|
|
|
|
|
Submitted by Wevv Mang on Sunday, March 27, 2005 at 7:38 PM EST
Ridin’ With The Bossman – Wrestlemania Countdown Greetings! Welcome to another edition of WWE’s favorite Column, Ridin' With The Bossman. The final stretch is here. In one short week, Wrestlemania comes to you live from Los Angeles. This past week was a very strange one for WWE TV. Lots of just plain goofiness. So, it’s going to be an interesting look. Let’s get underway shall we? WWE – The TV Series Raw Recap can be found here: We start things off with a match. It’s a handicap match, though not called that, as it’s called: HBK VS Rob Conway w/ Sylvan Grenier So, your former tag team champs are jobbed to HBK. Not a surprise, but it does start the trend of the night. Get the Big Four Matches Stars over, no matter what. Mixed Tag Christy Hemme, Tajiri, and Regal vs Maven, Simon Dean, and Molly Entertaining match, though how far has Maven fallen? He was never very high to begin with, but man, he sucks the life from the ring. Same with Simon, who still sucks. I will say this. Maven is a brave man. Before the match, he drank the shake, and who knows what was in it. But he downed it all. Rookie. Christy is getting better. She won the match, pinning Molly. H Talks Forever Man, this was a classic promo. H started of strong and kept things rolling. He put over the other matches, he built interest in Orton’s match, and should have stopped talking after six minutes. But he kept going into next weeks promo, or even later in the show promo, when he was on the mic. But he didn’t stop there. He stepped off the cliff into the pit and sank his promo into stupidity and boredom. Sigh, he just never learns. But it is a great learning experience. If you have it on tape, watch it again, and see if you can spot the place where the producers should have yelled "Cut!", Repeat. It’s just fascinating. You can see the promo build and the peak, and then crash and burn. If I had time, I would write the whole thing out. Where’s CRZ when you need him? The sinking continues as he has the line of the night later on. Edge and Christian vs Jericho and Shelton Benjamin Great match. Nice tag work and some great back and forth. Edge does win, but hopefully that means jobbing at WM. Flair Speaks So, why is everyone all goofy when Ric speaks. Just once I’d like to see some cockiness form the under card when it comes to the "main eventers". Why in the world was Hassan considering the words of Ric? He should have been offended. It was a great effort from Ric, but the reactions need some work. Bischoff and Batista Good work from both, though it was clearly filler. Orton and Stacy So, did you get the message. Not the one that JR had to explain, because no one else understood it. I’m talking about the deeper message. The one where he rambles on about not listening to critics and doing what he always does. I’d be very interested I who wrote that promo. I have my guesses. It also brought to mind the fact that Vince was backstage for the first time in a long time. Batista vs Kane Lumberjack match A nice surprise. Both Batista and Kane looked good. Even with all the outside hijinks this was a good match. It also had the line of the night from H. "Beaten like a sack of puppies". Yes, he actually said that. That is too funny. What kind of retard uses that as a zinger? Besides, didn’t Batista start his day with a nice bowl of kitten back in the day? When he was from a broken home, and had to fight for everything? You know, generic intro #2? So, are you trying to bribe him, H? Maybe if you offered him a puppy smoothie, he’ll go easy on you. Anywho, Batista and Kane cleared the ring, and Batista got the pin. Show ends with a stare down. Smackdown Report courtesy of Brandon Scott Berthelot Smackdown starts things off with an interview by Tazz of Big Show. Tazz asks about Akebono, the sumo guy he’ll be facing at WM. Show says he has respect for Akebono, but that he is going to win. We then see Akebono in action. Luther then comes out in a Jeep and mutters something. Yeah, Taker really helped ya Luther. I feel bad for the guy because he actually had some mic skills and wasn’t bad in the ring. Now he’s a goofball and not in a good way. Show squashes him quick, and then spends a really long time tipping over the Jeep. Well, they are designed to be roll over resistant. Not a