|
|
|
|
|
Submitted by Wevv Mang on Sunday, May 29, 2005 at 5:57 PM EST
Ridin’ With The Bossman – Matt Hardy vs Triple H Greetings! Welcome to another edition of Ridin’ With The Bossman, Triple H’s favorite column. It’s Memorial Day Weekend, and for some that means a three-day weekend. Like for myself. But I’d like to take the time to respect those who have given us this weekend. The troops who have given their lives defending this great nation. Thank you. Man, do we have some wrestling to cover. I also have a really long Kane’s House, as our favorite couple start a new story arc. It’s a doozy. And then, OAW. But first, there was a PPV, and some TV news to cover. Let’s get crackin’. WWE TV – The Series Judgement Day Recap Info provided by Carl Walsh Didn’t see it. Didn’t even make an effort to head to the bar and see it for free. All I know is that John Cena bled like a pig, and that seems to have gained him some respect amongst the stodgier IWC vets. For me, he already had my respect when he stopped talking about what gay act he was going to perform on his opponent. Also when instead of talking about how much he likes balls, he grew a set and claimed he was going to beat his opponent and that he was the champ. Amazingly, and I know this is truly shocking to WWE, this worked, and the fans embraced Cena. Sometimes literally. Then came Thursday. Did you spot the new trend for his character? It’s something most fans should be familiar with. We’ll get to that later. Raw Recap info provided by Carl Walsh, hardest working man in the IWC. Edge and Lita Open The Show So, we learn the reason that Lita turned on Kane was something WWE realized, probably five minutes before showtime, that most of the public doesn’t know the story of Matt Hardy. So we get Generic Chick Turn #2. Real man, Kane never understood her, yadda yadda yadda. End result? They make out, repulsing the crowd. Yep, another angle doomed to fail. Hassan and Daivari vs Shelton Benjamin It’s a handicapped match and it’s pretty good. Shelton is just great to watch. It’s not enough however, as the sneaky Arabs cheat to win. No problem with that, as I still think that handicap matches should end with the lone guy losing, except in very rare circumstances. Jericho Shows Up He’s late and he’ll have a match later. No biggie. Christian and Lita and Edge and Tomko Great line from Tomko. Christian: Mark Jindrak! Tomko: Mark who? Couldn’t say it better myself. Damn those two are solid, and WWE is just pissing it away. Edge then shows up, and it’s banter time. One key development as Edge recruits their help. If Edge wins, he’ll give up the Money In The Bank because he won’t need it. Tangent Time I had a great vision of what the main event could be. Nevermind what happened, just think of what could have been. Christian and Tomko come out to help Edge beat Batista. But Ric then runs out to help Dave, since they’re buddies now. But then, Ric turns on Dave and helps Edge win. Now, Ric wants that title shot, like Edge said he would give to who ever helps him beat Dave. Now Ric has a title shot. H shows back up, and thanks Ric for giving him the title shot. But Ric just looks at him and goes " You’re title shot? Says who? WHOOOO!" I totally marked out from that one scene. Everything looked grand. Damn you WWE. You know, after that little scenario ran through my head, my enthusiasm for the rest of the program was shot, and I had no desire to see the main event, because my gut instinct was it wouldn’t be good. Jericho vs Sylvan Grenier Singles action is doing wonders for Sylvan. Jericho wins, and then says he’s a big Rock Star. And that Jerichoholics will always love him. Well, we still do, but man, it’s getting hard. Viscera "Hot dog." "What?""Hot dog. Gimme that hot dog!" Cracked me up. Hilarious stuff. Eric Bischoff’s ECW Funeral Vince, Bisch, and Paul Heyman. What more could you ask for. It seemed to me that people liked it, but the energy was being held back. They want to know who is going to be involved before they just go nuts. In a good way. But it was cool to see. It’s just too bad it wasn’t as big as folks are trying to make it out to be. See, we’ve seen Paul Heyman and Vince. It was good, and ended badly. We’ve seen Vince piss all over Bischoff ever since he showed up on TV. I do believe we’ve even seen Heyman and Bischoff interact, but it was so long ago, I’m not sure, and no, I’m not going to go look it up. - I barely do that. I go on what impact it had on my hazy memory. So things stick out, and some fade to gray. I’m thinking Bischoff and Heyman was before Lesnar left Raw for Smackdown. Anyhoo, so all three got in the ring together. I’d say the most surprising thing was that the