The Rant of the Week: I Swear this is the last time I write about this...
Submitted by Phantom Lord on Saturday, May 28, 2005 at 7:02 AM EST







Greetings conversationalists all across the fruited plain it is I your personal Harvester of Sorrow Phantom Lord and this is your all mighty and important Rant of the Week. As always I am coming to you from my bunker in the urban cesspool that is Brooklyn, New York and it’s been a rather interesting week or so since I last wrote my column. But I’ll get to that due time. It’s been a while since I’ve started off one of these columns with filler material. Now for those of you who live under a rock and don’t understand my writing style, basically when I’m bored and I have nothing else to write about I use a good part of the first page to go off on anything I want to. Now I could talk about this filibuster deal in Congress and how John McCain depending on your point of view upheld a congressional tradition or sold out a good portion of the voting block for the 2008 election but I wont because I don’t really care about that. I have FFADaily.net if I so choose to write about that crap.

But as most of you know I’m an Insomniac. I don’t like sleeping at night for a variety of reasons. Well this morning I was flipping through the channels and on the screen at 4 am on MTV it says System of Down so I was thinking to myself ok I can finally see the rest of this concert. I saw the tail end of it the other night and it was good. But instead of some screaming loud music what do I get? I get one of the worst videos I have ever seen as Eminem and a bunch of puppets are doing a song (And I use that term loosely) about asses. Now I’m a red blooded American male. I love a nice ass on a hot chick just like any guy would. But I’m watching this video and I’m like he actually put together a song this horrible and then made a video for it. Now we all know I’m no fan of hip-hop. Earlier this year I thought Candy Shop by 50 Cent was the worst video I ever had the misfortune of watching. I was wrong. Ass Like That by Eminem officially takes the title of the worst video I have ever seen.

You know what’s the worst part, come August when MTV has that Video Music Awards thing, Ass Like That is going to probably be nominated for Video of the Year and ITS GOING TO PROBABLY FUCKING WIN. If any video should win its B.Y.O.B. by System of a Down. Now that’s a good video and it’s a good song to boot. Such a rare combination on the MTV these days.

But you know what. Who really gives a shit? When it comes to music, theres only one thing I’m really looking forward to and that’s the DVD Release of Gettysburg by Iced Earth. When that DVD comes out next month it’s going to kick all kinds of ass. Not only is great music, it’s educational to. Plus if theres a reason to get this DVD its to see the video for When The Eagle Cries. MTV and other video networks were to chicken shit to show the video because god forbid we bring up memories and feelings about 9/11. So yeah I’m getting Gettysburg when it comes out. Hopefully it brings Iced Earth some of the success they rightfully deserve in this country.

Ok I’m done with that mini-rant. Sometimes I just build up some anger and for my own mental stability I just need to let it out. So like I said it’s been an interesting week or so since I last wrote my column. A lot of things have happened and the biggest story with out a doubt is the WWE finally had the balls to pull the trigger and they paired Lita up with Edge. Now me personally I’m sick of writing about this damn story. Lita is a whore and Edge is a scumbag. But every time I think this damn story is going to finally start to fade away something happens to fan the fire so to speak. So last week Lita turned on Kane and joined up with Edge and Matt Hardy basically said fuck this shit I’m done with the WWE.

Personally I think the WWE made the right choice in doing this. After this story broke, any chance of the WWE ever marketing Lita as a face was thrown out the window. Edge has come into his own as a heel and now that we know he was really is a piece of shit it just gives us more of a reason to hate him. So pairing them up to draw off all the hate they are getting was only natural. Now I didn’t watch the opening promo on RAW with them because the finale of 24 was on but I hear Lita said she’s been with Edge for months. Well at least the truth finally comes out. Judging by the recap here on the main page of LOP substitute the name Kane with Matt Hardy and I guess we’re getting Edge and Lita’s side of the story. Later in the night I suspect the image of Kane rocking back and forth as his world came crumbling apart was pretty close to how Matt Hardy must of felt when got fired by the WWE.

Well as much as the MF’ers are going to bitch about this angle about how the WWE is cashing in on such a horrible thing, if the careers of Edge and Lita are ever going to be able to go to the next level they have to do this angle. As it is Lita’s sex appeal went up ten fold now that she’s a heel. It’s a proven fact that chicks that are heels are hotter then chicks that are faces. Guys might like good girls for the long term, but for the short term nothing is better then a bad girl and right now Lita has that role down pat. Edge on the other hand was never that convincing as a face. He was always at his best when he was a heel. Edge right now is the embodiment of sleaze. He is that guy that will steal your girl friend. Hell he’s that guy that will break up a long marriage just for a quick fling. So yeah Edge and Lita are perfect for each other right now.

Now the only reason the WWE went with this angle is because they obviously feel it will boost the ratings and the ratings were on the upswing until this week. Now there’s two theories as to why the ratings fell this week.