good segment. Chavo and Eddie Chavo tells Eddie to challenge Rey. Eddie agrees. Orlando vs Scotty 2 Hotty JBL comes out with Orlando. Scotty comes out and messes with JBL and even hits the Worm on Bradshaw. Bradshaw gets his revenge and beats the hell out of the Veteran with No Program For Wrestlemania. Taker Promises to Sacrifice This Show And he starts off nicely. He interrupts- Eddie and Rey vs Charlie and Bob Holly Which is not a bad thing, as I am in hurry to Bob Holly in action. Eddie and Rey wins, and Rey accepts Eddie’s challenge for Wrestlemania, making it official. Kurt Angle OK, he comes out to Shawn Michael’s music. He’s wearing some of HBK’s ring apparel. He’s accompanied by Sensational Sherri. When he gets to the ring, he sings HBK’s theme song. There’s even a video package of HBK. It’s a tribute to HBK. Man, I hope Angle wins. So far, this bit has polarized me against the supposed fan favorite. Then Angle attacks Sheri. It’s like Orton did, except this makes a bit of sense. Blah. Dawn Marie vs Michelle McCool Pretty good catfight and just when it was getting good, the Undertaker gongs hit and the lights go out. Just killed momentum dead. Nothing happens, and the match resumes, devoid of life. Dawn sneaks a pin. Carlito and Funaki, Best Buds There was a nice bit earlier with Carlito dressed as Elvis. Now, it’s Funaki who gets to interview him. A very solid sketch, where Carlito walks off, and Funaki picks up the sunglasses, when Carlito returns and hits him with a guitar. Yes, Carlito is damn good. Booker T vs Rene Dupree Once again, Taker kills the match, only this time he shows up. He lays out Rene with a chokeslam. All this crap for that? Please. Cena vs JBL Debate Neither can touch the other. So the debate starts. It’s not good. I’m indifferent to Cena. The guy has potential, but it’s never marketed right. Bradshaw has been great on the mic, but he talks away too long and this Wrestling God business has got to go. But this bit polarized me. Never before have I wanted Bradshaw to just beat the hell out of some one. I do now. Cena was incredibly annoying and the obnoxious. I was begging for Bradshaw to get a chair and just pound the crap out of Cena. While yelling " I’m not touching you! I’m not touching you!" That’s how bad this skit was. Go Bradshaw. Beat the shit out of Cena. Squash him like Taker and H. Totally, completely, utterly. So, last week I asked the question of who was going to put over who the best. It looks like WWE tried to answer that question this week. Only their doing it WWE style. What does that mean? It means that the guys WWE wants you to cheer for are getting their big push at the expense of the dignity of their opponent. HBK, Taker, and H all have had their asses kissed this week. Especially HBK. It’s totally ridiculous, and I hope it backfires on them. I now want Orton to win, simply because he’s been such a pussy that maybe a win will let him grow some balls. But he’s injured and going in for surgery after Mania. The there is the fact that Randy keeps causing trouble backstage, scaring off Amy Weber and Rochelle Loewen, and being the factor behind Lauren Jones going to Smackdown. It may also be the reason for the break up of Keibler and Orton, which is a good thing. But that guy has got to get his head out of his ass. Stop hanging around Edge Randy. Angle deserves to win for looking like such a goof A great match against Marty Jannetty last week and this week he’s paying tribute to HBK, instead of letting folks know that he is a bad ass. HBK better not screw him over. Speaking of HBK There’s something I would like to point out. Many years ago, there was another fan favorite who Smarks turned on., he was blamed for bringing in his friends, complaining about jobbing, and basically had to have his bits portrayed in a positive light. He had to main event and had promising youngsters fed to him. The booking of the show was changed to meet his demands. That man was Hulk Hogan. People hated Hulkster for it. I mean really hated the guy. Meet the new Hogan. HBK. I don’t know how much say he has backstage, but I bet it’s not small. Now HBK is bringing in his old friends, and getting them jobs on TV. Watch Monday, and keep the Hulkster in your mind as you watch HBK’s bits. Oh, and for the Hogan haters, Hogan made a shitload of money for WWF and revived