segment was really good, and didn’t get buried under a pile of creepiness. Ah, that’s next weeks plan, since Steph and H can’t have something good on TV that isn’t centered around H. There was another great line in here however. Vince: If there’s one thing I like almost as much as a pile of Money, it’s a good fight! Damn straight Vince, Damn straight. So, if that’s what you like, keep Steph and H’s fingers out of ECW. That way, you’ll get both. Instead of another embarrassing failure on the level of the Invasion. Let Paul run it. Because if that’s not what you want, just take out a couple million form the bank and just burn it in your backyard. Save yourself the time. Tajiri vs Chris Benoit Really good match, and a surprising good use of weapons. I like seeing the Tajiri of old. The evil assassin. You know what? I saw Super in Crazy in action last week. Guy is still great. One of the best matches I ever saw was Super Crazy vs Tajiri vs Nunzio. It just blew me away. Villa Park, Anarchy Rulz, 1999. I was there, and it was one of the best wrestling shows I’ve ever seen. Back to the present, Benoit wins, using a Singapore Cane to enhance his Crossface on Tajiri. Todd Interviews Kane. Kane is rocking. Kane is upset. Kane is intense and focused. Kane is one warped dude. Unfortunately, it’s eight months too late. And it’s probably a knock on Matt Hardy’s character, since you know, Matt Hardy gave his idea to H to get approval. One thing though, Kane is not Matt Hardy, and Matt Hardy is not Kane. Now, I know how easy it is to mistake the two, since they’re so similar and all, but I just thought you’d like a reminder. - One guy can save this angle. All it needs is one slight change to his catchphrase. "It’s not your fault!" Batista vs Triple H…oops I mean Edge I didn’t watch the match. I just tuned in for the last five minutes. So I saw H just beating the hell out of Batista. Bah, so the whole tournament was to give H a push? That’s all it was. Great, just great. Hell in a Cell where H gets his belt back. Whoopee. That ECW PPV better be good. Smackdown Report by Brandon Scott Berthelot Stills from the PPV open the show. Rey wants revenge. Highly Anticipated Rematch from Judgement Day Eddie vs Rey? Cena vs Bradshaw? Chavo vs London? Big Show vs Carlito? Angle vs Booker? No, it’s Hardcore Holly and Charlie Haas vs MNM. So, highly anticipated according to who? Not me, that’s for sure. Haas and Holly win by DQ. I don’t think Holly hurt anyone but he did try to hurt himself going over the top rope. That guy just sucks. Give the thug gimmick to anyone and it will work to a degree. John Cena Speaks I swear, they’re editing Cena’s cheers. It was start and stop sound. Cena sucks up to the fans, and it’s time to make the point and move on to something else. Cena has a gift for Bradshaw, and of course, he shows up. He and Cena are buddies now. Bradshaw said he lost. Bradshaw said when Cena-mania dies, he will be there to get his belt back. Since he lost the one he was carrying around. Cena then says he won’t give Bradshaw his gift. So they fondle each other verbally, and then the clip is shown of Bradshaw saying I Quit looped. It’s just horrible. Sad, really sad, that this was the punch line to what? Ten minutes of crap? Go back to rapping about balls Cena and Bradshaw, go back to lubing your self up. -See, this was the perfect time to just piss on Bradshaw for once. Just rip the guy to shreds, and remove all doubt about being a champion. Shedding gallons of blood doesn’t do it for some, but a promo that tells people loud and clear that you are champ and why you are better than the other guy can. And it could have been done in a face way. Easy. Carlito, You used to be Cool And now you’re not. Mattdust. You know what he can do to Big Show? STAB HIM. I mean, it only took Cena three months to recover from that angle, right? And isn’t that the plan? To squash Big Show? Because, you know, losing to Show isn’t a bad thing. It’s a good thing. Why? He’s the Big Show, the biggest guy on the roster. Period. Carlito will get to talk, and say how uncool it is that he lost. Big Show can speak, and make fun of them, and then they can get the upper hand, they get their heat. Instead of doing it backwards. Battle Royal Kurt squashes a jobber, and then says start the Battle Royal. Eddie comes out and hangs out at ringside after attacking Rey with a chair. He somehow busts open his nose. Pretty good match, and it comes down to Rey and Angle, and Angle wins. He announces his opponent for next week will be Sharmell. A nice twist, but not something I’ll be looking forward to. So, that was this week’s TV. You know, I really respect the recappers who have to write up detailed