|
|
|
|
|
Submitted by Wevv Mang on Sunday, December 11, 2005 at 9:37 PM EST
Ridin’ With The Bossman – Shane McMahon Equals Ratings Greetings! Welcome to another edition of Ridin’ With The Bossman! What Vince is reading behind closed doors. Well, so much once again for an audio column. It will get done. It’s just that the clock is ticking for my vacation, and well, things gotta get done. Also, my voice is shot from the both the lingering effects of my cold and the price we pay for weather in Phoenix. Forecast for today? Cloudy, high in the 70’s and an air pollution warning. Roughly 52 days since it last rained and cleared out the dust and crap in the air. What is this, LA? I could have sworn it was Phoenix. But enough about the weather. My last column got a ton of feedback and for that I thank you. So, we got a lot to talk about today. Let’s get right to it, shall we? WWE TV – The Series Raw Recap courtesy of Carl Walsh Last week, it was announced that Eric would be fired if he failed in his goals. In fact, the last line of the show was “It’s time to take out the trash.” So, this show opens with: Garbage Truck Of DOOM! Yep, a garbage truck, driven by Vince. I should have known then. Heavy Machinery is always a bad omen. Vince calls out Bischoff, and announces that there is going to be a trial. Eric’s defense will be headed by Coach. His prosecution by Mick Foley. Mick then goes on and states how Eric announced the end to his championship match. So, the group leaves the arena, leaving the garbage truck. Yay. Twenty minutes of my life gone. - At this point, I turned off the TV. I did tape the show, but I couldn’t get past the pain enough to watch without the gift of fast forward. In the opening segment, WWE went back over old history, that has been mentioned plenty of times on the show. Heard it all before. You see, by pissing on Eric for things he’s done on the show previously, things they told him to do, things WWE thought was a great idea, well, it was their idea wasn’t it? It didn’t work the first time, so it gets trotted out again and again. Eric is a great character. He just hasn’t been used well. There have been moments, but they were few and far between. -I tuned in to see Shane. Not a trial. I can already see where this is going. - Bet those folks who got aisle seats are really happy to have a huge truck parked next to them. - Masters looks like he should be on the cover of a porn magazine. GAY porn. Big Show and Kane vs The Other Tag Teams And the magic number is four. There are only four tag teams left, and two of them are thrown together. Big Show and Kane beat them all in short order, in a pretty good match. Kane and Show got to show off their size and power. Some nice moves. End was a triple choke slam, which was cool to see. Shane? Nope, we get Steph instead. Go away Steph. Where’s your brother? You run him off the show already? We get a clip from 2002 (2002?!?! COME ON!). Steph acts outraged. Yeah, like she was a great GM. HAH! Mickie James vs Victoria A solid match. All the chicks looked hot. Torrie and Candace came out with Vicki, and Trish, looking really hot, and I mean HOT! Came out with Mickie. Excellent match. And you know what? The women’s division has some great talent. Sure, Torrie and Candace aren’t the best wrestlers, but they have shown some skill, and they have improved. Nice action in the ring. Mickie got some moves. End was a little messed up, as the head of Candace’s wand went flying but Vicki, a real pro, ended it quickly. So quick, you’re not sure what happened. Nicely done, and no sarcasm on that. That was the way to do it. - My only complaint? I don’t like dogs that are more fashion accessory than actual pet. A dog should be bigger than a cat. And I hate poodles. -That savat kick is pretty sweet. - Nice post match ending as well, as now Mickie gave Trish a look. Heh, this is getting interesting. Shane? Nope, it’s Tajiri! TAJIRI! Hey, long time no see! Nice bit with Tajiri. He gets a match with H. -Tajiri, best of luck to you man. In case you didn’t know, Tajiri will be leaving WWE to go back to Japan. Buddy, you were always great to watch, and you skits were some highlights of the show. I wish you well. I know I’d love to read the book you’re rumored to be writing. Not because I think you’ll dish dirt, but I’d love to hear about your time in