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Submitted by Dubzilla on Saturday, April 30, 2005 at 12:23 PM EST
Heavenly Head You may already know of the death of wrestler Chris Candido. He passed away at the young age of 33 from complications resulting from surgery to fix his broken leg. Recently, he was a much needed valuable asset to NWA-TNA as a manager for the tag team, The Naturals. In the wake of all of the sadness surrounding this shocking news, I've heard nothing, but good things about this fellow from friends, family and fans alike. The drug problems of him and his wife, Tammy have been well-documented, but that is neither here nor there. My impression of Candido is that he was always good in the ring, he was never one of the top guys, but he knew that. I always had a good chuckle when I heard the stories of how he landed Tammy and got her to go out with him. Chris was just a guy that was very sure of himself and told her that she was going to join him at Arby's or some restaurant joint like that. A superstar who truly lived up to his "No Gimmicks Needed" moniker, you will always be remembered and for that we salute your memory, R.I.P. Skip aka Chris Candido. Go and check out the great tribute that's been created in audio and visual manner here in the LOP Network. Here on the main page and inside of the LOP Forums. If it isn't already up on the main page, it will be soon. Dumass, you are a good man, a visionary and I was tearing up when I listened to your two cents about Chris. Breaking The Seal Hello, it's Dubzilla and this is the Turnbuckle Tailgate, the column that lasts a little longer than TV timeout and doesn't promise minty fresh breath. It is a glorious time for me right now and we'll get into that a little bit later. But for now, let's dish out the itinerary through this crazy drinking journey. We start with the Black & Tan aka Pick'Em. Then we go into The Pub Crawl where I discuss various topics in pro wrestling that pique my interest. After that if I'm feeling frisky, I make some random observations straight from a bar napkin. The coup de grace is Monty Hall, the free form portion of the column where I get to freestyle my thought process and do my thing. I like liquor so this is why I have structure in my column or at least I strive to have it. Talk is cheap, but it is just about everywhere. It seems like more time is spent flapping the gums in the WWE than is spent on actual wrestling. You wonder why fans aren't coming out in droves to watch the product. It's not the lack of competition, it's a combination of two things, it's the lack of a polarizing ensemble of top stars plus midcard contingent and the lack of quality wrestling action spread out with feuds that draw interest. Brand extension and the vacancy created by the likes of Steve Austin and The Rock haven't helped matters, but right now there are a lot of young competitors that have potential. A way to unleash this potential is to utilize the interview segments to sell the stars and their respective differences of opinion. Both RAW and SmackDown have these little kooky sideshows that can accomplish this. In the past, there was Piper's Pit, The Barbershop, The Funeral Parlor and The Love Shack amongst other little diddies that are time tested in their purpose with some better than others. In my opinion, these shows serve a better purpose than 3/4 of the taped segments that they air during their shows because they are done in the ring and do a better job of getting the crowd involved. Let's double down and dissect our beer. Black - Carlito's Cabana Carlito Caribbean Cool, a legacy wrestler, son of Puerto Rican wrestling legend, Carlos Colon. Another wrestler who benefits from nepotism with wrestling in his blood. But every wrestler has to earn his stripes and this kid relatively young. Everyone cannot live up to the limitless standards of fans that demand technical wrestling on par with 5 star wrestling matches everytime out. Carlito works well in the ring, but his greatest asset is his character. It's simple, the crowd reacts to it and the heat that it generates is tremendous. When you think of Carlito, you think of that green apple he's wielding and ready to spit out at his own free will. He'll speak his mind, but he's not invincible, he shows his cowardice. The Cabana is nice, it's got that tropical motif with the fake palm trees and the hammock. Carlito gets to pick on the crowd and then invite his guest or guests out. In time, he'll become more of a focal point of the segment, but for now, he's serving his purpose as a slight moderator for other peoples' issues. Tan - Y2J's Highlight Reel Chris Jericho seems to be a perennial candidate for Most Popular Wrestler. He can play the face and heel interchangably and both well. The man has charisma, the gift of the gab and the acumen in the wrestling ring to put out great matches on a consistent basis. Some would say that the man has come complacent with a lack of a presence in the World Title picture. He's muy over with the fans, he's got his fair share of fanatics. I think the time is ripe for him to do something so dastardly on RAW that he'll be the most hated man in the WWE. The Highlight Reel is his cup of tea, something he does occasionally as