accounts of this crap. Yes, there was some good stuff, but once again, the heavy hand of bad drama over shadowed it. Kane's House Two months earlier… Man: If you’ll just sign right here, that brand new toaster will be all yours. In addition to the toaster, you’ll also be signing up for our grand prize drawing! Bossman: That’s great. So where’s my toaster? Man: It’s right over here…um, Mr. Kane. Is there a first name? Bossman: No. My wife Lita and I only use one name. So, what is this grand prize drawing? Man: It’s ten thousand dollars and a sight seeing trip across the South. Doesn’t that sound exciting? Bossman: Yeah, my wife Lita will really love that. Can I have my toaster now? Present Day The doorbell rings at Kane’s House. Shouting is heard from inside. The nervous group outside rings the doorbell again. More shouting, but this time the shouting grows louder, as does the sound of some one stomping towards the door. More yelling is heard, right on the other side of the door. One voice is deep and masculine, the other, from deeper in the house sounds female. As the nervous man reaches for the doorbell again, the door flies open. Kane: WHAT? Man: Um, Mr. Kane? Kane: Yeah, that’s me. What do you want? Man: Um, I’m here on behalf of Compass Bank to announce that you sir, are the winner of the American Beauty Contest! Kane: What? Man: You won our contest! You and your lovely wife are the winners of ten thousand dollars! You also win a free trip to Miami, on board a luxury bus! Lita: KANE! Who’s at the door? Kane: So guy who says we won something. Lita runs down the stairs. She pushes Kane aside. Lita: Now look here Mister. My husband is a big retard! So you just take whatever you’re selling and go somewhere else! Before I turn this freak loose on you! Man: Whoa! Ma’am, I’m not selling anything, I’m here to tell you that you own, honest to goodness, no purchase necessary, it’s all yours. All ten thousand dollars of it! Lita: TEN THOUSAND DOLLARS! Fork it over buddy! Man: It’s not that easy. You have to go to Miami to get it. But you’ll be traveling in style aboard a luxury bus! Lita: On a bus? To Miami? From here? How is that luxurious? Kane: I like riding the bus. Lita: You would. So, all we have to do is ride this bus of yours to Miami and then we get the ten thousand dollars? How do we get back? Man: Well, we’ll fly you back. And you’ll get two days and nights in a five star resort while you’re in Miami. Lita: Fine, we’ll do it. When do we leave? Man: We’ll pick you up tomorrow. Oh, I should mention that you’ll also be traveling with our Tucson winners. You’ll like them, they’re also married. Lita: I knew there was a catch… Lita shoves Kane aside and goes back upstairs. Kane stands smiling creepily at the man, who shifts nervously. The silence stretches uncomfortably. Man: Um, I’ll see you tomorrow! He runs away, while Kane stands there, smiling. Across the street JR comes out of his house. He sees Kane and runs back inside. Kane laughs, and goes back in. In JR’s house: JR: Dammit Betsy, that dastardly bastard Kane is out there again! Betsy: Now JR, you just calm down now. Here, have a glass of BBQ sauce. JR: Thank you Betsy. (JR downs the glass) Ah, that hits the spot. It’s been weeks since I’ve been set on fire. It just sets me on edge, not knowing when it’s coming, but just knowing it’s coming. Betsy: You know dear, what you need is a vacation. Somewhere far away from Kane. JR: You know, you’re right. You’re always right. That’s why I married you. Betsy: Thank you dear. I tell you what, we could pack up the car and be gone by tonight. How does that sound? JR: I like the sound of that. The Next Day… Lita: So, you’ll watch the house for us? Big Show: Sure, no problem. I’ll keep Bossman out. Lita: Thanks Big Show. Help yourself to whatever is in the fridge, but I’d stay away from the green Tupperware bowl. It’s something Kane keeps in and I’ve never opened it. Big Show: Uh, yeah, thanks. Now, have a great time! Lita: And don’t go downstairs, you know how sensitive Kane is about his basement. Water the lawn twice a week, so the grass doesn’t dry out too much. And... I think that’s it. OH! The cable is out. Kane was digging another hole in the yard, and cut the cable wire. So, the cable guys might stop by to fix it, but they said they don't have to go inside, but if they do, just test it out, and call them if it’s still broken. Thanks again Big Show! Big Show: Relax, it’ll be taken care of. You have a great time. Lita: Easy for you to say, you’re not traveling with Kane. Kane has finished loading their stuff on the bus. Lita steps over in front of the while some people take pictures. A man steps up and ushers them onto the bus. Man: Good day travelers! My name is Ted, and I’ll be your bus driver for this trip. So make yourselves comfortable, next stop, Grand Canyon! Lita: Where is the other couple? Ted DiBiase: Slight change of plans. We’re picking them up at the Grand Canyon. Never fear though, Jesus is out co-pilot, and in his hands, we’ll have a great trip! Outside, a couple comes running up as the bus drives away. Woman: Wait! WAIT! Man: Hey! Come back here! Hey! Big Show: HEY! Who are you two? Man: Quit kidding around Big Show, you know me. I’m Doug Basham and this is my wife Gail. WE won a contest and were supposed to travel to Miami to pick up our grand prize of $50 thousand dollars! Gail: Yeah, the guy said meet him here and we could board the bus! But they left without us! Big Show: Uh oh. Oh well, tough break kids! Later: Big Show is camped out on Kane’s couch, with a pile of empty plates and can in front of him. Front upstairs, a commotion is heard. Without getting up, Big Show yells. Big Show: They’re not here Bossman! They went out of town! Bossman comes down the stairs, pulling clothes off of himself. Bossman: So that’s why the window was nailed shut and the clothes hamper in front of it. Big Show: You got Kane’s jock stuck to your back. Bossman: EW!! For a guy who never wears a shirt, he sure does sweat a lot. So where did they go? Big Show: They won some contest and got a free trip. They’ll be gone two weeks. Bossman: Sweet! I’ll just help myself to some of Lita’s thongs and…wait a minute. Did you say contest? Big Show: Yep. Bossman: Huh. Bossman sits down next to Big Show and cracks open a green Tupperware container. Big Show starts to say something, but it’s too late. Bossman grabs a tortilla chip and digs in. Bossman: Hm. Interesting salsa. Kind of crunchy. You want some? Big Show: Um, no. Bossman: Won a contest huh? Never figured Kane to be one for contests. He always seems to lose. Hm. Wait a minute….Was this contest for Compass Bank? Big Show: I think it was. They also won ten thousand dollars. Bossman starts to choke and sputter. He then turns green and runs into the bathroom, where the sounds of puking can be heard. In between hurls, Bossman can be heard yelling " That Bastard!" Big Show: You OK in there? Bossman throws open the bathroom door and wipes his mouth as he yells. Bossman: That son of a bitch! I entered that contest! That prize money is mine! Come on Big Show! Let’s get that bastard! They can’t steal from Bossman and get away with it! It’s Hard Time for Kane! Bossman then swallows, covers his mouth, and runs back into the bathroom. A fresh round of hurling begins. Big Show sighs, and leans against the wall outside the bathroom. Big Show: Here we go again… Over-Analyzing Wrestling Today’s Topic: Matt Factor For months now, the net has been buzzing off and on with sensational newsbits, one liners in newsblurbs, and the occasional long rant on the topic of this. The Matt Hardy/ Edge/ Lita love triangle. It just won’t go away. It stays alive no matter what. And the nature of the beast changes ever so slightly. A couple of weeks ago, when the news was fresh and finally confirmed, a chant broke out in Hardy country when WWE came to town. "You Screwed Matt!" It blew WWE’s mind. They had carefully and meticulously crafted an angle that was doomed to fail, but they thought was great. Then that happened. It was against everything WWE stood for. Fans weren’t supposed to think about things! They were supposed to be mindless sheep who would react the way WWE wanted them too! Now here they are having fun and thinking for themselves! What an outrage! So next week, WWE pretended it never happened, forgetting that roughly 3 million people watch the show all over the world and that a fun chant like that may, just may, catch on elsewhere. Especially when the angle sucks. It was a chant that could express their unhappiness with the way things were going on Raw. It was against the norm in that they were booing a supposed face. It was a way for fans to show that they were "smarks". For those Smarks, it was a fun way to support a guy they felt, and rightly so, had been given the shaft by WWE for years. Then WWE fired Matt. Now, in the back of everyone’s mind who had been following the story, the gnawing suspicion was that WWE would make this into an angle. And that it wouldn’t be good. So, WWE tried to tamper the fan reaction, and use it to their advantage. They turned Lita on Kane. Edge won. Lita went with Edge. And here we are. But a surprising thing is happening. The chants are dying. Once WWE tried to influence the reaction, the opposite is occurring. Fans don’t seem to care anymore. Kane is now back to being a mental patient, but instead of