WWE from your perspective. A Japanese wrestler in America. That’s some good reading. Shane? AAAARRRGGGGHHHHH! OLD BROADS! FAST FORWARD! FAST FORWARD! Shelton and HBK, Best Buds Phew. Never thought I’d be glad for commercial breaks. HBK and Shelton will be teaming up tonight and HBK gives a pep talk to Shelton. Yep, last year, Shelton was rolling. What happened? You jobbed to HBK, that’s what. Who then lost. Now, it looks like HBK is trying to fix his mistake. Good for him. -You know, I’m not a fan of HBK. I doubt I ever will be. The guy just bugs the crap out of me. But this year, well, he’s really done a great job on Raw. I have gained a lot of respect for HBK. I’ll still bust on him, as I don’t think I can help myself. Chavo vs Lance Cade Eh, it was a quick match and Chavo can do better. Folks want to support Chavo, but if he has no direction, well, it won’t last long. Too bad the IC title has dropped off the face of the earth. Shane? Nope, it’s Daivari. Who can speak English. He says he supports Bischoff. Vince then says that he’s completely insane, as he was listening to Ashley Simpson, and she really sucks, but he downloaded the song and put it on his iPod, so that he can listen to a crappy song. Oh yeah, good writing on that one. It gets better. Vince says that they will take a break, and Mick gets all excited and opens a lunch box and digs out a moon pie and some RC. He eats like a fat pig. Yeah, good job on that. Cutting Edge It’s not like every other show WWE has put on! This one is different! It’s got Edge! It’s got Lita! It’s got furniture! Yep. Completely different. Tonight’s guest? Ric Flair. Who no shows. So, instead Michael Hayes and Sgt Slaughter come out. They tell Edge he has to end the segment. Edge goes nuts. Hayes goes nuts. Yeah, guaranteed days off. Like Taker? He’s gotten what? Four months off? And then Edge brings up Terry Gordy. Who’s dead. OOH! Controversy! Slaughter and Hayes get beat up. Hey Mike, But, if I stayed here with you girl, Things just couldn’t be the same. Cause I’m as free as a bird now, And this bird you’ll never change. And this bird you can not change. Lord knows, I can’t change. Lord help me, I can’t change. Bring back any memories Mikey? Man, that was some wedding. H vs Tajiri A squash match. H beats the crap out of Tajiri, picking and choosing what to sell. Shane! Damn. No Shane. Coach calls Simon Dean, but we get Boogey Man instead. Who has a worm coming out of his nose. OK WWE, I’ll explain it to you. I found the fact that Boogey Man keeps worms in his pants funny. Not the worms themselves. I find the use of them disgusting. As in channel changing disgusting. Show and H, Best Buds Show puts H in his place again. Nice. This could be really good. Except for the fact that it’s H, and that means bad things for Show. Like getting his head shaved, shot with tranquilizer darts kind of bad. SHANE! COME BACK SHANE! Foley calls his final witness. Hot Chick Maria. She asks that Mr. Socko ask her the questions. Mr. Socko shows up, and Maria talks normally, and intelligently. Oh, and at some point Masters was thrown out as bailiff. After he got up on the bench and danced for Vince. Or so I hear. Anyhoo, back to normality. Maria leaves, after she walks past everyone, and down the aisle, and then we get to see her turn around and come back. Look, it was nice to watch her go, but there’s better ways than that. But honestly, I should expect logic in these skits? My brain hurts. Dammit! Where’s Shane?!?! Shelton Benjamin and HBK vs Carlito and Angle Really good match, and man they needed one about now. Some great work in this match. Finish saw Shelton get over-excited and go for a cross body, which Carlito reversed into a pin. HBK tried to console Shelton, but Shelton brushed him off. I think good things can come from this. PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, LET IT BE SHANE! DAMMIT! No Shane, as we get Vince and Steph instead for crying out loud. GET OFF MY TV STEPH! Thank God there’s only a few minutes left. Vince runs into H, who says keep Bischoff. Vince then introduces H to Steph. Oh, you got balls WWE. IS IT OVER YET? No. Vince starts rambling and Cena comes out. Cena tries to rile up the crowd, but fails. He asks the crowd if Bischoff should be kept. They say no. Vince then asks the crowd, and they say no. Bischoff is