he wrestles often. The color schematic is a nice mix of purples. He's got the latest technology in the Jeritron 5000 dropping down from the rafters of the arena. But he's also got the cheesiest dumb set props shaped like big 'X's that always seem to get knocked over when a brawl breaks out. Jericho always seems to find a way to be in the center of the attention of all things going on during this segment. Bartender's Choice - Cool or Jericho? Carlito may very well be the future of SmackDown, Jericho was supposed to be the second coming of whatever the first coming was back when he debuted in the WWE six years ago after being the talk of the worldly wrestling fan prior to that. The jury may still be out on the Cabana as the Reel is played out like Colecovision. Carlito is laid back while Jericho is over the top. Because I like the set and possibilities of the newer show better, I'll choose CCC's Cabana in a close one, but I'll take William Regal, Joy Giovanni, The Basham Brothers and Gene Snitsky in the quinella in the fourth. The Pub Crawl Chock Full Of Frosty Pints, Mixed Cocktails & Sensational Shots Delerium Tremens - Top Dogs Batista/HHH II will go down this Sunday at Backlash. I can't wait for these two to get into the ring and finally go at it again because it'll mean Batista will stop trying to have a personality. Just be the animalistic muscle bound meathead that we all love to watch powerbomb people and everybody will be satisfied. Your feeble attempt at sarcasm by tooting Jim Ross' horn was weaker than a coterie of Anne Robinson's game show castoffs. But after being so dominant for so long, it is weird to see HHH looking scared off an opponent. He's one of the best in the business and should be around the championship, but too much is just that, more than necessary. I'd say that HHH should take a leave of absence for like 6 months and let the main event picture on RAW go in another direction, but Randy Orton is on the shelf and HHH is the go-to-guy and he can't be going anywhere soon. Dos Equis - Stuff To Tell The Grandkids About? Hulk Hogan and Shawn Michaels will form a legendary dream team when they hook up with Hassan and Daivari at Backlash. While the Arab-Ams have youth on their side, they lack the big match experience that the veterans have on them. Sure Hogan may be washed up, but this isn't a singles match. If it was Hassan versus Hogan, this one would be a no-brainer, but HBK is involved and this guy is a proven winner. The only question now is if the WWE takes advantage of Hogan's popularity and messes with the fans' noggins. They could do this perfectly, but turning Hogan heel on the Christian Michaels. The fans want one last run with Hogan in the Hollywood role. The perfect fit to end his career by waxing nostaglic with Hogan as the bad guy. Presidente - Two To Tango It's a battle of who's got the best game in two of the better matchups on the Backlash card. There's the Intercontinental matchup between Shelton Benjamin and Chris Jericho as well as the Last Man Standing match betwixt Edge and Chris Benoit. Four world class athletes showing the skills for you and me. The Jericholics always have Y2J's back while Shelton is gaining his own respective following. Benjamin will suplex in a heartbeat while Jericho will wear you down and possibly put you in the Walls Of Jericho. Another guy who'll make you tap is Chris Benoit with the Crippler Crossface. He's also got the string of German Suplexes in his arsenal. But then again, Edge has got the clout of the suitcase as Mr. Money In The Bank and he may choose to throw you in the Sharpshooter every once in awhile. It is a test of wills in this matchup, Edge has destiny on his side while Benoit is a resilient one. It'll take more than running him over with a riding lawn mower to render him unconscious. Whiskey Wry Observations From A Drunkard Dash Prophet I'm enjoying the whole Viscera/Trish love tryst. Sure, it is one-sided, but it is one helluva hilarious sports entertainment segment. I always knew that the artist formerly known as Mabel had it in him and it proves that signing him as a part of the let us revitalize the old school Undertaker world tour with Gangrel. Keeping him aboard is working out well, sure his critics say he can't wrestle a lick because he's an immobile fat guy. But most of the fans are fat guys, they can relate with him wanting to eat the whole menu. I think it has taken away anything that Kane had going into their match at Backlash. Frankly, I care more about the Simon System more than Kane and that my friends is freaking scary. So Bradshaw is gonna get his Wrestlemania rematch versus John Cena. Should have seen that one coming. If the number one contender's tourney on SmackDown gave us one thing this past month, it provided the groundwork for a nice little feud between former tag team partners Eddie Guerrero and Rey Misterio. And the set of matches that these two gents will have will be better than Taco Bell's Big Bell Value Menu because it's not gonna claim to leave me full, it'll have me wanting more. MONTY HALL(Marking Out (because you're) Never Too Young (to) Harvest A Lifetime (of) Lunacy). Wrestlefestivus Last October, John Donaldson did the unthinkable. He was able to fuse a couple of his