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Submitted by Randomguy#5 on Saturday, August 20, 2005 at 3:17 PM EST
"Despise you that control me, the peace is dead in my soul" Welcome back to the column that can't decide if he wants to write today or not The Nosebleed Section. I am your somewhat disgruntled, exhausted, and in some ways conflicted host, Randomguy#5. Ever just sit down to do something, and have absolutely no idea where it’s going? Yeah, welcome to today’s column. Typically I try so hard to be deep and make people think a bit with my columns that they’re thought out in advance, but today, I’m just going to go, so here’s hoping there are some of you here on the other side. I’ve got so much shit going on right now, I feel like my very body is being ripped in six thousand different directions. Not only can I not even begin to get everything done in the real world that I need to (not to mention the e-world) but I’m conflicted down to the bone man. I have no earthly idea how I even feel about half the shit that’s going on in my life. I can’t decide if I like things, if I don’t, if I care, if I don’t, or even if I give a fuck about trying to figure it out. All of this leads to a very odd place for my head today, and in fact the last few days. I can’t get my head around it, fuck lets be honest-for anybody of a higher order intelligence the greatest mysteries in life stem from our own minds. Being as I am of the belief that writing can often be a gateway to one’s soul, allow me to pour my heart out to you here (in twined with wrestling of course) and we’ll see if maybe I can’t relax a little. I seriously should try drugs sometime…. Bah, for today we’ll stick with writing. After all, I’m shore the hate mail I’ll get for this column will be ten times as painful as any drug escape. "Are you ever gonna write just about wrestling?" No…so get off it and think a little bit. Sorry, I’m in a foul mood today. Care to cheer me up? --I am more than happy to see Raw return to a more wrestling oriented show. I for one, would rather watch Rob Conway and Val Venis over the Diva Search any day of the week, and even Conway v Viscera was entertaining to me. Viscera is much more a "entertainment" sort of character, but there are certainly worse ring talents in the world than Conway and Venis. --Shame the Big Show v Masters feud got scrapped (apparently) in favor of Shelton v Masters. I love Shelton’s ring work, but I was looking forward to Show snapping Masters for some reason. --Ahem. Can we have Kane back please? --I’m still contemplating delving back into TNA one of these days, so if anybody has an opinion one way or the other on rather or not I should write about them a bit, please let me know. There seems to be a mild intrest, if I gauge votes in the Random Acts list anyway. Fuck what a night. I don’t even know how to begin explaining to you all how I’m feeling today or where this feeling came from. I once made the statement to a friend, that "there is no challenge in playing head games with other people, the real challenge is playing head games with one’s self". This entire last week has been one eternal head trip for me. New jobs, new house, a trip back home to see the family, what a rush, you know? Not like the Road Warriors "What a rush!" but more like that nauseous feeling after eating too much Taco Bell to fast, but really kinda liking it. I sit down to watch wrestling nowadays, and for the first time in a long while, it has really turned into the "escape" that people like to claim it is. I never really felt that, but recently, I am really feeling wrestling as an escapism. It has become the embodiment of my life’s conflictions, every match, every angle leaving me in a horrendous internal conflict that has me carrying on conversations with nobody in the room. I see a particular angle and I say to myself "My god, what were they thinking?" And then, my Self answers… They were thinking that it would make puppets like you and all your Lop legion keep turning it on every week you smark little fuck. Somebody stop the voices please! Fuck you and fuck your voices, stop ignoring all that you know to be true, you clamor for clarity and then deny yourself, and I’ll not stand for it any longer. Eddie v Rey could and should have been the feud of 2005. Eddie’s heel turn was a thing of pure beauty, so much so that it had us IWC guys wetting ourselves. Then they simply had to go pull this custody battle bull shit. Why? Did they have to go there? You’re damned right