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Submitted by Wevv Mang on Sunday, March 20, 2005 at 2:53 PM EST
Ridin’ With The Bossman – Big Wrestlemania Questions Greetings! Welcome to another edition of the IWC’s favorite column. Back on track with the deep thoughts, the shallow thoughts, the utter nonsense, and the questions no one asks. Like just who the hell is this Birdman guy? You know the guy from those Lugz commercials, but I have no idea who he is. But he’s trying to sell me shoes. I’d sooner pick up a pair of Funkmaster Flex’s Driving shoes. Speaking of Flex, that poor guy. He came up with the idea of Pimpin’ Rides, and then X-Zibit went and stole his idea. And made a ton of money and fame off of it. It was all Flex’s to begin with and now his show is gone. There’s a moral in there. But let’s get to the wrestling. WWE TV – The Series Raw Recap Can Be found here Smackdown Report by Brandon Scott Berthelot Random thoughts from four weeks of TV. Six Man Ladder Match For The #1 Shot Great idea. It gives the winner a space of time to be prepared. One year to be precise. But who should win this thing? Edge: Sorry pal, but I’m off the Edge bandwagon. He’s still a solid talent, but he shouldn’t be rewarded for being stupid. H wants to work with him? Fine, H drops the belt, and has a short program with Edge before moving on to his real opponent. Shelton Benjamin: A great talent, but weak on the mic, He could be ready by next year, but he needs work. A program with Edge over the IC title is just the ticket. The priorities for the feud should be: 1) Personal , 2) Title. A nice hot feud between two wrestlers, and the way to "win" is to get the belt. It helps the IC title as well. Christian: Great worker and solid talker, but to go for the big belt is down the line, not close by. I just don’t see H vs Christian or Batista vs Christian as a good thing. Not a knock on Christian, but the way he’s positioned now is not good for a program of that level. Kane: Yes, he could win, and Lord knows he deserves it. But he’s almost in the same boat as Christian. He’s not positioned yet. Benoit: Oh hell yes. It would be great. But he’s the Stepping Stone to the belt in my eyes, and the guy who’s going to feud with the champ AFTER WM anyways. This match is one way to get hi there, but it isn’t necessary. Jericho: The guy I want to win. Both as a Jericho mark and as an IWC Smark. WWE owes this guy. Even more than Kane. Jericho has been a cornerstone of Raw, consistently providing entertainment. He’s a great spokesperson of the WWE as well. He deserves to win. He will do great as champ too. If the H and Steph bias can be kept to a minimum. Randy Orton vs Undertaker Man, this one is going to suck. Randy was a pussy going in and now he’s running away. It’s Brock Lesnar all over again. In case folks forget, Brock Lesnar had a program with Undertaker that set him back months. Taker beat him twice, once with a "broken" hand. Now, Randy is going to verbally blow Taker, call himself a Legend Killer, though that whole aspect is shot when you kiss your opponents ass (WWE learned nothing from the H feud), and run away. So, how is that good? When match time comes, it’s going to be punch kick, maybe a move or two, and then Taker beats the hell out of Randy, and Randy spirals down into midcard hell. Man, let Randy grow a set and actually look tough against Taker. You know he’s going to take time off after WM, so why not make the most of it? Big Show vs Akebono Eh, at Least Show has a match. I really don’t give a fig about Akebono. Not one. But the real good news is that it’s keeping Show out of the mess that the rest of Smackdown is suffering through. All the Other Smackdown matches You know what? I have no clue what the other matches are. Not one. The show is just a mess. It’s all about Cena and JBL that’s not good. Carlito has been fantastic, and it’s a good background story. Sure, there have been some good matches, but are they going anywhere? No idea. Last week, the show put me to sleep. This week, nothing sticks out. I mean really, they stuck that piece of crap Heidenreich with Booker T. I did find it funny that three of taker’s old opponents were facing off this week. Heidy, Booker, and Luther, and Taker did no favors for any of them, and actually lowered them down the card. JBL vs Cena Taking up half the show is killing this feud. Cena even had a pipe, on top of his chain. It’s just goofy. Bradshaw blew up the Spinny US title, and that must mean the stock of it has run out. Orlando winning the belt made a lot of sense. It really did, but then they talked way too much. Which makes me think the match is just going to suck. I think Cena debuted a