1) Theory One: Triple H came back and just sucked the life out of everyone.

2) Theory Two: Matt Hardy said fuck the WWE and said all his fans should do the same and not watch them.

Now if theory two is true then Matt Hardy has a much bigger following then anyone gave him credit for. Of course it could be something all together different say like the IWC Love Machine Big Vis driving viewers away in mass numbers during his love machine segments. Then again the ratings could have fallen because the season finale of 24 was on. Point is a good television person can look at ratings by the minute and find a thousand reasons why they are what they are with out really finding out why they are what they are.

Point is who the hell knows why the ratings slipped. All the WWE knows is Lita and Edge are getting monster heel heat and even in the day of soap opera writing they know that there has to be an evil heel and a vixen to go along with him. I might go to hell for saying this but dare I say Edge and Lita if pushed right could be the new Tully Blanchard and Baby Doll. Of course that would mean Kane would be Dusty and they probably could have a fun little feud with Kane and Edge over Lita with a match culminating in Kane winning Lita for 30 days. Its old school but it works.

WWE feel free to use that one. If you want more you have my resume and contact information.

Well Matt only has 45 days give or take until his no compete clause is up and he can tear it up on the Indies. On his website Matt said he would be taking a quick vacation in Orlando on July 17th through 19th. Now obviously he’s hinting he will be working the TNA PPV and following TV Taping. Well if you’ve been paying attention to FSN then you know that TNA Impact is officially no more on FSN as the contract ran out.

Here’s the official run down from Mike Johnson on PWInsider.com

It appears TNA's run with the Fox Sports Network will end with this Friday's episode of Impact!, scheduled for 5/27 at 4 PM. Impact! is not listed for the following Friday 6/3 on Fox Sports,with their timeslot instead filled by "The World Series of Darts" and there are no listings for TNA anywhere on Fox Sports' schedule for the months of June and July, which is as far as the schedules are posted.

TNA taped two episodes at their last taping in Universal Studios on 5/17, so it would certainly appear the company is about to go dark beyond their scheduled PPVs this summer.

There have been a lot of rumors in recent weeks circulating about the future of TNA's home on television. While no one seems to be certain for sure, the story making the rounds within TNA was that some sort of announcement would be made shortly regarding their TV situation.

I do know that conversations had been ongoing with WGN and Spike TV in recent weeks, with many inside TNA believing that WGN was the stronger of the two possibilities. There has been nothing but optimism from those I have spoken to within the company, so hopefully that optimism won't be for naught.

That's not to say all signs re negative for the future of the company. Last week, TNA signed both NWA champion AJ Styles and X-Division champion Christopher Daniels to new three year deals and announced plans for an August PPV event, titled Sacrifice. There are still dates listed at Universal Studios through 7/19 as well.

Credit: PWInsider.com

First off it got replaced with a fucking dart show.

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Ok I got that out of my system. But all is not that bad for NWA-TNA. It appears they will only be off the air for a couple weeks.

Sources have confirmed to Between The Ropes the following details on TNA Wrestling's television future.

This Tuesday's TNA Impact tapings on May 31 at Universal Orlando are cancelled. With the Fox Sports Net deal expiring this weekend, television will go dark temporarily.

As we've speculated all week, TNA will begin on Monday nights in prime time on WGN from 8:00pm - 10:00pm ET. The start date on WGN will be the day after Slammiversary - Monday, June 20.

The WGN show will air live every other week on Monday's from Universal Orlando. Shows will be taped on Tuesday's to then air the following week. The first live show will be Monday, June 20 with a taping on June 21 to air on Monday, June 27 on WGN.

TNA should make an official announcement imminently.

Credit: BetweenTheRopes.com

So does this mean that NWA-TNA has been saved? I don’t know. I mean its great that they will be on Monday’s…but I still have my doubts because The Third Anniversery PPV is coming up and knowing how Jeff Jarrett is he will some how convince The Carter’s that he is the biggest name brand star they have and when TNA goes national on WGN he should have the belt. So if A.J. loses the title I wont be shocked because watching TNA is really like watching WCW. They give you hope with a new champion and then ruin it with a gimmick match designed to have the former champion go over a whole bunch of people at once.

Only problem with this is WGN is not on most cable systems. Granted its on in something like 60 million homes, but unless you have Directv or Dish Network odds are you wont be able to get it. Oddly enough Cablevision out in Long Island I think carries WGN and FX but Cablevision here in New York City carries neither. If someone could explain to me why that is it would be super. But even with that little problem, TNA could easily draw solid ratings in the 1.5 to 2.0 range.