they had to go there. Where else was the feud supposed to go? See, you internet clowns aren’t happy unless you’ve got something to bitch about, and in this case the WWE pulled the right move. Something had to keep the feud fresh, we can’t have them feuding over burritos now can we? No, but we could have certainly had stable warfare, and I guess we might still get it, but for the love of God man, Domink is feeling "emotional trauma". The only thing Domink is feeling is celebrity awestruck. Hell, that funny feeling might even be Vinny Mac under the table, who knows. You can’t seriously believe he’s being hurt in this can you? Hell no Randomgay#fave, It’s just another way for the boys at WWE corporate to sip martini and laugh at your key stroking ass getting all worked up, and buying the Eddie heel character that much more. Fine, fine. But was there any need to throw in a Dominik on a pole match? You know, all of you IWC whores are the same, bitch bitch bitch. WTF?? Is this "find your inner mark day" at the Nosebleed Section? Seriously man, you spent most of your last two columns bitching about the Diva Search, and today you’re bitching about the actually good feuds? Hey man, the Diva Search thing is a low blow. That whole concept sucks more dick than the girls who got on the show…seriously though how hot is Ashley….. Word. She definitely looked better though rockin the plaid skirts and backwards hats though, they should hook her up with Cena. The only thing they should hook up with Cena is a pink slip. They botched his entire character and have successfully crapped all over what should have been their biggest star since Rock. How you figure? By feuding him with Jericho? Jericho is one of the premier entertainers in the bussines, he’s charismatic, he’s an excellent ring talent, he’s.. A worthless pit of a performer, where push’s go to die. At best he’s a stepping stone for real talent, and anymore you have to wonder if he’s even that, particularly given the unwillingness to use him as a face, and giving him the same tired lines against Cena that JBL was using. Oh "boo hoo" I hate rap. So now you’re comparing Jericho to JBL? What sort of travesty of nobility is this? You just spit in the face of Lady Justice mi amigo. Like she knew it was me. She’s blind. AHAHAHAHA. Seriously, if you spit in the face of a blind chick, does she think its raining? No, she thinks you’re an asshole. No, she thinks YOU’RE an asshole. I’m a manifestation of your corrupted mind, remember? Remember what? Remember when Chris Benoit was the best wrestler in the world? From World Champion to Orlando Jordon in one year….if Benoit keeps falling like this, he’s going to be falling off a building, after he jumps out of a second story window. Oh, now who’s Mr. Negativity? Benoit is just biding his time until he’s due for another run at the top, he’s just doing some duties in the midcard to help elevate some guys. Like your boy Jericho? You suck. Then you suck you schizophrenic fuck. You’re just testy because your hits are dwindling like Batista’s crowd "pops" with the Goldbergian-like audio piped in. And you’re just bitter because after this column you’re going to fade into the darkness like a jobbing Hulk Hogan. Touche Douch-e you mean. Seriously, who you like in the epic battle of ego…. Hart Break Kid. He’s got plenty he can still do for the bussiness, whereas Hogan needs to finally ride off into the sunset. And you know what? When Shawn finally ends the 277th push of Hulkamania, Bret Hart will be nowhere to be found. You know the entire premis of this "talking to self" gimmick is that we disagree, yet we agree on this point. You know what else we agree on? That this is the worst column you’ve ever wrote! No way. "Austin and the Bandit" was horrible. Good call. So on that note, in the name of all that is shit-tacular, I’m gone Randomgay, peace out main page mother fuckers! Sanctimonious Son of a Bitch Man, this whole business of Eddie‘s heel turn has officially stuck. No more fears of him accidentally ending up face again. I tend to be of the belief that the "real life trauma" of young Domink is a load of K-RAP, given that I can’t much imagine Rey or Eddie submitting a kid to it if he wasn’t mature enough to handle it, but even that much aside, Eddie is quite hate-able these days. Cannon Fodder All that stand before Animal and Hiedenrich . I’m not a huge fan of jobber matches and we’ve had our fill getting fed to these two of late. No more. Bring back MnM. Thank you. I’m sick of old