new stall move this week. So it will be lots of posing, punching, kicking and if we’re lucky some talking. Blah. Bradshaw should win, and then start losing. A lot. As for Cena, he should lose, and shut the F up, learn to actually wrestle, and then, maybe around SummerSlam, go for the title. His movie will mean nothing if he’s over-exposed. Let Cena wrestle Mysterio, Bradshaw lose to Big Show, and all will be well. Marty Jannetty Did I mark out for the Rockers Reunion? Are you kidding? Do you read my column? The answer is no. I didn’t care. Not one whit. I fast-forwarded the whole thing. They beat la Res. So what? La Res had a flag shoved up their asses not too long ago. So why should I care? But I did watch Smackdown and saw one of the best matches in a long time. Blew me away. The only minor point is that Marty isn’t used to working on TV. His facials could use just the slightest tweaking. That’s it. Every single wrestling move was solid. And take note people, no punches were thrown in the first five minutes. Barely any kicks. And it was incredible. The counters were sweet. The moves all progressed towards a mind blowing final stretch. Kurt should definitely win. Marty should stick to Smackdown, as a lot of people are going to keep their eyes open for him on that show. If he stays on Raw, he will be stuck with HBK. That’s not a good thing, as he can have some solid matches with Christian, Jericho and Benoit, but it will be as a tag team, and that will suck. Could it boost the tag titles? Yes and no. It will be the Rockers, not the Tag Team Champs, and once they drop the belts, it will go into obscurity again. Marty will be better on Smackdown, where he can help Orlando, Cena, the Big Goofs, work with Booker, Eddie, Chavo, Spike, and others and make a real difference. Not so on Raw. Jake The Snake Where the hell did he come from? I’m sure English authorities would love to know how he got out of the country. Did he run into Vince at the doctors’ office and accidentally see him in pain? Thus blackmailing him into appearing on TV? The world may never know, but one thing is for sure. Jake the Snake is smoking crack some where. Batista vs H Well, it’s been pretty rough. H put the sledgehammer over more than Batista the week before. See what I mean about giving Batista the sledgehammer when he went to Smackdown? Too late now. But the feud is still going fine. With Ric doing most of the talking. Christy, Trish, and Lita I heard Christy on Howard Stern. She won a lot of new fans. She seems sincere about her job and has a passion for it. That’s what The Divas Search was all about. Good thing that the right chick won. This feud can lead to some really good things, and it’s taking a while to get there, but the end result will be solid. I have confidence in this angle. The training bit with Regal and Tajiri was solid. Lita and Kane Who says they aren’t still married? No one that’s who. And that’s part of the problem. WWE didn’t say anything about Lita and Kane being married. Oh no, WWE, you’re not going to get out of this that easy. I haven’t forgotten, neither has anyone else. But, Kane did run down and attack Snitsky and why shouldn’t he after Snitsky threatened his wife? Eddie, Chavo, Rey Do they have a match yet? I don’t know. Wrestlemania Ads I bow to the master. That one with Angle, Christy and Linda was hilarious. Perfect, in fact. So, what happened to the other ones? JBL/ Cena was good, but had no oomph. It just kind of ended abruptly. This one had the zinger that aced it. Hall Of Fame You folks do realize this is all for H, right? Last year, H almost made it into the Wrestling Observer Hall Of Fame. He missed it by one vote. HBK made it in, in 2003. Undertaker made it in last year. The Wrestling Observer Hall Of Fame is recognized as THE Hall Of Fame having it’s member inducted based on promoters, wrestlers, and other legitimate qualifications.. Now, WWE is pushing it’s Hall Of Fame as the real one. So, I do expect WWE to launch their H For Eternity campaign very soon. The Observer hasn’t released its 2005 inductees, so if H doesn’t make it, I’m sure we can expect a special ceremony just to induct H into the WWE Hall Of Fame. So, for the past few weeks, WWE has been plodding along, biding it’s time and there’s nothing wrong with that. The big push for Wrestlemania is upon us. Now is the time to start ramping up the angles, getting everything finalized, and locking in matches and angles. It’s also time to start planning for what’s going to happen beyond Wrestlemania. And the real question comes up. Who is going to put over whom the best? What going to happen after Wrestlemania? Does SummerSlam matter anymore? These are the questions