WCW. Just like Flair and Sting aren’t to blame for the demise of WCW, the same case could be made for Hogan. No one reigned him in. Triple H and Batista That promo is the main reason that H should drop the belt. It was way too much time and if H doesn’t have the belt, his time may be cut and his effectiveness increased. It’s a long shot, but it may work. H gets way too much attention, and it’s not good for the fans and for H. H can do the job, and do it well, but he needs a strong opponent and limited use. Have him drop the belt and drop down the ranks. No rematch, no long drawn out promos, no hijinks all show long, just H against one guy, lower on the card. Like Snitsky or Simon Dean. Make them a star H, like you did with Batista. So, with One week left, the pressure is on. The pieces should be in place, and all that remains are the decision to either coast or try and amp it up a notch. Kane’s House Deep inside the Cashier Rebellion stronghold. Bossman: Damn this stalemate! We need to launch a massive attack and break through to the back office and take our complaints directly to Vince. What’s the situation Spike? Spike: It looks like all sides have hunkered down and dug in. The Independents have brought in hardcore wrestlers and taken control of Lawn and Garden. They stopped there, after building a cage out of chain link fence and are beating each other with shovels and garden hoses. The Floor crew has taken Automotive, and Housewares. We’ve made inroads in electronics, but are holding steady in Plumbing, and Linens and Men’s wear. Management has sealed the building. No one gets in or out without them knowing it. Bossman: Excellent. Then we need to make a push to get through. How about we try to slip through Porch and Patio? Spike: No good. Every time we try to make a barricade, those crazy hardcore nuts through themselves through our tables. Bossman: What about through the grocery section? Spike: Mark Henry has that firmly under control, and no one is willing to make the attempt. Bossman: Dammit! We have to try! See, if we can circle a force around through there, we can pin Floor crew inside and take the battle to them! With the weapons available, we have a chance of breaking through to the back, and Management! Spike: But Ultimo! The men are afraid of Mark Henry! Bossman: They well should be. But I’ll talk to them, while you get the rest of the troops ready. Meanwhile, in Automotive Triple H shows up. Triple H: What’s the status Taker? Taker: Not good. We’ve sealed the store, but the Independents have taken over a section and the Cruisers are holed up in Men’s wear. The men are tired from moving around so much. If this keeps up, we’re not going to make it. Triple H: Dammit! Vince is going crazy! We need to end this rebellion now! We need to strike those cashiers and strike them hard! I’ll speak to the men and rally them! Meanwhile, in Lawn and Garden Christopher Daniels: We got problems Chief! Raven: What is it? CD: We’re running out of patio tables for the hardcore wrestlers! They keep muttering about fluorescent lightbulbs and thumbtacks and we don’t have any? They’re about to go berserk! Raven: Dammit! We’ve got a nice hold here, but if those nuts get loose, everything will be for nothing! Hell, half our men have submitted applications and have been called back for an interview! We can’t lose that! CD: It gets worse chief! We’re running out of Mountain Dew and Slim Jims! Our sentries on the Grocery side have reported that the sound of eating have slowed down and fear that Mark Henry might head this way! Raven: Son of a bitch! Any other news you want to lay on me? CD: Sad to say chief, but we’ve had reports saying that a big offensive is about to be launched by the Cashiers and Floor crew. And we’re smack dab in the middle! Raven: That’s just great. OK Chris, gather the men. Time to take this all out. I’ll speak to the men! Employment or Death! Meanwhile Kane, Lita, Christy, and Big Show are lost in the home repair section. Lita: Kane, do you have any idea where we are? Kane: No. Lita: You big stupid, retard! Why don’t you ask an employee for directions! It’s amazing that you even bother to dress yourself in the morning. Christy: I’m not even sure he can do that. He seems to have forgotten his shirt. Big show, Lita and Christy laugh, while Kane smiles a creepy smile. Kane: I like her. She