The Wrath of Tito - Royal Rumble predictions and reader questions answered
Submitted by Mr. Tito on Saturday, January 28, 2006 at 2:56 PM EST
Here we go, Tito, here we go... Tito's gonna write a Wrath of Tito, here we go! Pretty funny to hear Collin Cowherd on ESPN radio mocking the Steeler fight songs. All I gotta say is you just HAVE to live in Pittsburgh to get it. Oh no, I admitted to listing to Cowherd, the guy who said he didn't care about Eddie Guerrero's death! Oh no, the hatemail is gonna explode! I still see angst against Cowherd for his comments. But why? He's not a wrestling fan and his point was he shouldn't be covering pro wrestling on a sports radio show. His comments about dying wrestlers is something that shouldn't be a surprise. Many of the wrestling deaths of the last 10 years HAVE IN FACT been from side-effects of steroid or drug use. So get off the guy and enjoy his show. It's one of those "love to disagree with" kind of things, like this column...
Give ESPN their props, though, because they did air Shaq's confrontation with Carlito...
But anyway, it's ROYAL RUMBLE WEEKEND, suckers! I am PUMPED UP for the Royal Rumble match itself. Good Rumble story... Pre-dating my debut as Mr. Tito, I used to watch Pay Per Views at a buddy's house while in high school. He had a nice cable descrambler and we watched all of the Pay Per Views. That's right, there's the secret to my mid 1990's knowledge. But anyway, I believe it was the 1996 Royal Rumble... My brother being a HUGE WCW fan at the time, he was all pumped up about Vader entering the Royal Rumble at that time. Vader left WCW in some sort of contractual dispute and was thought to be a huge free agent signing by the WWE (it would have been if they disciplined him for his weight, not washing his tights, and being too stiff in the ring). My brother marked out and declared that Vader was going to win the Rumble. Well, everybody and their mother knew that Shawn Michaels was on the big babyface push and all of the dirtsheets at the time suggested it would be Michaels vs. Hart at Wrestlemania 12.
So, someone took up my brother up on the bet and he lost an easy $5 to $10 on that match. Fun times watching those Pay Per Views. Many times, the matches would get so bad that we'd entertain ourselves by beating the living crap out of each other. Many no-disqualification matches occurred there, and for some reason, plastic bottles of soda seemed the weapon of choice. Great characters would come over... One guy loved the whole Dave Sullivan storyline and his name was also Dave. He wanted to be called "Evad" in honor of that, given how Dave Sullivan was so crazy that he said and spelled names backwards. And I know my cousin is reading this column, so I'll share with you another good story. The guy that held the Pay Per Views was a tough, tough guy... high school wrestler and multi-letter man athlete. So during a boring match, my cousin and that guy "wrestled". All I can say is a DDT on car keys, a DDT on a footstool, and a DDT on the carpet with braces getting stuck later... Ah, those were the days.
Oh, getting back to the Royal Rumble... I wouldn't call it an "epic card" this year, however, by any means. Here's what we have:
-Royal Rumble match
-Edge vs. John Cena
-Kurt Angle vs. Mark Henry
-The Boogeyman vs. John Bradshaw Layfield
-Mickie James vs. Ashley with Trish as the referee
The Royal Rumble Match should be a good one, as usual. It's easily the best sports-type match that the WWE has. For this year, it seems obvious that Randy Orton is winning the Rumble and will go on to Wrestlemania for Main Event Push #2. Yikes! If RAW happens to get a taste, my money is on Triple H, for SURE! Say what you want about HHH's politics backstage as a co-owner of the company, but he's put over Chris Benoit and Batista at the last 2 Wrestlemanias. He put over Undertaker at Wrestlemania 17. Yes, he destroyed Jericho at 18 and Booker T at 19 as well as retaining the title in 16 (very rare that a champion survives at Wrestlemania, history has shown). BUT, he went out of his way to put Benoit over cleanly and gave Batista a string of victories in 2005 (though I'd argue he hogged his spotlight somewhat, but he STILL lost the matches). My thinking is that HHH is winning the title at Wrestlemania, no matter what. My Prediction: Orton to win it, but if not, Triple H. Orton, in my opinion, needs the big win more than HHH. HHH is already established as a guy who can take the title at any time.
Edge vs. John Cena HAS to deliver. Both guys are in need of a big bump to help prove in the McMahon/HHH eyes that they are main event worthy. They need a good match like John Cena vs. Chris Jericho actually delivered (though Jericho left shortly thereafter). I worry about Edge still recovering from some in-ring injuries and that's my reasoning why John Cena will win the title back. Cena vs. HHH at Wrestlemania will be MONEY and a match to watch. WWE purposely keeps the two away from each other in the storylines in order to hype that match. DO NOT RULE OUT a Triple Threat match at Wrestlemania between Cena, Edge, and Triple H. I am almost certain that match will happen. My Prediction: John Cena to win the title back. If Edge wins, I can almost guarantee that Orton will win the Royal Rumble and that there will be a Triple Threat between HHH, Cena, and Edge. The booking would be like HHH and Cena fighting over the #1 contendership and both somehow get it for Wrestlemania.