folks should be asking in the next two weeks, and well, it’s the Big Wrestlemania Questions I’ll be asking. Next week. Kane’s House In the aisles of McMahon Mart, Undertaker squats down and touches the brown puddle on the floor. He lists his fingertips to his mouth. Bradshaw: Man, that’s gross. Bob: Is it what I think it is? Taker: It’s gravy all right. Tell me what happened here. Two nervous man in McMahon mart uniforms and aprons look at each other, before the smaller of the two speaks up. Bill DeMott: Well, I had arranged a meeting with the supposed head of the Cruiser rebellion. Viz here was waiting to swoop in and scoop him up. Suddenly, these bags of dog food fell, and a guy in a mask showed up and must have tipped them off. Then mark Henry showed up and everything was chaos. We barely got out of there alive. Viz: Mark ate my coat. I loved that coat… Taker: I see. Looks like we got a professional in town boys. You know what that means. Bob: Squash everything under six feet? Taker: You got that right…but we gotta take some of ‘em alive. Later… In the middle of an aisle, a ladder has been set up. Crouched down behind a blind constructed of canned beans, Undertaker, Bradshaw, Orlando, and Bob Holly wait. Bradshaw: What are we doing? Bob: See that ladder over there? It’s like crack to those crusierweights. They can’t resist a ladder. They have to climb it. So all we have to do is wait for a cruiser to come along and then jump him. SHHH! Here comes one now! Voice:So I said to him esse’, what do you think you’re paying for, the car? No way holmes, that price is for the dice? Hold on a second esse, some one left a ladder in the middle of the aisle. Chavo, move it to the side, esse. Chavo: Why do I have to move it? Who can’t you move it? Eddy: Because I’m your uncle, holmes, that’s why. Don’t you know you should respect your elders, esse? Chavo: You’re closer to it, so why don’t you move it? Eddy: Stop being a baby and move the ladder, esse, so that we can get through? OK holmes? It the job too much for you? DO you need me to help you move the ladder, esse? Chavo: Why are you always pushing me around, huh? Who sold the most cars last month? Me, that’s who! Why do you think Bossman left me in charge? Eddy: Now you’re just lying! You’re such a big liar! Bossman left both of us in charge! See, esse, there you go again! Telling lies, and changing the subject instead of working, like moving the ladder! Rey: Will you guys cut it out! Man, I’ve never heard so much loco talking all my life! I’ll move the ladder! And cursing under his breath in Spanish, Rey moves over to the ladder and starts to push it. Suddenly, Taker: NOW! Eddie: It’s a trap! Chavo: La Migre’? La Policia? Eddie: Worse! I know that guy, he’s an insurance investigator who was asking questions about Bossman!! Chavo: We’re screwed! Bossman will kill us! Eddie: If we’re lucky! Run for it hombres! Every man for himself! Rey has meanwhile scampered up the ladder, and Bob dives after him and misses by a mile and lands flat on his face. Orlando is trying to corner him, and Undertaker has yet to make it to the ladder, though he’s moving as fast as he can. Bradshaw looks over at the other two, and alight of recognition comes over his face. Bradshaw: Hey! You two! Hold it right there! Eddie: We can’t leave Rey like this! Let’s help him out! Chavo: Help him? Are you loco? But it’s too late, as Eddie darts into the fray, and Chavo reluctantly follows. They trip up the big goofs, and get in the way, until Undertaker finally arrives at which time they run off down the aisles. Eddie: So, esse, what did you get? Chavo: I got the guy in the suits watch, a wallet, and the guy on the floor shoes. How about you? Eddie: I got a couple of wallets, a watch, a belt buckle and this amigo! Eddie pulls out Bradshaw’s hat and puts it on. Laughing the two head off into the store. Meanwhile. Rey: Hey, come on man, I was just moving the ladder out of the way! Bob: Yeah right! Come down here you varmint! Taker: Vince would like a word with you Cruiser! Rey: Aw come on, man, I don’t even work here! Taker’s eyes roll back into his head, and he lifts his arms. The lights dim and two lightening bolts hit the ladder, just after Rey has jumped and done a triple flip to the top of a rack nearby. Rey: Ay carumba! I’m outta here! Rey takes off across the tops of the racks, while Orlando, Bradshaw, and Bob Holly chase him along the ground. Undertaker watches him go, and then looking around, sees no one looking, heaves a sigh, and starts his slow, plodding walk after Rey. From the depths of a nearby endcap, a head pokes out. Man: OK guys, he’s gone! Let’s go Frankie! Frankie: Ready A.J.! Let’s go Chris, Elix,, and