smells nice. You ever make it on a mortuary slab? Big Show: LOOK! There’s an employee now! Excuse me miss? Do you work here? An old lady wheels around. Old Woman: Eh? My, you’re a big one! I bet you got a huge package! Big Show:Excuse me? Old Lady: Don’t be shy fella! Whip it out for old Mae! Let’s see that trousersnake! If you’re lucky, I’ll take my teeth out, if you know what I mean! Big Show: EEWWW! Lady, we just wanted to ask for some directions. Do you know where plumbing is? Mae: Right here! (Mae lifts her skirt) You stick your pipe in here! But you gotta lube it up first! Hee hee hee! Christy: Oh, that’s so wrong! Lita: Yeah, that’s freaking me out. Come on, let’s go. Big Show averting his eyes, scampers back to the group, who are quickly moving away from Mae. Kane stands and looks at the old woman. A puzzled expression on his face. Mae: What’s the problem sonny? You want some of this? You look like a big guy, and you have big feet, turned on yet? Kane: (Speaking slowly) I should be. But I’m not. That’s never happened to me before. I mean, you’re almost dead, so there should be something, yet I feel only repulsed, and not in a hot and sexy kind of way. Mae: Look sonny, get a load of these, and tell me you feel nothing! (Mae drops her top, and rolls her tongue around her mouth suggestively) Kane: Odd, that just makes me feel ill. In a not sexy kind of way. You know, I’ve never said this to anyone before, but you are very creepy. Kane turns and walks away. Mae just looks after him, shrugs her shoulders and gets dressed. Mae: Freak. Over-Analyzing Wrestling Today’s Topic: SummerSlam, the Forgotten pay Per View Wrestlemania is almost here. The Biggest PPV event of the year. As Vince said, ‘Where it all begins again" and that is true in more ways than once. Each year, the WWE can count on two PPV’s being a big success. The Royal Rumble and Wrestlemania. The names alone will make people buy them. Where the Rumble is all about the Battle Royal, folks buy Wrestlemania because it’s Wrestlemania. But there are two other Big Two PPV’s. Survivor Series and SummerSlam. Or, at least they used to be. Last year, WWE tried hard to push SummerSlam. It was a mixed success. It was the start of the Randy Orton Championship reign, where Orton was rushed. H beat the hell out of Eugene, ending Retard Mania. JBL beat Taker in a not good match. But it was also the time where Eddie and Kurt had a classic, and Batista was made into a star. And who can forget Kane and Matt Hardy fighting over Lita, which gave birth (HA!) To Snitsky, Baby Killer. SummerSlam, it’s often over looked, but it used to be a key PPV, ranked second out of all of them at times. Why is SummerSlam important? Why make a case for a strong attempt to revive this PPV? Why not? SummerSlam takes part at a peak time for WWE. Kids are out of school. TV competition is weak, and t also a key time to build superstars for next year. It’s also a litmus test for the next round of Superstars coming out of Mania. It’s a key planning stage for future long-term angles. Summer is a time to relax and chill out before heading back to school for the all important demographic that WWE likes. High school and college age kids. 18-25 years old. Having a PPV placed at the end of summer, in August is a good thing. It’s a last chance to blow off some steam, and get ready to head back to school. Much like a summer’s end concert, it’s a chance to spend money freely and have a good time, since the chance may not roll around again for months. It’s also the last chance to make a lasting impression on fans whose time is about to get absorbed by other tasks. A strong showing at SummerSlam can make or break a new star. On the television side of things, many shows go into hiatus, waiting to find out if they’re coming back next year. In recent years, attempts have been made to move into this dead time, with Survivor being the first real break out Summer Success. Since then, many teen oriented shows have debuted, and indeed, WB and cable stations have started experiencing success with original summer programming. WWE has a leg up on these shows, since they go all year long, and are used to the pace. They already have a built in audience and have a chance to grow that base in the summer, with casual fans attracted by WM hype. It’s a chance for WWE to keep the momentum