being Big Scary Guy, he’s now melodramatic Melancholy Giant. What next, have the guy cry? What I find funny about this, is that Matt hardy gave this idea to H. When he was out with injury, he had an idea to remake his character. It was all about making the pain a symbol. So, H, I mean, WWE is putting it’s own spin on Matt Hardy’s idea and going with the obvious. But let’s get right to the heart of this angle. Do you really give a crap about Matt Hardy? Now, let’s think about this. Do you, the viewing audience, give a hoot about Matt Hardy? Better still, do you think the casual viewers, who make up oh, let’s say about two million of the audience, care about Matt Hardy? He hasn’t been on TV in eight months. Before that, he was a glorified jobber. His best days were long ago. Matt Version 1.0 Hardy was a good angle. But he was not allowed to use it for let’s say, six months before he hurt himself. Before that, he was a heel, who turned face when Kane married Lita. In THAT angle, Matt support was at a low. He had been flipped flopped, and jobbed one time too many before he vanished from TV. I do believe that folks were glad he was being taken off TV, as that would give his character time to recover or re-invent himself. Matt did get screwed over by Lita and Edge. But stuff like that happens. I felt sorry for Matt. I do think Edge should have been punished. But it was something private. Edge will be punished, believe me. When his ex-wife gets through with him, he’ll be lucky to have a pot to piss in. Divorce laws always favor the woman, and in Edge’s case, it’s clear he’s in the wrong. And that chick is pissed. Money in the Bank? Not for long, buddy, not for long. But on another level, this angle isn’t about trying to control the fans. It’s about screwing them. It’s also about screwing Matt Hardy. It’s about H thumbing his nose at Matt. It’s about H thumbing his nose at the fans who supported Matt, and didn’t support him. The pity party is over however. Matt will be OK. Matt is already at work making a name for himself, and the guy does have talent. But for Lita and Edge, the end is drawing near. Edge will cheat on Lita. That’s a given. Then what? What happens when this angle is over? What is the plan for this angle period? Because Edge had an angle in the works before WWE shifted gears. Kane and Lita were actually getting over. Yes Lita was booed, but that was easy to work with. Hell, at least she was getting a reaction period, and not just when she came out or left. It was during the matches. Oh wait, silly me. It’s all for H. Duh, how could I have forgotten?!? See, Edge still has a title shot and when H gets the belt back, he can use his backstage influence to make Edge do what he wants, since he supported him. Edge owes him. Big time. So, when the time comes, and if Edge still has any margin of popularity, H can just squash him good. It gives him a whipping boy to squash, makes him look good in front of the locker room, at least in his eyes. And best of all, he can make all the cheap shots at Matt Hardy he wants. So there we go. How long? When is that PPV? Then give it two months after that. It’s going to be a long summer. OK folks, that’s it for today. A long one for a long weekend. And it’s going to be just a little longer as I have some news bits. NEWS! Dawn Marie Pregnant! Who’s the father? No one knows. It’s apparently not Simon Diamond as they had broken up some time back. I had no idea. But I do have an idea of who the father is. Around December I think, there was a one-sentence newsbit in the Observer. You know, the ones just thrown together. It said that BLANK was showing Dawn Marie the business. Now, looking around Smackdown, there are big chunks that seem to fit in where timing is concerned. Oh, and this also fits in with the Matt Hardy story as well. The guy is married. Triple H Hates John Cena! On the main page today. It says that Cena and H don’t get along. It also says that Triple H thinks John Cena isn’t a good champion. Well of course not! John Cena is over! John Cena says he likes the fans! John Cena has gotten a lot of media exposure for his record. John Cena has a movie coming out. John Cena merchandise is outselling H’s. So naturally, so the shows are all about H, and folks seem to like Cena, he’s not a good champion. Since Cena can’t write his own angles, he’ll be buried before too long. . So, fully expect another three months of Bradshaw pissing on Cena. QUICK PLUGS! LOP Forums! LOP Columns Forum PWA – Best E-Fed On The Net The Movie Bar Is Back! New Reviews! New Trivia Contests! Go Show 'em who's Boss! Wevv Mang's Archive! So, until Next Time, Thanks For Readin’ And Thanks For Ridin’ Wevv Mang mrwevv@mac.com
|
|