fired. Cena beats him up. Vince throws him in the garbage truck. Yes, the truck has been there all night long. Show ends. No Shane. Fuckers. I’d like to wrap up the review for Raw by saying this. Jericho, you’re a genius. Smackdown Recap courtesy of Chad Matthews The theme for tonight? Backpedalling. JBL Speaks JBL has a bandage over his eye. He rants on about how he didn’t leave Mysterio last week. He then rips off his eye patch. Aw, and here I was looking forward to a new Pirate type JBL. ARGH MATEY! Bradshaw vs Mysterio Nice match. Back and forth, but Rey sets up the 619, and Orlando runs in for the save. Looks like a beat down for Rey, but Batista makes the save. Orlando and JBL runs off with Mole Chick who was looking really good until they got a shot of that mess glued to her face. Teddy heads off JBL’s escape and make s match for later tonight. Orton Changes His Diaper He’s going to speak out tonight! And when we get back from commercial, he does! He begs Undertaker to stop it! He doesn’t call out Undertaker, though it kinda of sounds like that, he never says “COME OUT HERE AND FACE ME!”. He just says “STOP IT! I CAN’T TAKE IT! PLEASE STOP! PRETTY PLEASE WITH SUGAR ON TOP!” So, Undertaker’s response? Messing up Randy’s music, which says to me that he’s in the production truck. But no, it’s more spooky antics from Taker. Randy cries. Welcome Krystal She goes to interview Booker T. Nicely done. Booker says he will sweep Benoit. Well, it would be a refreshing change from the textbook seven matches. Super Crazy vs Joey Pretty good match, once they got away from the WWE punch and kicks. Lots of nice moves, and lots of interference from outside. Man, it’s a hot chick bonanza this week in wrestling! Melina should wear that outfit more often. Very nice. Nice finish too, with inference countered and a clean pin for Super Crazy. Afterwards, Kid Kash runs in and helps beat up the Mexicools, as Kash focuses on Juvi. I like it. Well done. Boogey Cheese So, how totally useless is Cannon Palmer? I had forgotten he even existed until now. Instead of the Cheese Head (How bout those Packers?!? HAHAHAHAHA! Damn cheese head.) Man, Boogey Man just cracks me up. Great entrance. Smoke that pole you goofball! How about instead of worms, he has a big Bob Marley spliff? He can then blow smoke in peoples faces and they freak out. Fuckin’ VOODOO Magic, Mon! (Predator 2 reference). There ya go Shane. Now get your ass back on TV. SPOOKYNESS! Randy is biting his nails in terror, when his Dad comes in and goes all bloody on him. Randy promptly wets his pants. Booker T vs Chris Benoit Match Three in the series. And what a match. Great work gentlemen. Truly excellent. Ending saw Booker hit Benoit with a chair, Scissors kick and make the pin. Sharmell wakes up the ref and a pin is counted. Again, really nice work. Bobby Lashely vs William Regal Short and sweet, and wow, more great work. This show has put on some top notch wrestling. Herbie The Spooky Love Bug Randy is putting his bags into his car when it drives off on it’s own. HAH! Josh Mathews then appears to ask some questions, but is possessed by Undertaker. He says some more stuff, about taking a Ride. Hi Taker! How’s that vacation treating you? See any good UFC shows lately? Randy then collapses into his father’s arms and begs his daddy to make it stop. He then wets his pants again to show how really scared he is. Bradshaw and Orlando vs Rey Mysterio and Batista A solid main event that had a solid back-story. And the match had, you guessed it, solid work. Batista bomb, and it’s over. Smackdown was a really good show, way better than Raw. Actual, honest to goodness thought was put into this show, and it paid off big time. The Undertaker stuff was actually a good way to go. If it had happened before you made Randy Orton into Little Randy Pissy Pants. Of course it’s much too late to try and make this angle credible. But it shows that if they had given it a chance, it would have worked. Maybe. We still all know how it’s going to end. Randy loses. You see, I too have mystical powers! Behold the Future! Undertaker sticks around until the Feb PPV, where he will “die” again while in reality he’s on a month long vacation, and then he returns for WM, where he will be rewarded for not being on TV and squashing talent, but staying with the company and taking