Wrestling in a Bottle: Snapple's Fantastic Fantasy Draft, plus Backlash Predictions
Submitted by Snapple on Saturday, April 30, 2005 at 6:21 PM EST





Hello, and welcome once again to Wrestling in a Bottle. I'm Snapple.

It's been three weeks since my last column, in which I endorsed Randy Orton to become the new Pope. I was worried that maybe some people might get offended, but I got a LOT of feedback, and nearly all of it was positive. I didn't have time to reply to most of it, but I did read all of it, and I thank everyone who supported the Orton '05 campaign. Unfortunately, Randy was not elected, and we have a Pope from Germany instead. I wish him the best of luck, but Randy still has many years ahead of him in which he can still choose to run for the office. Don't let the dream die.

I'm still not going to talk about the Hardy-Edge-Lita thing. Most of us feel bad for Matt, but what else can be said? Hopefully, Matt can find a great career somewhere else, and I'll leave it at that. This is a wrestling column, not a soap opera digest.

Instead, I'll dedicate this column to my thoughts on the draft and Backlash picks, which everyone loves.

Backlash Predictions

If I see this event, it'll probably be from me downloading it. I don't feel the WWE has put together enough to make me want to buy it, especially since they doubled the price of the webcast. Bastards. Still, it could be good.

Kane vs. Viscera
If anyone thinks Viscera is actually getting a push, I think you're mistaken. Visc is getting built up just enough to job to Kane, and then he's going right back to HeAT. Still, I have to admit the Trish-Visc vignettes have been pretty amusing. Visc is getting face pops because of it, so I wonder who will get cheered on Sunday? After all, Kane is defending the honor of the most hated woman in the WWE right now. Should be interesting to see from that perspective, but oh man is this match going to suck from a wrestling standpoint. If Kane loses, I'm going to cry, but I'll keep the faith.
Snapple's Pick: Kane

Intercontinental Championship: Chris Jericho vs. Shelton Benjamin (c)
The buildup for this match has been awful. Every promo these guys have cut on each other have sounded fake and overly scripted. Seeing as how I'm a big fan of both of these guys, I'm just disappointed. I hope they put more effort into the actual match than they did into their promos. I see Benjamin winning this match, but only by CHEATING (ie heel turn).
Snapple's Pick: Shelton Benjamin

Tag Team Championship: William Regal & Tajiri (c) vs. The Heart Throbs vs. The Hurricane & Rosey vs. Simon Dean & Maven vs. La Resistance
I honestly did not know this match was on the card. However, I went to WWE.com to make sure I wasn't forgetting any Backlash matches, and I saw this. As if the tag division wasn't pathetic enough, a win by any team here wouldn't prove anything seeing as how Hassan and Daivari just beat the tag champs in a non-title match on Monday, pretty cleanly I might add. Well, at least Simon Dean has a PPV match. Even though they gave MNM the tag titles right away, I want to believe they're going to build up the Heart Throbs first if they're serious about pushing them. So, I pick the champs to retain.
Snapple's Pick: Regal & Tajiri

One more match! One more match!
Does anyone HONESTLY think this is going to be Hulk Hogan's last match? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller? Yeah, me neither. Hogan can't stand to be away from the spotlight for too long. I haven't talked much about Hassan and Daivari yet, but I'll say this. I'm glad they haven't crossed the line as much as I thought they would. Back when they did the Un-Americans in 2002, they basically had Lance Storm say it was America's fault that 9/11 happened, and it... kind of crossed the line with a lot of people, by a longshot. Then, they had Chris Nowinski play an evil democrat, which prompted me to write one of my most famous columns about how politics and wrestling should not mix. So far though, I haven't heard anything terribly controversial out of Hassan's mouth. I'm waiting to be offended, but I'm glad it hasn't happened yet. And Daivari? I LOVE Daivari. Why is Hassan getting the push, when he's the crappier wrestler of the two? Oh wait, because he's a hoss and Daivari is a lightweight. Thanks, Vince. The two old guys will win.
Snapple's Pick: The Hulk Break Kids

