Wrestling in a Bottle: New Jack is Innocent! + Judgment Day Predictions
Submitted by Snapple on Saturday, May 21, 2005 at 5:37 PM EST





Hello, and welcome to the latest edition of Wrestling in a Bottle. I'm Snapple.

It's been a few weeks since my last column, and I don't really have a good excuse. I just haven't had any pressing subjects to talk about, and this week is no different. Sure, I could do a concept column, but no subjects have sparked my interest. It's a very typical time in the WWE, as there's always a long period of mediocrity and uninteresting programming in the months following Wrestlemania.

The storylines are dull. Batista is not the new Steve Austin, and I'm not sure he'll even stay a face for the remainder of the year. He might turn after he finishes his inevitable feud with Orton later this year. Booker vs. Angle could be an awesome match, but I can't get into a storyline where Angle is trying to rape someone. Mostly because he's supposed to be ABSTINANT, as his character proudly exclaimed in 2000.

Cena's got a rap CD. That's nice. Too bad nobody outside of wrestling fandom even knows who he is. Despite that fact, I noticed that his CD actually hit No. 15 on the overall Billboard album sales this week, and No. 3 on the overall rap album charts. I think I can say it's already succeeded my expectations, and it looks like it's going to be enough of a success that Cena will probably be planning a second album eventually. I may not like his wrestling skills, but I wish him luck.

Seeing as there are no pressing matters in the WWE, I want to take some time to set the record straight on a guy who's taken a lot of crap, and who few people stood up for. New Jack. In addition, I'll do some Judgment Day predictions.

New Jack is Innocent

Since as long as I can remember, people have been giving New Jack a bad rap. They say he's a loose cannon. They say he's dangerous. They say he has no place in a wrestling ring, and that he's a terror backstage. Why is this? How did this get started? In my eyes, New Jack hasn't done anything that isn't forgivable. Let's get in the Wayback Machine, Sherman.

For those unfamiliar, New Jack is on old performer who's most well-known for his work in ECW. He's a real hardcore guy, and he's taken so many blade jobs that his entire forehead is just a mangled mess of scar tissue. From the get go, he had an unsavory reputation, because he's a former bounty hunter. It's like when Jamie Lee Curtis finds out her husband, Arnold Schwarzeneggar is really a spy in True Lies. She asks, "Have you ever killed anyone?" To which he replies, "Yeah, but they were all bad." He's just an honest guy who was making an honest living.

Now, one of the most memorable events that involved New Jack was the infamous Mass Transit incident. Mass Transit was a 17-year old kid who lied about his age to get to work an ECW show. Paul Heyman was shady like that and apparently didn't need credentials or even a driver's license. In a live show, this kid took on New Jack, who proceeded to completely pummel him. Mass Transit also took a botched bladejob and spewed massive ammounts of blood all over the ring. Mass Transit's father even yelled, "Lay off, he's only seventeen," but New Jack continued with the match, and Mass Transit eventually left with paramedics.

Following the incident, the family of Mass Transit filed criminal charges against New Jack. Even as recently as this year, I've heard wrestling "news reports" still comment on how New Jack was charged with assault back in the day. What people seldom bring up is the fact that the case was THROWN OUT. Even after screaming and bleeding all over, tapes proved to the court that Mass Transit was puffing his cheeks the whole time to help the blood flow more freely. Apparently, he really was in such fear of his life that he actually decided to make it worse. New Jack was found not guilty because that's exactly what he was. There's no need to continue dragging New Jack's name through the mud for an incident in which he did no wrong.

New Jack was also blackballed in NWA-TNA. Despite being very over with the crowd, the company let him go because of his supposed unprofessionalism. The official reason for his release was because he used swear words on camera after being told not to, and TNA was trying to create a "family-friendly" show. I say bullshit to that. Vince Russo and Jeff Jarrett both swore repeatedly on TNA Pay-Per-Views, and they both continued to do so after New Jack left the company. In fact, later that same year (2003), there was a segment where a woman had her top ripped off in the ring, showing full nudity. Family-oriented programming, huh? I say New Jack was screwed out of his job.

Several months ago, an independent wrestling promoter had New Jack arrested for aggravated battery. I don't remember if that ever went to court, or if that's still being planned or what. But basically, the match supposedly crossed the line. It was more brutal and vicious than was planned, and New Jack nearly hospitalized his opponent. Even though he was arrested for battery, the person he assaulted isn't even the one pressing the charges. In fact, his opponent says the match went off exactly as planned.