their money for doing nothing with a win at WM so that his streak can continue. Undertaker will then take the rest of the month off, maybe showing up on clips, or walking down to the ring, but not actually wrestling. He will then take off two months, and show up in time for Summerslam, where he will wrestle a match or two, and then vanish for another two months, while still being the focus of a major angle. He will then show up in September, or maybe October, where he will be pushed and “die” before making another return for Survivor Series. All in all, you’ll get maybe seven Undertaker matches. But he will be paid roughly a million (probably more) for all his “hard work”. I have spoken! Yes, Undertaker is likely one of the few earning in the neighborhood of a million per year. He’s been there that long. So, let’s have fun with math shall we? Let’s say that his contract pays Undertaker $750,000 to wrestle on TV and on PPV’s. That’s just what he gets paid flat out, not including gates, etc, or house shows. Just to wrestle on TV. He’s had 15 matches on TV and PPV. That equals $50,000 per match. The Divas Search contest lasted oh, about eight weeks, give or take. The winner got $250,000 for the last one. That’s about $31,000 for each week. For more than one chick. For a segment that spiked the ratings. FREE CONTRACT ADVICE TO CHRIS BENOIT Chris, don’t take less than $500,000, a heavyweight title run, and a paid month off. For stat mongers, Benoit has had 44 singles matches this year. That doesn’t include tag matches, or matches that involve more than two people. NEWS! It’s been a while since I covered the news and there’s a ton that’s happened in the last few weeks. So, I’ll just briefly skim over some headlines. Ric Flair Road Rage Not too surprising, but the timing is really bad for WWE. I was more surprised to learn about how much personal trouble he’s in, with the IRS, with his ex-wife, and so forth. You know, jail might be good for Ric. Help him get his head together and get off the road, but in a place where they can keep an eye on him. Drug Testing My biggest question is if Vince is going to be tested as well. You know, last year, he tore both quads, yet came back in record time. He’s no spring chicken you know. Shane Gets Blame For Boogey Man You mean Shane thought up this character way back in the summer? Or was the character dumped on him recently? After creative realized they had nothing for Boogey. Christy Hemme Released Bad move, really bad move. Look, they have money to hire Tatanka, Road Warrior Animal, Randy Orton’s Dad, hire a slew of midgets, offer a half million to UFC’s Mike Goldberg, trot out countless old crufters, rent all kinds of vehicles and then destroy them, but not enough for Christy? Some are saying it’s because of the upcoming drug testing. Well, Road Warrior Animal is still there. As is Masters, and countless others. Maybe she was into recreational drugs, well, Ric Flair just went berserk and he’s not fired. Christy could have made the company a lot of money, in fact she did make the company a lot of money. Playboy. But I wish her well, and don’t go to TNA Christy. I’d hate to see you hanging off of Jeff Jarrett. Lingerie Superbowl, honey. You’ll make some connections there. Connections that will help you entertainment career silly. Sting Signs with TNA It could be a good thing. It could be a bad thing. It’s an OAW all it’s own. Maybe next week. Over-Analyzing Wrestling Today’s Topic: There and Back Again I got this question from reader Sundar: Why is Under Taker not given a chance to win the Championship title these days? Is it because of his age? Then why is Ric flair holding the intercontinental championship title? Why was Kane not given any chance to face Cena or Batista and capture the championship belt? These questions got me thinking about a lot of things. Mainly the one about Undertaker not getting the title. There’s a quick answer and a longer one that touches on a lot of things. So let’s do the quick ones first. Kane wasn’t given the chance to face Batista or Cena because H hates Kane. Kane with a belt would be good and that’s not the plan. The plan is to bury him, but the fans keep supporting Kane, so he is given lots of opportunities to have his heat leached off. Kane and Lita wasn’t supposed to get over, but Kane did. Edge and Kane