Mike! From behind products on the shelves, bodies come pouring out. AJ sets up the ladder. AJ: OK, Elix, you have to ref this one! No complaining! Let’s make this one a ladder match where you have to do a 720 frog splash form the top onto your opponent for the win! Ready! Let’s stock! Bodies start flying and bumping, but never selling, as the scene fades… Over-Analyzing Wrestling Today’s Topic: WWE TV – The Last Series? Viacom, the parent company of CBS, UPN, and Spike TV is having some trouble. Last month they took a huge hit, losing billions of dollars. Roughly 18 billion, mainly in it’s radio arm. The story can be read here This has prompted Viacom to consider splitting in two. Link This most likely means Viacom is going to split along the lines of TV vs Radio, since the radio arm is the one bleeding money. In the midst of this story, WWE was in negotiations to renew their contract with Spike, as well as shop themselves around to other networks, with the key player being USA Network which in a karmic twist of fate, in owned by NBC. Who were partners with WWE in the XFL debacle, and promptly lost millions. In the midst of these negotiations, Spike walked out. The breaking point in the deal with Spike seems to be the asking price. WWE wanted more money, around $12 million more to return. Something went wrong, and this cryptic statement was released. Statement So, the problem seemed to stem from the fact that Spike TV wasn’t making money on WWE. And then WWE wanted more money. Money Spike couldn’t get back from advertisers. Money WWE wasn’t willing to negotiate upon. Several months flushed down the drain. But the real question is that the real problem? Raw was frequently in the top ten of all cable rated shows, and that’s week after week. Yet WWE couldn’t attract advertisers to spend money on their program? How the hell not? Simple, Content. Look at who WWE has advertising on their shows. Bob and his enormous penis, "Say no to drugs", and "Don’t smoke" primarily. Burger King has chopped their advertising budget in half and uses WWE as a testing ground. Though I will say the ad for the Cheddar Bacon Ranch Chicken Sandwich is great. Hot chicks, can’t go wrong. Video games, once the staple of WWE advertising has dried up, as the companies realize that they can advertise for less, more effectively on Cartoon network and Comedy central. It’s the same audience. And MTV of course. But some where, some how, WWE lost out. Advertising packages for TV go something like this. Now, it’s been years since I’ve been in the biz, and never anywhere near that level, so hopefully, I’m not too far off. A block of time is bought by the advertisers. They have options of when their ads are run, and can say they want to advertise on this show for this long a period of time. Each show has a certain amount of time that they can be filled with commercials for. I believe WWE had time slots for their own advertisers. Not a lot, but enough. There are many packages available, from the bulk, "We want three hours of advertising a week, don’t care where, for six months" to "We want four spots on show X on these nights". The main thing advertisers look for is what the audience is. They want to target their product to the people who will buy it. They’re not really watching the show, they’re looking at numbers. However, in some cases, advertisers say they don’t want their products advertised on this or that show. Think back to the PTC days, and how that went down. Now, Spike has the task of getting advertiser sot fill spots on Raw. Spike has a large number of advertisers, through their Viacom connection. But the rest of the network is very week in terms of viewers. But Raw is the top show. It should be no problem to fill those spots. Yet every week, we seem to get the same limited number of commercials. Remember the good old days of the famous Chef Boy Ardee spots? How about Booker and his Hungry Man spots? To me, it all comes back to the same problems. Creative. Marketability. Remember that word folks. It’s something I’ve harped on WWE about for years. Booker T was very marketable. At the time, he was coming off those great skits with Goldust. People liked Booker T. Then he got saddled with the racist push against H. Mick Foley was the force behind the Chef Boy Ardee commercials and he left the company over creative differences. Rock was another, but guess what? His contract was allowed to lapse. It "just slipped through the cracks". Come on. How the fuck could that be allowed to slip through the cracks?!? Eddie was doing fine with his gimmick and he got some Stacker 2 spots, and then he was declared worthless and a drug addict. What sponsor in their right mind