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Submitted by Wevv Mang on Sunday, October 2, 2005 at 3:08 PM EST
Ridin’ With The Bossman – OverAnalyzing The Monday Night Wars “That column was.. as weakly written as Rob Conway’s new gimmick your unforgiven review was poor negatively driven.. and your "kill vince" thought was retarded, Vince cant be killed off, that story line is worse than the Lita's Baby storyline. Your columns are usually good, but this whole column, you sounded like a smart-ass "boooo"” Steve “I haven't watched wrestling for over a year (god knows why I still read about it sometimes), but if they started that feud I'd watch again. well, first I’d read about it happening on LoP and then I'd start watching. anyways, that's the best storyline idea i've read in 2 years. Kudos!” JW “Your column sucks. Your opinions are pretty consistent with the IWC sheep mentality of "anything the WWE does is bad" and its sickening.” Ken “Hey there, my name's XK Davis. I just read Ridin' With The Bossman: Kill Vince, and I must say that it is one of the best reads I've ever had. I've read every main page LOP column for about a year, and you've always been entertaining to me, but something about this one just touched me. I liked the Kill Vince angle, and hope that you will put more detail into how that could pan out. The "New Kilque" part was my favorite, though - I can see you spinning an entire column outta that. It was so cryptic. This could be the start of the Klique's greatest hit or their final miss, and you put it into words extremely well. Keep up the good work, even though I'll probably keep reading regardless.” XK Davis “DUDE! where the hell is Kane's House? and what's Bukake?” John Greetings! Welcome to another edition of Ridin’ With The Bossman! Now that the effects of painkillers and cold medicine have worn off, let’s see what I can pull off today. Apparently, I didn’t do too badly last time, as the feedback I’ve gotten has been polarized to say the least. An angle that sharply divides the viewers into two camps? Hmm. Keep those letters coming, as WWE wants to know what you think. Don’t believe me? Here’s what JR had to say. “It was quite the memorable day for yours truly Monday down in Waco with it being our last RAW on Spike TV and with someone on Spike’s end attempting to censor the remarks that were being said about the move to USA. The person who had the challenge of pushing the “censor button” probably needed a cold beverage after that two-hour, wild car chase. It sure seems like this matter has gotten a lot of play with the media.” -The Ross Report – 9/29/ 05 See? We’re the media now. The IWC has finally gotten some respect from WWE. Mark your calendars. BUKAKE. If you don’t know, it’s probably better that way. Some things you’re better off not knowing about. Kane’s House has been retired, but like wrestling, will probably make a return sooner than later. If you really want to know about bukake, and I DON’T recommend it, there’s a thing called Google. Try it. Let’s just move on shall we? WWE TV – The Series Raw Recap info courtesy of Carl Walsh It was the last Raw on Spike TV. The story is, Spike was worried that Vince would bad mouth them on their own network. Vince took the “high road” and said thank you to Spike and then promptly went on to mention the OTHER network they would be appearing on. Spike dumped that part. Vince expected to just come right out and say USA network. He was shocked, SHOCKED! That Spike wouldn’t let him blatantly advertise another network. Vince was mad, and when Vince gets mad about TV, the viewers suffer. Thus began a nightlong theme of King and Coach trying to figure out how long the delay was by repeating the USA networks name at every opportunity. It was childish and was a downer for this viewer. And the kicker is, it was all pointless and could have been avoided with one single five-minute phone call. “Hello Spike TV? This is Kevin Dunn. I know this is shocking and completely unexpected, but we’re going to switch networks. So, we were wondering if we could promote the other network on our show, to let out viewers know where we’ll be. Is that OK?” “Hi Kev. Yeah, we’ve known you’re going to switch networks since June. It’s not a shock to us. We’ve been planning for it since then. But, we’ve done some good business over the years, so if you can kept the mentions to a minimum, we’d appreciate it.” “ OK thanks, and I know you’re completely shocked right now, that we’re going to move, but we’ll keep the mention to a few segments, and keep it tasteful” “Hold on