favorite things and in the process of a month's time, he created a new worldwide pasttime. By combining social gatherings, baseball's postseason and the consumption of his favorite alcoholic beverages, JD created Johntoberfest. During the month of October, he drank at least one (usually more) alcoholic beverage on 28 out of the 31 days of the month. He got shithoused on a dozen of those very days. There were some epic events that transpired during Johntober: The infamous removal from Hooters which led to the ironic radio station contest victory which landed him and a friend 2nd row ringside at an episode of WWE SmackDown emanating from Boston, The 2004 Boston Red Sox with their wild ride through 11 playoff games leading them to the holy grail of the MLB, A World Series Championship and the culmination of Johntober, Halloween with him wearing the kilt he had made at King Richard's Faire for the first time to rave reviews. The goal was to edify others about the various unsundry beers that exist outside of the basic American watered-down Bud, Miller and Coors brew spectrum and in the process for him to drink at least one different beer for every day of Johntober. He succeeded in his quest and then some, drinking over 100 different alcholic beverages, at least 65 of which were different types of beer. He lost count of the number of drinks his liver had to process, but he's happy and healthy and looks to make Johntoberfest 2005 to be as epic if not more so than the inaugural edition in 2004. So what to do between Johntobers? Summer is on its way, but before that, we have lovely spring. Now one of my favorite things in the world is watching pro wrestling. And there is nothing better than going to a show and seeing it live. But what if I could pull off the double whammy, go to two shows in two days, now that would be uncredible and world class. I've done so before on a weekend way back in 1998 while ECW was still in business for shows in Waltham and Revere. But I heard that the WWE would be coming into town at the beginning of May about a month or two ago. They would be doing a pay per view called Backlash in Manchester, NH at the Verizon Wireless Arena and they would follow it up the next night for Monday Night RAW at the FleetBankNorthCenterGardenTDVDWhateverthefucktheyarenowcallingitbah. Tickets went on sale two consecutive weekends for each show. There was an Internet presale for the Monday night show. That started the Wednesday prior, I heard about it on the Friday before they went on sale to the general public on Saturday. I hate presales, why not just put them on sale to everyone at the same time. They have to be really fucking sneaky about it as well. Let's pull their tongues out and see who's keeping a secret now. So needless to say, my prospects for Backlash came out better than my prospects for RAW. So I got two tickets for each show, 2nd row ringside for the more expensive Backlash and club level seating for the RAW in Boston (I enjoy the memorabilia in that level of the building and plus they have a better liquor selection as well as food). It's tough to get people amped up to go to a wrestling show unless they are hardcore fans. I make sure that money isn't an issue either. Anyone that is willing to go with me will go at a discount that is negociable. The NH show should be fun as it will be a roadtrip of sorts. The Boston show will be fun because of the memories of pregames of the past. All I know is that I hope it'll be fun to be a fan again, maybe I'll just end up ruining wrestling for myself forever by exposing myself to way too much of it. Nah, that's unpossible, kid. I could never do that, at least I don't think I could. But I'm gonna be marking out hardcore and I think I'll be in the sightlines of the hard camera at Backlash if my calculations are correct. So you may see if you watch this Sunday. If you weren't planning on watching, I didn't give you another great reason to watch, I gave you an excellent reason to watch. But those of you that have seen my MySpace profile already know what I look like so what's the big hoohaa anyway. I may bring signs, but I don't think I want to be that asshole that holds up signs the whole show. If I was to do that I'd only do it between matches and asides. All I know is that I'm gonna be happy and smiling a lot these next couple of days. Drown In Denouement That's World Class right there. We got the greatest thing since Johntoberfest occuring in the next couple of days with Wrestlefestivus. There should be an airing of grievances and feats of strength. Once I find out who's going to RAW with me, it'll be fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun. Yeah, I needed to say fun that many times. I can't wait, glad you could join me for this little party we have here at Lords Of Pain Dot Net. Tell your friends that they can bring their own booze if they'd like, but we got plenty. Farewell, remember yeah, wrestling and ahhhhhh, bermulloch! Send Feedback to john.d.donaldson@gmail.com Get To Know The Real Me Yeah, that's me, this is just another way besides e-mail to get in touch with me. Check it out, if you'd like *NEW GALLERY* Hot RETRO Photos: WCW's Sexy NITRO GIRLS! Wow!
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