people losing their jobs, but he just collected $10 million for not being entertaining, whatsoever. This match sucked and it was all Henry. Angle tried his very best, but it's hard to wrestle a guy who isn't even one-tenth your speed. Angle won the match after being forced to cheat against a lousy wrestler with the exposed middle turnbuckle. Sad, sad, sad... Afterward, the Undertaker came out and did some magic tricks to signify he has returned. Oh joy, Angle gets to attempt to carry another stiff. I guess Angle and Undertaker have wanted to do a program for a while now. At this time, I'd rather see Angle vs. Undertaker at Wrestlemania instead of Mark Henry vs. Undertaker, which is the current goal.
Royal Rumble LAST WORD: An off year for what's usually one of the top WWE shows. Some good Wrestlemania stuff is being worked, but the match quality this year just wasn't there. The Title matches disappointed and the Rumble match just lacked that drama/star power that the last many Rumbles have had. It goes to show you how the 2005 cuts and the booking of this show (having the main events after the Rumble) have hurt the line-up for the Rumble. Good for Rey Mysterio, who "won it for Eddie", and the Cruiserweight battle wasn't bad. Otherwise, I wish I had 3 hands so that I could give this show 3 thumbs down. [ D+ ] for this year's show. Better luck next year. Suggestion: make the Rumble match as the main event for next year and every year thereafter.
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