going. Going into WM the fan opinions are mostly positive. Sure, there is some bitching about fan favorites, but it’s only because the smarks are marking out. It’s a good thing as folks can debate about the merits of their guys against the merits of the other guy. It means they’re interested in what happens, instead of just shrugging it off. With the recent expansion of PPV’s, SummerSlam is one of the few joint PPV’s. That alone makes it special. It’s a chance to see both sides interact. Instead of being a gimmick oriented PPV like Royal Rumble or Survivor Series, it’s a pure wrestling show like WM. This means if you get a spot on this card, that you’re some one worth keeping an eye on in the future. SummerSlam is also a useful tool for creative. It’s a solid point in time in which writers can aim for. Once the luster of WM wears off, can a champ carry the company to SS? In calendar terms it’s not that far, but it’s still a nice chunk of TV time. If not, it’s a nice high profile chance to make a change to Plan B. New feud can be born in the WM fallout and culminate at an important PPV. The importance of having a goal to aim for is crucial for the writers. It lets them know how long an angle has to go. It’s a time to make debuts of characters. It gives a time frame to judge how well an angle is working , or if some one is ready to make a debut. Summer Slam presents a bigger stage than an ordinary PPV and a much bigger one than regular TV. A well-hyped SummerSlam can do just as much business as a Royal Rumble. That’s why Summer Slam matters. It’s too good of a PPV to simply forget about. Sorry to cut that short, but there really wasn’t much more to say about it. I have some news to cover before the plugs, so let’s go. News! ECW PPV I’ve read some comments by fellow columnists about the ECW PPV. While it would be a shame if Joey Styles wasn’t on it, I really wouldn’t worry too much about it. See, I can think of another announcer who would work just as well. Paul Heyman. He is the personification of ECW, and he would do just fine in the announce booth. Indeed, if he and Tazz were to work together it would fit two needs. Tazz has talent, but he’s been flat for the past year or so. Working with Paul would help him immensely. Kenzo Gone? Say it ain’t so! Man, Kenzo was some great midcard filler. He did suck in the ring, but he can get better. His bits were pure gold. I also read that Hiroko’s bio was gone as well. That would be the bigger shame. If Kenzo goes, I can live with that, but Hiroko should stay. She was the driving force behind Kenzo after all. I’d keep her and team her up with Fuanki. That would be some comedy gold. WWE TV It seems that Dave Meltzer was kind enough to publish some facts about WWE TV in his newsletter. WWE is making money off their TV. The rights fees alone let them show a profit. No word on advertiser revenue, but anything they get is gravy. That doesn’t mean they should slack off on that department. I do apologize for my wrong comments last week on that WWE. So Vince, call off Farooq. I’m sorry. Steph is still a crappy writer however. Unless it turns out she wrote those WM ads, in which case I will dedicate this entire column to praising her. Promise. Bischoff lives in AZ? Bischoff dropped a comment last week about an election in Cave Creek AZ. That’s north of Phoenix. I did some checking and sure enough, there is an election going on for Mayor. Bischoff isn’t in it, but that’s not a surprise. From reading various newspaper stories, I get the impression that Cave Creek is a biker haven. I think a member of the Hell’s Angels shot a Mongol up there prompting a biker war. Not sure, so please don’t take that as gospel. We should do lunch Eric. I’m in the East Valley. I have some ideas for a show I’d love to pitch. Yeah, right, that will happen, but a guy can dream. Quick Plugs! Wevv’s Archive! LOP Forums! LOP Columns Forum It’s down to the final Four! Random Guy#5! Zuma 420! Morpheus! That Darn Frog! Good luck gentlemen, and go vote for the best! NOW! PWA! What happens when Pyro and Schizo collide? Find out! Also, what are those dastardly TNA Punks up to? The Movie Bar! Reviews! Columns! Forums! It’s all about the Biz, baby! LOP Stuff! Buy It! It will make you cool! That’s all for this week. Until next Time, Thanks For Readin’ and Thanks For Ridin’ Wevv Mang mrwevv@mac.com
|
|