Kev, what kind of tasteful? You mean WWE tasteful or normal people tasteful?” “Bye Bye! Thanks again!” click. ‘KEV! Mr. Dunn! Oh crap! We’re in trouble now! Better line up the censors and fire up the delay! STAT!” See? Oh sure, Spike would have still been worried, but WWE and Spike could have left on better terms. What’s that saying in wrestling? Oh right, “Never say Never.” Back To The Show Vince talked, the crowd cheered, and then Angle came out. Angle said he deserved the spot. Vince grumbled, and it mad me wonder, what did Angle ever do to piss off Vince? Maybe Vince is a hell of an actor, but man, that seemed a little too real. Compared to Vince’s reaction when HBK showed up a few minutes later it was like night and day. Vince even danced to HBK’s music. Bottom line, we got ourselves one hell of a match for the Homecoming. A thirty-minute Iron Man match between Angle and HBK. That is friggin' sweet. Trish vs Torrie That is what I’m talking about. Some great action and some hot chicks. Excellent combination. End saw cheating and Vicki get DQ’D. But Trish and Ashley ripped off Candace’s clothes and then she did a horrible job of pretending she was embarrassed. Whatever. Bra and panties match! WHOO! Boobies! Hell yeah! Big Show vs Snitsky Street Fight Um OK. Good match and Show beat the hell out of Snitsky. He even used a kitchen sink. Funny stuff. I mean that. Flair hits on Maria Did you know that Flair is now single? He got divorced recently. But he’s still the champ. Flair In the Ring Nice work from Flair right up to the point he said that H is the greatest wrestler ever. Sweet Mary. See what I mean when I call Flair a tool? He is a tool. A tool to put over H. Cena Speaks Look, I know that Eric Bischoff isn’t a wrestler. You know that Eric Bischoff isn’t a wrestler. The homeless guy who hangs around the bus stop and drinks his own pee knows that Eric Bischoff isn’t a wrestler. The only ones who seem to NOT know that Eric Bischoff isn’t a wrestler is WWE creative. Is it payback for Bischoff firing Stone Cold by Fed Ex? Yeah, that’s much worse than firing some one by fax, or actually calling them and saying “ I hope you saved your money!”. Right Johnny Ace? Chavo vs Shelton He’s got a caddy. Whoopee. The caddy cheats for Chavo and Chavo wins by shenanigans. Chavo then drives off in his golf cart, while the caddy runs behind him. Discrimination, I say! Always trying to keep the White Man down! Edge and Lita Speak Great promo from Edge. But if I were him, I wouldn’t worry about the Money In The Bank. His ex-wife has that locked up! HA! I wonder if Edge and Stone Cold will trade ex-wife stories at Homecoming. Maybe Edge can give Stone Cold some dating tips, like when a crazy bitch points a gun at you, it’s time to break up. Anyhoo, Edge climbed a ladder and Hardy came in and tipped it over, and Edge fell awkwardly on the ring, instead of crotching himself on the ropes. Just one of those things that can happen on Live TV. Bischoff and Teddy, Best Buds Those two work well together. Eddy wants to help celebrate the homecoming (and promote a PPV) and Bischoff says no way. Vince then comes in and Teddy gets to have some Smackdown guys on Raw next week. That’s all right with me. Other Stuff Val Venis and Viscera are now a tag team, and the retard has expanded his moveset to include Jim Duggan. Poor retard. Carlito and Chris Masters vs HBK and John Cena Solid match. Nice work from HBK, Masters, and Carlito. Cena, …well, eh. See, here’s the deal with Cena. Cena knows how to sell, but his offense looks like shit. He’s got like four moves he knows how to do well, and two of them are punches. Instead of thinking up neat little things he can do before he gives a punch, trying learning a different wrestling move. Like a suplex, or a DDT. Maybe a drop kick. Something effective. Something not too flashy, but at least is an honest God move. The end of the match was Angle coming out with Bischoff and beating up Cena. HBK top a nasty fall through a table and the match was over. Brutal spot and I’m impressed HBK took the bump. I was sure it was going to be Cena. Guess I was wrong. Good show, but the constant testing of the delay made it drag, especially in the last hour. It was more than annoying at that time. But the main event delivered. Smackdown Recap info courtesy of Chad Matthews There was something weird about Smackdown. The show opened up with a travelogue of Laredo Texas, where the Smackdown taping took place. It could have been for: JBL Loves Minorities JBL came out and made fun of Illegal Immigrants. Cheap heat 101 