Last Man Standing: Chris Benoit vs. Edge
Here's the one match that could be worth seeing. Problem is, these guys have already fought several times, and the WWE doesn't know how to really book a Last Man Standing match. Either it ends up being a streetfight with a big goofy finish like Shane jumping off the Titantron, or it ends in a draw. A DRAW? I still can't believe they did that. Real, actual LMS matches are really fun to watch. Maybe the WWE finally give us one of those. Anyway, Edge is getting the push, not Benoit. Edge wins.
Snapple's Pick: Edge

World Championship: Batista (c) vs. Triple-H
They're not done with Batista-HHH yet. I hate to say it, but this just doesn't feel done. I also don't think Triple-H would do the job two PPVs in a row. I was shocked when he did that for Goldberg, but he ended up winning that feud anyway. So do I think Batista is gonna lose then? No, I think the match is going to end in a disqualification. A DQ? In the main event of a PPV? Yeah, I know it's disgusting and should never happen, but the WWE did do it at least twice last year that I can remember, at Judgment Day and at Summerslam, both times in JBL matches.
Snapple's Pick: Someone by DQ

That's all. Take it or leave it.


Snapple's Fantastic Fantasy Draft

I didn't like last year's draft. The way Vince McMahon played it up as the new beginning after Wrestlemania 20, I was expecting something big. What was got were a few midcarders changing shows and a lot of questionable picks. What did Nidia get out of being drafted? Oh, right. She got fired. Mark Jindrak is another who's doing a great job main eventing Smackdown right now along with Rene Dupree. Oh... darn, that didn't happen either. Booker T and Shelton Benjamin had the biggest impact from the draft, and yet they've also just been stewing around the midcard for months. People know this, and yet, people are getting fired up about a new draft. Why? It's just going to be another disappointment. I'm going to do some drafting that I think will benefit BOTH rosters, while trying not to do too many main event switcheroos.

RAW to Smackdown!

1. Gene Snitsky
Let me say now and let me say it loud. I have become a Gene Snitsky FAN. Everything this guy does is pure ridiculousness. When I think about the way they introduced his character, I still crack up. His promos are corny, and he's just fun to watch. Sure, his wrestling skills aren't exactly good, but I'd like to find something for him to do. As long as he stays on RAW, he's just a by-product of the Kane-Lita storyline. He hasn't been on television since Wrestlemania, so I think it's obvious the WWE have run out of things for him to do. So send him to Smackdown! and give him a clean start. With the right buildup, he could keep the Undertaker busy for a couple of months. Then, if it were up to me, I'd turn him babyface down the road. The guy is a clown, and funny characters can get over with the crowd.

2. Christian
With all the talk of Christian going to Smackdown! that's been going down on RAW, I have to admit he's sold me on the idea. If I had to pick one guy who I know could carry Cena to a good match, it'd have to be Christian. Christian's strength is making his opponent look good, and Cena is only good at making himself look good. So it's a good match of styles. However, a main event push is too optimistic I think. In reality, I still think it's a good fit. In general, Smackdown! has a lot of smaller guys. Christian is a smaller guy, so he'd probably look more credible competing for that brand. Even though he loses a lot, Christian is more than capable of getting a reaction from the crowd, and he'd be a fresh opponent for a lot of guys.

3. Daivari
Here's a guy with talent just trying to ooze out, but he's saddled as a lowly manager. Hassan doesn't need Daivari. Hassan does his own promos, and he fights his own matches. I think a pick like this could emphasize the unpredictability factor, and it could allow Daivari to go in a new direction. I hear there's a cruiserweight division that could use spicing up.

4. Trish Stratus
There is nothing left for Trish to do on RAW. Absolutely nothing. She's feuded with Lita for the better part of a year. The only other female wrestler is Victoria. If they're just waiting to debut new "divas" to wrestle Trish, why can't they debut on Smackdown? Maybe Trish can have a feud with Torrie or Dawn Marie or something like that. The women's division is in such shambles, something drastic needs to be done if it's going to be saved at all, something like taking the title to another show entirely. They can come up with an excuse for Victoria to switch brands later. Or perhaps, once Trish is drafted, Bischoff will strip Trish of her title and throw it in the garbage. There's no need for it anymore anyway.