Kurt Angle vs. Mark Henry is almost laughable... wait, it IS laughable. WWE always feels that they must justify the investment. Mark Henry signed a 10 year, $10 million contract to be in the WWE in 1996. This is the same guy who LOST in the Olympics, despite getting lots of hype to win it. Crazy. In addition, he lost that World's Strongest Man competition by a longshot, correct? What a loser and an utter, total failure in the WWE. Working hard is not in Mark Henry's vocabulary, as his weight helps cause the many injuries and his in-ring ability has never improved. Folks, he's had almost 10 years to get decent and he's not even that. Oh hamburgers, I just realized that 10 years just flew by. In 1996, the NWO debuted during the summer and WCW set the world on fire. Holy cow, it's been that long? I would LAUGH if they actually made Mark Henry as the World Champion and then Undertaker vs. Mark Henry (scheduled for Wrestlemania 22, don't laugh) would be for a title. Oh, that would be hilarious. I'll make the assumption that the WWE wants Angle to drop the title to Orton at Wrestlemania, which could potentially be a great match. Prediction: Kurt Angle. I'll have the gun nearby if Henry actually wins this match.
Boogeyman vs. John Bradshaw Layfield makes me laugh on paper. I'm anticipating the pre-match package to show how these two began feuding... Here's a way to improve Boogeyman's image: Get White Zombie's cover of the KC & the Sunshine Band's famous sing, "I'm Your Boogie Man". I know several ECW wrestlers have used it, but so what? If you're ashamed to use that, then go for AC/DC's "Boogie Man" from their Ballbreaker CD. WWE has good relations with both Rob Zombie and AC/DC from their music work over the years (I absolutely love Highway to Hell being used for one of the Summerslams), so why not pay a very small chunk of change? I'm sure both would LOVE those obscure songs (neither were big hits for each band) to be used. Hell, if I were any band in America, I'd beg the WWE to use their obscure or non-hit songs as Entrance Music. Why? Because if a fan hears that song on a wrestling show, they'll to I-Tunes and download that sucker! WWE could potentially tap into a big deal with some major artists or labels. Oh, this match? Prediction: JBL.
Mickie James vs. Ashley... I wouldn't be surprised if Trish Stratus turned on Ashley and joined Mickie James, maybe in a lesbian lover storyline. Don't be surprised if that happens. The storylines suggest that Trish is more friendly to Ashley and is unsure of how possessive that Mickie is. It could be a trick. My main problem, however, is that the Women's division has Victoria/Candice Michelle/Torrie Wilson as heels. That's a big roadblock in making Trish, STILL the Women's champion, as a heel. I'll go out on a limb and say that Mickie James loses this match on a fluke pin and attacks Trish afterward for making the count. In the back of my head, though, I'm suggesting that Trish might turn heel on Ashley. Don't doubt it! Prediction: Ashley
And there you have it... My predictions... Now go to THIS LINK and look how hideous Stephanie McMahon looks in that picture. Yikes!
Phat Mail
Again, my email is getting clobbered, so I'll answer some emails here. It's kinda fun...
I do want to say THANK YOU for all of the best wishes sent. I announced my "retirement" as the Wrestlemania 23 column for 2007. In addition, thanks to all of the readers for their congrats on my recent engagement. Very much appreciated. I have a great reader base that I appreciate VERY, VERY much. I'll give you my best until my retirement.
With a few Royal Rumble surprise slots open, what do you think are the odds of Tatanka?
The odds are VERY good that he'll show up for the Rumble. He's been working a lot of houseshows lately and it would be the perfect time to pull the trigger. He looks to be in excellent shape and moving just as fast as he did during his earlier WWF days. Good call.
Do you think that The Rock will make a surprise return this Sunday at Royal Rumble considering MCMahon Said "I guarendamntee" it to HBK, Looks like a Rock vs. HBK wrestlemania match would look nice? Oh I will be there Sunday so I will try to send comments to the show to you.
Thanks to this reader for his nice comments, in addition to his question. I would say NO CHANCE IN HELL to quote Vince McMahon. If Rock is to be returning to the WWE, both insider wrestling sources AND insider Hollywood sources would have reported it. Rock's a Hollywood star now, though his movies could do a tad better. Hollywood would be buzzing of Rock's WWE return in some tabloid and the likes of many insider sources would have heard it from a wrestler leak.
Sure, I'd love to see the Rock enter the Rumble. I'd love to see him back on a regular basis. But the fact is that the WWE doesn't want him back for an occasional appearance. Despite Rock's starpower, it's either full time or no time in the WWE. Why do you think someone the caliber of Sting never gets signed by the WWE, especially after how bad Goldberg, Nash, and Hall all failed to increase business from their limited schedules? In addition, the WWE won't give Rock any creative powers like they do for Hulk Hogan. For instance, Rock opened discussions about wrestling Sting at Wrestlemania a few years ago. WWE wouldn't even hear it. Though I can see their side for thinking Sting's a WCW guy and he didn't deserve to wrestle on WWE's biggest show, fans would have went bonkers for that match and it would have been a great match, too.