folks. He’s latched onto Ken Kennedy, who is now done. Damn Cheesehead. JBL and Ken Kennedy.....Cheesehead vs Rey Mysterio and Hardcore Holly The best part of this match? When Hardcore and Bradshaw worked a few minutes together. Hardcore just stiffed the hell out of Bradshaw. Oh, probably not deliberately, that’s just the way he works, but after a few really stiff shots, Holly put Bradshaw in a headlock and then tagged in Rey. Holly then worked carefully after that. Noticeably so. Funny stuff. Oh, and Mole bitch was nowhere to be seen. Guess the joke has worn off. Clothesline from Hell and Holly gets pinned. Eddie and Dave, Best Buds Eddie has some food, and Dave steals it. I had horrible flashbacks to Big Show stealing Eddie’s burritos way back when. Better than that segment, but not too good. Christy vs Melina Hey! The chicks are wrestling! You know what? Christy isn’t that bad on the mic. Melina isn’t bad either. On the mic. In the ring? Well, it was rough. Then it went straight to hell, as your Tag Team Champions, STILL, ran in to save Christy. Poor Christy, saddled with those goofs. AT least she probably has Undertaker support. The bike thing you know. So who knows. Old Man Orton vs Old Man Undertaker You know, I’m not going to say anything about this. Bobby Lashley vs Jobber Well, Bobby is still green, but he’s showing fundamentals and his feud with Simon is just the thing for him. Look strong out of the box, but not shoved down our throats. Next step is to have him actually speak. Peep Show Nice segment. It was used to set up a match at No mercy, but why is Orlando in there? Man, you can’t have a guy job like that and still be in the picture. Christian vs Booker vs Benoit was solid. Now, it’s not. Hell, even Bradshaw has cut him loose, no explanation. Just out. A match was made and we have a Three Way Dance. Orlando vs Booker vs Christian Not bad, and some how Orlando wins. Not helping. Vince and Friends Vince is still peeved about the editing of Raw. Nice segment and Vince builds up Teddy, which is a good thing. Palmer is useless. Heidy and Animal vs THE Animal and Eddie Well, I was hoping that Eddie and Batista would win. But they didn’t. Nice little segment of Animal barely selling for Batista, and Eddie having to sell for Heidi. Poor Eddie. MNM ran in and good bit with Eddie framing Mercury. Some bits just work. But LOD 2005 won the match by DQ. Too bad. Now, remember when I said something strange was going on all show long? Here’s what it was. The cameras kept going to fans in the crowd and getting close ups of them. IT showed them cheering, booing whatever, and Cole kept hyping up Laredo all show long. Now, a couple of thoughts about why this was done. First, it could be that since Katrina, Smackdown had to change their travel plans, and this was a thank you to last minute replacements to those shows. Or, it could be something cleverer. A way to sell tickets to the show. See, show people having fun at the event, and for those folks sitting at home, maybe a light will click on in their heads and when WWE comes to town, this nagging thought will pop in. “Hey, those people in Laredo looked like they were having a lot of fun, I should buy tickets!”. The only problem is, you’re still going to get Heidenriech, Orlando and Mole Girl for those shows, and paying $30 for the cheapest seats isn’t worth it. Words From The Evil Internet Overlord Yes, I’m back, but I’m under protest. Damn Wevv. I’m saving my best material for your next audio show cretin! But since he bribed me with his old copy of the Christy Hemme Playboy, I’m here this week. He assures me that no pages are stuck together. Says a lot about Kristy doesn’t it? EVIL! I still got it! So, what evil should I spread today? Some juicy tidbits making their way out of TNA? Maybe I should reveal what old timer is going to come back and run with WWE for a while? No, I’ll keep those in my files. Instead, I’ll dig this out of my files. You may have heard recently, that Vince McMahon had less than kind words to say about Muhammad Hassan. He said that the character would have worked better if Hassan had taken it to the level that WWE wanted them too. But since Hassan is no longer with the company, those angles may be lost forever. Or are they? Yes, I, the EVIL INTERNET OVERLORD, know what those plans were! Painstakingly dug from the piles of trash at Titan Towers! Saved from annihilation in the shred bins! Taped back together with MILES of scotch tape! My minions (What you think I did this myself? I’m the OVERLORD!) have spent countless hours, and yeah, even their very lives! It was a love poem written by Johnny Ace to Heidenreich that killed the poor soul. You’d be amazed at how may times that man can rhyme “teabag”. But here, NOW, is what the plan was for Muhammad Hassan, TO THE EXTREME! 