was to try and use the internet heat on Edge to get Edge over, only fans once again supported Kane. So Matt Hardy was brought back. He was teamed up with Big Show because he lost that Taboo Tuesday poll, and well, it was most likely supposed to be for the Creepy Gay Cowboys, but they broke them up before Kane and Show could put them over, and the fans really responded well to the two big men. And before you folks go all mental over the fact that I said H hates Kane, think of this before you write. Name one good angle that Kane has been given over the past three years. One that was actually designed to help Kane, not some one else. This tag team run doesn’t count. The jury hasn’t returned on whether this angle will help Kane. It’s helping him now, and Big Show too, but again, is it meant to, or is it just happening? They got the belt because WWE had to find something for them to do. It was a stopgap measure. It’s working now, and good things, really good things could come of it, but will they or will it turn into another crap angle. Like Kane digs up Big Show’s Daddy and brings his casket to the ring. And then drives away. And Big Show runs after it. On second thought, that would be hilarious. I still miss Bossman. That trial would have been a million times better if Bossman was still alive and part of it. Now for the other questions. Undertaker is not holding the belt because Undertaker is not an idiot. If he asked for the belt, he would get the belt. It has nothing to do with his age. Age is irrelevant to WWE. Road Warrior Animal got the Tag Belts. Ric, as you mentioned, has the IC belt. Undertaker hasn’t asked for the belt for two big reasons. Undertaker Loves Taking Paid Time Off. Undertaker is a part time wrestler. Now, he could pull an H, and just wrestle on PPV’s while he had the belt, but that would mean he would still have to show up, and work house shows, like H did. Taker may not be willing to do that. The belt needs to be represented both in the media and at shows. Why he hasn’t gotten the belt while he does his two/ three months stints, well, he would have to lose it before he left. That means that he would have to loose, and that’s not something the Undertaker likes doing. The Champion is the Scapegoat for the Brand You’ve heard about the pressure of being champion. It’s true. When the brand is doing well, and you’re the champ, you can take part of the credit. But if the brand isn’t doing well when you’re the champion, the fault lies first with you. Depending on how well you can play political games, you can shift some of the blame, but not all of it. Unless you’re H, and when you’re married to the Boss’s daughter, who also happens to be head of creative, you get a free ride. Not even JBL escaped the fall out when he was champion, and that guy is no political slouch. If Undertaker was the champion, and the ratings took a dive, Taker would get the blame. Taker is the Big Name of Smackdown. By not having the belt, he gets to dodge the bullet for such brain farts as a midget division. I think that instead of the belt, Undertaker would rather take a nice long vacation. Paid of course. That way, he can always get the big return pops. He comes in, and it’s been so long, his last feud has faded in folk’s memory. Kind of, but not the same, as Hogan does. Hogan knows that by staying off TV, he can always come back for another run. He never over stays his welcome. In and Out, and fans love him for it. Undertaker however, never really goes away. He’s in the opening graphics after all. So, in conclusion, Undertaker could have a shot any time he wanted. The belt would be his like that. But, the fact that he doesn’t want the responsibility, won’t be around that long, and so would have to loose the belt to some one else, has decided not to take it. So Undertaker is compensated for this decision, with plenty of easy squash matches, a non-stop push, and plenty of vacations. That’s it for today. No snappy outro this time, just quick plugs and away I go. PLUGS! LOP FORUMS LOP Columns Forum LOP Merchandise! LOP's very own PWA. Best E-Fed on the net. Period. Ridin' With The Bossman Audio Show DVD Fanatic, for all your DVD reviews Thanks For Readin' and Thanks For Ridin' Wevv Mang Click Here to send feedback *NEW GALLERY* Wow! Very Rare but AMAZING Natalya Neidhart Bedroom Photos!
|
|