is going to stick with such "great" additional exposure as that? No one, that’s who. They bailed. When presented such great options as the rapist Heidenrich or the home abortion Snitsky, do you really think for a second they returned those calls? And of course, there was always H. But the advertisers don’t work for WWE, so they had access to legitimate data that showed that H was not the be all and end all that WWE makes him out to be. If I were an advertiser, it is simply too risky to use a WWE star or WWE period, in my commercials. Because as soon as I do, the next thing I know, that guy is doing some unspeakable act on WWE shows. The guy I signed is no longer the same guy. The spokesman for my company is now a spokesman to deviants and perverts. While they may have money, that’s not the kind of people I want to be eating at my restaurants, or using my car to pick up under age girls. Or boys. Nor do I want to have to deal with being hassled by parent rights groups or hear them calling me a scumbag for doing business with WWE. I think I would take my money and go somewhere else. Back to Spike. So, you’ve got a highly rated show, that’s been with your network for a long time, and frankly, put you on the map. You want the show to do well. Your company has money problems, but you still want to work with WWE. You do have some other shows that may help build the network, but there is no guarantee that those shows will even approach the numbers of WWE. But, they are advertiser friendly. Then you have the risk of WWE attracting the wrong kind of attention, from the FFC, and getting fined for it. It’s a long shot, and they’ve been lucky so far, but it‘s still a risk. So, you try and work with WWE. You bring your concerns about the profitability of the show up. You suggest they try and be more advertiser friendly. You may make a suggestion about content of the show up. Linda is smart woman. She knows how to make money. So, what was the real breaking point? What went wrong? Neither side is talking, but that may be do to legal reasons, as WWE is in negotiations with USA. Some things to consider: After rumors of UPN canceling Smackdown, Viacom came forward with a strong show of support for WWE. All of WWE. Viacom is in a money crunch. Spike is undergoing a revamp of network programming. Again. USA has many, many, strong shows. Monk alone beats WWE frequently. NBC has worked with WWE in the past, and back then, they let WWE do as they pleased. They paid in the neighborhood of $50 million to a $100 million for it. WWE left USA because they wanted more control. During a conference call about the quarterly results, it is being suspected that callers were not allowed to attend. Why? They asked questions about the creative direction of TV. While WWE makes money, year after year, it’s not do to TV If WWE loses Spike, the effects on International licenses will be catastrophic. All those new deals with Japan and England, and others will be in big trouble. So, WWE is facing some rough times ahead. It doesn’t mean that WWE can’t go back to Spike, or that UPN will not renew, but it does mean WWE has to face the music. The bubble has just been burst. That’s it for today. I have some random thoughts, and then quick plugs. TNA From all accounts, the last TNA PPV was not that good. Here’s the deal with me and TNA. I don’t watch. Why? Because every time I ask this question and it comes up as yes, my curiosity goes right out the window. Is Jeff Jarret still the champion? Now, why would I want to watch another promotion based around a Triple H wannabe? Not only does WWE give me "Nothing But H", but Smackdown has Bradshaw, who can be more entertaining. Also, apparently, they now have Dusty Rhodes, Sex Object, which to me, is just plain wrong. I’m amazed that the promotion has lasted nearly three years, but not amazed that it really hasn’t grown. There’s nothing to draw fans in. TNA has had tremendous luck. TV breaks, Backers coming out of the woodwork, in the nick of time, but a real desire to give me something other than WWE rejects and more bastards stroking their egos? No thanks. Quick Plugs! Wevv’s Archive! LOP Forums! LOP Columns Forum! See the top ranked columnists square off in the King Of The Columns Showdown! PWA- LOP’s E-Fed! We’re actually doing a cross promotion with the TNA E-Fed. Guess who’s Team Captain of PWA? The Movie Bar! Reviews! Columns! Forums! It’s all about the Biz, baby! OK, that’s enough for today. Time to hit the road. Until Next Time, Thanks For Reading and Thanks For Ridin’ Wevv Mang mrwevv@mac.com *NEW GALLERY* Simply AMAZING Gallery Dedicated to Amy "Lita" Dumas HOT POSES!
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