Well they could assuming they get WGN to promote them. TNA was the highest rated show on FSN and that was with very little promotion. If WGN promotes TNA during Cubs games as many on the message boards have said they should then TNA could have a good chance of getting a lot of the Cubs audience. But when they promote TNA they need to promote TNA as the future of Professional Wrestling. As it stands right now it appears TNA paid to be on WGN so much like they were on FSN they are a very expensive infomercial. In order to make money you have to spend money and TNA better shell out al they can to have WGN promote the hell out of them. If TNA is proven to be a solid and dependable ratings draw then I believe advertisers will come in and then maybe just maybe The Carter’s will finally get a return on this huge investment. As gullible as many say The Carter’s are when it comes to Jeff and Jerry Jarrett’s snake oil salesmanship the fact remains TNA would have been dead in six months had Panda Energy not pumped money into them.

Will we see Monday Night Wars 2: The Electric Boogaloo? Time will tell. One thing is for certain if things work out then we will finally see that long awaited up turn in wrestling.

Speaking of up turns, one of the few things good in the WWE right now is the ECW angle going on.



I don’t think many people appreciate what we saw on Monday. The three men responsible for wrestling as we knew it from 1995 to 2001 were standing in the ring together as we found out that The WWE was keeping ECW afloat because Vince saw the potential of those guys in the bingo hall. Bischoff on the other hand thumbed his nose at the whole thing and basically we’re getting a taste of the invasion and how it should have been done because Bischoff is going to recruit some volunteers to show up at the ECW PPV. To make things more fun on Smackdown Kurt Angle said he would be showing up at the ECW PPV with some volunteers to put a stop to it.

Its times like this I admire Vince McMahon. Not only did he say he’s putting on this PPV to make some money but he’s doing it cause he loves a good fight and at the PPV he’s going to get both considering the ticket prices and expected ppv buyrates alone.

To sweeten things up the WWE posted some of the matches for the show on their website.

Lance Storm with Dawn Marie vs Chris Jericho

Extreme luchador action:
Rey Mysterio vs Psychosis

A three way dance:
The insane luchador Super Crazy vs Tajiri with Sinister Minister vs Little Guido

Eddie Guerrero vs Chris Benoit

Tommy Dreamer and The Sandman vs Bubba & D-Von Dudley

ECW One Night Stand will feature special appearances by:
Paul Heyman
The return to PPV of Rob Van Dam with Bill Alfonso
Tazz
Spike Dudley
Al Snow with Head
Sabu
Balls Mahoney
Danny Doring and Roadkill
CW Anderson
Rhyno
Joel Gertner
Axl Rotten
Justin Credible
Kid Kash
Masato Tanaka
Mikey Whipwreck with Sinister Minister
The BWO - Big Stevie Cool, Hollywood Nova, and The Blue Guy

Obviously this is going to be a great ppv. This card looks good and this is probably the last time you’ll see me say this for a long time. This PPV will be worth the price of admission and the cost of the PPV.

I know I said for $400 we better see someone die. I think Balls, Axl, and Tanaka we’re at least guaranteed in seeing someone go through a flaming table.

Now I promised my friend Katie I would comment on Chris Jericho and this very confusing angle he is in right now with Shelton Benjamin. Is this the return of The Ayatollah of Rock and Rolla? It looks like that right now as they had him blow off his match with Shelton only to show up late. I think Jericho desperately needs to turn back heel because right now he’s going through the motions. In I think seven months his contract is up and Jericho could easily say I’m done and go on to do Fozzy full time. If Fozzy were on a major label with the balls to promote good hard rock music they would easily be a huge band. But as it is right now for Chris he’s pretty much phoning it in. He has no real reason to be there other then to make someone else look good. So I don’t know honestly. I want to say this angle will lead to something good for Jericho but the WWE has a habit of starting something and then stopping for no apparent reason.

Before I go, speaking of stopping something for no apparent reason…Ric Flair teases turning good only to join back up with Triple H one more time I’m seriously going to throw something at my TV. Ric Flair is the one guy in the WWE who transcends everything. He can work either way and have the crowd in the palm of his hand in an instant. We all want to see him have that one last great run so he finally can retire on a good note. But every time they hint its going to happen what do we see? Ric Flair with the low blow and then Triple H comes in for the beat down and squash of his rival.

The WWE could have a money angle with Ric Flair and Triple H but as long as they have Ric Flair as Triple H’s lap dog, Ric’s legacy will continue to get pissed on.

Well I think I’m done for this week. I’m feeling pretty fried right now. Hopefully a new edition of IWC Coast 2 Coast should be up sometime this weekend or by midweek at the latest. We expect to have an announcement regarding a huge interview for Lordsofpain.net and us very soon.

And here is your moment of zen. It speaks for it self.


So on that note I’m done for this week. Have a good Memorial Day weekend and take some time to remember those who gave their lives for your freedom and remember someone has to give you this information and it DAMN well has for to be me {S Bob Grant

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