Here's the amazing part. He's actually being charged because the promoter said, "It wasn't supposed to be hardcore. We wrestle. You won't see any barbed wire bats and chains." To that, I say once again, BULLSHIT. You hired New Jack. NEW JACK. New Jack doesn't wrestle. He only knows violence. Any booker with an IQ of 3 should know what kind of entertainer New Jack is before they hire him. I think if anything, New Jack was taken advantage of. The match went as scripted, according to both New Jack and his opponent. If they didn't realize what kind of match they were going to get, that's just negligence on multiple levels by the promoter. New Jack was set up, and people are just taking advantage of his reputation, like he's an easy target because he has a bad past. To that I say, someone has to stand up for him. He can't be found guilty of every little accusation that's muttered just because he's had a little controvery before. It's not right.

One last thing I'll say about my good man. People need to stop dogging his wrestling ability. New Jack has no wrestling ability, but he doesn't pretend to either. I remember a wrestling interview he did a while back. He said, "I don't know wrestling moves. I don't know holds. All I know is whoopin' yo ass." So he admits it. He's not going to be on anyone's list of greatest wrestlers of all time, but he knew what his job was. His job was to be violent, and to entertain the crowd. I think he has succeeded on both accounts. Fans understand that, too. He's good at what he does. What he does isn't pure wrestling, but there's nothing really wrong with that.

In fact, if New Jack was such a terrible worker, then how come so many people have stolen from his act? Jarrett, the Dudleys, even Raven to an extent, and more.

He's also a great interview guest. If you still can, try to download some of his big radio interviews online. They're awesome.

I hope if he does show up at the ECW PPV, that he gets a great reception and makes someone bleed.

Snapple Predicts Judgment Day

Prediction time. Zerg rush. Kekekeke!

Booker T vs. Kurt Angle
This match has the potential to be something really special, like really, really special. Problem is, Booker has been in the doghouse so long, is he going to be motivated to give his best performance? Booker-Angle was actually my WWE title match from my fantasy Mania card. Both great wrestlers, and they haven't fought each other since 2001. I hope it turns out to be great, although I honestly can't see Booker getting a win here, as much as I want him to.
Snapple's Pick: Kurt Angle

Eddie Guerrero vs. Rey Mysterio
Well, they went ahead and turned Eddie heel. They took the WWE's closest thing to the next Rock or Austin, and wasted him by turning him heel and jobbing him to a cruiserweight for months on end. I'm not happy about it, but hopefully Eddie at least gets propelled back into the main event because of it. Maybe he'll even be the one to strip Cena of his title, if he doesn't job to the Undertaker's glass ceiling first like so many people have this past year. It's time for Eddie to get some of his heat back from Rey.
Snapple's Pick: Eddie Guerrero

US Title: Orlando Jordan (c) vs. Heidenreich
If you want to talk about poorly booked, how about OJ as the US champ? He should've gotten a BIG rub from his win over Cena, but the writers have pissed all over him. He's barely even acknowledged, and he still hasn't had a meaningful feud over the title. Instead, they throw Heidenreich at him just a few days before Judgment Day. Just because OJ is a flunkie doesn't mean he has to go unnoticed. Just look at what Orton did for the IC belt. OJ will retain, because this match hasn't been built up enough.
Snapple's Pick: Orlando Jordan

Big Show vs. Carlito Caribbean Cool (w/Matt Morgan)
To me, this is the one unpredictable match on the card. On one hand, Big Show needs his heat back from the last two PPV losses. On the other hand, Carlito just needs a win, period. Back on the other hand, a guy like Carlito doesn't really deserve to beat the Big Show yet anyway. I'm really torn. I guess I'll go with Show.
Snapple's Pick: Big Show

WWE Tag Team Championship: MNM (c) vs. Bob Holly & Charlie Haas
Seriously, predictable stuff. They get the Velocity squad to put over MNM, and that'll be that.
Snapple's Pick: MNM

WWE Championship 'I Quit' Match: John Cena (c) vs. JBL
I don't really like the premise of this match. I enjoy 'I Quit' matches, but this one is lost on me. JBL's entire heel persona is based on cowardise. He hasn't gotten a credible win since becoming the champ, and I have no reason to believe he wouldn't say 'I quit' if put in danger. This seems like Cena has a huge advantage, so the draw is lost on me. The only time this kind of setup has vaguely worked was when Foley was screwed at Survivor Series '98. But this isn't Survivor Series, where Vince loves to pull screwjobs nearly every year. This is about putting over Cena. I prefer 'I Quit' matchups like Flair-Funk and Austin-Hart, where it was exciting to watch because you couldn't possibly imagine either guy quitting. Cena wins.
Snapple's Pick: John Cena

Final Thought

So New Jack killed a few people. Hasn't everyone? Next week had better have some more news to discuss. I'm getting bored. Have a good week everyone.

-Snapple

Feedback goes here. tasteless@gmail.com








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