1) To keep Hassan a tweener, Hassan was going to have two very special interviews. JR would interview Hassan one week. During this interview, Hassan would come out and say he hates America. He then would attack and rape JR, telling him to squeal like a pig. An AMERICAN CAPITLIST PIG! Then, the following week, Coach would interview Hassan. This time, Hassan would ask Coach why he found it funny that JR was raped. Hassan would then rape Coach, while Hassan would scream that this is what it feels like to be a victim. - This angle was scrapped because WWE creative feared that Hassan raping other men would actually get him over. 2) At one point, Hassan was going to piss on an American Soldier. 3) For a finale to the Sgt. Slaughter feud, Hassan would take a dump on the American flag, and then beat Sgt Slaughter with the poo filled flag. 4) Hassan was going to rap. The hook was Hassan saying over and over again, with Daviairi doing the beat, “Fuck! Fuck! Fuck the US! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck the US!”. This angle was scrapped because they didn’t want to confuse the audience and make them think Hassan was Cena. 5) Hassan was going to stab John Cena. But John Cena was already on Raw at that time. 6) Hassan was going to dig up the founding fathers of the US and have sex with them. 7) Hassan was going to impregnate Mae Young and have her give birth to a hand. A hand that had a raised middle finger. Stone Cold called gimmick infringement, and the angle was dropped. 8) Triple H would beat Hassan ending his undefeated streak, and then instead of Allah, Hassan and Daviari would worship Triple H. WWE creative feared this would make Hassan too much of a face however, and the angle was dropped, reluctantly. There, that should tide you over until my next appearance! Now, BEGONE! I have much evil to do! After I get back from my grandma’s house. She’s EVIL! Her sugar cookies taste like cigarette ash! EVIL! Stay Evil! Only not too EVIL, as there can only be ONE EVIL INTERNET OVERLORD, and that spot is taken! BY ME! HAHAHAHAHA! Over-Analyzing Wrestling Today’s Topic: All Out War This Monday marks the return of WWE to USA. It has been hyped for weeks. In response, Spike has launched a counteroffensive, bringing their new line of programming, the Ultimate Fighter reality series and a few UFC competitions. WWE has stacked their first show, indeed, it could be said they are over killing their debut show. Three hours, a one hour or so special afterwards. UFC is scrambling to put together a card, and have run into problems. So, the war is off to a lop-sided start. At least when it comes to pro wrestling. But the Monday Night Wars is going to be bigger than just two networks fighting each other. Indeed, the Monday night Wars have been going on for years. It all started when Monday Night Football showed signs of weakness a few years ago. Ratings started to slide on a show that usually dominated on Monday Nights so much that other networks gave up on their lineups and just hoped to catch some overflow viewers. But then, things changed. The quality of games on Monday night slipped. What looked good when the schedule was put together last year, now looked like landslides or snooze fest. Ratings slipped. Other networks sensed weakness and began counter-programming. And it started working. Some networks took a gamble and it paid off. Fear Factor is Monday night hit. ABC added Dennis Miller and things got worse. ABC then tried John Madden and that didn’t help. ABC realized, too late, that the quality of the games was more important that fringe talent. By then, a good chunk of ratings was going elsewhere. “Everyone Loves Raymond” was a huge hit. The damage was done, and the once unshakable legend, MNF, was now struggling. In fact, here are the ratings from Monday 9/26/05 – Zap2it.com #1 CBS – 9.0 King of Queens – 7.1, How I met Your Mother 6.8 / Two And A Half Men 9.7, Out Of Practice 8.1 / CSI Miami 11.2 #2) ABC – 8.0 (Number subject to change due to live telecast) Wife Swap – tied with CBS / Football – 8.8 / Football – 8.0 #3) NBC – 7.6 Surface 6.1 / Las Vegas 7.9 / Medium 8.9 #4) Fox – 4.0 Arrested Development 2.7, Kitchen Confidential 2.6 / Prison Break 5.4 #5) WB 2.7 Seventh Heaven 3.4 / Just Legal – No number / #6) UPN 2.4 One On One – No # , All Of Us – No # / Girlfriends – No #, Half & Half – No # But Wevv, you may say, those are network shows! What do they have to do with Cable? I’m glad you asked. See, with more and more homes getting cable, the networks are having a harder time fighting for viewers. Also, the cable landscape has changed, since they are now having more original series, much like network TV. In fact, the rankings for the week of 9/19 to 9/25 (zap2it.com) show this. The top five shows for that week are: 1) NFL (Giants/Chargers) 6.5 2) Fox News (SR EMRG Plane Landing) 3.5 3) Nip/Tuck 3.4 4) Hannity and Colmes – 3.4 5) Larry King Live – 3.4 WWE comes in at #10 and 11 with 3.0 and a 2.9. Now for the tie in. Smackdown got a huge number just this past Friday. They got a 3.7. The top network show for that night was CBS. They got a 6.9 overall. For the hours of 7 to 9, they got numbers of 7.3 and 5.7. Those numbers aren’t out of reach for WWE. Friday is a weak night. WWE offers a viable alternative. Now that pre-emptions are winding down, WWE is growing. Mondays, things are getting worse. When football goes to cable on Mondays next year, one of WWE strongest tag lines will be gone. #1 on cable, which is now #1 on Cable on MONDAY NIGHTS. Football will take that spot. Football is now in direct competition for top cable ratings. When football made the deal, a clause was put in that games can be switched around to keep them more exciting. That was the major weakness, bad games. Now, in it’s new deal, WWE gave up it’s advertiser dollars, as they knew it was coming, and it would be harder to sell time against football for choice sponsors. Like they had so many to choose from. Now, those companies spending money on cable advertising can spend it on football. Though I don’t think that will have that much of a direct effect. No, WWE is going to focus on selling tickets, boosting gates. WWE has stacked their first show, so it’s going to do well. If it doesn’t well, then that says quite a lot about WWE creative, and WWE period. Yet the war is not just one battle. It goes beyond just one show. It’ about a season, which is to say, 6 weeks of TV roughly. Spike TV got caught up in trying to win a single night. If they had been a tad bit clever, well, they would have put TNA on against WWE. Yes, they would have lost, but the fans who will be flipping channels, and there will be a lot, would get a chance to see TNA, and have a chance to find out they were on. More hype could have been done for the UFC show, and given an extra week, made stronger. So, down the road, they would have a better chance of staying up with WWE. WWE has planned beyond this night, at least in terms of things to do. It’s a long time until Taboo Tuesday. But there are stipulations and angle waiting to be hatched. TNA has been planning for this for moths, as they did a title switch back to Jarrett off TV. I missed the show on Saturday night, but I plan to tape the repeat on Monday. Midnight is a brutal time. But you get what you pay for. But TNA has a plan. The Deadly (Dudley) Boys made a return, and they’re pissed off. Which is a good thing. UFC, well, it sounds like success is going to their heads. Not in terms of ego, but in terms of pressure. From what little I have read in the Observer, it sounds like Dana White is having a hard tie coping with success. TV is a rough game and trends can change like that. No, I really think Spike should have gone with TNA. It would have been a good way to introduce the show to the WWE fans that haven’t seen it. I think they would like it. UFC is a different animal and while it may have more star power, in terms of celebrities who back UFC, TNA has a few they could call on to appear. Hell, showing Jarrett losing the title to the fans would assure them that it’s going in a new, positive direction. Jarrett dropping the belt would be a good thing. But the war is just getting started and a mantra for war is: ‘All plans go out the window after the ballet is joined” or something to that effect. What it means is that you can plan and plan, but when the battle starts, the unexpected always happens to change the plan. That’s it for today. Quick Plugs and then I’m outta here. QUICK PLUGS! The Movie Bar! The Movie Bar Forums The Project LOP Forums! LOP Columns Forum! LOP's Very Own PWA, Best E-Fed on the net. Period. All Your DVD Review Needs can be filled at : DVDFANATIC.COM Until Next Time, Thanks For Readin' and Thanks For Ridin' Wevv Mang mrwevv@mac.com Please label all email FEEDBACK. CLICK HERE to Play Lots of FREE Online WWE and TNA Flash Games!
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