5. Chris Jericho
This is my one "big" pick from RAW to Smackdown. Yes, I know Jericho is stuck in a midcard feud now over a midcard title, but if he's taken to Smackdown, that could open up a whole new world of possibilities. Nearly all the main eventers on Smackdown need a new opponent. Kurt Angle vs. Chris Jericho. JBL vs. Chris Jericho. The Undertaker vs. Chris Jericho. Eddie Guerrero vs. Chris Jericho. I want to watch Smackdown already just thinking about it, and this is the kind of shakeup the draft is supposed to make.


Smackdown! to RAW

1. Josh Mathews
Last year, we saw Paul Heyman and Teddy Long drafted to prove that even non-wrestlers are capable of switching shows. If two went last year, I expect at least one to go this year. RAW has also been in need of a babyface backstage reporter for a while. They've tried a few no-name people with zero charisma for the part, but I'd rather see a guy like Mathews fill that void. Since he's a draft pick, he could also get involved in some kind of angle potentially.

2. Luther Reigns
I feel very strongly about this pick. Here is a decently talented "big man" wrestler with decent charisma, but not much to show for it so far. Smackdown has tried to push him, but mostly he ends up as a jobber to main eventers because they don't have anything better for him to do. Now that he's out from under Kurt Angle's wing, this is the perfect time to repackage him entirely. Rebuild his character from the ground up on a different show, RAW. Maybe he could feud with Kane or Shelton.

3. Charlie Haas
This one's a no-brainer. He's completely fallen out of place on Smackdown, yet he's absolutely oozing with all the tools to get over. I'd hate to see him become the Marty Jannetty to Shelton's Shawn Michaels. He doesn't even need a gimmick. He just goes out, wrestles, and the crowd gets into it anyway. Make the people care about Charlie again, WWE, or you'll be wasting a lot of potential.

4. Chavo Guerrero
I have a feeling this won't happen, simply because Eddie and Chavo enjoy travelling together. However, I can't help but to think what Chavo could do when tangling with the heavyweights. After his feuds with Eddie and Rey Mysterio, it seemed to me like Chavo was ready to break out and become an upper-carder on Smackdown. Something fizzled along the way and the WWE started treating him like a cruiserweight nobody again. However, I still think the fans would buy a big push for Chavo. He's one of my favorite wrestlers in the company, and he can hold his own against anyone. For a cruiserweight, he looks big, and that will help him. He could easily be a staple player on RAW like Christian has been, maybe even an Intercontinental Champion.

5. John Bradshaw Layfield
Did I catch your attention? Yeah, I know I said to not get hopes up for a main eventer changing shows, but this this makes too much sense to me not to mention it. JBL has feuded with EVERYONE. Who is left to feud with him on Smackdown? He fought Cena, Angle, Big Show, Booker, Undertaker, and Eddie. That's all there is. There ain't no more. JBL has exhausted his potential opponents, and honestly, he doesn't serve a purpose on that show anymore. He's about to put over Cena for the second time, so basically he's done. RAW needs more main event heels. Right now they have Triple-H and Edge, with Edge having yet to prove he really deserves a main event spot. There are so few heels on RAW that they're putting Viscera on PPV to fill the void. Plus, don't forget. Triple-H and JBL teased a feud between each other at Wrestlemania. Drafting JBL could make that happen. It would give Triple-H someone new to fight, and it would give JBL a lot of new people to fight.


And that's my draft. It's more of what I would do rather than what the WWE will do, but I think it's fair. Instead, I'm probably going to have to feign excitement as Rosey gets traded for Bill Demott, or something Earth-shattering like that.

Final Thought

It's times like these that I realize just how many feuds have been exhausted on both shows. It almost makes me want Rikishi to show back up and hit someone else with a car. Also, why is it that Jim Ross was allowed to pin Triple-H? They could've picked ANY babyface on RAW to get that kind of rub, and they chose to give it to Jim friggin' Ross. What a waste. That's all for this week. Take care.

-Snapple

Feedback goes here-> tasteless@gmail.com








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