Take up thy wrestling boots and walk - Enjoying wrestling, more
Submitted by Pt2 on Tuesday, July 19, 2005 at 12:45 PM EST





Welcome to the column that only manages to be Robin even in it’s own fantasies, Take up thy wrestling boots and walk. I’m the columnist who is resigned to the even worse position of being Alfred the Butler, Pt2, back to talk about wrestling and to turn jokes from Scrubs into some sort of intro. Holy inferiority complex Batman!

Yeah, that was a little odd. I won’t dwell on it too much, because I’m already a day or so overdue with this one. It’s taken me a little time to get it how I want, so for the delay, my most humble apologies.

You ever get the feeling that “I shouldn’t have to TRY to like a wrestler”? I’ve been getting that for some time now. See, in spite of a lot of the criticisms I’ve written, I’ve been making an effort to try and like John Cena: Mainly because I know that despite his lack of talent, there are enough people out there that like the Vanilla Ice style to keep him on my TV as a popular figure for the foreseeable future. So, I figured that the best thing to do when he moved over to RAW was to try and put my initial dislike behind me, and try to get behind the character and give him another chance.

But I can’t do it. Readers of this column will know that I don’t like to highlight wrestlers weaknesses too much: I wouldn’t have liked it if people did it to me when I was in the ring, so I don’t do it to others. Instead, I prefer to concentrate on how to emphasise the positives of a wrestler. That’s why I don’t complain about Heidenreich having the agility of Sid Eudy after decapitation, Kerwin White’s gimmick being about as politically correct as a Klan Rally or Chris Benoit having the ability on the microphone of a Spaniel eating a fish. Why would I, when I can instead look at the side of Heidenreich that makes me laugh, look at Kerwin White as a reprehensible character that I like to see get the shit kicked out of him, and Chris Benoit as the best wrestler in the company (and probably the country)?

That makes it all the more odd to me that no matter how much I look to see the positive in Cena, I can’t find anything. Nadda. Zilch. Zero. Any of the many random words we use to describe the wonderful amount that is Fuck-all. I really don’t see what people see in John Cena, why he has reached the level he has. The man can’t wrestle like a big man, like a technical guy, and even his brawling looks weak, it can’t be ring work, which means it must be his gimmick.

So, in short, I don’t get it. And I doubt I ever will. So, I’m giving up making any special effort. For any of the Cena fans reading this who say I should “Get off my high horse” or “stop being a smark”, I think that by reading anything I’ve written, here or in any of my other columns, I’m no smark. I’m just a fan. Just because I don’t like the same wrestlers as the majority doesn’t make me some internet elitist prick whose only interested in seeing old tapes of Jushin Liger, Shinjiro Ohtani and the Great Sasuke. I’m a fan, and I’ve realised looking at the RAW line up recently, that I don’t really have to make a special effort to like anyone to enjoy wrestling and enjoy the show.

Just because John Cena is made to look like fucking Superman in the main event (incidentally, I believe it would have been better for the show as a whole for Cena to have lost the lumberjack match and won a rematch - it just makes Snitsky look bad, and there would have been no shame on Cena following all that interference), it doesn’t mean that I have to not enjoy the rest of the show.

And that is where the show has finally reached, after a couple of years, the level that it was at in the attitude era. Didn’t enjoy Steve Austin stunning everyone in the world in 1998? Well, it didn’t matter, because you could see the Rock, Ken Shamrock, D-X, Owen Hart, Mankind, Undertaker, Kane, and a host of others. Despite Austin being the main draw, there were other attractions on the show, in a way that there hadn’t been since the late eighties/early nineties - the WWE achieved success, because for the first time, a group larger than Bret Hart, Shawn Michaels and Scott Hall were drawing in fans.

We’ve been in a lull for a few years, where the main event is pushed down your throat and very little attention has been given to the action lower down the card. But now, If I don’t want to see John Cena on RAW, I can still tune in for the “Worked Shoot” storyline with Hardy and Edge (and yes, I know it’s a work - If you don’t get what I mean by calling it a worked shoot then you probably ate paint as a child) and I can also tune in to see the wrestling supercard of Shawn Michaels vs. Hulk Hogan. Both of these feuds are legitimate main events in their own right, so despite Cena and Jericho actually having the main event spot, those of us who are un-cool enough to not think Ice Ice Baby was a good song aren’t left in the cold the way we would have been a couple of years ago. It’s a positive sign, because it’s strength in depth that really draws ratings, and if the booking remains strong, we could see the WWE get stronger than it’s been since 2001.

By the way, what’s everyone’s take on Road Warrior Animal showing up on Smackdown last week and wrestling at the G.A.B.? My opinion, it’s nice to see him from a nostalgic point of view, and I understand that he’s plugging the Road Warriors DVD, but in all honesty, I hope this is a one time only shot. Even though his ring work aged the better of the two road warriors (No disrespect to the memory of Hawk, a fine entertainer, but I believe that statement is true when applied to their later years in the ring), we all remember the O.L.D signs seen in WWE crowds, and Mick Foley’s comments of them going from “Legitimate main eventers to a locker room joke in a little under a year”, and that book was written several years ago. Nice to see Animal get one last big pay day, but I hope this doesn’t turn into a Hogan style last run.

Over at Wrestlingfanshof.co.uk, nominations are now closed. The following wrestlers are currently nominated for entry into the Hall of Fame:

The Undertaker
Bret Hart
Shawn Michaels
Ric Flair
Ricky Steamboat
Sting
Owen Hart
Hulk Hogan
"Macho Man" Randy Savage
Bobby "The Brain" Heenan
Stone Cold Steve Austin
Chris Benoit
Dean Malenko
"Classy" Freddie Blassie
Bruno Sammartino
AJ Styles
Christopher Daniels
Jeff Jarrett

A wrestler needs to be on 70% of all votes received to enter the Hall of Fame, and as things stand only Hulk Hogan will enter, on an astounding 100% of all ballots received so far. Feel like voting for any of the gentlemen on the list? Visit www.wrestlingfanshof.co.uk for instructions.

I’m going to end this one here, to keep it short and sweet. I should be back again in a few days, so keep your eyes open. If you’ve anything to say about this one, hit me up at takeupthywrestlingboots@gmail.com

Until next time, Take care

Pt2








*NEW GALLERY* Go Directly to a RANDOM HOT BABE & DIVAS GALLERY! Check It Out!

• Quick Links -
  [Back to LOP] [News Archives] [Results] [Columns] [Forums]