guys on my TV. Cheap Pop Big ups to Zuma420 author of The New Joint in the Lop Columns Forum for correctly identifying last week’s quote atop the column. The quote about queer giraffes came from the movie Gladiator, so leave it to Z to be the world’s foremost expert on quotes about queer animals. Z is a two time Column of the Month winner, so you might enjoy reading the work of everybody’s favorite stoner. Thanks for reading Zooooma, your patronage is much appreciated. Please particpate by emailing via the link below or atop this page, and provide me your top ten favrite acts of wrestling right now. There is no other criteria. The list is determined by attributing points based on each individuals list. So, if HBK gets placed atop your list, he'll recieve 10 pts, the second place item recieving 9, and so on down the line. All lists are welcome and much appreciated. Thank you in advance. 10) Chris Jericho 13 pts For all those who firmly believe that he has NO chance in hell at beating Cena, the line forms to the left….. Holy crap, we’re going to need more "left"….. 9) HHH gone MIA 13pts Wow, you guys have been reading too much Wevv Mang. That shit ain’t good for you, you know? Seriously, his absence makes the list? That’s just mean…. 8) The Raw Diva Search 16pts The Diva Search has been somewhere on this countdown since it debuted, and I’m still not a huge fan of it. Sorry all you "sports-entertainment" marks out there. All that said, I’m still pulling for Ashley. Any chick in plaid skirts and backwards hats gets my vote. I’m only human after all. 7) The Mexicools 17 pts You can’t help but wonder if this gimmick is just doomed to fail as the WWE continues to water down these three legends of the Indy scene. The cruisers are getting increasingly handcuffed in the WWE, and that can’t bode well for this stable, but they are still entertaining, so we’ll just have to wait and see. 6) Spike TV making an Impact! 19pts Further proof that I need to do that TNA column, you guys know you can watch it on demand online right? Silly rabbits. Still, a major cable TV deal will be good for the Midwestern gone south promotion, but I’d still prefer to see them get a 2 hour timeslot instead of just an hour. 5) Haasaan 21 pts Everybody’s favorite case of justice gone array just won’t go away. He’ll be back soon, funny how nobody could stand him or his character two months ago. Tricky WWE…. 4) HBK 21 pts Last week’s number one falls a few places this week, but make no mistake he’s still a hot topic in the IWC. As my buddy Xan said in the latest issue of ETA, right now he’s all talk. If he really wants to give us the "careful what you wish for" bit, we’d have seen HHH wearing a DX shirt by now. Think it will happen? 3) Angle vs. Eugene 23pts There is no way I seen this going to SummerSlam, but ah as Marilyn Monroe once said, it’s amazing "how often ’what the hell’ is the correct answer". 2) Brock Lesnar's imminent return 27pts The anticipation of Brock’s return, the mere thought of him being on TV anytime soon, has people churning out to vote for The Next-Next Big Thing. 1) Eddie Guerrero 34pts As I’ve said today, Eddie has been on fire as the guy you love to hate. People are lining up to vote for him at the top spot, without a doubt. Alright guys, I know that may have lacked a little bit, but it did wonders for helping me work through some things, and it definetly has me in a better mood. Hopefully next week I'll be back to my normal annoying self. For those of you who frequent my websites, I apologize as well. Much like my column writing, I've simply not had time the last couple weeks, though looking ahead it seems as if things will slow down a bit for me in a bout a week or so. If I can make it through this next week. Wish me luck, maybe i just need a heavy dose of that annoying-ass Ayatollah optimism (hit me up on IM you prick and cheer me up). Send in your guesses at the quote as well as your top ten lists, you'll get shiny letters from me thanking you for it. I'm outta here everybody, I'll catch you guys next week, thanks for reading and next time, get better seats. Click here to Email Randomguy#5! You'll hear back I promise.  Suicide, Juke's sex-to-steak comparison and more new music you've never heard on Project Radio, episode II.  Yes, it needs updated, but don't even pretend that you've read everything already. Join the forums, The Monkey will love you. *NEW GALLERY* Hot Photos of Shawn Michaels' Wife Rebecca!!
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