Hey man, you said you've never seen any Samoa Joe. Would you like me to mail you a DVD or so of his? I find it a true crime that you've been deprived of Samoa Joe action. Most notably, Joe vs. Kobashi from ROH.
Man, people absolutely love that Samoa Joe vs. Kobashi match... I get this ALL THE TIME, especially since Ring of Honor opened. This, in addition to many people wanting to get me watching New Japan or All Japan wrestling. Me, I'm lazy. I don't feel the need to dig for wrestling tapes. I just don't have the time and my DVD/tape collection doesn't need to expand any further with wrestling stuff. I have an entire shelf on my DVD collection that's all wrestling stuff.
My oddball thinking is if the wrestling is great, it will eventually make it onto national television. Most of the best Indy guys have either showed up on WWE or TNA at some point within the last 3 years. With TNA, it's a matter of presenting a good, overall product to get me to watch more often. Samoa Joe impressed me and I will watch more TNA to keep up with him (though I can't stand Jeff Jarrett).
I just don't feel like digging for pro wrestling. "Oh, but that means you're not a hardcore fan." Oh please. I've watched almost every Monday Night RAW since it started and watch every Prime Time Wrestling shows before it became RAW. Never missed a Royal Rumble, Wrestlemania, or Summerslam. Loyal WCW fan, even during the incredibly lousy years. Watched ECW whenever I could get it, even though I thought half of it was tacky (come on, Justin Credible as World Champion?). I've been to many live shows whenever the big guys have come around AND I've been very loyal to the local independent federations in my area (even to the point of helping them out, mostly for free).
If someone were to give me a link where great matches are, I might consider it (I'm on a Cable modem now). At the same time, I don't like watching wrestling from my computer. But I'll repeat my point and stance on wrestling: if the wrestling is good, it will get on National Television. A great wrestling sensation can never say no to getting bigtime television exposure.
I've just recently gotten back into following wrestling full time. I was watching the Undertaker DVD and noticed the obvious size difference between masked Kane and the current Kane. There is no way that those are the same guy. Is it?
It's him. It's always been Glen Jacobs, the same guy behind the Isaac Yankem DDS gimmick and the Fake Diesel. When they made him Kane, they needed him as tall as the Undertaker and thick, muscle wise, to be imposing on his brother, the Undertaker. What many people don't know is that Kane had lifts put into the soles of his boots. He's probably 2 inches shorter than what his character looks like. In addition, they had him hit the weights, bigtime, to look vicious.
Somewhere in 1999 or 2000, the WWE got on a big healthy kick to have some of their wrestlers get in better shape. I can remember Jacobs sort of letting loose on his muscular frame a big and developed a spare tire (or a gut). However, once the WWE got on their health kick, Jacobs took hold of the new policy and shed a lot of weight. The tearing of his bicep, I believe, made him drop even more weight when he returned (usually, backing too much muscle creates too much strain on your body, especially doing something physical like football and wrestling). It's still the same guy... Just look at how Kane wrestles if you don't believe me. His style has never changed.
Here is a picture of Jacobs well before he was Kane (with Al Snow, oddly enough). You can see the resemblance in the face and the arms.
I'm curious as to why you claim that the UFC sucks?
After reading some of your earlier columns, you come off as having a minimal at best knowledge of MMA (I remember you printing "Hoyce Gracie"), so why the bashing? If you say UFC sucks so bad, why has Kurt Angle said that knowing what he knows now, he would've chose the UFC contract he was offered when he first signed with WWE? UFC doesn't suck. It's different, and comparing it to pro wrestling is the exact same criticism that wrestling fans have had to deal with because "it's fake."
Because it's the most repetitive thing out there and buyrates/ratings show that. The fact that it's actually real might be the part that kills this competition. It's boring. I've seen enough legit punches that the shock of a hard hit no longer intriges me, and seeing two guys playing grabass on the ground in hopes of slapping on a submission hold is boring. You can't even follow the competition. All it takes is a slight injury from the previous match and that competitor is finished. I've seen some of the most pathetic upsets in UFC (like when substitutes walk in and win the competition) because of this stupidity.
Numbers and buyrates continue to drop for UFC. It gains interest for a short time, but soon drops. Spike TV is being made aware of that as we speak.
As for Angle, he's a competitive guy and he won an Olympic medal. He's competitive and he would have thrived in UFC. He's hungry for more accomplishments in real life, for if you remember, pro wrestling championships are determined by bookers and NOT competition. The thrill Angle gets out of the WWE is putting on the absolute best match. That's as close as he can get to winning a championship somewhere like UFC or the Olympics. Getting nods for Match of the Year is what drives Angle in the WWE. That's just the way Angle is and filling up the trophy case is what he's mainly concerned with.
Enjoy the Royal Rumble, kiddies.
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